I have met a guy, in my university, whom I liked and thought would be my significant other and have brought his name up to my family. They rejected him because he is from a lower social class from us. My parents and sister have said that he is the wrong choice because it would be a downgrade for our family. I tried to explain to them of how wrong the way their thinking is and they all got defensive. They have blamed me for having a relationship behind their back. Upon having a proposal from a family of great wealth my family couldn’t believe it and tried to force me to agree to the marriage. My mom have abused me psychologically and emotionally because I disagreed to her forced marriage. She continued blaming me for a mistake I have done about 6 months ago and kept saying how I am a disgrace to my family. She described how shocked she was about my actions and that I shouldn’t go against them because رضى الوالدين is all that matters. I tried to explain to my siblings and parents that this guy is perfect in terms of his religious devotions and he simply completes me. Having not grown up in great religious emphasis during my childhood I felt very insecure about myself. They all look down on others and neglected his good attributes. They have said that the community and society they are living in will mock them about marrying their daughter off from a low social class. There was a guy who proposed to me and my mom was head to toes over him because he is related to her mother’s family. She told me that I will enjoy both my life and after life if I got married to him. She kept praising him because he prays and fasts during Ramadan. She said that I will win a lot if I was lucky enough to get married to him. I am a person who can’t tolerate screaming and arguments and I felt unease whenever she approached me because she wasn’t there to ask about me (what parents should do) except she wanted to talk to me about marrying this ideal guy of great wealth. It has been two months and she keeps getting worse in terms of her actions toward me. She blames me for my actions and tells me how other girls are much better than me because they agreed to arranged marriage. She is blind about her wrongdoings and can’t tolerate anyone who talks to her about them.
I am here to ask if I am at right religiously and rightfully to oppose marriage that is fixated merely on wealth, honor and family pride. And if I should continue fighting for someone who I truly want.
Quran verse: literally says no arab is better than a nonarab and nonarab over an arab. No white better than black and black than white.
Prophet Muhammad SAW literally had companion called Salman Farsi, he was persion and Allah guided him all the way to Islam. If your family is rejecting this guy based on race, that they will be held accountable for that. Tell them these verses and stories.
However if there is something wrong with the guy and the parents know, then listen to them.
Best thing to do is istikhara. Allah may know something we dont. If it is good, Allah will make it easy, if it's bad for you, Allah will make it hard.
"I am here to ask if I am at right religiously and rightfully to oppose marriage that is fixated merely on wealth, honor and family pride"
YES!
If you say no,its a no...nobody has the right to force you in anything,even if you say No for the rest of your life and die unmarried its your choice and nobody can change that...im talking from a religious and moral view.....dont listen to this guy saying you need to agree to your parents choice and bla bla,when it comes to marriage you are not forced in any situation and you are not supposed to obey them and marry who they want if you dont want to
Its not merely on wealth honour and blah blah, Faalk specifically said that her mum likes that guy BECAUSE HE DOES HIS SALAAH AND FASTS IN RAMADAN.
so all the marraige criteria fits, and most importantly, the religious factor. If this guy was non practicing then the one of Faalk's choice would be better
Not surprised, thats how often religion has been used to control lives of the people. Previsuly we discussed that Hanafi madhab validates a marriage without Wali. Now the Hanafi scholar you are mentioning (according to you) says wali has right to null the marriage. So we have two fatwas which contradict each other. I guess use any one to support the needs of a customer. If a father comes to you show him fatwa which says he has every right to null the marriage done with out his consent. If a daughter come to you show her the fatwa that Islam does allow the marriage without a wali. Keep everyone happy! Thats called making mockery of the religion and shariah.
Second, there is are clear hadiths which shows quite the opposit to what you claim ( parent have right to null the marriage contract). According to hadiths below, daughter has right to null the marriage contract if she is forced to marry someone she does not like:
In another hadith narrated by Abdullah ibn Abbas:
I totally understand that we should love our parents and respect them but that's does not mean that they have authority over us and they can force their kids to marry someone they don't like. We can tell all hadiths about right of parents but should we ignore that children have rights too, especially when parents don't even practice Islam. Only time they use Islam is to get control over kids. The use of religion to control lives of other people will not only make the children disobey their parents but may also result in hating Islam because they are never told what true teachings of Islam are.
May Allah help us understand and convey the right message of Islam. Ameen!
It's not about control brother. Your using same allegations that non Muslims use to attack our religion
.
All four madhab opinions are based on substantial Quran and Sunnah evidence and the la-madhabi's may say some opinions are weak or that its wrong as another sahih hadith shows its something different, but none of them say that its about control. You seem to be the only purported Quran and hadith follower that is the exception
The fatwas don't contradict. One's marraige is valid without wali, however if wali then wants a marraige annulled due to lineage incompatibility, it's his right. There's no contradiction there but only extended rulings pertaining to rights
It's not about control brother. Your using same allegations that non Muslims use to attack our religion
.
All four madhab opinions are based on substantial Quran and Sunnah evidence and the la-madhabi's may say some opinions are weak or that its wrong as another sahih hadith shows its something different, but none of them say that its about control. You seem to be the only purported Quran and hadith follower that is the exception
The fatwas don't contradict. One's marraige is valid without wali, however if wali then wants a marraige annulled due to lineage incompatibility, it's his right. There's no contradiction there but only extended rulings pertaining to rights
@Faalk
My advice to you is that you need to Speak up! You are not your parent’s property. Don’t ruin your life or the life of the gut your parents like you to get married to. He may not even know that you did not want to marry him and will have to suffer through a loveless marriage for the rest of his life. You don’t marry someone for your parent’s sake, for your family’s sake, or for anyone’s sake. You should actively and patiently do the following:
Very politely show your parents the relevant ayahs in the Qurʾān and refer them to the Sunnah, ḥadīth, opinions of scholars that Islam does not accept a forced marriage and gives the person the choice in regards to nikaḥ.
Ask your circle of mature friends and family especially your religious ones to talk to your parents on a regular basis. Impress on them that they are NOT exempt from ḥisab (accounting) for not obeying the Quran in their pride. The Quran forbids us from following in the footsteps of our parents/grandparents if they are in the wrong. They sometimes think that being parents gives them rights which are not given to them by God.
Talk to your local imam/ youth group leader to speak to your parents.
Most importantly pray to Allah Subahanahu Wa Taala- humbly, asking HIM to guide your parents and to prevent a social and personal disaster.
Seek out professional help. There are many organizations that can help you if you are being forced into a marriage.
Make istikharah (prayer of counsel).
Mean while keep you mind open and analyze your reasons for refusing the match your parents found for you. Keep in mind marriage among families or friends of your family can work and so can marriages between two people raised in two different parts of the world. As long as there is mutual love and respect and a deep desire to keep the relationship focused around Allah. If you honestly cannot stand the person or do not know enough about them to make a wise decision, or are not physically attracted to them, then let your parents know why you don't like the match they found for you.
May Allah help you to get through this trial with out displeasing your parents. And may Allah guide your parents to understand Islam and its teachings. Ameen!
Thank you so much for the advice and I will try my best to seek what is best for me without losing my parents nor family
Its not merely on wealth honour and blah blah, Faalk specifically said that her mum likes that guy BECAUSE HE DOES HIS SALAAH AND FASTS IN RAMADAN.
so all the marraige criteria fits, and most importantly, the religious factor. If this guy was non practicing then the one of Faalk's choice would be better
Praying and fasting in ramadan doesnt mean that someone fits the religious factor...you know there is a lot more to do to be considered pious
And you actually think someone who doesnt fast and pray would really care if a guy prays and fasts?
Anyway the case here is the last question that faalk made.
I have noticed your replies in other topics too,you reply for the sake of disagreeing...i dont like talking with you if you keep continuing like this
I was reading Sahih Bukhari and came across this hadith which I think I should share here and explain how this relates to your situation here:
Narrated Sahl bin Sa`d:
A lady came to Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) and said, "O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ)! I have come to you to offer myself to you." He raised his eyes and looked at her and then lowered his head. When the lady saw that he did not make any decision, she sat down. On that, a man from his companions got up and said. "O Allah's Apostle! If you are not in need of this woman, then marry her to me." Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said, "Do you have anything to offer her?" He replied. "No, by Allah, O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ)!" The Prophet (ﷺ) said to him, "Go to your family and see if you can find something.' The man went and returned, saying, "No, by Allah, O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ)! I have not found anything." The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "Try to find something, even if it is an iron ring.'' He went again and returned, saying, "No, by Allah, O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ), not even an iron ring, but I have this waist sheet of mine." The man had no upper garment, so he intended to give her, half his waist sheet. So Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said, ''What would she do with your waist sheet? If you wear it, she will have nothing of it over her body, and if she wears it, you will have nothing over your body." So that man sat for a long period and then got up, and Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) saw him going away, so he ordered somebody to call him. When he came, the Prophet (ﷺ) asked him, " How much of the Qur'an do you know?" He replied, "I know such Surat and such Surat and such Surat," and went on counting it, The Prophet (ﷺ) asked him, "Can you recite it by heart?" he replied, "Yes." The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "Go, I have married this lady to you for the amount of the Qur'an you know by heart."
حَدَّثَنَا قُتَيْبَةُ بْنُ سَعِيدٍ، حَدَّثَنَا يَعْقُوبُ بْنُ عَبْدِ الرَّحْمَنِ، عَنْ أَبِي حَازِمٍ، عَنْ سَهْلِ بْنِ سَعْدٍ، أَنَّ امْرَأَةً، جَاءَتْ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم فَقَالَتْ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ جِئْتُ لأَهَبَ لَكَ نَفْسِي فَنَظَرَ إِلَيْهَا رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم فَصَعَّدَ النَّظَرَ إِلَيْهَا وَصَوَّبَهُ ثُمَّ طَأْطَأَ رَأْسَهُ، فَلَمَّا رَأَتِ الْمَرْأَةُ أَنَّهُ لَمْ يَقْضِ فِيهَا شَيْئًا جَلَسَتْ، فَقَامَ رَجُلٌ مِنْ أَصْحَابِهِ فَقَالَ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ إِنْ لَمْ يَكُنْ لَكَ بِهَا حَاجَةٌ فَزَوِّجْنِيهَا. فَقَالَ " هَلْ عِنْدَكَ مِنْ شَىْءٍ ". فَقَالَ لاَ وَاللَّهِ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ. قَالَ " اذْهَبْ إِلَى أَهْلِكَ فَانْظُرْ هَلْ تَجِدُ شَيْئًا ". فَذَهَبَ ثُمَّ رَجَعَ فَقَالَ لاَ وَاللَّهِ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ مَا وَجَدْتُ شَيْئًا. قَالَ " انْظُرْ وَلَوْ خَاتَمًا مِنْ حَدِيدٍ ". فَذَهَبَ ثُمَّ رَجَعَ فَقَالَ لاَ وَاللَّهِ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ وَلاَ خَاتَمًا مِنْ حَدِيدٍ وَلَكِنْ هَذَا إِزَارِي ـ قَالَ سَهْلٌ مَا لَهُ رِدَاءٌ ـ فَلَهَا نِصْفُهُ. فَقَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم " مَا تَصْنَعُ بِإِزَارِكَ إِنْ لَبِسْتَهُ لَمْ يَكُنْ عَلَيْهَا مِنْهُ شَىْءٌ وَإِنْ لَبِسَتْهُ لَمْ يَكُنْ عَلَيْكَ شَىْءٌ ". فَجَلَسَ الرَّجُلُ حَتَّى طَالَ مَجْلِسُهُ ثُمَّ قَامَ فَرَآهُ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم مُوَلِّيًا فَأَمَرَ بِهِ فَدُعِيَ فَلَمَّا جَاءَ قَالَ " مَاذَا مَعَكَ مِنَ الْقُرْآنِ ". قَالَ مَعِي سُورَةُ كَذَا وَسُورَةُ كَذَا وَسُورَةُ كَذَا عَدَّهَا قَالَ " أَتَقْرَؤُهُنَّ عَنْ ظَهْرِ قَلْبِكَ ". قَالَ نَعَمْ. قَالَ " اذْهَبْ فَقَدْ مَلَّكْتُكَهَا بِمَا مَعَكَ مِنَ الْقُرْآنِ ".
Reference: Sahih al-Bukhari 5030
In-book reference: Book 66, Hadith 52
First thing we learn from this hadith that women can propose to men. It is such a taboo to talk about this with Muslims. Here neither Prophet (peace be upon him) not any of the companion questioned this woman's modesty. We also know Khadeja (may Allah be please with her) was the one who proposed Prophet (peace be upon him) for marriage. I am not saying that this should become a society's norm, parents are important in Islamic teachings and we should always try to seek their advice in such matters if possible.
Based on what is common nowadays, when a woman likes a particular man, there is great chance that haram relationship may start. This is why scholars are of the opinion that this hadith should apply only to very religious people who have very high character. Therefore, it is better for a woman to inform her wali (guardian) of her desire to marry a righteous man who is trustworthy with regard to his religious commitment and his moral attitude, without telling the man bluntly. This may be understood from Quran 28:26 when one of the daughter of Prophet Shoaib (peace be upon him) said to her father-concerning Moosa (peace be upon him):
“And said one of them (the two women): ‘O my father! Hire him! Verily, the best of men for you to hire is the strong, the trustworthy’”[Quran 28:26]
Now in the very next verse, look at the wisdom of a Prophet. Prophet Shoaib (peace be upon him) understood that his daughter liked Prophet Moosa (peace be upon him) and that was enough for him to ask Moosa if he would marry his daughter as mention in the next verse:
He said: ‘I intend to wed one of these two daughters of mine to you, on condition that you serve me for eight years…'[Quran 28:27]
Those who fear Allah Subhanahu Wa Taala know that they are going to be answerable to Allah and they know that their children are a trust given to them by Allah. Therefore they don't force their kids to fulfill their egos of maintaining social status and racial differences. Islam came to get rid of these but sadly our culture is always in the way of Islam and its teachings. Second thing we learn from this hadith is that the most important thing one should look for in their life partners is the piety. If a person fear Allah Subhanahu Wa Taala, then he will always take care of rights of other people. In your case, you have to be sincere to yourself and ask which of the two are better in terms of following Islamic teachings. Islam is such a beautiful religion only if we keep our so-called cultures away from corrupting the teachings of Islam.
Praying and fasting in ramadan doesnt mean that someone fits the religious factor...you know there is a lot more to do to be considered pious
And you actually think someone who doesnt fast and pray would really care if a guy prays and fasts?
Anyway the case here is the last question that faalk made.
I have noticed your replies in other topics too,you reply for the sake of disagreeing...i dont like talking with you if you keep continuing like this
you are thinking about it the wrong way. We have to assume the best of Muslims so if a person does his five daily prayers and fasts in Ramadan, we naturally assume that he fulfills the rest of the faraid too and is an overall good Muslim guy. Another thing to indicate his piety is that he's rich: rich guys are usually chasing girls and having the time of their lives partying and discoing but this guys riches doesn't prevent him from following the sunnah MaashAllah
As for the other guy, oh he's so religious alright!, he even has a long term girlfriend lol, so who's the better one?
I don't think you have the IQ to understand, so welcome to my ignore list
you are thinking about it the wrong way. We have to assume the best of Muslims so if a person does his five daily prayers and fasts in Ramadan, we naturally assume that he fulfills the rest of the faraid too and is an overall good Muslim guy. Another thing to indicate his piety is that he's rich: rich guys are usually chasing girls and having the time of their lives partying and discoing but this guys riches doesn't prevent him from following the sunnah MaashAllah
As for the other guy, oh he's so religious alright!, he even has a long term girlfriend lol, so who's the better one?
I don't think you have the IQ to understand, so welcome to my ignore list
I dont have the IQ? You are the one who think in a stupid way in every post....nobody said they are gf and bf,just that they know each other and they want to marry,and its realistic in a freemixing school to know someone,even in the time of prophet they interacted with women,the difference is wether to make it halal or haram,and this guy want to make it halal....being rich and not partying doesnt show one is a good muslim,maybe he is an introvert and doesnt like partying,and how do you know he follows sunnah? He only prays and fasts,thats fardh not sunnah..you cant decide who is better than who with so little information and it doesnt matter cuz he can even be a shayk and if she doesnt want to a no is a no
Have some empathy and realise how bad it is to be forcily married
I dont have the IQ? You are the one who think in a stupid way in every post....nobody said they are gf and bf,just that they know each other and they want to marry,and its realistic in a freemixing school to know someone,even in the time of prophet they interacted with women,the difference is wether to make it halal or haram,and this guy want to make it halal....being rich and not partying doesnt show one is a good muslim,maybe he is an introvert and doesnt like partying,and how do you know he follows sunnah? He only prays and fasts,thats fardh not sunnah..you cant decide who is better than who with so little information and it doesnt matter cuz he can even be a shayk and if she doesnt want to a no is a no
Have some empathy and realise how bad it is to be forcily married
Assalam o alaikum rahamutullahi wa barakuthu.
Please don't argue. we are all brothers. No hurtful statement
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