premarital sexual and physical activity pros and cons (need asnwer ASAP)

**SilentPain** · 03-08-2020

Asalam alykum .

The first paragraph is between me and her (the past) if you want you can go straight to 2nd paragraph (the current issue that needs help asap)

Couple of months ago , I met a muslim sister online on islamic marriage sites
and we met and I met with her parents and we even met a shyk to talk about
my and her situation, she was a good person who tried to pray 5 salahs but had
minor problem with eating haram sometimes however, a time came where i had to
tell my parents and even on the first date i told her that my parents might not accept it
but if you want i can give it a try so i did but it didnt work out my parents have backhome mentality
where only the backhome girls are loyal and won't divorce for minor reasons. Anyways long story short
mine and her relationship didnt work out but i loved her enough to help her find a good practicing Muslim brother
who she can marry in the halal way so we tried and tried but almost every "practicing" muslim brother
on those "halal" dating sites and marriage sites would have a dirty intention after few conversations online
and even the "pious" ones would say oh lets have sex or any type of sexual pleasures so that way if i like it
then we can continue and get married if not then we separate.

2nd Paragraph -premarital sexual and physical activity pros and cons

So now she been talking to this arab guy (shia) and she is sunni but remember
she has no male support from her house only (dad and mom divorced), so when a men that wants to date her
and they find that out, they will take advantage of her. Furthermore, she told me today that she spoke online
with 3-4 different guys and so far 3 of them just wanted zina /but the 4th guy(moe) is 3years younger then her
but she doesnt care if he is shia or sunni because she doesn't want to seem "too harsh"
so they spoke for 4hrs through text, and she asked her married sis (divorced now) about this guy, her sis told her that
you should not make the same mistake i made which is to have sex AFTER marriage because my X-husband just wanted that
but if i had sex with him before marriage then i could of known that he was only there for the pleasure and not me.
So that part is pretty tough to convince the girl its still won't work out since its haram and that its not true and shytan is just using that as an excuse to make you sin.
Because walahi whatever the Quran and Hadith says is good for own selves. Therefore, now I want to give her some legit
Reasons and islamic and Non islamic cons of why she shouldn't have sex or bj or any sexual activity before marriage and how do i prove my point please.
answer as soon as you can so i can give her a legit reason insha;Allah may Allah reward you ameen.

***charisma*** · 03-09-2020

Walaikum Assalaam,

The first and foremost reason that this is forbidden is because Allah says so in the Quran. This is a MAJOR sin, not a minor one. Any Muslim who is asking her for this does not care about her one bit, nor is he fit for marriage. Is this the advice he would give his daughters or sisters?? Even if that is all that the guy wants, as long as they are married, it is done in a halal way. Secondly sunnis are not allowed to marry Shias, the marriage will be invalid. No matter who she marries, if she does something impermissible before marriage, Allah will not bless her marriage. She needs to be more strict with herself and protect her chastity. Hellfire is not worth it.

Secondly, I don't think you should be talking to her anyway. She is an adult woman who should know right from wrong. You have to move on with your life.

**'Abdullah** · 03-09-2020

And those who guard their private parts
Except from their wives or those their right hands possess, for indeed, they are not to be blamed -
But whoever seeks beyond that, then they are the transgressors - [Quran 70:29-31]

**CuriousonTruth** · 03-09-2020

How does this even make sense? If he's just looking for "pleasure" won't it be easier without marriage. And if you're a woman, and you want to protect yourself wouldn't you avoid pre-marital relationships with men, as that's a clear signal they're in for short-term. Whereas marriage, means he has to give mahr, and spend big sums of money, which reduces short-termism.

The logic presented in the OP seems completely opposite from conventional wisdom. Or am I getting it wrong? Also, if you're an actual religious person, why would you even consider pre-marital relationships in the first place. It makes no sense. Instead of Marriage, she needs a basic course in Islam101.

**'Abdullah** · 03-09-2020

Originally Posted by CuriousonTruth

Instead of Marriage, she needs a basic course in Islam101.

You nailed it! Talking to a Shia who believe in Mut'ah marriage just shows how vulnerable this person is. Sometimes I honestly think that some of the born Muslims are biggest thread to Islam because they clearly don't know what Islam teaches and misrepresent Islam. May Allah save us all and guide us to follow the true teachings of Islam. Ameen!

**CuriousonTruth** · 03-09-2020

Originally Posted by HabibUrrehman

You nailed it! Talking to a Shia who believe in Mut'ah marriage just shows how vulnerable this person is. Sometimes I honestly think that some of the born Muslims are biggest thread to Islam because they clearly don't know what Islam teaches and misrepresent Islam. May Allah save us all and guide us to follow the true teachings of Islam. Ameen!

It's not simply sunni-shia matter. The matter is why on earth if you're a woman would you even have pre-marital relation willingly. It's like they are asking to be taken advantage of, and when they guy leaves, they'll scream on a feminist platform about how they were physically and mentally abused.

I mean I'm a guy, and if anyone's reading this, if a guy wants to have a quick fling with you, don't expect it to evolve into some romantic relation like in the movies. 90% of the time, the man will leave you and hop to another woman with low self-esteem and morals.