Asc, I am an eighteen year old female suffering from mental illness such as Ocd and anxiety. It has affected me so much, that last year I was admitted to a hospital due to my breakdowns because I would hurt people and break things . After that problems started with salah and wudhu. Every time I do wudhu, my legs shake, I get a panic attack and get crazy. I spend hours in the toilet because I feel like I’m not doing my wudhu properly or I keep breaking it. I try to ignore but it’s very difficult. I waste so much water, I don’t feel like I have control of myself, I’m forcing myself to do intention and I want to pray but it feels like something is stopping me. I doubt about everything for e.g that I can’t pronounce my Quran correctly or I am not reading it correctly. I completely damaged my hands as I would wash too much. My mother or father has to watch me do wudhu. It has affected my life and my family’s life so much that I don’t eat or sleep because I’m constantly worried that I’m doing something wrong. When I do wudhu, I keep repeating it more than ten times, that I shout at myself to stop. If I manage to make it to salah , I don’t know whats happening or what salah praying. My parents told me to stop praying as I’m not well. But I keep trying, because I want to pray but things still seem the same. I have a breakdown every time. when it’s salah . I don’t know what to do. I haven’t prayed salat properly in a while and I feel guilt. I lose my mind during the adhan and become crazy. I don’t what I’m saying and sometimes get told I act like a crying child and screaming . I have to ask people what’s my left or right. I’m dependent on my parents for everything. I cry when my parents go to work and my voice changes constantly. It feels like I have different personalities. I always wonder if there’s sometimg wrong with my physical health, if I feel pain in my body, I’m told it’s just aniexty and panic. I don’t know what’s real or not anymore? The reason on why I’m asking for advice is because I want to repent but I don’t know where to start. I want to pray salah,wudhu and Guhsl but it’s very difficult. I watch videos of people doing wudhu and salah and ask people on how to do it. In my childhood, I was dependent on my mother until I hit puberty and also had difficulties doing physical things as a child. I regret my sins and I don’t want to go to hell. Every day, I think to myself that it’s my last day in this earth. I made to dua to Allah, crying asking to help me. But I blame myself for everything. What can I do? How can I make myself be a good Muslim? I’m scared it’s too late. I know Allah didn’t make this salah as hardship. My parents told me to pray when I get better but I really want to do salah. I want to be a good Muslim.
Sister you need to get some help from an experienced islamic counsellor. We can only offer general advice and the advice may not be suited for you thus making it an even complicated problem. A counsellor will dig deep and be able to identify why you behave in this way and discuss the possble and best treatment for you. Can you get in touch with your local masjid to see if they offer this service?
Pain and hardships allow you to grow spiritually Alhamdulilah so smile when a so called calamity befalls upon you.
Alhamdulilah Allah swt is the greatest.
Reading this really aches my heart...All u have to do is Trust Allah..
Nd recite Al muadhaitayn( Surah Al falaq nd Surah An naas) so much.coz they are protection from evil eye and waswas.....Nd u should also take counseling session... It will help you.... May Allah make it easy for uh..
Nd don't despair of the mercy of Allah..
He will forgive your every sin if u repent sincerely.....
Read Quran . Indeed it is a healing...
U really have a strong imaan in ur heart. Coz u r feeling bad if u r not able to perform salah.....it is a sign that Allah loves u.... He will make everything alright...Trust Him... Be patient and steadfast....
May Allah reward u with Jannatul Firdaus....
It sounds as if you are suffering terribly for something that happened to you years ago. They say many mental health problems are the result of childhood trauma. The constant wudhu and the need for repentance tells a story; if things happened to you when you were a child, you need to talk to someone and you must stop beating yourself up.
If it is difficult to speak to a counsellor locally, you could possibly say something on this forum, sometimes just talking openly to others can help you, I think they have a sisters section which might be helpful.
May Allah bless you with true repentance.
Eric
You will never look into the eyes of anyone who does not matter to God.
Asc, I am an eighteen year old female suffering from mental illness such as Ocd and anxiety. It has affected me so much, that last year I was admitted to a hospital due to my breakdowns because I would hurt people and break things . After that problems started with salah and wudhu. Every time I do wudhu, my legs shake, I get a panic attack and get crazy. I spend hours in the toilet because I feel like I’m not doing my wudhu properly or I keep breaking it. I try to ignore but it’s very difficult. I waste so much water, I don’t feel like I have control of myself, I’m forcing myself to do intention and I want to pray but it feels like something is stopping me. I doubt about everything for e.g that I can’t pronounce my Quran correctly or I am not reading it correctly. I completely damaged my hands as I would wash too much. My mother or father has to watch me do wudhu. It has affected my life and my family’s life so much that I don’t eat or sleep because I’m constantly worried that I’m doing something wrong. When I do wudhu, I keep repeating it more than ten times, that I shout at myself to stop. If I manage to make it to salah , I don’t know whats happening or what salah praying. My parents told me to stop praying as I’m not well. But I keep trying, because I want to pray but things still seem the same. I have a breakdown every time. when it’s salah . I don’t know what to do. I haven’t prayed salat properly in a while and I feel guilt. I lose my mind during the adhan and become crazy. I don’t what I’m saying and sometimes get told I act like a crying child and screaming . I have to ask people what’s my left or right. I’m dependent on my parents for everything. I cry when my parents go to work and my voice changes constantly. It feels like I have different personalities. I always wonder if there’s sometimg wrong with my physical health, if I feel pain in my body, I’m told it’s just aniexty and panic. I don’t know what’s real or not anymore? The reason on why I’m asking for advice is because I want to repent but I don’t know where to start. I want to pray salah,wudhu and Guhsl but it’s very difficult. I watch videos of people doing wudhu and salah and ask people on how to do it. In my childhood, I was dependent on my mother until I hit puberty and also had difficulties doing physical things as a child. I regret my sins and I don’t want to go to hell. Every day, I think to myself that it’s my last day in this earth. I made to dua to Allah, crying asking to help me. But I blame myself for everything. What can I do? How can I make myself be a good Muslim? I’m scared it’s too late. I know Allah didn’t make this salah as hardship. My parents told me to pray when I get better but I really want to do salah. I want to be a good Muslim.
Sister, I had ocd and anxiety in the past, some things you mentioned do not seem to be result of OCD and Anxiety.
But of course doctors and counselors know a lot more than I do, so please make an appointment to see one to be certain.
While seeing medical professionals, you can also do self-ruqya.
Basically you are attempting to heal yourself medically and spiritually.
The Qur'an is Mercy, healing and guidance to mankind - so the Qur'an will only harm Iblees and his shayateen followers.
If you choose to do this, you will know if you have been afflicted by them or not.
Once you are sure you have been afflicted, you can continue self-ruqya until the affliction is removed completely, or you get a raqi to do ruqya on you.
You can certainly ask your muslim parents / family to help, if you are not sure about doing this on your own.
As for repenting, it is never too late for anyone to repent as long as they are still alive.
Make the intention to repent, and perform the ablution and salat the best you can. If you can do ablution but not salat, then make dua after ablution.
Also Istighfar regularly, fasting and give alms on your behalf.
Basically any acts of worship that can bring you closer to Allah who is best to heal and protect you.
Last edited by AabiruSabeel; 05-05-2020 at 04:45 PM.
Reason: quoted username removed
Jabir bin 'Abdullah narrated that the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w) said:'A slave (of Allah) shall not believe until he believes in Al-Qadar, its good and its bad, such that he knows that what struck him would not have missed him, and that what missed him would not have struck him." (Jami 'at Tirmidhi)
Jabir bin 'Abdullah narrated that the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w) said:'A slave (of Allah) shall not believe until he believes in Al-Qadar, its good and its bad, such that he knows that what struck him would not have missed him, and that what missed him would not have struck him." (Jami 'at Tirmidhi)
Greetings and peace be with you; how are you today?
I can imagine it took a lot of courage to write your first post. I pray that you are able to come back and engage a little more; I have found this to be a caring and supportive forum, I hope you can too.
May Allah bless you in your struggles,
Eric
Last edited by Muhammad; 06-04-2020 at 11:48 AM.
Reason: Username removed
You will never look into the eyes of anyone who does not matter to God.
Don't worry sister this is a test. I have severe OCD but what helps is reciting
autho billa minshaitannarajeem
Which is seeking protection from the cursed devil.
This will help
Sister you need to get some help from an experienced islamic counsellor. We can only offer general advice and the advice may not be suited for you thus making it an even complicated problem. A counsellor will dig deep and be able to identify why you behave in this way and discuss the possble and best treatment for you. Can you get in touch with your local masjid to see if they offer this service?
it's a good advice for you .may Allah give you good health.
Sister there are many reasons why someone goes in state anxiety, stress , depression - Panic attack mode etc
you have to deal matter spiritually- physical and emotionally level
Ruqya most certainly help i will post link in regards reciting self ruqya veres and adkaar
also you have to deal with the route cause of the problem - most likely something happened in your life to trigger your body to go in to overdrive mode such as truma etc this can cause body to go into panic mode, and your body is not able to rest repair heal and digest
stress anxiety and depression can expedite many illness
my guess would be you may also have stomach issues or other inflammatory issues
what you need focus is - brining your cortisol levels down - recite quran daily adkaars focus on ibadaah - will reduce stress - daily exercise
if you go to doctors what they will do point you towards talking therapy then they will put you on drugs to manage your symptoms
but if you deal with route case you can save your self from this ruqya most defenetly help but you need deal with physical and emotinal aspects
there are alternative medicine like ashwangdha that can help and alot more
Sister Salaam alaykum,
You are not a bad muslim because you can't be perfect. Nobody is perfect sister.
So do not worry so much and do not beat yourself up. You are doing your best with what God gave you. God gave you an illness that is your test in this life...
You need to find resources islamic and psychological to help you deal with your mental health. There are islamic counsolors online at therapyline.org. I go there and I really like them. they are sympathetic and understanding (its a muslim site for muslims).
I feel so drawn to this post because I have been dealing with mental health issues since 2002 and i finally got a diagnosis in 2019 that suits me. Someone mentioned that this doesn't sound exactly like ocd...so I urge you to investigate again with another doctor. And find a crisis hotline to call next time you feel like hurting others or breaking things....you need to call for help in these cases. I believe its even the right of society upon you that you protect others from yourselves if you feel like hurting someone and you call a crisis line...just like you would protect yourself from yourself (if you felt suicidal) and thats when you call the crisis line and get the help you need and deserve.
Do not be afraid to reach out sister. You are not alone! I love you for the sake of Allah. I will make dua for you. May Allah make it easy for you!
Ameen
Do not be scared. it gets better. do not feel guilty for your illness, its a gift as is everything Allah gives us. Even bad things that happen to make us feel bad are a gift because they are a way to forgiveness in this life and/or a way to become strong and better and more compassionate and loving of life.
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