Stages of Grief and Islam

[anonymous]

IT is taught in psychology that there are five stages of grief:

• denial.
• anger.
• bargaining.
• depression.
• acceptance.

The time span of going from one stage to the next can take weeks, months and even years. But Islam tells its followers to grief for no more than 3 days (as per my understanding).

So my question is, What does Islam say about it? Can we link the five stages of grief with islamic teachings?

['Abdullah]

IT is taught in psychology that there are five stages of grief:

• denial.
• anger.
• bargaining.
• depression.
• acceptance.

The time span of going from one stage to the next can take weeks, months and even years. But Islam tells its followers to grief for no more than 3 days (as per my understanding).

So my question is, What does Islam say about it? Can we link the five stages of grief with islamic teachings?

Prophet Muhammad (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said:

It is not permissible for a woman who believes in Allah and the Last Day to mourn for more than three days for anyone who dies, except for a husband; she should mourn him for four months and ten days. [Narrated by al-Bukhari (1280) and Muslim (1486)]

As Muslims we believe that the calamities such as death, sickness, loss of wealth etc. are tests for us. If we keep our patience and continue to the righteous deeds then these tests can be a source of great reward and attaining the pleasure of Allah. Calamities in this world expiate sins. The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said:

No hardship, pain, worry, grief, harm or distress befalls a believer, not even a thorn that pricks him, but Allah will expiate some of his sins thereby.[ Narrated by al-Bukhari (5210) and Muslim (4670)]

Islam does not prohibit weeping or grieving at the loss of a relative. It is something permissible, if it is within normal bounds and is not accompanied by wailing or discontent. The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) wept at the death of his son Ibrahim, and he said:

The eye weeps and the heart grieves, but we do not say anything but that which pleases our Lord, and indeed we are saddened by your departure, O Ibrahim.[ Narrated by al-Bukhari (1220) and Muslim (4279)]

But this weeping and grief should be moderate, so that they do not affect a person’s interests in this world or in the hereafter, or distract him from his work and duties, and his worship of Allah. Rather he should be patient and seek reward with Allah, so that he may attain the reward of those who are patient, and so that Allah will expiate his bad deeds and raise him in status.

As for as the five stages you have mentioned in your OP, these are purely from a disbeliever's point of view. As for as a believer is concerned, we don't go through some of these stages such as bargaining and anger. We know everything happens with the will of Allah and it is in our best interest to be patient, accept the reality and take these tests as a means to get closer to Allah Subhanahu Wa Taala. In some cases it may take longer for someone to heal, but remember the hadith only prohibits excess crying, cursing, beating oneself, blaming Allah and loosing hope in Allah etc. which are ways of disbelievers and we should avoid those.

And Allah knows the best!
Ma'aSalaam

[anonymous]

This is confusing me. How do we know what reality is? Should we lose hope in miracles?

[Imraan]

This is confusing me. How do we know what reality is? Should we lose hope in miracles?

No off course not! It's not in anyones capacity to foretell when a miracle will occur or what the miracle will be.

However one must always believe that miracles are real and can happen in any form and at any time....

Matter of 'how' and 'when' .....

That's why we should never lose hope in miracles.

Same for calamities... Can anyone foretell a calamity? These things happen randomly most of the time and hit us when we least expect it. Miracles can benefit us when we least expect it too.. As both can occur at unknown times...

So as far as miracles are concerned... Don't give up hope.!!

[Imraan]

IT is taught in psychology that there are five stages of grief:

• denial.
• anger.
• bargaining.
• depression.
• acceptance.

The time span of going from one stage to the next can take weeks, months and even years. But Islam tells its followers to grief for no more than 3 days (as per my understanding).

So my question is, What does Islam say about it? Can we link the five stages of grief with islamic teachings?

I can't even comment on this as I am going through some very difficult times.. I am experiencing the stages. No matter how hard I try these psychological responses are always there lingering. I categorise them as natural human reflex and responses.. If you want to ignore these psychological stages you would have to be sooooo despondent, if you do that then what is left??? An analogy of this would be: you are hit in the face numerous times, your response would be to stare into thin air paralysed and think to yourself that you are helpless... There is no comeback or retaliation and you are just guaging how hard or harder you can be hit....

I find myself trying to deal with these through ibadah and prayer although anyone who looks at me can blatantly tell my life is miserable or that I am going through some challenging times.

My issue is ongoing and long term.. 3 years plus!

I am a believer and I pray, perform worship and deeds in various forms everyday. However I am still suffering at the hands of my enemy and my physical and psychological self feels the trauma still... While resisting ongoing pain.

Bi I'd nillah

[anonymous]

Sorry to hear about your problems. I pray with all my heart that Allah might resolve it for you.
I am going through the same but not in the order it is given.. I stsrted of with denial and bargain. But i keep jumping back and forth.

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Abdullah brother, just because it is from a nonmuslim does it really invalidate the theory?