I don't know how to get better

format_quote Originally Posted by A.I

Asalamalaykum,

Sorry it's going to be a long post but please hear me out. I am trying to fix my problems.

I always feel terrible about myself and can't let go of the past. I'm hearing impaired (deaf) so I always felt excluded from everyone like I don't exist.

Waking up to this hard and painful truth, I made a regrettable decision to stay close to people around. Families included.

So, back in 2014, I purposely cut everyone and isolated myself further for this reason because why not? They always leave me out so I was always a lonely and frustrated person. This led me to feel more hateful to everyone and embrace misanthropy. Then years later, I've developed a terrible anxiety where I can't even talk to my family members or anyone properly without feeling calm and patient.

My mother and other family members always asked why I am always angry and avoid people but they never get it. No one does.

I can't find happiness or feel better when none of my situation can be solved. I pray, read Quran, make dhikr and istighfar but it is not working. Everything feels dead inside me.

It's been 7 years since I've changed and I don't want to live like this forever. I want to be a happy man like everyone else.

Walaikum Salaam dear brother

7 years is a long time, Im hoping you had many moments bursting with positivity, it can't be all bad I hope.

Pessimism is easily developed by unfavoured triggers, it happens, life isn't always perfect.

I appreciate you took steps to 'handle it' by your ibadah. Say Alhamdulillah that you were able to do so and maintain it too.

As previously mentioned its good that you 'opened up', not only is it a self realisation but it is also a call for help. I pray that you get all the help that you need insh Allah.

Looking ahead you will have to overcome it somehow, try different avenues. If ibadah alone is not helping then I would advise to 'add to it'... If something is on your mind daily then partake in activities, different activities that may take the focus off the negativeness in your life. I don't know your full physical situation but take me for example, just to keep me sane I have to cycle miles and miles, if I cant cycle I walk for miles and miles, even alone if I have to.. Safe routes off course. I do look out for my support network, for that I have my small circle of friends, I have my relatives that I have grown up with, I have local Masjids where I have approached various people after ascertaining a certain level of trust with them. I also have yourselves on this forum. Jazak Allah for continued support, Most people know of my situation by now.

Although physical health is important, mental health is important too. This mindset that you claim to have developed is not good, we can all agree with that. The next steps is how to turn it around.

Also as mentioned before, this is literally a temporary life, different people have different privelages, ya Allah... I say, we have no choice to live with our insecurities, we learn and adapt to our circumstances. We also continue our prayers, have faith and hope that there is a light at the end of every dark tunnel. Have faith that we can and will climb out of every hole. Allah swt knows best. I am constantly told by people I know that whatever happens in your life, Allah swt does it for your own good, sometimes it doesn't make sense, it really doesn't, however any doubts should be countered with agreement that Allah swt is watching everything, everything is being recorded and everything will be accounted for in the hereafter. Those who suffer in this life... Well they will surely by rewarded for their struggles in the hereafter.

Have faith that help is out there. It can come to you in any form at any time, pray that it is sooner than later.

You want to be happy right. First you have to be content with what you have, once content then you can focus other things like your relationship with your family members and your objectives as a Muslim during the rest of your time in this dunya.

There is so much to learn in our religion, so much to learn from quran, so many hadeeths to read about, you take that info and you apply it to your life the best you can, watch the results and the impact it has on your spirituality and your sanity.

If anything your journey should have made you stronger, look around you brother in this world, so many people facing so many other challenges, like you (and me) I've often felt I can't even fathom such predicaments we are faced with. We should be grateful we are 'on deen' and that we use our religion as a basis to cope with struggles. That is why we pray everyday and pledge to do so until our last breath no matter what life throws at us.. Insh Allah.

Continue to stay on deen, 'in line' with sunnah, keep praying, you will be in a better place, we all pray for everyone, for Muslim ummah and humanity as a whole without a doubt.

The anger issues.. Hmm I had that, still do, I do dikr and it helps me, me praying everyday against those triggering my anger, maintaining my salaah also helps me and has calmed me down.

Im an Introvert, I tend to keep stuff inside me, it is when I talked to people, asked for help and people gave me time of day etc that is when I am reminded that I am not alone. I am still an introvert, anything I can't handle myself through ibadah, I do seek help elsewhere.

Be open with mum, I'm sure she prays for you like most mom's do for their kids, it's a 'given', the dua of a mother is very significant, Alhamdulillah.. Be grateful you got a mom!!!! Every prayer is heard brother, believe that!

Life is a struggle, most days are, it is the act of prayer that keeps us afloat.

Just don't go into the mental health 'danger zone' or become a recluse, the fact that you have come here is an indicator that there is still time for rescue in that sense. There is help out there to address that.

Nothing comes automatically, you have to put in the effort, if something is not working, you add to it, you look for other avenues.

I am sorry about your hearing Impairedness, I really am. Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi rajioon.... Despite any disadvantages in life, we will all be returning to the soil, all physical attributes...Good or bad.... Scrapped! I'm sorry. Still we live in a time where there is medical help, hearing aids, through these you were able to learn many things, you were able to hear magnificent glorious quran recitations and you were able to listen and read quran, learn duas and learn how to pray. Can you imagine back many centuries ago people not having these? I know we don't live in the past but just Imagine...eh?

This 'outcast' feeling. You ain't the only one I guarantee that, many people feel outcast for many reasons. I feel they lack contentness. I don't feel outcast anymore, I feel I'm part of a certain community In demographic sense. There are others out there like me, just like there are others out there like you that may also have the same feelings.

Try and reduce feelings of hate, if you haven't felt it already that feeling alone can consume you, your time in the day and affect your mentality and attitude to society. Adopt optimism in your life, see how you get on.

Everyone is always in my prayers.

Please remember me and my family in your prayers too brother.

Jazak Allah khair