My overprotectiveness towards hijabi/Muslim women

**SintoDinto** · 12-29-2020

Due to the realities of Islamophobia, whenever I see a Muslim woman in public, who wears hijab, I can't help but stare at her to monitor and see if anyone is going to say anything mean or hurtful to make sure I can come to her defense, but it hasn't happened yet. in fact, with my european/russian/jewish/italian appearance, i cant help but feel im just making them look more uncomfortable and in fear of a hate crime, and even if they knew i was muslim, who wants to be stared at? i act overprotectively all the time, and it gets annoying, like one time, i was feeling hypersexual, so i went over to a hijabi muslim woman who was at a place i was at and asked if she needed anything because she seemed like she was annoyed and waiting for something, and her uber came up, and i stereotyped the driver as not very smart based on gut instinct, at least when it came to the middle eastern politics of why she ended up in america (she was a gulenist) so i imagined the conversation in the car would make her uncomfortable in addition to me making her uncomfortable, such as a) her not wanting to talk to strange men while knowing little english and him trying to chat her up like some ubers do, b) her telling him about being accused of being a terrorist in her home country when in his american mind he imagines al qaeda or isis when in reality its something much different (however way you feel about them). i even feel grateful my mother does not wear headscarf because i feel she ends up getting treated better, and i envision myself marrying a woman who dresses modestly including headscarf, but i feel i would become possessive. im already possessive of the women in my family such as following my mom around when we're in public and not wanting to leave my aunt in a store by herself due to the suspicious behavior of a clerk. (which really wasnt anything lol im just paranoid).

**SintoDinto** · 12-29-2020

In fact even today I was walking home from the grocery store wearing my mask and i was accusing the person a while ahead of me of being a vaper (a user of electronic cigarettes), and might have been muttering because i have maladaptive daydreaming, but as soon as the fog got off my glasses i saw it was likely a hijabi and i felt like i was making them uncomfortable by walking in the same direction and felt like they may think they're being the victim of a "white man's" hate crime, so i tried walking in the other direction.

**Islami.Mu'mina** · 12-29-2020

First of all, you shouldn't be staring at them. You should be lowering your gaze especially because of -

i was feeling hypersexual, so i went over to a hijabi muslim woman

key word : hypersexual

Wanting to defend hijabi women shouldn't be an excuse to stare at them (which I don't think you were using it as an excuse, Im just mentioning because subconsciously you may be thinking that)

Just lower your gaze. If a scene goes down and you want to help, trust me, you will hear it. Looking won't make a difference.

And honestly for this part:

with my european/russian/jewish/italian appearance, i cant help but feel im just making them look more uncomfortable

I would actually feel more uncomfortable if I saw a Muslim man staring at me. Because most hijabis in western countries are used to looks and stares from non muslim strangers. Sometimes the non muslims may be curious, or they just think its weird or stupid. Or islampophobic, but generally they can't do much.

On the other hand, if I saw a Muslim man staring at me... Would confuse me as they know they shouldn't be staring at women for obvious reasons..

i was feeling hypersexual, so i went over to a hijabi muslim

When you are feeling hypersexual, you shouldn't go up to a woman. Unless she is being attacked, obviously in this case.. You'd actually forget that you were feeling hypersexual.

But if shes looking annoyed, there isn't anything necessary to do.