Brother commenting... irritating me

**anonymous** · 01-01-2021

Assalamu alaykum.. How do I deal and cope with this?

I wear modest clothing at home. Either my night gowns or lose pants and sweatshirts. My older brother makes me uncomfortable sometimes. Sometimes he makes comments on my body which I always hated but I dealt with because everyone would think I am overdramatic if i get mad. They were mild, nothing crazy
Comments on curves, etc. Anyways, I think he knows i get angry so hes been stopping.
example: Dad was calling my arms fat once (And no i don't care about his opinion because my dad is very weird He's insecure about his weight so he does it a lot to others as well. He's projecting. I am at a healthy weight). My brother defends me with "Hey those arms don't matter if ____(some dumb
"compliment" comment about another part).. In reality, my arm size doesn't matter because it isn't their business as long as I'm healthy. I hate his dumb comments because I am not very sure how he can tell what my body shape is when I don't wear tight stuff. big sweaters and loose pjs pants. I'm sick and tired of him.. There was a new girl my mom wanted my brother to see for marriage and she was talking about her body shape and then he asked if this girl's body was like my body shape(meaning good) or like my sisters (which is a bad thing. In his eyes, I don't ever shame my sister). It made me angry and I told them to all stop but they laughed. Disgusting my brother's filthy disgusting mind has to compare his own two sisters to the girl he wants to marry. I am very happy my sister was not there that day. Not even that, now he also starts making negative comments as well. I don't know why but one time he was dragging me off the couch by my feet and started shaking my legs and talking about how much fat it jiggles and how I'm getting fat. I hate it so much I get angry I just want to punch the wall. And if I don't want to say stop because I do get a little awkward/insecure when he says that stuff and I don't want him to know it gets to me. (No, I don't hate my body,. Just when he says those comments at the moment it makes me irritated). Sometimes he tries lifting me up but then it gets hard so he also calls me fat but he keeps saying it (like its not just once smth like "fatty" a normal sibling says) he says in a very irritating way. Please respond

**Studentofdeed** · 01-01-2021

Sister what they sre doing is obviously not islamic and very ignorant. Women's bodys should not be objectifiied. A woman should try to be in shape but if she isn't. That is her own struggle. Im sure you sre in shape and your brothers are very immature. Your mother is also immature by the looks of it. Please stay patient and Allah is rewarding you immensely for defending your sisters. Your brothers comment shows they are very gutter thinking. Insha'Allah Allah gives you reward for defending your sisters and being in the right. May Allah make it easier for you

**anonymous** · 01-01-2021

Sorry, I think I made a few typos here.. Let me fix

dy shape(meaning good) or like my sisters (which is a bad thing. In his eyes, I don't ever shame my sister).

I meant sister*** I only have one sister

. And if I don't want to say stop because I do get a little awk

and I don't want to say***

started shaking my legs and talking about how much fat it jiggles and how I'm getting fat.

He started shaking my legs and talking about how much it jiggles and how I'm getting fat
Thats all for the typos. sorry baout that

Which I don't even know why he keeps bothering me about the legs jiggling, obviously if you take some girls by her legs and start shaking it back and forth... Her thighs are going to jiggle....

**anonymous** · 01-01-2021

Originally Posted by Studentofdeed

Sister what they sre doing is obviously not islamic and very ignorant. Women's bodys should not be objectifiied. A woman should try to be in shape but if she isn't. That is her own struggle. Im sure you sre in shape and your brothers are very immature. Your mother is also immature by the looks of it. Please stay patient and Allah is rewarding you immensely for defending your sisters. Your brothers comment shows they are very gutter thinking. Insha'Allah Allah gives you reward for defending your sisters and being in the right. May Allah make it easier for you

Yes jazakAllahu khayran thank you.. My other brother never does this stuff to me. I get very angry at him(annoying brother) often because first he makes weird immature "compliments" brothers shouldn't be making about their sisters so I have to cover up my body but then he will start trying to point out things in my about body that aren't perfect sometimes. Either way, both his "compliments" and rude comments are a form of objectification/shaming. I can never wear some clothing even though it is not immodest to be wearing in the house.. I can't wear it just so I can avoid his stupid comments and behaviors. And especially recently I have learned to forgive him and let go of the past things that has happened between us... but now whenever he makes these comments I get very angry and remember all the things he's done to me in the past. I also start to get paranoid about his intentions and what he thinks. InshaAllah one day he will have some good wife who sees what kind of mentality he has and smacks some sense into him (uh not physically.. You know what I mean).

This is how he always acts, talking about woman's bodies. He's always scouting for good looking Muslim women (non hijabis) who have very good bodies so he can ask to get to know them and marry them.. A few times he described all his thoughts to me when he saw one lady (and I understand some people have sexual thoughts even over the slightest things which is normal for some, but you shouldn't speak these thoughts out! And you should at least attempt to lower your gaze!)..

We were even talking about a sick girl who was infected with COVID 19! She was sick in bed not being able to get out and we were talking about her (not in her presence) and all he could do is make his sexual jokes about how hot she is. And a note for you, she is close friends with my other brother (the normal one, and he isn't very practicing) and this brother likes herand she loves to flirt specifically with him! (yes, unislamic but the my normal acting brother doesn't practice Islam) In front of him, my (annoying) brother was saying all this and how he would definitely love to marry her and the whole time my (normal) brother was quiet and ignoring.

JazakAllahu khayran I cannot handle him sometimes, I swear the amount of pain he has put me through in the past (also the pain I put myself into for making myself crazy).. I ended up thinking all men are animals that only care about themselves. AstaghfirAllahil-atheem.. My other brother alhamdulilah I love him very much although I am very sad because this one doesn't practice Islam.

Sorry for too much ranting. I am just going to put up with his dumb behavior and inshaAllah one day he'll grow up and thank you for the empathetic reply, I'm glad someone else is on board

**Studentofdeed** · 01-01-2021

May Allah make it easier for you sister. I understand your frustration. Insha'Allah Allah will reward you. You are doing good mashallah. Insha'Allah Allah will give hidyah both to your brothers and you will see the fruit of your efforts. You sre doing very good. Allah will bless you Insha'Allah. As for men being animals, I disagree as I hope im not one. But I 100 agree most men are. You just have to look for the pious and Insha'Allah it will work out. Insha'Allah may Allah make it easy for you and feel free to vent and come here.