How to keep online marriage halal?

format_quote Originally Posted by anonymous

Hey how long should I be speaking to a girl online while keeping it halal? I don't like the idea of speaking for long term because attachment develops. How can we keep it halal while seeking the type of person they are? How do we know? I have been told to speak them for 2 to 3 months. But that seems too long. They live in another country and I was thinking of traveling there but I am still concerned about rushing too fast. Please give me good advice according to Islam. I cannot ask my imam as he is bit lenient on this side

Assalamu Alaikum,

If you speak you should do it in the manner according to the sunnah where a third party is present. Speaking to her alone and for such a time would not be Islamically allowed. I would say if you are getting to know her then you should only ask questions when you need to know something specifically but other than that there's no reason to build a friendship unless you are prepared to marry very soon and your families know about your intentions. You may meet with her as long as her wali is present, i wouldn't consider that rushing as you are getting to know one another and that is the whole purpose of the meeting.

I told her to tell her mother we are speaking. Her father passed away. So it's just her mother and her sisters. I told her to let her know we are speaking. I told my parents but I'm going to tell her that when I speak to her, to make sure her mother is nearby. I am also scared of asking if she commited zina or if she smokes. Im scared because she may get offended or she did commited zina or if she does smoke. I really like the girl and am afraid of losing this opportunity Its hard to meet her as she lives in another country. So I text her but never flirt with her and tell her I want to make sure if we are a match before we proceed

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My plan is to meet her family after 2 to 3 weeks

format_quote Originally Posted by anonymous

I told her to tell her mother we are speaking. Her father passed away. So it's just her mother and her sisters. I told her to let her know we are speaking. I told my parents but I'm going to tell her that when I speak to her, to make sure her mother is nearby. I am also scared of asking if she commited zina or if she smokes. Im scared because she may get offended or she did commited zina or if she does smoke. I really like the girl and am afraid of losing this opportunity Its hard to meet her as she lives in another country. So I text her but never flirt with her and tell her I want to make sure if we are a match before we proceed

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My plan is to meet her family after 2 to 3 weeks

The zina question is an inappropriate question, or any question regarding private sins for that matter. That is between her and Allah and is really none of your business to ask her. In islam we must conceal our sins even if the person may potentially become our spouse. If you see something out of character that you do not like, then ask her at that point, but what happens in her life before you is not of your concern. The only thing you can do is state your intentions and describe the type of girl that you're looking for in a wife in regards to manners and character. Tell her about the type of person you are so she understands what she will be getting as well. Look at her relationship with her family, her living situation, her daily routine, etc. You can know and understand a lot about a person without really having to ask sometimes. I don't mean that you should make assumptions, but just try to notice more than you otherwise would, not just focusing on the negatives but positives too.