Sick of his friends

**anonymous** · 07-02-2021

Hello, I hope you’re all well. I need advice please. Me and my husband have been married for three years now and I am sick of his friends. His friends call him out too much. One of them, who’s also married, call him out whenever he likes and my husband just leaves. If he’s in the house and we’re no doing anything he’ll just leave. After work when i am expecting him home on time, he’ll go and link his friends first and then come. Even on the weekend, which is what i believe to be family time, he’ll leave because his friends like calling for a chill. I’ve had arguments with him before countless times that I am not against him having friends and having his time but i am against not having a limit. I feel like he prioritising his time with his friends rather than me because he just takes off whenever they call, leaving me feeling like i am plan B and because oh I am the wife I’ll always be there. By me putting a limit, he thinks i am threatening his relationship with his friends, which i am not. Like i want him to be a hermit of some sort and i am controlling him 24/7. I feel like he needs to learn to say ‘no’ whenever they call. Isn’t by him not being able to say ‘no’ they’re controlling him. And the sheer hypocrisy in our culture of how a woman expects to be at home looking nice for the husband for when he gets home, ready to give him love and bring him food.

Why should I prioritise my time for him when I feel like he can’t prioritise his? Why am i always expected to be at home when he gets home looking after his home and his family.

Recently, I have started rebelling too. I have started prioritising my time. Unfortunately, i do not have any family or friends here since I moved to marry him so i cannot spend my time away with people. And i am not the kind that makes friends that easily. So iv’e started prioritising things i like. When he comes home, I try and spend as little time as i can because i am too busy doing things I like. I will starting work next week as well, so inshallah I’ll try and make friends and prioritise my time for them.

***charisma*** · 07-02-2021

Originally Posted by anonymous

Recently, I have started rebelling too. I have started prioritising my time. Unfortunately, i do not have any family or friends here since I moved to marry him so i cannot spend my time away with people. And i am not the kind that makes friends that easily. So iv’e started prioritising things i like. When he comes home, I try and spend as little time as i can because i am too busy doing things I like. I will starting work next week as well, so inshallah I’ll try and make friends and prioritise my time for them.

This isn't rebelling. You need to find your own friends and activities as well. His personality seems to be quite different than yours as he prefers to socialize. If you're not doing anything at home together then it's probably very boring to just sit there and do nothing, and in fact the more you ask him to stay home the more he probably feels constricted and controlled to do so. Find ways to entertain yourself, you can't depend on him to be your entertainment. That's not fair on him. From what it sounds like, he does stay at home, but you'd like it to be more often. By telling him to tell his friends no, that is controlling him, especially if he actually wants to go out with them. If it's a matter that he doesn't want to go out with them and can't say no, then that's a different topic.

I understand where you're coming from, but you shouldn't force his attention to be on you. It will backfire and you'll be coming off as clingy and controlling. Let him have his socializing, and see if things change without you always trying to intervene. Find something to do otherwise you'll feel like you've wasted your life doing nothing. You have this time to learn a skill and self-develop. Prioritize yourself so you're not feeling bitter about him prioritizing his needs.