losing my religion

format_quote Originally Posted by soldierof44

when deep down i dont love God and am not content with him. Goodbye

It seems you have highlighted the root of the problem, which is not knowing and loving Allah سبحانه وتعالى and not understanding the way He engages with His creation. This is what you must focus on - learning more about Allah سبحانه وتعالى and realising that everything He Decrees is based upon His perfect knowledge and wisdom. He is the Creator of the heavens and the earth; everything belongs to Him. Who are we to question or complain about His creation? Look at things in perspective and you will realise that there is so much to be grateful for. There are countless people who don't have food to eat or clean water to drink. There are countless people with cancer, disability and pain. They would probably give everything they own just to live a healthy life albeit being below average height. And being 'short' does not mean you cannot be happy in life or be successful. You need to stop being so negative and realise Allah سبحانه وتعالى has blessed you with this life which is a single opportunity that cannot be wasted. Turn to Allah سبحانه وتعالى and He will guide you to being content with what you have.

format_quote Originally Posted by soldierof44

there was a time when i grew up being such a believer. i honestly - believed that there is a God and his name is Allah - and i still do believe that- honestly. but I have come to the point where im seriously wondering if God cares - now i am not questioning his existence - i believe he does. but i believe he is very unjust. at least to me.

i am in struggle. and i understand that we have to struggle in life, but does it really need to be this much? i been away from zinah, alcohol , gambling and all the vices all life long - and here i am - still nowhere.
i been working to try and build a career and been saving to have a good life - cause i never complain about materialistic stuff - i think im content with what i have ( alhamdulilah?) at least on career is where i stand.
but is it worth it?

but its the part which the soul wants most that i just cant seem to find - i been seeking to find a woman all my life. and it seems impossible for me to find love. i am burning. i have strong desires and yet none of them are being met. while other people find love early in life - some even at 16- here i am- never knew love at my late 20s.
so loookin up for guidance i come up with realities - i am above average in style - i have a fine face but my nose is too big cause i crashed my bike ( all these unfortunate things happen to me of course) , but i believe women are mostly avoiding me cause of my height - 170 cm. all the scientific data point this out.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/b...21cm)%20taller.

how could God put me in such disadvantage? why cant I be taller when it was so easy for him to just make me taller? why has he given height to so may wherei am from the average is over 180 cm, and i am so much smaller? what did i ever do to deserve this? height is 100 percent genetic so dont come at me blaming that its my fault cause its not.

what more does this person need to do to just have one woman? to marry and be loved and have kids? but i guess things just dont go this way. i feel completely betrayed by Allah itself, and its been a long time since i have left practicing or going to the mosque. the bare idea of being religious ( except for when i fast in ramadan) just makes me annoyed - when years ago i used to be very practicing.
after all , can u be practicing to a God you don't love and trust at all?

if you have anything to say - do that - if this thread doesnt turn me around - i promise you i am leaving. i cant take this anymore

Asalaamu Alaikum,

Jazakallahu Khayran for sharing you're issues with us. I know it was not easy for you to share all of this and I can feel your pain and disillusionment through your words. Firstly, my brother we must try to be more optimistic in life and also look at those who have less than us and who are in a much worse situation than us. You say you are short in height, but you still have all your limbs, eyesight, hearing and your mental and physical health in intact Alhamdulillah. If you have your health, then you have everything. There are very rich and handsome people out there who do not have their health and worst of all they do not have the most valuable gift of all that we have - Imaan (faith). You tell me is there a better gift a person can be given than the gift of imaan? Allah could have created you as a non-Muslim and in some other land. However, out of all people in this world he gave you the gift of imaan and he gave you the gift of good health. Two gifts that are priceless. So, Allah has in fact put you with an advantage over most people on Earth!

You say others are taller, but how do you know they are any happier? Do you really know what they are experiencing in their hearts and behind closed doors? Every person is experiencing that which none of us know what they are going through. We must never assume that a person who is taller or more handsome or richer is any "better off" in life. This is an extremely wrong and flawed way of thinking. This is the thinking that shaythan our enemy wants us to believe! It has even become well known amongst the non-Muslims of today that being richer and more handsome does not bring any more happiness. In fact, being richer and more handsome brings many more challenges and tests which one will be liable for in the Hereafter. However, it is richness of the heart that is the most important thing of all. Those who are rich in their hearts are the happiest people on Earth, regardless of their situation and circumstances. It is not a cliche to say that the happiest people in life are those that experience bliss, peace and contentment in their hearts. How does one feel such bliss, peace and contentment in their heart? By staying away from the major sins and building a close and strong connection with Allah through prayer, patiently persevering through trials and hardships in everyday life, through understanding and reflecting on the meanings of Allah's words in the Qur'an, through giving in charity for his pleasure, through treating people well, through his glorification and remembrance night and day and in standing in prayer at night when most are asleep. Through developing this strong connection with Allah then nothing will affect us in life as we have the love of Allah in our hearts and that is all that would matter to us. Through this strong connection we will never become disillusioned with anything in life, and we will have more hope, trust, faith and reliance in Allah's decisions and our Dua's will be more likely to be accepted.

Believe me my brother there is someone for everyone out there, but the more we become impatient and start to blame Allah then the more we will be at huge loss in life. Look at what shaythan and your ego has done to you for you have become so bitter and disillusioned that you are blaming Allah and you have resentment for his decisions. You will not benefit in any way for becoming like this. You are losing out in a huge way. So, you must turn this around now. Allah has brought you here and has given you an inclination to come here to share your feelings with us so that you may be given the correct advice. Allah loves you and he wants you to return back to him, so will you not then return back towards him? Walk towards him and he will run towards you. However, walk away from him and your enemy will become closer to you. Is that what you want? Allah does not need you or me, but we desperately need him. Who else do we have to turn towards but Allah? Would we rather continue getting deceived by our enemy and ego? Then will you continue to allow your ego and the whispers of your enemy to destroy you in this world and the next? That is the true loss. Not what you think you are going through. You have so much more than most people in this world. So never think otherwise!

A very close friend of mine is clinically blind. He has lost his family and lives alone in a one-bedroom flat. He has also struggled to find a partner for over a decade now. However, I have never come across someone so strong minded, optimistic and positive in life. He says to me that in return for patiently persevering through all of these hardships and struggles and for especially the loss of his eyesight then he says that he hopes that Allah will be merciful to him and grant him Jannah in return. Subhanallah. Know that it is our enemy shaythan who wants us to lose hope, make us disillusioned and lost faith and trust in Allah. How can we enable our enemy to succeed in doing this to us? This is such a short life. Why would we risk eternity of bliss in the Hereafter for any short-term test and hardships? We can turn every pain into pleasure in this world and the next.

Therefore, my brother you must stop doing this to yourself at once. Turn all of your impatience into patience and loss of hope into hope for reward from Allah, for he will reward us for even a minor prick on our finger, as long as we patiently persevere for his pleasure. It is not worth losing out on all of these huge potential rewards and in the great pleasures of the Hereafter for such a short-term perceived inconvenience in this world or from any trial and hardship we face in this life, due to becoming impatient and losing hope which is what our enemy wants. Therefore, we must be more grateful to Allah for what he has given us. Allah says in the Qur'an that the vast majority of people are ungrateful and how true is that? He gave us life, good health physically and mentally, a loving family, shelter, food on our plates, sustenance, wealth and the best gift of all - Imaan! Yet we are still ungrateful to him and instead of thanking him for what he has given us we lose faith in him for what we think we don't have. We start to compare ourselves to those we think have more than us and are better off than us when we do not know what misery and turmoil, they are experiencing in their lives which may be much worse than ours. This is from the great deception of our enemy, who tricks us into ignoring the immensely valuable gifts we have been given and tries to focus on what we think we don't have. This is pure lies and deception from our enemy! We must never fall for this evil deception! Every morning or evening sit there and reflect on the countless favours Allah has done for you. Write down what you are grateful for every day. This is something that even non-Muslim self-development coaches recommend. However, we who have faith should do this even more so as we know that everything we have is from Allah. We also know that every trial and hardship will never go unrewarded, as long as we do not become impatient and start blaming Allah. If we want our situation to change - then we must change!

So, my brother, repent for doing this to yourself and turn back to Allah and you will turn all your feelings of pain and loss into expiation of your sins and great rewards and pleasure from Allah. Ask for his help and guidance and build a strong and close bond and relationship with him by keeping away from the major sins and by fulfilling all of your Fard obligations unto him. Give in charity and pray to him at night when most are asleep, and you will see positive things happening in your life i promise you that!

format_quote Originally Posted by soldierof44

But know that i am very greatful for all of you writing all these things to me. But pain is an emotion and cant be fixed with words only reality needs to shift.

I tried everything and still.. damn I wish i was never born i swear to the very god. There is no point in me being here

Firstly, re read my post as i edited it and re read again and again so that it permeated into your heart. Secondly no I don't believe you have tried everything. You are clearly deceiving yourself if you think that. So, for the net 30 days, leave all the major sins you are doing especially any in private, turn to Allah and repent sincerely and cry unto him and beg of his mercy and forgiveness. Pray all of your 5 prayers and try to pray them at the Masjid, pray Tahajjud each night even if it is 15-20 minutes before Fajr begins and make intense Dua for help, guidance, mercy and forgiveness. Remember Allah as much as you can throughout the day. Give in charity as much as you can for his pleasure.

As you are not married then fast twice a week on Mondays and Thursdays. Read 2 pages of the Qur'an with its meanings and reflect over what you read. Every morning or evening spend 30 minutes in reflection of what blessings, gifts and favours Allah has done to you and given you. Listen to good Islamic lectures about being grateful to Allah for his gifts and on death and the Hereafter and the rewards in Jannah. However, you are feeling then share it with Allah in Dua. He loves that we ask if him even if it is for a shoelace. Then what about big things like this? Try to remember Allah and glorify him from awakening to sleeping and you will feel a positive change in your heart insha Allah. Go to sleep early each night as it can affect mood. Try to eat healthy and nutritious food. Go and walk in nature and start doing some exercise even if it is 30 minutes walking a day.

Write down positive mantras every morning and evening and keep it with you and keep going over it about how you are worth it and how you are worth more than you think you are and how you love yourself and that you will stop being so hard on yourself for things that are out of your control. This is because has you clearly have self-worth issues and low self-esteem. I would seriously recommend you get therapy from a Muslim male therapist as it will help you significantly as you clearly have deep unresolved issues. Do all of this for the next 30 days then come back and tell us how you feel but until then do not claim that you have tried everything because you clearly haven't

format_quote Originally Posted by soldierof44

Oh no not the same old same old advice bro lol of course i have low self esteem cause i am 170 cm, those who gettin all the love dont have delf esteem issues. Oh cmon bro u clearly didnt read all that i wrote. I basically been off manor sins my whole life, and u telling me to fast??
Lol bro these other man need no fasting cause they slayin jusrbcause they were favored with 10 cm more lol its ridicoulous. I am sorry but its over

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You hear but u dont listen i wrote you paragraphs and u keep telling me the things i already done. And no no therapy for me those things dont help. What helps is reality not words.

Then you are clearly in denial. You are here claiming to have done everything everyone has advised when in fact you clearly haven't done any of those things with any long-term consistency. Instead, you just want to continue to spew your toxic and negative attitude. You say "therapy" doesn't help. Based on what? Have you had therapy to know that or are you basing those things on your false perceptions on what other people have said? This is because I hear the same thing from others when it comes to therapy. However I am telling you to find a Muslim therapist who can give you the right therapy in accordance with our Deen. If not then talk to a learned Scholar who specialises in counselling in your area.

It's easy to just rant and be negative and not make the necessary changes to ourselves. This is because change is difficult, and ranting is easy. However, you have received excellent advice in this thread, and I have also given you a plan to follow for just 30 days. So instead of shunning the advice you have received in here then follow it with long term consistency. If you tried a few things in the past and did not feel it made any difference, then this time implement all the advice together for the longer term. That is the only way you will notice any positive changes within yourself.

There is no magic pill. The answer, cure and the keys to success in this world and the next are only with Allah. So, it is only through a stronger connection and bond with him will we receive what we need, want and that which will bring about the changes we want in every aspect of our lives.

format_quote Originally Posted by soldierof44

watch the video i sent you, and then we speak how therapy helpsd. i wish i never woke up from that surgery.

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why are you censoring the truth?

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lol bro u coping hard. therapy doersnt help, watch the video. you will understand the truth then. then u see what therapy can do and why i seem to be dwelliung on negativity which is the actual truth.

We take our opinions, perspectives and stances of every aspect of our livees from the Lord of the worlds and through his Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam). Not from anyone else, whether they are Muslim or not then it doesn't mean they are giving us the correct opinion, perspective and stance in accordance with our Deen.

This is why you have become so negative, toxic and disillusioned because you take your opinions, perspective and stance from people who are promoting toxic masculinity and are telling you what true masculinity is. Either you follow the advice given to you from the perspective of our Deen which is the true advice to help you with your situation or you continue to listen to those who will only continue to being about your downfall through the perspective that shaythan wants you to have. The choice is yours!

The perspective of our Deen in accordance with height is as follows. So will you choose it over the perspective of shaythan?

A man's height does not have any particular significance in Islam. Allah The Almighty Creates human beings as He wishes and gives everyone a specific shape. He Creates some people tall while others short; He makes some people handsome, while others not so and determines the sex of the person to be male or female, as He Wishes. The most respected and the one whom Allah loves and brings nearer to Him is the one who is pious and fears Allah as much as possible. Allah Says (interpretation of meaning): {Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you.}[49:13].

However, one should not interfere in changing his own innate features unless he has a deformity, but one can increase or improve his ethical characteristics such as acquiring more patience, becoming more tolerant and strengthening belief in Allah, etc.

Therefore, one will be questioned about his deeds and morals, while he will not be questioned about his "natural born" features.

Allah Knows best.

Source: https://www.islamweb.net/en/fatwa/82...ight-and-islam

Physical beauty is not considered to be a measure of virtue among people in Islam; rather the standard on which distinctions are made is taqwa (piety, fear of Allaah). Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“O mankind! We have created you from a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that you may know one another. Verily, the most honourable of you with Allaah is that (believer) who has At-Taqwa [i.e. he is one of the Muttaqoon (the pious)]. Verily, Allaah is All-Knowing, All-Aware”
[al-Hujuraat 49:13]

Hence sharee’ah (divine law) came to correct our outlook which is usually based on outward appearances. There are many ahaadeeth (Prophetic narrations)on this topic, including the following:

It was narrated in al-Saheeh that Abu Hurayrah said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘Allaah does not look at your appearance or your wealth, but He looks at your hearts and your deeds.’” (Narrated by Muslim, al-Birr wa’l-Silah, 4651).

It was narrated that Abu Dharr said: “I exchanged words with another man, whose mother was a non-Arab. I insulted his mother, and he mentioned that to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). He said to me, ‘Did you trade insults with so and so?’ I said, ‘Yes.’ He said, ‘Did you insult his mother?’ I said, ‘Yes.’ He said, ‘You are a man in whom is jaahiliyyah (ignorance)…’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, al-Adab, 5590; Muslim, al-Eemaan, 3140). According to another report: “…I said to him, ‘O son of a black woman’,” and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “In you there is jaahiliyyah” – i.e., one of the characteristics of jaahiliyyah.
It was narrated that Sahl ibn Sa’d al-Saa’idi said: “A man passed by the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and he asked a man who was sitting with him, ‘What do you think of this man?’ He said, ‘He is one of the nobility. By Allaah, if he proposes marriage he deserves to get married and if he intercedes, his intercession deserves to be accepted.’ The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said nothing. Then another man passed by, and the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) asked, ‘What do you think of this man?’ He said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, he is one of the poor Muslims. If he proposes marriage he does not deserve to get married, if he intercedes his intercession does not deserve to be accepted and if he speaks he does not deserve to be heard.’ The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘This one (the second man) is better than an earthful of (men like) that one (the first man).’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, al-Riqaaq, 5966).

It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “People should stop boasting about their forefathers who have died, for they are no more than the fuel of Hell, or they will be more insignificant before Allaah than the dung beetle which rolls up dung with its nose. Allaah has taken away your jaahili arrogance and pride in your ancestors; rather man is either a believer who fears Allaah or an immoral person who is doomed. All of them are the sons of Adam and Adam was created from dust.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, al-Manaaqib, 3890; classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh Sunan al-Tirmidhi, no. 3100).
All these ahaadeeth indicate that which we have mentioned above, which is that one’s appearance and colour should not be the basis of one’s feeling proud, distinguished, superior or of high status, and that the Muslim should get close to those who are pious and righteous.

It was narrated that ‘Amr ibn al-‘Aas said: “I heard the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) saying out loud, not quietly: ‘…Rather my friends are Allaah and the righteous believers…’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, al-Adab, 5531; Muslim, al-Eemaan, 316).

Source: https://islamqa.info/en/answers/1399...-really-matter

Our type of gender, male or female, tall being and short, etc.
are chosen by Allah for which we should be content. What if we did not have
eyes, legs, etc.? Your difficulties of reaching are also rewarded by Allah,
therefore, you should be grateful.

and Allah Ta'ala Knows Best

Read more at https://askimam.org/public/question_detail/738

format_quote Originally Posted by soldierof44

Oh no not the same old same old advice bro lol of course i have low self esteem cause i am 170 cm, those who gettin all the love dont have delf esteem issues. Oh cmon bro u clearly didnt read all that i wrote. I basically been off manor sins my whole life, and u telling me to fast??
Lol bro these other man need no fasting cause they slayin jusrbcause they were favored with 10 cm more lol its ridicoulous. I am sorry but its over

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You hear but u dont listen i wrote you paragraphs and u keep telling me the things i already done. And no no therapy for me those things dont help. What helps is reality not words.

That is because you are basing your self-worth and self-esteem on what you perceive others to find attractive and good and not on what Allah finds attractive and good which is for us to have Taqwa and piety. In the Hereafter when we are standing before Allah then we will regret even wasting a single second of our precious time in our short lives being concerned about something which does not matter an iota in this world and the next. We will wish we did just one more good deed as the currency of success in this world and the next are good deeds and nothing else! Consider the following article:

How to Cultivate Self-Worth Beyond Appearance

If you wore your sense of self-worth pinned on you like a price-tag, what would the value be?

Would it be single digits like the clothes size you might aspire to?

Perhaps double digits like the low-scale weight you’re chasing?

Maybe it’d be triple digits – equivalent to the amount of likes your most recent, heavily filtered, selfie you posted on social media?

Would you allow how you imagine others to perceive your fleshy packaging to determine your mark-up and self-worth?

The Difference(s) Between Self-Worth and Self-Esteem

Self-worth and self-esteem are often used interchangeably, yet within the sphere of psychology, they are arguably different and liable to be diametrically opposed.

Self-esteem can be understood as an internal assessment of our own qualities and attributes – both physical and otherwise. Self-esteem therefore may determine how worthy we may feel.

Conversely, self-worth is the understanding that irrespective of how you may appraise your internal and external traits or feel about yourself, you are of value and have an innate worth by virtue of simply being you (Woolfe, S).

In practice, having a strong sense of self-worth dictates that despite inevitable fluctuations in self-esteem (as some days you’re the sumo, while other days you’re the loincloth), you recognise that you are still valuable.

The Dangers of Investing in the Depreciating Asset of Appearance

Multiple studies conclude that singularly deriving self-worth from appearance and appearance based- approval from others has a direct correlation with reduced image satisfaction, increased body-image discontent, and increased body surveillance (Overstreet, N & Quinn, D. 2012, Abstract)- thereby potentially leading to disturbed eating patterns and/ or a disordered relationship with exercise.

This negative self-esteem or self-worth may arise from the discord between conflicting aspects of the self – e.g. the “idealised self” versus the “real-self”. The larger the discrepancy the lower one’s sense of self-worth and esteem (Ibid. p.360)

Fundamentally, we may devalue ourselves based on the ways in which we view ourselves through the potential judgment of others.
Despite being an internal evaluation, self-esteem is often founded on external attributes – such as appearance, and our self-esteem often influences the extent to which we deem ourselves valuable.

Consequently, self-worth and/ or self-esteem that hinges on appearance alone denies us every other life-affirming or vital activity/ interaction that could positively enhance our life and add value to our existence and everyday experiences. This is evidenced by the 67% of women between the ages of 15-64 surveyed worldwide who agreed that appearance concerns caused them to avoid social engagements / connection (e.g. meeting friends, dating, going to work, visiting the doctor) (Calogero, R et al. 2007, Abstract).

Rewriting our Personal Price Tag – Building Self-Love and Self-Worth

So how can we positively re-write our own personal price-tag and seek to maintain value when the market of self-esteem fluctuates?

Oddly enough, to increase our self-worth and value, we need to move beyond metrics.

We need to do away with what is measurable and look for what is truly meaningful.

Subtract Comparison & Add Bodily Connection

Body acceptance and self-love are by no means vanity or narcissism, but the ability to express love for your body/ appearance – even if you are not fully satisfied or comfortable with all aspects of your appearance.

It is the acknowledgement that you have innate and inherent value just by virtue of being you and the knowledge that deviation from societal beauty norms does not decrease how much you are worth.

Self-acceptance arises from removing self-judgement and comparison (i.e. “she is prettier than me” or seeking to “be more attractive than others”) and instead entails loving the body for what it can do and the connection it offers to others (e.g. shared ethic heritage) (Tylka, T & Wood Barcalow, N. 2015, p.122) and the recognition that you are more than your body.

Studies suggest that shifting our self-worth from focusing on bodily appearance to embodied experience or “connected embodiment” (e.g. experience of engaging body with world) (Ibid) enables us to better counter body-shaming dialogues (Ibid) and fully appreciate our existence aside from our external appearance.

Moreover, the concept of body functionality (i.e. focusing on what the body can do – such as one’s fitness, dexterity, capability, etc) also offers a way to paradoxically become more aware of our body’s functionality to move away from simply self-objectifying and being a body alone.

A strong sense of self-worth and associated practices that foster self-value, have been shown to protect both physical and mental health – if not offer resilience or protection against poor body-image (Snapp, S et al. 2012, p. 212)

Conversely, evidence suggests that a basing your sense of self-worth on your appearance is linked to a range of internalised mental disorders (e.g. eating disorders, anxiety, depression, etc) and externalised disturbances (e.g. substance abuse, violence, self-harm, etc) (Mann, M et al. 2004, p.357).

Subtract Social Ideals & Add Self-Care

Now this isn’t to say that appearance isn’t or cannot be a factor that contributes to our sense of self-worth, but instead we should seek to foster what researchers have termed “adaptive appearance investment”.

This concept can be understood as appearance-related self-care (e.g. personal grooming) that showcase personal style and personality – it makes the internal external and enhances one’s own features as opposed to seeking to alter them to fit social conditioned appearance ideals (Tylka, T & Wood Barcalow, N. 2015, p.123).

Instead, these appearance-based benefits may be viewed as acts of kindness towards the self and manifestation of the understanding that appearance-based acts of self-care are necessarily a way to improve your appearance for others, but a way to nurture and respect yourself.

What to Withdraw and Deposit in Your Self-Worth Bank Balance:

Self-esteem is the fragile internal appraisal of yourself, whereas self-worth is the knowledge that, despite your own (potentially scathing) evaluation, you are still worthy and have inherent value by virtue of being you.

Self-worth based on attributes beyond the important is an important protective factor against poor body-image, self-destructive behaviours, and associated mental and physical ramifications

Self-worth can be built and better fostered through the practice of self-love/ acceptance and self-care.

Appearance can still be a determining component of self-worth, through the act of adaptive appearance investment.

Source: https://embodyhealthlondon.com/subtr...nd-appearance/