I pray 5 times a day and try to be good every day, staying away from haram..etc but I find it very difficult to read Quran (English, I do not know Arabic) or watch Islamic talks. The Quran has repetitive themes I agree with. Pray, do not commit haram, be good to your parents, protect yourself from hell..etc. so it feels like "I am not the audience"..
I don't feel motivated to read or learn more. How can I get rid of the bad thoughts or feelings?
I was reading about Hagar, I think is the right name, and the ebook I was reading said she was the first lady to use a girdle..but I had the thought of "so what, who cares?".
How do I avoid these intrusive thoughts?
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As Salam Alekum, ask yourself this, have you read the entire Quran multiple times? If so, surely you could find at least 10 lessons you could implement in your life. It seems like you are reading bits and not understanding the context behind them. I would recommend reading "Tafsir Ibn Kathir" which is a transliteration of the Quran and it explains the meaning of the verses in depth providing context. Perhaps if you read the entire quran multiple times in English over the period of a few months you will realise you can relate to many verses as they apply to everyone in different ways. Sometimes you may see a verse and think how does this benefit me? But it may benefit your brother and sister in ways which you can never understand until you see their situation and how that verse helps them.
Another point, please try to get rid of your thoughts when it comes to "Who cares?" about such and such verse. This is disrespectful because it is Allah's direct words and I know you had no bad intentions either way but it is better to have a clean mind. You should see different surah names and see what interests you, then listen to talks speciically about that surah to understand what it truly means and why Allah sent it down. Allah did not send random words down just cause He felt like it rather each letter has a meaning and it is connected to a group of words in different verses and surahs that all provide the formula on how to live life and make it to Jannah. Combine this with hadith books such as Sahih Bukhari and Sahih Muslim and insha Allah you will be more interested in the deen.
Try making new muslim friends online or in person as this will help you engage in group acitivies which will increase the chances of you falling in love with this amazing religion. I ask Allah to make it easy for you and to turn your heart towards the truth.
May Allah bless you and Jazak Allah Khair for reading.
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