Happiness

**minime7** · 05-24-2006

salam friends,
i was just wonderin if any1 cud giv me sum advice, its abt my sister in law the thing is shes been married to my brother for 3 yrs now and they have 3 children, but ever since she entered our family shes had an argument with each and every1 of us but we try to make an effort becoz we love our brother but i haven't seen him happy in a very long time actually since they married. now the problem is she accuses my parents of trying to brain wash my brother into being mean to her, but thats not the case. my brothers got a house (bcoz thats wot she wanted)and his doing it up but she still doesn't seem to be happy. shes always saying that she can't wait to leave and that shes gona make sure she has nothing to do with us. my brothers stuck in the middle only we want whats best for him and when he was considering a divorce we all told him that he should try wot eva he can to save the marriage like Islam says, but i'm afraid we're gona lose our brother and nieces and i love them so much but i want them to have the chance to ake a go of their family. the way i feel towards my sister in law is a way i've never felt like towards any1 else and i know its hatred, but i can't help it shes hurt the people i love so much. i thought praying everytime this feeling came up would make it disappear I hate feeling like this towards a person, wot can i do to stop this feeling? and how do i keep her from taking my brother away from our family?

**Mawaddah** · 05-24-2006

Oh I'm sorry to hear your story sis
I'm not in a place to say who's wrong or right since I only know what you wrote here, but what your sister in law is doing towards your parents and family is extremely un islamic.

When a girl goes to her husbands family, she is to treat his family ,and his parents especially, just the same as how she would treat her family back home. She's not to disrespect them in anyway.....especially her parents in law. It's only from good Islamic etiquette and manners that she should treat her husbands parents the same way she wants him to treat hers isn't it?

And also about her complaining of the house etc. Rasululllah sallallahu alaihi wa sallam said that most of Hell fires inhabitants will be women. When asked why, what did he answer? He peace be upon him said " Because when they get angry with their husbands they say, I have never seen a good from you " And in another Hadeeth He peace be upon him said "Because they (women) complain excessively, and because they are ungrateful towards the Husbands "

Has your husband tried educating his wife in an Islamic way? Because it IS his responsibility to educate his wife islamically.....if a person isn't educated according to Islam, how is he/she to act according to Islamic rulings? If your brother hasn't been giving her the education his wife is due, then he is partly to blame for her attitude also.

I would suggest you and your family not to engage in unnecessary arguments with her, as the Ulama also said that arguments are a waste of time, what more if they are for pointless reasons, maybe you should try to bring her some Quranic ayats and Hadeeth mentioning the behaviour of a muslim woman and wife Insha'allah, and also encourage your brother to educate her towards this way.

As for your feelings towards her......Well......It's only natural sis....that we would feel angry towards someone who hurt our loved ones , but in Islam we are encouraged to forgive, Remember what Umar ibn al-Khattab said? ( is it him? I'm not really sure, but I think it's him ) He said if your brother wronged you in any way, then do not blame him for it, but rather look for 70 excuses for this action of his, and if you still cannot find an excuse, then blame yourself "
Not to say that you must blame yourself for her actions, but I"m just suggesting that maybe there can be some give and take in the situation?

Lastly just continue to make Du'a sis....and never despair, Allah rewards those who are patient Insha'allah

**Kidman** · 05-24-2006

see a counselor, i heard that helps a lot of families and if it's a possibility of it working then you should give it a shot...

Kidman

**Kittygyal** · 05-24-2006

salam.
sis i understand your in a situation which you don't know what to do and you are brave to come forward and want other people's advice and you want a communiction sis you have the right to be sharing this with thers and i will help you in every way i can

now sis by reading the above lemination you give us i really fell down for that and to be honest if i was in your position never the doubt i'll feel the same we all know we love our love ones, and your brother is the same blood as yours i do understand and i know he is from your family but sis you need to think do i want to put my self in to this?? is this going to get worse for them?? you always need to think back to the aspiration and put it all togther, sis all i can say they have been having a very bad time and i know you feel upset cause he's your brother but think about he has got children and a wife now maybe you need to pray for her and like you still do and you should always stand up for your self and just humuliate and loosen all the actions and the talk. sis to stop this feeling you have to think about the future and always think on the bright side sis cause when i lost my mum it was very hard for me and when i heard i have got a step dad a couldn't believe that cause you feel the sorrow but you need to always think on the bright side and say to your self ''i don't want to put my self in this'', if you put your self in this it will be hard to get your self out cause with all things jumping up and bracking you can feel the humour.
now sis i will advice you to carry on praying for both of them and just don't get into all of this, also sis all of this is going to be sorted by gods will you just need to be patient and wait.

i hope everything goes well for you and may god make their life easier for them both

sis if you want to refer back to what i have said please do so

w.salam