Any married brothers here?

Well yes, I was thinking of ways to get back to her family. But I've had that most days... I was hoping for a clear dream?

Dreams during the proposal a few months ago, included me married to different women.

The timeline of events were, I said "yes" unnofficially, then one of my parents raised objections (due to things that aren't her fault) and her family wanted slightly more than I budgetted for and a wedding different to what I had planned. That's when the doubts started happening. A relative told me that maybe that was my answer to istikhara then.

However, I was reluctant to say no... I mean again, thinking will I find someone like her again? Who will like me again? Eventually all the family agreed to her, just one of my parents was against it, but they were willing to go along with everyone else. I still hadn't resolved my own feelings, and stalled things, telling my family not to call her family for the official proposal yet. However, her family were aware that finally my objecting parent was now ok with it, and I even heard that some of her family had bought wedding items (nothing major) . They were expecting things to go ahead now...

She contacted me one day, doubts, she was worried that I didn't really want her and that she was just someone that came along. I told her that she met my requirements (which she did) and I liked her and that did she like me, and she said yes.

Then one day at work, I thought, "what the hell, just do it!". Called my parents to tell them to go ahead with it, and that's when they asked "was I 100%?". I said "no, 50/50, but it will all be ok after marriage..." and so on. Ofcourse one of my parents was biased, being against her from the beginning and they were saying you have to be 100%. They even said maybe it's my "fate"/intuition? warning me against her. Is that superstition and islamically ok concept? After that conversation with my parent, I contacted her family and cancelled things (with a generic reason) .

Even after then I was still 50/50 and passed a message to her to give me some time to sort things out. She said ok and she'll wait, she was very upset as you can understand. Her family to console her may have told her otherwise, to get over it and move on etc.

OK, when I did istikhara prior to initiating divorce, I had a dream. But it wasn't the dream alone that hinted at what lies ahead. When I awoke, I felt from the bottom of my soul that a divorce will happen. That's what I meant about the feeling after waking up.

A good feeling indicates positivity and vice versa.

But there's something else.... Your gut instinct. What's it telling you?
Say if you didn't have that dilemma about needing a second wife, do you feel you will be happy with this girl? The 2nd wife thingy isn't your instint, but something you think you may want. Pretend that thought doesn't exist and you only want to marry one.

Now focus on your instincts about this one and see if they say you will be happy in this marriage. It should be a feeling you get all over, that refuses to go away. That's instinct. Like a little whisper in your head.

What are your instincts saying?

Soon to be married i will get back to you with some advice .

May Allah grant you and Zubair bro a happy marriage life...ameen.

But you can still tell the brother if you think you'll be happy with just one wife?

The married brothers are very happy to have only one wife. You will never hear a married brother thinking to take another wife.

Only those who are not married are thinking like you BUt once married you will see how much work you will have with one woman and you will even forget to take another one.

I can show you how many responsabilities do you have toward your wife, if you wish

I think if I marry her, I do feel I will be happy inshallah.

I think I may find someone "better" looking (as I'm sure she can), but like her no...

The times I've met her I felt good. But away from her felt the doubts/uncertainty.

format_quote Originally Posted by Anonymous Tester

I think if I marry her, I do feel I will be happy inshallah.

I think I may find someone "better" looking (as I'm sure she can), but like her no...

The times I've met her I felt good. But away from her felt the doubts/uncertainty.

What kind of doubts? Can you be a bit more specific?

Thank God I'm not a counsellor in real life, I'd be ringing up clients to see how they're doing! They'd probably need counselling to get over my counselling!

u know u both r rite....muslimah sis wants him to get his answer in an easier way..and she's rite...i dont see the reason y the brothers here wont answer anonymous's question...

i can't believe someone finally answered...i appreciate it Limitless...on anonymous's behalf

Interesting....?

Would you really mind if he did that when you were 40+?

I seemed to have received quite an adamant message from her, that it's not meant to be

Hey bro, don't be sad. Everything happens for the best inshaAllah. Life's full of let downs but that's not bad, because every experience is a learning experience.

Make duaa to Allah to find you a pious loving wife whom you'll be pleased with.

And a big thank you to all the brothers who replied.

what makes me feel really bad is she said something that makes me feel like an oppressor/rapist

format_quote Originally Posted by Anonymous Tester

what makes me feel really bad is she said something that makes me feel like an oppressor/rapist

If that's the case, then don't waste your energy feeling bad cuz of someone who didn't understand you. Not worth it. Allah has got someone better in store for you inshaAllah.

Marriage life just waste of life

Why do you say that Demonic bro?

salam,
am married whats your problemo :X me not a boy hehehe if ya want me to i will
Ma'assalama

not only that... I think she's getting married mashallah so quick, just 1 and a half months after me...