My baby died

Bint Abdusattar,

My heart goes out to you in your grief. No person who has not been where you are can ever understand your experience. And even those who have been there, cannot tell you that you shuold grieve in the same way they have. Each of us has our own way to grieve, and any grief that allow you to express what you are feeling on the inside is an appropriate form of grief.

I am a Christian pastor and spend a lot of time with grieving people. I do not think there is a right or a wrong way to grieve. Some people burying it, and I do not think that is particularly helpful for them, for I see it erupting in other places in their lives where they are next expecting it to show itself, and then it is more difficult to deal with there because they have to first understand that it is a result of incomplete grief. So, get up and make your husband breakfast if this blesses him, for he needs love too, but also be honest with him that you are still grieving and hurting on the inside. From what you have said, my guess is that your husband is too, and he just doesn't know how to express it, so he chooses not to deal with it as his way of dealing with it.

How long should you grieve? I find that most people grieve for about 1-2 years. I don't mean that they have no joy for two years, but that they carry the emotion with them for about that length of time. Some are less, some are more. My own mother lost two babies before I was born. I am now 50, and in a heart-to-heart with my mother recently I discovered that she still thinks of these children that she lost. It does not control her life, and that can be the test as to whether you are dealing with grief well or not. If your feelings take control over your life, then perhaps you need to get some counseling. This is true whether you have deep unconsolable grief, or walk around faking that everything is wonderful when in truth it is not. But for the first couple of months, I think I should not worry about it, and just experience the feeling and own that you do feel how you feel.

Beyond that, I expect that your feelings will remain very much raw for sometime, but you ought also to be able to find some hope and good news in life at the same time. Don't force it. Let it come naturally. It will. Just give it time, and then some more time.

format_quote Originally Posted by pridefulmuslim

what does that mean?

U recite diz wen a person diez as a muslim....I dnt knw wat u say 2 n non- muslim....i 4gtton.. all i knw there a dua 4 dat... Ma bad

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Inalilahi waina ilaihi rajioon.. i knw hw it feel 2 lose ur loved 1z.......Coz ma cozin sista was in labour a week erly n she had high blood pressure... She cudnt tyk da pain....she had a minor stroke n no1/ nor did she realise.. aftawrds her water brke.. she waz den tken in2 hospital...Da doctor den decided 2 giv her a c-section becoz da baby was ova average weight... Half way thrgh ma sista jst gave up..... Da sad bit waz dat she knew dat she wsnt gnna live becoz da dy b4 she tld me dat she had a dream n she dreamt abt a house a beautifull house. n she saw dada n dadee dey were syn 'welcome'.....Dat was her exact wrdz..Itz waz so freaky..
Unfortunately she n nor did her baby cudnt mke it 2 diz wrld.....She also got lil daughter n wen Zara saw her mum wrapped up in a white clothes she was syn "y is amma asleep, y she desnt wake up"..... it cudnt hold ma tearz in any longa i jst brst out cryn... stupid me... She dan realised......She relli brave thgh...so much lik her mum...
But it waz so weird durin her Janadah we usauly get da body in2 da house.. her face was glowing Allahumdulilah......
But as ever1 elez has metioned dat ur baby (Fatimah) is in Jannah.......Ever1 has 2 go 1 day....Allah does everi fng 4 da best.......Wat eva iz written in our destiny is decide by Allah all mighty....

May Allah reuntied u N ur partner wiv ur child in Jannah....InshALLAH....
Jst mke sure u n ur partner hve faith in ALLAH n hve dat strng bond between each otha....
U Also hve everi1z dua frm diz forum (minez)

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