I am a procrastinator in virtually everything I do. Unfortunately this also holds true to my deen. I know I could die at any time when I least expect it and that only Allah knows when my time will come. Even so I remain doing sinful acts just hoping that day is far off so I can get my act together.
The other day an appointment was made for me to go under surgery during the second day of Feburary. I am of course going to be put under using Anesteshia. After learning a couple days prior to making the appointment I was informed that there is a chance (albiet low, but any chance is still high...) that I won't wake up.
So here I will be in a situation where one second I will be on a bed, and the next I will see angels flying down and my eyes full of tears. Every night I tear up thinking about how much I have sinned and how quickly that date is coming up. I have become such a hypocrite because of my lack of praying. I remember that when I first learned how to pray and learned of Muslims that didn't pray I thought, "Wow, Inshallah I will not be in that state because being a Muslim and not praying is such a bad act." Now here I am in that exact situation with no excuse. I mean of course my time could be tomorrow or later tonight, I do aknowledge that.
I've been worrying so much every night and day and I don't know what to do.
Walakam Salam.
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39: 53. Say: "O 'Ibâdî (My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allâh, verily Allâh forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.
54. "And turn in repentance and in obedience with true Faith (Islâmic Monotheism) to your Lord and submit to Him, (in Islâm), before the torment comes upon you, then you will not be helped.
You have been given a chance to repent from Allaah, so repent, and do good deeds, and remain steadfast upon Islam not until the operation, but until your death, because that surgery might not be death. So right now, repent to Allaah. The Messenger of Allah said:
All the sons of Adam are sinners and the best among the sinners are those who repent.’(Ahmad and others)
Listen to this lecture Insha'Allah, its very beneficial :
it's a good thing that you think this way your a muslim that knows he/she has areas he/she needs to work on in order to please Allah swt and that's good, Bro/Sis focus on the positive things in your life and draw strength from it,try to examine what it was that motivated you in the beginning
-Family?
-was it your friends?
-the mindset wich i'm also suffering from; i will die when i'm 90?
realise the fact that anything can happen to you as you walk out of the hospital after a succesfull operation, don't let the fear of death consume you brother/sister reject it just like my friends mother rejected it when she was told the operation could kill her, and she survived
many people close to you will draw strength from your bravery be strong!! may Allah swt make life easier for you Insha-allah
i was gonna reply to this but then i thought... i'll do it later or tomorrow. hehe. sorry.
yeah look it is a problem i think we all face, our nafs and shaitan make it easy to say 'do it tomorrow' but we have the biggest weapon againt them which is tawbah.
sincerely turn to Allah and make repentence and it is like you are starting again and then really start again. start as you mean to go on and if you fail and fall down again and start leaving things again then turn to Allah again and repent and he forgive you and before you know it you will have turned your life around insha'allah
Thank you all so much for all of your help. Inshallah Allah will make the Day of Judgement easier for you as you have helped me when I was in distress. Thank you all so much. Inshallah on the Day of Judgement everyone here on this board will be under the shade for loving their brother and sister.
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