(here it is lolwateva)---the story of my mum.

**sevgi** · 01-19-2007

well...growing up ive always heard of how important it is to respect our mums and not even say "oofff" to them...ive always heard of how the heavens are under her feet(symbolic obviously)...but i cant come to accept it.

there are all these stories about how u cannot ever repay ur mum no matter what...she carried u for nine months blah blah blah...

well...i need help on this topic.i doubt there is anyone out there u can understand me properly or who will give me sufficing advice but i jst want to try.

my mum is different. she gave birth to me and let me off.and i was 2months prematurely born so she only carried me 7months..i will not go into the privacies of my family but i did not have the best childhood. in fact, i did not have a childhood. i was brought up practically by myself. sure she changed my nappy and breastfed me(not for too long). growing up, she never ever talked to me, explained anything to me, taught me anything a mum shud.ive never heard a sweet voice come out of her. nothing.even now, i never speak to her. whn i do, she kills me with her words. she never loved me and tells me this. u wont believe it but it is true. she never hugged me or kissed me.she embraces my younger siblings though, she just doesnt do it to me.when i ask why, she said that i was born at a hard time and she didnt want me so she hates me for it.

its hard growing up without love and emotions from ur parents. i wud make myself throw up at nights wen i was a child just so my mum cud come near my bed.and now? ive moved out into a religious bording house. i cant live in a house which sheds hatred towards me.

the worst part is, she justr duznt care,i cry all the time but she duznt care at all.in her eyes, she has done nothing wrong and because i pray 5times a day (elhamdulillah)she thinks its because of her and says, that is enough for me...i ahve done my part.

Allah teaches some poeple by setting their parents a role models. Allah set my parents as opposites and taught me the hard way. elhamdulillah i was smart enough to see the truth shining through all the hardships.i cannot explain it but please understand that it is so much more complex and crazy than jst this.this stuff sounds funny, like a teenager complaining about her mum not letting her go shopping.but its not like that...

is heaven really under the feet of mothers like this?do i really owe her any rights(hakk) or does she owe rights to me?what do i do with her...(plaese dnt say 'duas')

jazakallah khayr...

**lolwatever** · 01-19-2007

salams sis

Subhanallah it's really a sad case, i know of people who go through similar things believe it or not...

it was of comfort to them whent hey heard the hadith about the pesronw ho came to prophet n told him

"i greet them, i help them, i smile to them and i do this n the other for them, and they respond to me with enemity, hatred, unappreciation, what do i do to them?"

The prophet replied: "If you are doing what you say, then keep it up, you are throwing hot sand in their faces".

That's the best way to handle it sis, coz really, getting angry just makes you feel worse, being happy can only put you in a position of power.

perhaps through your behaviour and patience Allah will guide her and you'll get a carbon copy of all her reards

take care all the best sis!

**SilentObserver** · 01-19-2007

Hi Sumeyye,
I know there is nothing that I can say that will help you or make you feel better. Especially coming from a kafir, I know many muslims don't care what I think. But I just want you to know that I am saddened by your story, and hope that you can feel peace and find love. It is awful to grow up without the love of one's mother. Every child should feel loved and secure.
The love of a mother cannot be replaced, and effects a person's entire life. This may be of no value to you, but some people in your situation find elder people in their church or family that they can spend time with that can mentor them. Often these relationships grow into a strong friendship similiar to that one might have with a parent. Of course it is not the same, but it can help.
I am sorry for you.

***charisma*** · 01-19-2007

Assalamu Alaikum

subhanallah, I know somewhat what you are going through, I can't say completely because Allah gives us each our own burdens to carry, however despite all of this (yes, I'll sound crazy saying this) but treat her as if you do feel love from her. Respect her, do as she asks you to do, etc etc, like bro lolli said, it'd be as if you're throwing hot sand in her face. Allah is Just sis. Sometimes when people are used to disliking someone for so long, its difficult for them to show compassion or any affection after they realize they were in the wrong the whole time. Unfortunately, this is a disease of the arrogant heart. It does come out eventually, but if you give her any reasons to hate you, it takes a very long time.

You may think your mother has not done anything for you and as you said you raised yourself, but you raised yourself by using the trackings of her mistakes. Only Allah knows the burden of each one of his slaves. Your mother must have a burden that she is carrying on her own and she probably doesn't know how to deal with it in a rational way.

is heaven really under the feet of mothers like this?do i really owe her any rights(hakk) or does she owe rights to me?what do i do with her...(plaese dnt say 'duas')

You must treat her as Allah commanded us to do in the Quran and ask Allah to forgive her and cleanse her heart from this disease. You cannot control what she does, so whether she owes you anything or you owe her anything, the dues will be recieved and given on the day of Judgement inshallah. Work righteously as you were commanded to do and the rest will take care of itself inshallah. If you truly feel you are doing everything in your power to try to recieve her love then leave the rest of it to Allah, so yea do make du'a (even though I know you didn't want to hear that). We, as your brothers and sisters, only have the power to make du'a and pray for your mothers guidance, the rest of it is in the hands of Allah.

fi aman Allah
w'salaam

**sevgi** · 01-19-2007

thank u...but its really hard to do wat u guys are advising.im no prophet and i have a heart which is broken.i donno...

**lolwatever** · 01-19-2007

Originally Posted by sumeyye

thank u...but its really hard to do wat u guys are advising.im no prophet and i have a heart which is broken.i donno...

sis i know what its like when you've adopted a certain attitude to the matter and it almost becomes impossible to change once you've been like that for more than a year or two...

1. my advise is... soften up gradually... like for example say salams often, when she enters the room, when you see her etc... doesn't have to be with hugs and kisses if you're not use to that... but even just a plain 'asalam alaikum..' is good enough..

2.a few weeks later the fact that she's replying always will definately break up some ice... plug in a smile with your salams... ask 'do u need help with that btw?' .. say things like 'jazakilah khayr' for even lil things she does..

after that i can guarentee you ice will start breaking at a faster rate... and thigns will occur 2 u naturally inshalah....

trust me it works, i know what its like, tested it.. and it sure does work

afterall the prophet did say 'shall i teach you something, tha tif you do, will spread love amongst you?', they said 'yes', he said 'spread salams amongst urselves'

(its in nawawi i think)

all the best!

tc salams

***charisma*** · 01-19-2007

Assalamu Alaikum

aww sweetie, its going to be hard, no one said it'll be easy. Make your intentions go towards doing it for the sake of Allah. It's hard but not impossible. I'm not judging you or anything, but right now it seems your iman is low. Allahu a'lem, but hun if you need anything that you can't get from a human being, then you turn towards Allah. He'll take care of all your needs when you need him.

The love of a mother is very precious, but we can't control her heart. Allahu a'lem what's inside of it.

If you need me sweetz, I'm right here inshallah. I'm sorry that I can't help much, but May Allah help you with all that I can't help you with and with all that you need help with ameen.

Have patience. If Allah brought you to it, He'll walk you through it.

You are in my du'as hun.

Fi aman Allah
w'salaam

**IbnAbdulHakim** · 01-19-2007

theres a lecture on the rights of the child upon the parents aswell, subhanAllaah, the parents HAV to take care of the child and teach the child about islaam.

Its not too late though, subhanAllaah i know its hard but what if your mother starts embracing you now? would that make a difference for you?

bah wheres all your cousins n stuff?? i woulda definitly spoken up if i knew anyone close to me in that situation!!!

**sevgi** · 01-19-2007

Originally Posted by IbnAbdulHakim

theres a lecture on the rights of the child upon the parents aswell, subhanAllaah, the parents HAV to take care of the child and teach the child about islaam.

Its not too late though, subhanAllaah i know its hard but what if your mother starts embracing you now? would that make a difference for you?

bah wheres all your cousins n stuff?? i woulda definitly spoken up if i knew anyone close to me in that situation!!!

my family is very broken up..all my dads sid eis in turkey...my mums sis is here but lives alone in the city...doesnt want to be married, one of my uncles died and my other uncle is lost...their kids are all small. my cuzn from my dead uncle doesnt really see us coz they have a new life...my older bro left hoem when he was ten yrs old...so family is just a blur for me...i dnt really no what that is.

would it make a difference now? no.my persdonality has already been developed. im the exact opposite of my mum in every sense.shes cold blooded, i hug n kiss everyone, shes anti social...im a social humbug.etc...its just that, she wasnt there when i needed a mum.i can take care of myself now.i ahve for the past eight years.ive been like a house wife, a mum ofr my lil bro n sis...i carry my family...its weird. Allah gives me the patience..its just.now...i can see what ive missed out on.i can feel the blanks. they come out in everything that i try to accomplish. i can see it everywhere.but noone will understand or see these but me. i mean, its not easy being a teenager without a mum.at my bording house, we have cookn days and my frends call up their mums and get recipies and blah blah...i feel so lonely.i know how to cook but i just want...like my frends have become frendz with their mums coz were reached a certain age...like...they always say "my mum i smy best frend...i dnt no wat i wud do without her..." and like...i dno.wateva.

thanks bros n sis's.
tc salamz.

**Snowflake** · 01-19-2007

SubhanAllah, I really feel for you sis. It seems your mom suffered from post-natal depression which never was treated. She simply wasn't able to bond with you for whatever reason. Please don't treat her misgivings as her faults but as an illness instead.

And you know what sis, our childhood shapes us into the adults we become. And look at you mashaAllah. You've turned out so kind and loving. You've become the epitome of something you yearned for yourself. You know first hand what it feels like not to have felt loved by your mother and when you have childen of your own, you will love them exactly like you wanted to be loved. It is the same with me hun.

Once you were like a piece of rough diamond sis. But the cuts and knocks you received chipped you into the shining gem you are today.

.
You asked if your mother still has rights. I will say yes to that. Remember the story about the Jewish woman who used to throw garbage on the Prophet? The prophet still fulfilled her rights when he visited her when she was ill. So no matter how your mother has treated you, you mustn't forego her rights.
Allah will compensate you for every loss you've unjustly suffered. You are a better and stronger person so embrace your mother with all her faults and believe me, one day sis, she will realise all the wrongs she has done to you.

Don't give up sis. Keep doing your duty and showing your kindness to your mother. There's a saying we have in urdu, which roughly translates into, "There may be delay in Allah's house, but never injustice." That is true sis. I wish you much much peace and happiness inshaAllah. May Allah shower His blessings on you always. Ameen.

(((million hugs)))

muslimah_sis

**Re.TiReD** · 01-19-2007

sister...to be deprived of love from the one person who should give it you regardless of anything that may have happened in the past is one nasty blow

nothing can make up for the lost childhood but Allah maybe it was Allah's will, we just never know the wisdom behind anything he does but now you've got it all sorted in your head maybe you could talk to your siblings...about childhood experiences and maybe you could take comfort from them Insha'Allah.

maybe your mother suffered from depressionw hen you were born and that too can be terrible for a mother, try talking to her over the phone insha'Allah. A mother-daughter bond ought to be one of the strongest there is.

I'll be praying for you sister, take care

**glo** · 01-19-2007

Originally Posted by sumeyye

well...growing up ive always heard of how important it is to respect our mums and not even say "oofff" to them...ive always heard of how the heavens are under her feet(symbolic obviously)...but i cant come to accept it.

there are all these stories about how u cannot ever repay ur mum no matter what...she carried u for nine months blah blah blah...

well...i need help on this topic.i doubt there is anyone out there u can understand me properly or who will give me sufficing advice but i jst want to try.

my mum is different. she gave birth to me and let me off.and i was 2months prematurely born so she only carried me 7months..i will not go into the privacies of my family but i did not have the best childhood. in fact, i did not have a childhood. i was brought up practically by myself. sure she changed my nappy and breastfed me(not for too long). growing up, she never ever talked to me, explained anything to me, taught me anything a mum shud.ive never heard a sweet voice come out of her. nothing.even now, i never speak to her. whn i do, she kills me with her words. she never loved me and tells me this. u wont believe it but it is true. she never hugged me or kissed me.she embraces my younger siblings though, she just doesnt do it to me.when i ask why, she said that i was born at a hard time and she didnt want me so she hates me for it.

its hard growing up without love and emotions from ur parents. i wud make myself throw up at nights wen i was a child just so my mum cud come near my bed.and now? ive moved out into a religious bording house. i cant live in a house which sheds hatred towards me.

the worst part is, she justr duznt care,i cry all the time but she duznt care at all.in her eyes, she has done nothing wrong and because i pray 5times a day (elhamdulillah)she thinks its because of her and says, that is enough for me...i ahve done my part.

Allah teaches some poeple by setting their parents a role models. Allah set my parents as opposites and taught me the hard way. elhamdulillah i was smart enough to see the truth shining through all the hardships.i cannot explain it but please understand that it is so much more complex and crazy than jst this.this stuff sounds funny, like a teenager complaining about her mum not letting her go shopping.but its not like that...

is heaven really under the feet of mothers like this?do i really owe her any rights(hakk) or does she owe rights to me?what do i do with her...(plaese dnt say 'duas')

jazakallah khayr...

You are in my prayers, sumeyye.

Please don't let your mother's attitude towards you affect how you see yourself.
Human love and affection can only ever be a very poor copy of the love God has for us. No matter how your mother treats you, God himself loves you more than you can ever comprehend!
I pray that in you own heart you will know this to be true.

Peace

**syilla** · 01-19-2007

your story remind me of the sahabah stories....on how bad their mother treated them after converted to islam...and even disowned them because of it.

Maybe some one could share with us the stories.

**IbnAbdulHakim** · 01-19-2007

ye its sad havin a broken family, well hey it may not help but seriously its jus dunya inshaAllaah right, u have a hard life now den i pray inshaAllaah that you get a place near da prophet saws, who knows maybe Allaahs strengthened you more then any of us, perhaps he loves you far more too.... perhaps you are the one WE should be envying... im really starting to think now!!

**sevgi** · 01-21-2007

i cant believe it...u guys actually helped...

jazakallah hayrun...

May Allah grant all of us peace and blessings in this world and the next.
Ameen!!!

**lolwatever** · 01-21-2007

Originally Posted by sumeyye

i cant believe it...u guys actually helped...

jazakallah hayrun...

May Allah grant all of us peace and blessings in this world and the next.
Ameen!!!

wa iyakum, let us know the good news inshalah!

tc

**umm aymin** · 01-22-2007

salaams sister sumaye, may Allah Ta'aala grant you the strength to overcome your adversity & replace it it with better. Aameen. was salaam

**IbnAbdulHakim** · 01-22-2007

Originally Posted by sumeyye

i cant believe it...u guys actually helped...

jazakallah hayrun...

May Allah grant all of us peace and blessings in this world and the next.
Ameen!!!

AMEEN!!!

ALLAHU AKBAR!!

**Bint Abdusattar** · 01-22-2007

Dear sister i will make lots of dua for you - especially duas for patience.
you have the realizations of all the wrong things that a mum can do and i hope that you have learned from them and you treat your own children - and 0ther children - in the best possible way Inshallah. Remember each person is accountable for their own self so when you stand in front of Allah, He will take into account all the hard times you endured and the fact that in the face of opression, you acted in a better way than the oppressor.
Keep making lots of duas as Allah is your best friend - and remember that this life is not even a drop in the ocean compared to the next life - and that next life is what we have to work and strive for.