Parents!! Parents !!! Concerns and Problems with (OP)
my parents are not happily married.
they do not talk to eachother and constantly fight and argue. this has started to reflect upon my siblings now. i cannot remeber a time in my life where we have been a happy family even though my mother claims we are. i feel that because i have never seen my parents show any kind of affection towards each other this has reflected greatly on me and my siblings. it has reflected on me as my best firend is the complete opposite to my father. and every day i don't want to be at home my love for my friend grows stronger. i really think now that he is the only thing keeping my alive.
my paretns' relationsip is also affecting my siblings. my brothers have begun to swear at eachother and at my parents. my mother has no real control other them even though she is trying more than she can. my father has no real part in our lives even though he lives and eats with us evryday. if there is a situation where my brothers go out of control my father would escalate the problem, while he is trying to control it.
apart from the swearing they are not really trouble unless provoken. however i do fear they are in bad friendship crowds.
i do not know why i am writing this or what i expect from this post but i would just like to conclude by saying that i do dua and thank Allah tallah for my friend as he is my life. and i also pray my parents be happy but honestly i see them at the brink of divorce.
erm i am allowed to do what i want to..when and where.....as long as i ask for permission.....alhamdulilah...
asking for permission i have no problem with that at all...alhamdulilah...
being independent its jus scares me hell out of me...lol
with trust i've been allowed to go at certain places with friends.....and that trust is obeyed..alhamdulilah....
All i hope is for my mums happiness.Shes my light.Shes my dunya.Her tears are my weakness.Her sadness breaks my heart.She is my mirror.A mirror that keeps me alive.Without her am nothing.shes my saaya.How can i leave her.I pray to Allah(swt) to keep me with her forever inshAllah.
My dad doesnt say no to me going out so long as its within limits which is cool by me. Just ma mum whos a little OTT - the only reason Im asking this question is because I was talking to a friend and its like all your friends are allowed to do whatever whenever and then theres you whos treated like a child, anyways she was like dont your parents trust you which got me thinking...
same here, my parents are a alot over-protective
my mates mum was born and bred in pakistan and she lets her go out etc, and my mum was born and bred in UK and she neva lets me go out and my mates like, ur mums born here and she dont let you...bt i think its because my mums grown up here and seh knows what can happen to people if they have too much freedom etc...shes seen it with her own eyes and she doesnt want me to turn out bad, bt then not everyone;s the same, are they? some people are sensible and know their limits and others dont care and do waht they want bt my parents dont understand that...but anyway, they all have their reasons and nothing we say or do can change them
____________________________________________
never trust anyone except Allah.
people will break your trust all the time, but your faith in Allah will never ever let you down...
My dad doesnt say no to me going out so long as its within limits which is cool by me. Just ma mum whos a little OTT - the only reason Im asking this question is because I was talking to a friend and its like all your friends are allowed to do whatever whenever and then theres you whos treated like a child, anyways she was like dont your parents trust you which got me thinking...
sis im sure countD maybe didnt mean 2annoy
but put it this way sis... suppose ur kid wanted 2 go off to some shoppingC or cinema n they're exposed to all this haram stuff, would you mind? A practisin Muslim's answer would prob be ofcourse they would.
But if its just visiting good friends etc and its all halal, then you're parents could be erring allahu alam
my mates mum was born and bred in pakistan and she lets her go out etc, and my mum was born and bred in UK and she neva lets me go out and my mates like, ur mums born here and she dont let you...bt i think its because my mums grown up here and seh knows what can happen to people if they have too much freedom etc...shes seen it with her own eyes and she doesnt want me to turn out bad, bt then not everyone;s the same, are they? some people are sensible and know their limits and others dont care and do waht they want bt my parents dont understand that...but anyway, they all have their reasons and nothing we say or do can change them
No my mum born and bred in oakistan, she doesnt know what its like being young, which is why shes the way she is, wheras all her sisters have been born n bred here and are totally oppiste to her. My dad born here, knows how it is, and is pretty cool with me doing whatever so long as its ok wit ma mum,
IB Forum Anonymous Account.
Available to those who wish to be anonymous in the Advice & Support section.
Abuse of the Anonymous System will NOT be tolerated!
And see its comments like that which especially wind me up, its not sympathy Im after, its just a genreal question, please dont talk to me like Im oppressed or something because I can assure you I am not ffended:
Since you asked for thoughts from people on the board rather than asking your parents about it directly, I assumed you actually wanted input on how to handle your situation, or thoughts on why your parents may be doing what they're doing. My intention was to learn more about your situation, not to express sympathy. I apologize for trying to be useful. I assure you I shall not make the same mistake again.
but put it this way sis... suppose ur kid wanted 2 go off to some shoppingC or cinema n they're exposed to all this haram stuff, would you mind? A practisin Muslim's answer would prob be ofcourse they would.
But if its just visiting good friends etc and its all halal, then you're parents could be erring allahu alam
all the best insh!
U know thats exactly what I was asking myself jus a little while ago. Answer would be 'Yeah Id want my kids to have an islamic upbringing but also to have fun''.
Ok mates are planning outing to manchester to do shopping, I live 2hours away, would you parents be ok with you going? Purely to have a laugh??
IB Forum Anonymous Account.
Available to those who wish to be anonymous in the Advice & Support section.
Abuse of the Anonymous System will NOT be tolerated!
Since you asked for thoughts from people on the board rather than asking your parents about it directly, I assumed you actually wanted input on how to handle your situation, or thoughts on why your parents may be doing what they're doing. My intention was to learn more about your situation, not to express sympathy. I apologize for trying to be useful. I assure you I shall not make the same mistake again.
Sorry
IB Forum Anonymous Account.
Available to those who wish to be anonymous in the Advice & Support section.
Abuse of the Anonymous System will NOT be tolerated!
U know thats exactly what I was asking myself jus a little while ago. Answer would be 'Yeah Id want my kids to have an islamic upbringing but also to have fun''.
Totally agree sis
Ok mates are planning outing to manchester to do shopping, I live 2hours away, would you parents be ok with you going? Purely to have a laugh??
never been to that place sis, but 2b perfectly honest, my friends once invited em to go out with them to similar shoppin place... (not 4 shopping!! lol) but i really really really really felt embaressed and uncomfortable with all these semi naked pictures all over the place and the amount of "stuff" going on... mind u even tho we where just walkin thru.
im nto sure if manchester is same.. but if it is, perhaps that's y ur parents are iffy about it? Perhaps if u told em u wanna go 2some other more conservative/fun place they'd b ok with it?
not tryin 2 take a go @u or nefn.. but u kno wat i mean
but sis as i said in the very first sentence of very first post
First ask whether or not Allah would allow you to go any such place, and if the answer is no, then it shouldn't matter whether you're parents care or not
think abt it carefully insh, afterall, friends can turn enemies on DOJ if they ask us to go to places which affect us and we don't say nething about it.
Hey sis your parents are just being normal parents. If anything my parents are even worse. My mum almost had a heart attack when I had to take the train by myself once.
Don't even get me started on going shopping in another city by myself lol... forget city man, they wouldn't even be cool if I'm going to another suburb! Well they have lightened up a little lately because I have to be independent to get around some places by myself, like to uni and stuff... and they don't mind me going to friends houses as long as they know who it is. When I was younger I was never allowed to go at my friends houses (probably because they were always parties I wanted to go to. ). I was never allowed to go to cinemas with freinds either... but now that I'm older and 'wiser' () i wouldn't even want to go to those places in the first place! (Haram!).
Maybe it is because I'm older now, or more mature, or simply because they know they can trust me, they have lightened up a lot, but they still don't just let me go out when I want, wherever I want with no strings attached.
Also, I know heaps of parents who let their kids go anywhere, unfortunately their kids just end up going haram places and doing haram stuff... which isn't exactly a good thing.
Do you ever think about children whose parents drink and do drugs in their presence? Parents who'd rather have their last 20 dollars spent on intoxicants rather than milk for their kids. Parents who don't give darn whether their child is warm at night or belly is full. Children whose parents have died leaving them the family's cash crop farm to look after. Children who havent reached the age of maturity but are looking after six other siblings.
Compared to the millions in this world, YOUR life is amazing, Alhamdulilah. Also, remember disobedience to your parents is disobedience to Allah swt.
"Faisbir sabran jameelan".Therefore endure with a goodly patience (70:05)
Why wouldn't you tell your parents where you're going? Unless you have something to hide there is no reason to not tell them. So what if they ask you where you're going, who you're going with and when you'll be back? They care about you and need to know in case you go missing or something happens to you. It doesn't mean that they don't trust you. If they didn't trust you they'd probably never let you out of the house.
No friend should be more important to you than your parents. I'm sure they love you more than any of your friends. I know that you're the grand old age of 22 but to them you'll always be a little girl . You're making a mountain out of a molehill.
Why wouldn't you tell your parents where you're going? Unless you have something to hide there is no reason to not tell them. So what if they ask you where you're going, who you're going with and when you'll be back? They care about you and need to know in case you go missing or something happens to you. It doesn't mean that they don't trust you. If they didn't trust you they'd probably never let you out of the house.
No friend should be more important to you than your parents. I'm sure they love you more than any of your friends. I know that you're the grand old age of 22 but to them you'll always be a little girl . You're making a mountain out of a molehill.
more importantly we should keep in mind that we should think about whether we have Allah's permission to do things before even our parents decide to agree or not
Ok mates are planning outing to manchester to do shopping, I live 2hours away, would you parents be ok with you going? Purely to have a laugh??
Sister, is it necessary to go shopping two hours away for a laugh? Women shouldn't go out unless it is necessary. I don't mean you shouldn't enjoy ourselves while you're out. But to choose a destination miles away and that for having a laugh as well, is a bit beyond me and totally unnecessary.
Trust me your mum has every right to worry. I would not even let my son go to another town unaccompanied, never mind a daughter. But the most important reason why your mum wants to restrict you is that until you are married, you are their responsilibility. She justs wants to keep you safe from fitnah and keep your honour and reputation intact.
By the sounds of it, I think you seem to have enough freedom as it is now.
You may think your parents are being harsh to you, but there just trying to look at for you. protect you. thats what parents do..Your parents where probably like that too, they had to ask there parents permission if they wanted to do something... be happy you got parents watching out for you, there are kids who ain't got parents that don't care about them, Thats why you see the kids messed up in todays society. They be stealing taking drugs and then end up dead
First of all you are not independent - you live in their house.
Secondly - it is always the eldest child battle to push the limits. You should know it by now...
I'm 23 and when I'm at my parents place, I always say (not only my parents but my brother also) where I'm going, when I'll be back and with whom. I don't consider this any limitation on my freedom. it is rather a simple courtesy - it is easier to make any plans (even with dinner!) when you know what other members of family are doing.
And i know they feel better when they know and it doesn't cost me anything, so why not?
The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned.
Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.
When you create an account, we remember exactly what you've read, so you always come right back where you left off. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and share your thoughts. Sign Up
Parents!! Parents !!! Concerns and Problems with (OP)
Quote
Re: ParentZ and ''Freedom''
ffended:
) i wouldn't even want to go to those places in the first place! 
(Haram!). 
Hide
Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.
Bookmarks