Parents!! Parents !!! Concerns and Problems with (OP)
my parents are not happily married.
they do not talk to eachother and constantly fight and argue. this has started to reflect upon my siblings now. i cannot remeber a time in my life where we have been a happy family even though my mother claims we are. i feel that because i have never seen my parents show any kind of affection towards each other this has reflected greatly on me and my siblings. it has reflected on me as my best firend is the complete opposite to my father. and every day i don't want to be at home my love for my friend grows stronger. i really think now that he is the only thing keeping my alive.
my paretns' relationsip is also affecting my siblings. my brothers have begun to swear at eachother and at my parents. my mother has no real control other them even though she is trying more than she can. my father has no real part in our lives even though he lives and eats with us evryday. if there is a situation where my brothers go out of control my father would escalate the problem, while he is trying to control it.
apart from the swearing they are not really trouble unless provoken. however i do fear they are in bad friendship crowds.
i do not know why i am writing this or what i expect from this post but i would just like to conclude by saying that i do dua and thank Allah tallah for my friend as he is my life. and i also pray my parents be happy but honestly i see them at the brink of divorce.
I am also in the same situation, my mum is born and bred in pakistan also and is very protective about me and follows the pakistani culture as children are very rarely allowed to go out in pakistan. I have seen parents who do let there sons go out often and now they're doing drugs. I am much more sensible, but I still obey my parents if they don't want me to go out.
If you think you're not doing anything wrong, then if your parents are fexible just politely tell them that you're going with good company and are not doing anything wrong or haraam. If you're still not allowed then it is your duty to obey Allah's command and respect your parents desicion. Inshallah your situation may change.
my parents are very observant on me and my siblings. we are taught to ask permission even on things like whether we could switch on the tv or play the computer. we've certain rules in this house listed say.. you've to finish homeworks, clean your room, read quran, pray etc etc before you could get what you desire. and cause those are insisted into our lives since childhood, we are used to them and wouldn't put much complaints any longer. for me, it helps us to have respect on our parents as we have to include them in anything we're going to do. (but of course, on certain things, our feelings are taken care of and we could own some decision). moderate enough i guess
as for the matter of freedom, i believe that every children is under the complete responsibility of their parents until they get married (for girls, at least). after all, parents will be held accountable of their child. i heard a hadeeth saying that a father will go to heaven if he raised and made 2 of her daughter righteous women. and we need not deny that today's world is very dangerous with tricky booby traps everywhere. if our parents are concerned of where we go, and to whom we befriend, let them be cause it's always better for them to care. if they don't, i'd wonder if they love their kids lol. nevertheless, some parents tend to be very 'open-minded' and let alone whatever their teens want to do. this is called spoiling, isn't it.. we should then congrats those who observe their own children and choose to play the safe side.
anyway, one ques for us to ponder.. what kind of parents we would be like in the future? will we care of how the environment and outer factors will influence the personality/characteristic of our child? will we feel responsible of knowing much abt them? (we might regret later if we don't)
thank you every1 4 ya contribution to the thread, I suppose Im making an issue out of something that I shouldnt really make an issue out of, hmmm I dont know..
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Hmm will probably sound like a stupid question but this question is aimed at the girls mostly although it could apply to boys too.
Just wondering, to what extent do you think parents should be allowed to tell their children what they can and cannot do?? Basically, I just hate having to ask permission from my parents to do little things like going out with mates, tooooo errr places likeeeee cinemas, shopping in other cities etc, and what especially gets to me is when they say no, especially since I am now an adult aged 22. So what do you think girls? Do you have to get permission from your parents to go out and have fun or do they consider you an adult and let you do what you want when you want?
BRO!!!!!!!!! think of it this way
We obey Allah, we Obey the messenger, and then THIRD AFTER THAT, we OBEY the PARENTS!
SubhanAllah! bro AFTER ALLAH N HIS MESSENGER COME THE PARENTS.
u kno one o the sahabi's use to not eat on the same plate as his mother just incase she reached out for the same food and he ate something she desired thus displeasing her.
Did you know another sahabi (thalabi ibn numan i think) use to always obey his mother and love him and whenever his mother would say something to him and he had not heard it he would politely nod and say he will obey and when she leaves he will ask the ones around to tell him what she said out of fear that making her repeat will displease her.
Wallahi we all especially myself need to seriously realise how important parents are....
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My tears testify that i have a heart
yet i feel me and shaytan never part
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whats up with asian parents? i mean seriously....the only courses acceptable to them are medicine, engineering, pharmacy and law.
I desperately want to study History with Arabic at SOAS. but its not good enough, I have to live out their asian dreams of having an engineer son. I can't pursue MY dream, just because they want to live their dreams through me
any advice on how to handle this?
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Have you talked to them about it, if you don't wanna study those subject's than don't. its your life you make your own decision what you wanna do. Dont try pleasing your parents doing something you don't want to. It will make them happy but not you.
Sit down and talk to them. If they don't agree with you. than just obey them . inshallah You parents just want what is best for you..
format_quote Originally Posted by Anonymous Tester
Sit down and talk to them. If they don't agree with you. than just obey them . inshallah You parents just want what is best for you..
Actually, in majority of the cases like this one, they just want what is best for them. Who says the only way to earn a decent living which supports yourself and your family is through acquiring a medicial, engineering or a law degree?
Brother, i suggest you sit down with them and talk to them properly. Let them know your aspirations and your reasons behind it. If that doesn't work, then i still think you should push your case. Maybe get somebody they listen to to reason with them or even get your form tutor to talk to them. I'm sure majority of parents just want to see their children happy.
Actually, in majority of the cases like this one, they just want what is best for them. Who says the only way to earn a decent living which supports yourself and your family is through acquiring a medicial, engineering or a law degree?
Yes that true. I think the only reason why most parents want there children to to do these subjects is because they hear other asian parents saying how there sons are doctors, engineers. and so they want the same for there child too.. They want a name. they want everyone to know there childs a doctor..
Where are the parents that say they want there children to be Alims. Hafiz of Quran. We've got enough doctors and engineers we need more alims. Knowledge of the deen is dissaperaing. Most of the youth dont even know the fard of ghusl. but they know everything else..
Inshallah yh try talking to them.. and see where it goes from there.
format_quote Originally Posted by Anonymous Tester
Where are the parents that say they want there children to be Alims. Hafiz of Quran. We've got enough doctors and engineers we need more alims. Knowledge of the deen is dissaperaing. Most of the youth dont even know the fard of ghusl. but they know everything else..
Exactly. I want to have a job that has something to do with the Deen, but what my parents dislike about it is probably they think I won't earn enough money as I would earn as a lawyer... But I don't understand it. I'll earn the most life can offer being close to the Deen...
salamualikum.
humm maybe thats how it is dearest, talk to your parents about it inshallah, May Maybe thats how they were bought up in there back days and want you to do what they did oh i dunno lol bare different to christain parents indeed.
Hope it goes all well tho Inshallah Be happy what you have sis
Ma'assalama
whats up with asian parents? i mean seriously....the only courses acceptable to them are medicine, engineering, pharmacy and law.
I desperately want to study History with Arabic at SOAS. but its not good enough, I have to live out their asian dreams of having an engineer son. I can't pursue MY dream, just because they want to live their dreams through me
any advice on how to handle this?
study islam as much as you whilst keeping them happy .
Talk to them if you really feel unhappy about it, parents are lovely people trust me
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My tears testify that i have a heart
yet i feel me and shaytan never part
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study what you want, its you thats gonna have to work at the job...
Our Lord! Verily, we have heard the call of one calling to Faith: 'Believe in your Lord,' and we have believed.
Our Lord! Forgive us our sins and expiate from us our evil deeds, and make us die (in the state of righteousness) along with Al-Abrar
This is posted on behalf of a dear sister, I hope you can help her:
My mother is pressurising my younger brother into marrying someone. He doesn't want to, as the girl in question isn't religious at all, and has no intention of following Islam properly.
Every time I protest with my brother's permission, my mother attacks me. I ask her nicely to look for another person for him, but she tears me apart. It has gotten to the point where she tells her sisters that I am worthless, and speaks ill of me to others.
I do not want to ear my mother's anger, but I don't want my brother to be forced into marriage either. Right now, whenever I call my mother she refuses to speak to me, and when she does it is only to tell me how I will go to Hell.
Please, if there are any words of advice, I will be truly grateful.
Thus when they fulfil their term appointed, either take them back on equitable terms or part with them on equitable terms; and take for witness two persons from among you, endued with justice, and establish the evidence (as) before Allah. Such is the admonition given to him who believes in Allah and the Last Day. And for those who fear Allah, He (ever) prepares a way out,
Surah At-Talaq Verse 2
and i pray that Allah makes a way out for you and your brother.
Truelly this is a test and Allah tests those he loves. My sister, i advise that you keep trying to explain to your parents perhaps with the help of members they respect (elders/imaams etc?), may Allah soften the hearts of your parents, and may he keep you strong with imaan and sabr.
Ameen
Last edited by IbnAbdulHakim; 03-17-2007 at 05:53 PM.
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My tears testify that i have a heart
yet i feel me and shaytan never part
-
I don't know, but mayb ur brother could talk to the girl n see if she can be encouraged to practise Islam,,or just talk to the girl n tell her that he does not want to marry her
Mayb the girl wouldn't want to marry a man who doesn't love her either n back out of this relationship.
I just mean if u cannot make ur mother understand u can make other and such ppl understand ur brother's feelings, who have a say and act in making this relationship.
whats up with asian parents? i mean seriously....the only courses acceptable to them are medicine, engineering, pharmacy and law.
I desperately want to study History with Arabic at SOAS. but its not good enough, I have to live out their asian dreams of having an engineer son. I can't pursue MY dream, just because they want to live their dreams through me
If you really are as desperate as you sound, the solution is simple. Medicine, pharmacy and law need top marks... just make sure your mark isn't good enough to get in! Now engineering might be a little tricky... it doesn't really need the best marks... hmm
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Parents!! Parents !!! Concerns and Problems with (OP)
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Be happy what you have sis
Now engineering might be a little tricky... it doesn't really need the best marks... hmm
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