Parents!! Parents !!! Concerns and Problems with (OP)
my parents are not happily married.
they do not talk to eachother and constantly fight and argue. this has started to reflect upon my siblings now. i cannot remeber a time in my life where we have been a happy family even though my mother claims we are. i feel that because i have never seen my parents show any kind of affection towards each other this has reflected greatly on me and my siblings. it has reflected on me as my best firend is the complete opposite to my father. and every day i don't want to be at home my love for my friend grows stronger. i really think now that he is the only thing keeping my alive.
my paretns' relationsip is also affecting my siblings. my brothers have begun to swear at eachother and at my parents. my mother has no real control other them even though she is trying more than she can. my father has no real part in our lives even though he lives and eats with us evryday. if there is a situation where my brothers go out of control my father would escalate the problem, while he is trying to control it.
apart from the swearing they are not really trouble unless provoken. however i do fear they are in bad friendship crowds.
i do not know why i am writing this or what i expect from this post but i would just like to conclude by saying that i do dua and thank Allah tallah for my friend as he is my life. and i also pray my parents be happy but honestly i see them at the brink of divorce.
you sound like my little bro. 'they want to live through me'.. they don't..they want to secure you're future in the best means possible and to them this seems to be a cushy job. my asian parents didn't pressurise me into doing one of those courses but after 1 year at uni on the course i choose i want to now study medicine. but its to late. ucas is tricky business and unless you know what you really want to do then do it becuase you won't be happy on a course you don't want to be on and this WILL refelect through your work. =)
OH MY..i just read the above post. do NOT jepordise your grades for the sake of not getting into med/law whatever. you will mess up your chances of everything else. your grades play a massive role in ucas especially if you change your mind, or you have to go through clearning. i changed my course 3 times before i started uni. inshallah i hope you really don't jepordise your grades.
Its not just asian parents, nearly all parents are like that. Because parents have 'been there, done that', they have experienced life more than we have. They try to put pressure on their kids so that their kids get jobs which will pay them well and so that they won't face financial difficulty in the future.
Trust me, if i had listened to my parents when i was younger, i wouldnt spend every waking minute of the day worrying about my Financial situation.
But allhumdulilah, my parents are very supportive, always have been and always will be. I am slowly sorting out my life, and will insha'allah be applying for the Police Force next year, which i am sure i will enjoy, and it pays well too.
But if i could turn back the hands of time ( which i can't ), i would have stopped my whinging and moaning ( hint hint ) and would listen to my parents.
Dont Mistake My Harshness For Strength And Neither Mistake My Kindness For Weakness.
I hear this quite a bit. I'm an asian panjabi. - My parents are cool. They don't dictate to me, or preach. They just ofer advice when I should require it. They didn't tell me to be a doctor or lawyer. They just said do what you feel you're good at. Great. I'm one of the lucky ones.
For the OP, I'd tell them you're going to do what you feel you're going to enjoy. (in a nice manner) and I'm sure they'll understand. - I should be thankfull my parents are not like most, and bullying.
Ėk Gusā Alhu Mėrā
The One Lord, the Lord of the World, is my God Allah.
Dhan Guru Arjan Dev Mahraaj Ji!
Kal Meh Bėḏ Atharbaṇ Hū Nā Kẖuḏā Alhu Bẖa.
In the Dark Age of Kali Yuga, the Atharva Veda became prominent; Allah became the Name of God.
Go to the sister, and tell her ur bro dont wanna marry her so get lost and find someone else.. If she dont believe you. than tell ur bro to record a message and eliver it to her.
Why doesnt ur bro justt ell his mother that he doesnt wanna marry her..
I understand in some cultures refusing to marry someone "selected" for you creates all kinds of problems, however, if your brother is forced to marry this girl, the marriage is invalid anyway, according to Islam. He cannot be forced to accept the marriage.
Regardless of the consequences, he should just simply say NO as this is unfair to both him and the girl in question. If she's not following Islam there is a good chance she can lead your brother away from Islam. So there are some far more serious issues than making mom angry. She'll get over it, inshallah.
Wishing you and your brother all the best.
Wasalam,
Hana
"Whoever is deprived of gentleness is deprived of all good" (Sahîh Muslim, Sunan Abî Dawûd)
The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen, nor touched...but are felt in the heart.
-Helen Keller
Thank you to those of you who have given your time in replying.
My brother has told my mum lots of times that he does not want to marry this girl, and he wants to marry a religious sister. She is furious by this, but is angered by me more. My mother is religious, but culture seems to sometimes come before that, and that very much worries me.
I have even taken my time out and spoken to the girl involved. I have asked her several questions about marriage and Islam, but the truth is she doesn't want to abide by the latter.
I can tell the girl not to say yes, and my brother can also do that, but the girl's parents are very much set on the idea. So with both sets of parents agreeing, and me and my fellow siblings against the idea it really is a tricky job.
Do we listen to our parents and await a disastrous consequence due to it?
I can try and get an elder to speak to them, but my parents are very stubborn. My father less than my mother, but he is ignoring me at the moment.
Thank you once again.
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A parent who curses her own child?? Lord. If my mum did that (she wouldn't though, she is a kind soul) I'd tell her to sort herself out or she would lose me.
Ėk Gusā Alhu Mėrā
The One Lord, the Lord of the World, is my God Allah.
Dhan Guru Arjan Dev Mahraaj Ji!
Kal Meh Bėḏ Atharbaṇ Hū Nā Kẖuḏā Alhu Bẖa.
In the Dark Age of Kali Yuga, the Atharva Veda became prominent; Allah became the Name of God.
Do we listen to our parents and await a disastrous consequence due to it?
I can try and get an elder to speak to them, but my parents are very stubborn. My father less than my mother, but he is ignoring me at the moment.
Thank you once again.
My advice is do not allow your parents to ruin your brothers life. Yes we obey them, but not if what they think is right, will end in disaster. - Stubborn or not, let them know you and your siblings, are one and they will lose all if they remain to be stubborn, over Islam.
Ėk Gusā Alhu Mėrā
The One Lord, the Lord of the World, is my God Allah.
Dhan Guru Arjan Dev Mahraaj Ji!
Kal Meh Bėḏ Atharbaṇ Hū Nā Kẖuḏā Alhu Bẖa.
In the Dark Age of Kali Yuga, the Atharva Veda became prominent; Allah became the Name of God.
We shouldn't disobey our parents even if they're disbelievers and associate partners with Allaah ^ the only time we can disobey them is if they make us associate partners with Him, but anything which doesn't go islaam - we have to obey them. And breaking family ties is a big sin.
my parents are not together and all my life my mum looked after me and she provided for us. now i do talk to my dad but everytime i ask for money he makes a big issue (note not much at all!). he says get it from your mum and so on. in islam isnt he the 1 that has to provide his kids with money:confused:
The reward for spending on one’s wife and children
Question:
What is the reward of a man who spends on his children?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
There is a great deal of evidence in the Qur’aan and Sunnah to encourage spending on one’s children and describing the virtue of doing so. This includes:
1 – Evidence from the Qur’aan:
Allaah says (interpretation of the meanings):
“but the father of the child shall bear the cost of the mother’s food and clothing on a reasonable basis”[al-Baqarah 2:233]
“Let the rich man spend according to his means; and the man whose resources are restricted, let him spend according to what Allaah has given him”[al-Talaaq 65:7]
“and whatsoever you spend of anything (in Allaah’s Cause), He will replace it. And He is the Best of providers”[Saba’ 34:39]
2 – Evidence from the Sunnah:
There are many reports from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) concerning the virtue of spending on one’s wife and children, especially daughters. For example, Muslim (995) narrated from Abu Hurayrah in a marfoo’ report: “A dinar which you spend for the sake of Allaah, a dinar which you spend on freeing a slave, a dinar which you give in charity to a poor person and a dinar which you spend on your family – the greatest of these in reward is that which you spend on your family.”
It was narrated by Muslim (994) and others from Thawbaan, the freed slave of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) in a marfoo’ report: “The best dinar which a man can spend is a dinar which he spends on his children, a dinar which he spends on his riding beast for the sake of Allaah, and a dinar which he spends on his companions for the sake of Allaah.” Abu Qilaabah said: he started with one’s children, then Abu Qilaabah said, what man earns a greater reward than one who spends on his small children so as spare them from having to beg or so that Allaah may benefit them through him and make them independent?
In Saheeh al-Bukhaari (1295) and Saheeh Muslim (1628) it is narrated from Sa’d ibn Abi Waqqaas (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to him: “You will never spend anything seeking the Face of Allaah thereby, but you will be rewarded for it, even (the food) that you put in your wife’s mouth.”
In al-Bukhaari (55) and Muslim (1002) it is narrated from Abu Sa’eed al-Khudri (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When a man spends on his family, hoping for reward, that is (counted as) an act of charity for him.”
In al-Saheehayn (al-Bukhaari, 1442, Muslim, 1010), it is narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “there is no day on which people wake up but two angels come down. One of them says, ‘O Allaah, compensate anyone who spends’ and the other says, ‘O Allaah, destroy the one who withholds.’”
In al-Saheehayn (al-Bukhaari, 1418; Muslim, 2629) it is narrated that ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: “A woman entered upon me and she had her two daughters with her. She asked me [for food] and I did not have anything except one date. I gave it to her and she shared it between her daughters and did not eat any of it herself. Then she got up and left. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) came in and I told him (what had happened). He said, ‘Whoever is tested with any of these girls and he treats them kindly, they will be a shield for him against the Fire.’”
In Muslim (2630) it is also narrated that ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: “A poor woman came to me carrying her two daughters, and I gave her three dates. She gave each of them a date, and raised one date to her mouth to eat it. Then her daughters asked her for more food, so she split the date that she had wanted to eat between them. I was impressed by her action and I told the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) what she had done. He said, ‘Because of that, Allaah has guaranteed Paradise for her, or saved her from Hell.’”
In Muslim (2631) it is narrated from Anas (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever sponsors (takes care of) two girls until they reach adulthood, he and I will come on the Day of Resurrection (like this)” – and he put his fingers together.
And there are many similar ahaadeeth. And Allaah knows best.
(Adapted from Ghidha’ al-Albaab, 2/437)
Ibn Battaal (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: he should spend on himself, on his wife and on those on whom he is obliged to spend without being stingy or extravagant in that, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And those who, when they spend, are neither extravagant nor niggardly, but hold a medium (way) between those (extremes)”
[al-Furqaan 25:67]
This spending is better than charity and all other kinds of spending. (Tarh al-Tathreeb, 2/74)
alhamdulilah my imaan is not weaker or am not falling apart due to this matter that am faced with......its not end of the world of me......
I may not see the result now..but inshAllah i'll be greatfull afterwards.
the prob/dilemma is..how do i approach my parents....how do i confront them that i havnt been accepted for something that my career was based on..that i wont become that...
They had alot of hopes for me, i seriously dnt knw wot to do
it is more likely i will get another interview from another institute but i dont have the ability or neither confidence to get into this career path.
i still want to be in education, erm perhaps do MA. if am accepted
I dont really know what to say in this situation....
havnt been accepted for something that my career was based on..that i wont become that...
Maybe it was for the better? Allah swt also wants the best for us. Maybe something bad might have happened in the future within the job, so you should be grateful that thank Allaah, and ask Him to Guide you....
am not upset or emotional about this matter. When i first checked it online erm i was aware and felt that i wont be accepted for this course!
Straight away prayed and made dua alhamdulilah to guide and protect me inshAllah. Everything happens the will of Allah(swt), something better is stored for me out there inshAllah
jazaks sis for responding!
its just how do i approach my parents? thats my worry?
I know what you mean, its like you feel you have let your parents down right? Dont be scared, just go up to them and tell them what has happened, and that you are sorry and Inshaa Allaah you will try your best again in another field/subject? They will understand you, in fact, they will most probably try to comfort you.
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Parents!! Parents !!! Concerns and Problems with (OP)
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How do i confront my parents?
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