Parents!! Parents !!! Concerns and Problems with (OP)
my parents are not happily married.
they do not talk to eachother and constantly fight and argue. this has started to reflect upon my siblings now. i cannot remeber a time in my life where we have been a happy family even though my mother claims we are. i feel that because i have never seen my parents show any kind of affection towards each other this has reflected greatly on me and my siblings. it has reflected on me as my best firend is the complete opposite to my father. and every day i don't want to be at home my love for my friend grows stronger. i really think now that he is the only thing keeping my alive.
my paretns' relationsip is also affecting my siblings. my brothers have begun to swear at eachother and at my parents. my mother has no real control other them even though she is trying more than she can. my father has no real part in our lives even though he lives and eats with us evryday. if there is a situation where my brothers go out of control my father would escalate the problem, while he is trying to control it.
apart from the swearing they are not really trouble unless provoken. however i do fear they are in bad friendship crowds.
i do not know why i am writing this or what i expect from this post but i would just like to conclude by saying that i do dua and thank Allah tallah for my friend as he is my life. and i also pray my parents be happy but honestly i see them at the brink of divorce.
jazaks sis am confident enough to tell my lil brother may be he can tell my mum, from there i'll complete the conversation! oh man it just am the eldest,
i actually dnt have any other interest in other fields, seriously rather try my best in the second interview or apply for MA and during summer find a part time job sumwhere...
I still have hope in myself and i place my full trust, belief in Allah(swt)!
Aslamu alaikum, InshaAllah, Allah has other plans for you.
Firstly, choose an appropriate time to tell your parents, like when they're not worrying about something else God forbid. Then tell them that you haven't been accepted but you believe that it wasn't Allah's will and that you have faith He has something else planned for you. That way, not only will you be able to tell them the truth but at the same time give them the inspiration to think likewise and make it easier for them to accept it.
If that approach is too difficult for you then can you make it look as if you don't know yet and tell your parents that you are just about to check online and ask them to come with you? Which ever way you choose, be sure to remain positive as it will make it easier for them to accept the outcome inshaAllah.
I'm sorry, I know it's not of much help. But personally I'd go with the first option. May Allah make it easy for you.
at the end of the day.. u just gotta make up ur mind n think what suits you best n go ahead with it (After istikharah n consultation i guess)... if ur parents have always wanted u to endup in somethng specific... they'll get over it inshalah dont you worry lol
All good and bad are controlled by ALLAH SUBHANAHU WATAALA!!!
Don't get me wrong, but maybe its for the best, inshallah you will find the right thing in the end...your parents should be able to accept...hopefully, you will find another career that both you they will be pleased with...ameen
Jazakallah
How does one tell their family that they are now Muslim??
Even though I converted to Islam 9 months ago, my family does not know. I am afraid to come out right and tell them for fear of being disowned. I know if I told them, there would be big problems.
Nearly 30 years ago my daughter faced the same problem. Of course she was probably older then you are now and she was not living at home. Well she called me on the phone and the conversation went about like this. "Dad, I'm Muslim now and my name now is Amina" To her surprise my reply was "Amina as long as I know it is your own choice and that you thought about it, all I can say is be the best Muslim you can possibly be."
She had thought that at the very least I was going to disown her. We did have a long time falling out a few years later, but that had nothing to do with her being Muslim.
I suggest just tell them. Be honest. Their reaction may surprise you.
An after math to the story of Amina and me after too many years we forgave each other. I now live with her and her family and I now am a Muslim. Sometimes the kids can lead the parents.
Remember that it's not compulsory upon you to tell your family that you've become muslim. Do it at a time when you feel it's best, and the companions of the Messenger of Allaah (peace be upon him) hid their Islaam out of fear of persecution also.
There are many reverts who go through what you're going through, sometimes even muslims who are born in a muslim household, because they fear that there family will accuse them of being extreme. So it's not only new reverts.
Maybe you could show them through your character that you've become a more better person, maybe you're being more patient lately? Or maybe you're more kinder to others. As you show good manners, they might start wondering why you've become so good, so patient etc. And then is the right time to tell them how Islaam is a whole way of life, and how by placing your trust in Allaah - He has made your life more easier and relaxed for you.
It can be a gradual process and you don't have to rush it. I hope Allaah makes it easy for you, and remember that He is your best friend so turn to Him always because we are all in need of His help. No-one can harm you or benefit you except by His will, and He is the Most Wise, All Knowing, so place your trust in Him all the time.
We will keep you in our prayers sister, and remember that you have billions of family members from different races and nationalities all over the world who are also praying for you. I hope Allaah makes you successful in this life and the one to come. ameen.
Peace.
Last edited by - Qatada -; 04-19-2007 at 07:59 PM.
How does one tell their family that they are now Muslim??
Even though I converted to Islam 9 months ago, my family does not know. I am afraid to come out right and tell them for fear of being disowned. I know if I told them, there would be big problems.
Does anyone have any suggestions?
Salaams, I know how you feel, believe me!!!
I converted 13/14 years ago - and my family still do not know for sure - as in I haven't hidden my life from them but not told them head-on so to speak...
It is not a requirement to tell your family - or indeed anyone... take your time - if it is right you will do it - me I am taking the option of Insha'Allah marrying one day and then sort of hoping that once children arrive that they will realise but we won't confront the issue as if we did all manner of problems would arise - so best left unmentioned...
I would say though - it has been a strain on myself not being able to be totally open about it with my family for all of these years - and there were many Muslims who have said many cruel words about my situation... in fact many have blatantly said that I cannot be Muslim if I do not tell them and that I would never find a brother to marry me if I didn't...
Whatever happens and choices you decide to make - pray for the best - whether it be to remain quiet or tell, but only do it if it is right for you, insha'Allah. make dua and may Allah SWT keep your imaan strong.
Oh and Marsha'Allah on your finding the path of Allah.
May Allah reward you.
format_quote Originally Posted by Anonymous Tester
how do i confront them that i havnt been accepted for something that my career was based on..that i wont become that...
Could you perhaps re-word that sentence... I can't understand what you are trying to say...
Asselamu aleykum,
She/He is saying that she/he hasn't been accepted in the course/interview/or something, that had a great impact on the career she/he had chosen to take. That without being accepted, she/he won't become what she planned to be (the career).
Question is: how to tell the parents?
Sigh. I remember the time when the only question was "To be, or not to be?"...
First of all Anon, don't you think it's best to find out if that really is what you want (the career)? If your only motivation is parents and you otherwise don't want to, then I'm pretty sure you'll regret this decision later in life.
“If only I had checked myself”
—
Guy who wrecked himself
True leaders don't create followers...
.... They create new leaders.
I haven’t told my family yet either. It has been about 3 months or something like that. One day i my Dad asked my why my alarm rang so early in the morning ........ I said i must have set it wrong. I dont like to lie but i didnt know what else to do. He also just saw a book i got
The Autobiography of Malcolm X
he questioned me about it
i just said i heard it was a good book
although all the people who have told me just happen to be Muslim
So yeah ........ i dont know what to do either
I feel that if it came down to arguing for Islam i could do it
when your upon the truth defending it should be easy
but my parents can be illogical about things like this
My Allah help everyone in this situation
its really scary
Well it's definitely very hard, but my advice to you is just say it calmly and openly, that's all you can do. Their reaction is up to them, you're not supposed to sugarcoat it or beat around the bush. And when they ask you questions, be sure to answer the question only, instead of trying to justify your choices. I know this was one of the mistakes I made, but it just amounts to debate, fights and frustration. If they have a hard time, just be patient with them inshaAllah, show them how you've changed for the better, since the best dawah is leading by example. And inshaallah make lots of dua that Allah subhana wa ta'ala lead their hearts to islam.
May Allah subhana wa ta'ala make it easy for you.
Nearly 30 years ago my daughter faced the same problem. Of course she was probably older then you are now and she was not living at home. Well she called me on the phone and the conversation went about like this. "Dad, I'm Muslim now and my name now is Amina" To her surprise my reply was "Amina as long as I know it is your own choice and that you thought about it, all I can say is be the best Muslim you can possibly be."
She had thought that at the very least I was going to disown her. We did have a long time falling out a few years later, but that had nothing to do with her being Muslim.
I suggest just tell them. Be honest. Their reaction may surprise you.
An after math to the story of Amina and me after too many years we forgave each other. I now live with her and her family and I now am a Muslim. Sometimes the kids can lead the parents.
mashaAllah bruva gud on ya!! :rock:
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I am a Muslim (converted last september). I am living with my mother who is a Hindu. Even though I have tried to explain why I converted to her, to the best of my ability, she believes that I am going through a "phase" or that I am in love with a Muslim guy and hence want to convert. Of course, it's not true and I have converted only because I believe in Islam. But she hasn't understood.
Most unfortunately, she has a deep hatred for Islam. She shouts at me when I offer my prayers and so I am finding myself rushing through my prayers when she is in the house. I used to look forward to prayer times with joy and now I feel almost scared of them.
I would have thought of leaving home if she wasn't so emotional. In fact she is recovering from depression, following my father's untimely death and is possessive about me. The psychiatrist says that she is still suicidal. I believe she keeps an eye on me when I am outside ( she seems to always know where I have been) so I dare not visit the Islamic Centres here.
I often feel depressed and sometimes (Astaghfirullah) doubt if I have done the right thing by converting cause it has caused so much pain for my dear mother. I know it is not correct to feel this way, but I can't help it. I feel so weak, knowing that I am not doing the Islamically correct thing by feeling this way. I can't concentrate on anything anymore, I keep worrying about my future and am almost sure that I'll never make it to Heaven if I were to die soon.
I plan to leave home after completing my education and hope that my mother is better by then, Inshallah. But until then, I don't know what to do. I am sure there are sisters and brothers on this board who have gone through similar situations, who could perhaps help me with advice?
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Parents!! Parents !!! Concerns and Problems with (OP)
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How does one tell their family.....
I used to look forward to prayer times with joy and now I feel almost scared of them.
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