basically my brothers are of marriagable age, as well as having the means to, eg finicially, etc.
The problem: my mum has found my brother a potentail bride, but she (my mum) is only interested in her, because of her skin colour/looks. My brother is not that interested in her, but my mother is insisting and putting pressure on him. she is even sending other memebers of the family to talk him into marrying her. islamically, does he have a right to do this, and does he have to obey her. My other sister has noticed that every time my mum talks to him (she does ths in private), he comes out snappy, unrelaxed and annoyed.
my other brother: has found the girl, and he is interested in meeting her, but my mum is trying to talk him out of it, saying things like, she too young, and undigestiable excuses like that. but on the other hand, my mum is interesed in this brother for the sister of the potential bride, mentioned above.
so yeah, what is the islamic rulings, and just your advice in general.
Last edited by anonymous; 11-20-2007 at 10:00 AM.
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thats not what im worried about. its the fact that he is being forced to marry. i only mentioned the looks because its as if the looks are the most important thing. bottom line is: hes not interested.
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thats not what im worried about. its the fact that he is being forced to marry. i only mentioned the looks because its as if the looks are the most important thing. bottom line is: hes not interested.
Assalamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullaah
forced marriages are haraam, your brother has a right to refuse. InshaAllaah tell him to keep patient and ask Allaah for help, whilst explaining to his mum. InshaAllaah get other elders to speak to your mum about this situation and remind her of the seriousness of what shes doing.
i pray this advice helps inshaAllaah, may Allaah grant your brother pious wife
Ameen
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My tears testify that i have a heart
yet i feel me and shaytan never part
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i cannot give you islamic advice (obviously), but from the perspective of balancing the responsibilities of being their own men and honoring their parents i think your brothers need to give more serious consideration to what your mother is saying. dismissing her opinion as too concerned about skin color or objecting to a marriageable girl because she is too young might be only a surficial glance. if they talk to her with an open mind and challenge and probe her opinion in a respectful manner one of two things could happen... they could learn something about the girls or legitimate concerns about marriage that they did not know and that their mother did not initially consider they might want to know, or your mother might realize their ambitions for marriage are more islamic than hers.
if they do this and come to the same conclusions and she does not change her mind then it would be better for them to use their own judgment. if anything can be said they both agree (mother and sons) that they are old enough to be married, which means they are men and are old enough to use good judgment in their decisions. when they decide they must inform your mother in the most respectful manner possible, reminding her that they considered her advice very carefully and that they do not do this in spite of her. but communicate just as strongly this decision is theirs and that their decision stands.
unfortunately we cannot always please our parents, and i think there are two times (and they do not always know when the second comes) when our parents are ready to see us stand up for ourselves and take the initiative to walk on our own... just not to walk so far away from home
well anonymus,all i can say is that your mum should not pressurise your brother into a marriage he does not agree upon because inthe end of the day your brother has to live with the girl and not your mother.he has to be happy with his own choice and not your mothers because thats what marriage is all about,being and spending the rest of your life with someone you love.i know in islam a son has to please his mother in every way but a mother that loves her children is a mother who understands and is willing to except the choices of her sons so that they can have happy lives.i agree that someone should speak to your mom about the matter,maybe even get help from a moulana in your area on the islamic side of this problem.tell your brother to be steadfast,ask ALLAH for help,perform istikhaara namaaz and surely ALLAH will give an answer or automatically the right feeling will be in his heart on what to do.you must not worry about this because all over the world everyone has problems with their parents not accepting your choice or they want you to marry and you dont want to.your brother has to stick with his decision and eventually they will give in and remember that ALLAH puts out everyones takdeer so you except what he gives you.inshallah ALLAH will make everything easy for u and ur family,u just have to ask him,he is always there.
thanks for all your inputs.
im just wondering now, if one does get forced to get married, and the marriage is consummated, would this be counted ad zina?
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thanks for all your inputs.
im just wondering now, if one does get forced to get married, and the marriage is consummated, would this be counted ad zina?
i don't think so.
Zina is that takes place without marriage . If one says yes in front of 2 persons , gives Mahr to wife , marriage is supposed to be considered as valid . So , nuh ....it must not be considered as zina .
Christ will never be proud to reject to be a slave to God .....holy Quran, chapter Women , 4: 172
but even if they do say yes, its not from the heart?
there is a hadith like that ....a young girl complained that her dad forced her in to marriage . Then the Prophet (p) allowed her to end her marriage ; then she said no , she will continue ...she just wanted to show all that no one should be forced in to marriage.
so , it looks like though parent must not force kids in to marriage but if it happens ............ it will be considered as valid because Prophet (p) did not say u must not continue the relationship as it's zina . He allowed her to take the decision.
Still i suggest u talk to any learned Imam.
Also , pl. tell ur parent & bro to offer Ishthekhara prayer .
verses we need specially for hereafter
Ayah Of The Day
So, when the piercing call is heard,
on a Day when everyone will flee from his brother, and from his mother and father, and from his spouse and his children:
on that Day, to every one of them will his own state be of sufficient concern.
-Quran (80:33-37)
Last edited by Muslim Woman; 11-23-2007 at 02:23 AM.
Christ will never be proud to reject to be a slave to God .....holy Quran, chapter Women , 4: 172
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