My dear brothers and sisters in Islam. I am 22 years of age and I have a 5 year old child from a marriage which was arranged by my parents 6 years ago. I came out of this marriage 4 years ago & I got married of my choice 6 months ago. However the person whom I have married already has a wife and 2 children who are not aware of our marriage as well as his parents. My family are aware that we are married but they are not aware that he is already married. My husband spends 2 nights every fortnight with me and comes to see me everyday. And every time I mention telling his family he says that I am interfering and that his family will disown him and tell him to leave me. He does not support me financially which is not a problem as alhamdolillah I earn myself to support me and my daughter. I am very scared of what I have let myself into as it is becoming very difficult I feel as if I am his dirty secret. Every time his brothers ask who I am he says I am a friend, which makes me feel ashamed and low. I cannot speak to my husband about this situation as I am afraid that it will push him away and he will leave me and I cannot put my parents through the shame of being divorced again. Am I wrong to ask him to tell his family and how can I make this situation better??
Jazakallah khair
May Allah guide us all unto the right path. The All-forgiving The Merciful. Ameen
I must add another important point: There is no such thing as a secret marriage allowed in Islam. For marriages at all times ought to be publicized, as the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) has clearly stated.
For more specific support related to polygany, might I suggest this yahoo group:
There are many sisters in the group who are in polyganous situations, and a few who have dealt with "secret marriage" issues. inshaAllah they will be able to give you advice based on experience.
however many people are aware of our marriage this took place in my parents home and all the correct procedures were followed. It is just that his family are unaware of our marriage.
ye shall reap what you have sown. a Birmingham mullah took a second wife in secret few year back and eventually the saga ended with 2 murders and a lot of jailings
however many people are aware of our marriage this took place in my parents home and all the correct procedures were followed. It is just that his family are unaware of our marriage.
Wasalam
apparantly there was some deceit at the time of your marriage.
format_quote Originally Posted by AnonymousGender
My dear brothers and sisters in Islam. I am 22 years of age and I have a 5 year old child from a marriage which was arranged by my parents 6 years ago. I came out of this marriage 4 years ago & I got married of my choice 6 months ago. However the person whom I have married already has a wife and 2 children who are not aware of our marriage as well as his parents. My family are aware that we are married but they are not aware that he is already married. My husband spends 2 nights every fortnight with me and comes to see me everyday. And every time I mention telling his family he says that I am interfering and that his family will disown him and tell him to leave me. He does not support me financially which is not a problem as alhamdolillah I earn myself to support me and my daughter. I am very scared of what I have let myself into as it is becoming very difficult I feel as if I am his dirty secret. Every time his brothers ask who I am he says I am a friend, which makes me feel ashamed and low. I cannot speak to my husband about this situation as I am afraid that it will push him away and he will leave me and I cannot put my parents through the shame of being divorced again. Am I wrong to ask him to tell his family and how can I make this situation better??
Jazakallah khair
May Allah guide us all unto the right path. The All-forgiving The Merciful. Ameen
Perhaps if you spoke to your mother and explain to her that he married you under false pretenses and that all was not out in the open at the time you married him, she may be able to guide you to some people that can help. I doubt if the two of you are actually married as the fact he already had a wife was hidden. i could be wrong about that and you do need the advice of a scholar and not just help from a forum.
apparantly there was some deceit at the time of your marriage.
Perhaps if you spoke to your mother and explain to her that he married you under false pretenses and that all was not out in the open at the time you married him, she may be able to guide you to some people that can help. I doubt if the two of you are actually married as the fact he already had a wife was hidden. i could be wrong about that and you do need the advice of a scholar and not just help from a forum.
I told my parents a few months after the marriage of this situation, but I also said I will stand by him as this marriage was of my own choice and [B]I[B] was aware of his 1st marriage at the time...(The reason for not telling my family at 1st was I thought they wouldnt agree to me being a 2nd wife). I am happy with my husband the only problem is he is not willing to tell his parents and wife.
format_quote Originally Posted by Woodrow
apparantly there was some deceit at the time of your marriage.
Perhaps if you spoke to your mother and explain to her that he married you under false pretenses and that all was not out in the open at the time you married him, she may be able to guide you to some people that can help. I doubt if the two of you are actually married as the fact he already had a wife was hidden. i could be wrong about that and you do need the advice of a scholar and not just help from a forum.
Brother this is very worrying:confused:, do you know of any scholars whom I could ask in confidence as all the locals are pretty traditional & know my family etc........
I told my parents a few months after the marriage of this situation, but I also said I will stand by him as this marriage was of my own choice and [b]I[b] was aware of his 1st marriage at the time...(The reason for not telling my family at 1st was I thought they wouldnt agree to me being a 2nd wife). I am happy with my husband the only problem is he is not willing to tell his parents and wife.
Brother this is very worrying:confused:, do you know of any scholars whom I could ask in confidence as all the locals are pretty traditional & know my family etc........
Awaiting your reply...
Jazakallah khair
My family are aware that we are married but they are not aware that he is already married.
Jazakallah brother for your advice I have tried explaining in many ways but he reckons im interfering with him & his family...........:confused: I did actually think of ringing his wife and telling her but I decided it might just make things worse!!!!!!
format_quote Originally Posted by Woodrow
apparantly there was some deceit at the time of your marriage.
Perhaps if you spoke to your mother and explain to her that he married you under false pretenses and that all was not out in the open at the time you married him, she may be able to guide you to some people that can help. I doubt if the two of you are actually married as the fact he already had a wife was hidden. i could be wrong about that and you do need the advice of a scholar and not just help from a forum.
Could someone please clarify on the above asap as I am very worried.
Could someone please clarify on the above asap as I am very worried.
Jazakallah
as i said for ur marriage to be valid u only need 2 adult witnesses. They can be from ur family or from spouse's family or ur friends or ur neighbours or anyone.
so ur marriage is valid. U don't need to tell anyone else. so don't feel compelled to tell his other wife. Just relax. There's no urgency to inform her.
I;ll try & post evidence from Quran & Ahadees. InshAllah.
as i said for ur marriage to be valid u only need 2 adult witnesses. They can be from ur family or from spouse's family or ur friends or ur neighbours or anyone.
so ur marriage is valid. U don't need to tell anyone else. so don't feel compelled to tell his other wife. Just relax. There's no urgency to inform her.
I;ll try & post evidence from Quran & Ahadees. InshAllah.
would that be as good as the evidence you produced to make musical instruments halal?
Thats fine brother no problem,, & I was trying to be anon but posted my reply to you in such a rush that my user id has now been revealed.. No problem Jazakallah for your advice....Inshallah I shall try the links you sent.
My dear brothers and sisters in Islam. I am 22 years of age and I have a 5 year old child from a marriage which was arranged by my parents 6 years ago. I came out of this marriage 4 years ago & I got married of my choice 6 months ago. However the person whom I have married already has a wife and 2 children who are not aware of our marriage as well as his parents. My family are aware that we are married but they are not aware that he is already married. My husband spends 2 nights every fortnight with me and comes to see me everyday.
and if you have children with him, will he still only spend 2 nights every 2 weeks? will that be fair to your kids? it's NOT fair to you!
And every time I mention telling his family he says that I am interfering and that his family will disown him and tell him to leave me. He does not support me financially which is not a problem as alhamdolillah I earn myself to support me and my daughter.
and if you have kids??
I am very scared of what I have let myself into as it is becoming very difficult I feel as if I am his dirty secret.
there is absolutely no reason for you to be in a situation like that!
Every time his brothers ask who I am he says I am a friend, which makes me feel ashamed and low.
there is absolutely no reason for you to be in a situation like that!
I cannot speak to my husband about this situation as I am afraid that it will push him away and he will leave me and I cannot put my parents through the shame of being divorced again.
why is there so much shame? IF you made a mistake, then you made a mistake. Seek Allah Subhannahu Wa Ta' Aala's help!
Am I wrong to ask him to tell his family
not from where i'm sitting!
and how can I make this situation better??
Jazakallah khair
May Allah guide us all unto the right path. The All-forgiving The Merciful. Ameen
AMEEN!
Assalamu Alaykum Sister,
don't forget that your daughter is watching! and i hope that your parents love enough to leave it at "i told you so!"
i can't give you scholarly advice but, maybe you should ask your parents for advice!
i can't see where you lose much if you lose him! Maybe Allah Allah Subhannahu Wa Ta' Aala will replace him with someone better! for you AND your daughter!
May Allah Subhannahu Wa Ta' Aala guide you and make it easy on you!
Had the non-believer known of all the Mercy which is in the Hands of Allah, he would not lose hope of entering Paradise, and had the believer known of all the punishment which is present with Allah, he would not consider himself safe from the Hell-Fire http://www.muftimenk.co.za/Downloads.html
wow - you are in a sticky situation!
not sure what country you live in, but if you live in the west and you married him "legally" then you have both broken the law of the land.
if you did not try to marry him according to law, then your marriage is invalid according to the law of the land and you have no protection.
my advice is to end this whole sad affair, no matter how painful or humiliating - it will not get better and can only get worse.
each man thinks of his own fleas as gazelles
question authority
I share one interesting story happened to one of our celebrity here in Malaysia.
She became famous because one of the reality talent show but nobody knows she already married.
But a few media came and interviewed her...and secretly stole her wedding pic and exposed about her secret marriage. (She is married to a 'datuk' - a title for anyone who contribute alot to the country)
It turns out however, she is so grateful with the media that now her marriage is exposed. She said she don't have to live secretly anymore...and she is so thankful for the one who expose it. She said she kept it secret because her husband told her not to tell anyone...
p/s:- maybe you can try this way too...but the risk is there. If you know one of your husband friend or family who knows the other wife and family...probably they can help you out.
But why now ukhtee?? why now only you worried about keeping it secret...
Last edited by syilla; 01-15-2008 at 06:31 AM.
25:36 And the true servants of the Most Merciful are those who walk the earth with humility and when the ignorant address them, they respond with words of peace.
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.. No problem Jazakallah for your advice....Inshallah I shall try the links you sent.
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