i want to make everyone happy my mother and the rest of the family i want to make them proud of me but am so useless at things
i dont work due to mental health problems i have no children but i view my cats as my babies
av never acheved any thing in my life that is worth anything i got to help the rest of the family happy
so i can see the young family members i got to be good or i will not see them
I HAVE TO DO WHAT MY BIGOTED MOTHER WANTS ME TO DO I know she does it out of love but she also does it for herself mostly
my mother is narcissistic and sometimes abusive and at the moment i hardly see her as she makes me feel like poop when av been at her when everyone else is out the room she pic me on things and she uses your feeling to her advantage
My mother thinks am christian i need to hide the fact am Muslim from her until am emotionally able to deal with her
i go and see her once a month and that its sometimes longer than that Its exhausting and makes me feel suicidal but i know that Allah loves me ...almost made the biggest mistake ever i looked at christian stuff when i should have been listen to ALLAH WORDS THE HOLY QURAN am so sorry Allah please forgive me
almost tried to OD tonight but i was able to tell my husband i had the pills he took them away and am now Safe
had to talk about how i really feel and i told him I LOVE NO OTHER THAN ALLAH
Please Allah HELP ME
i feel very unwell been thinking about death where i should think about life and Allah
Sorry am kinda depressed and upset sorry if this dont make sense
I will stay with Allah
Am sorry ...dont mean to make you all worry
i have to go to the group tomoorow mental health group he going to make me talk to another pastor a male one
he says what he think ...most likey tell me to follow jesus
but jesus isnt the son of God and there is only one Allah
Ok, you try your best, as much as is possible for you to do your salah, Im hoping for the best.
About the visit to the pastor, perhaps you should give him da'wah instead? Or just dont take it in what is said...
Sorry av not been here ...the pastor talked with me he said i wasn't Muslim that am wasting everyone time ...as i have tried to be Muslim before
he says am wasting everyone time , my husband has his mother up from England ...i cant even pray because if i do he will be mad at me
the only reason i can post is because my husband is sleeping he could wake up at any moment
please pray for me
Your pastor is wrong and instead of you, it is he who wastes everyones time. He tries to brainwash you and I see it shows very low manners from the pastors to do so. Specially when he does it for the person who isn´t mentally stable because of this, is in the mentally vulnerable position.
so tired of fighting with my husband over this ...his mother is here he upset as he says she getting older he only see her for one week a year normally he feels bad for living so far away he in tears most of the time when we are not with her
he says he feels like self injuring as well...its my fault he away from her and its my fault if he self injures because i pushed him too far
i know av changed my mind a lot but he says this because am not really Muslim just obsessed with other faiths
my mental health is going down hill fast ...av been self injuring and i feel very suicidal meant to be going to meet his mum soon
as we are doing some site seeing really dont want to but i have to go my husband says he dont want me to be on my own
he said he going to talk with the pastor again ...i feel bullied ...i guess its my own fault for not sticking to Islam the first time around
they says its my ocd making me do this... can an illness make you love Allah ?
The person you tries to change your way to think and believe to the similar way like he believes, isn´t valid to claim something like that. If he recommends to you Christianity instead of Islam, how you or he could know that Christianity too isn´t just only a symptom of illness? I afraid that kind of pastor causes to you and to your mental health more harm than help.
From Occupied Palestine:
We have suffered too much for too long. We will not accept apartheid masked as peace. We will settle for no less than our freedom.
sorry i haven't replied until now been out of the house for most of the day with my husbands mother and sister , there going away in the morning so tonight was the last time they would be able to see each other ...my husband says av not to wear the hijab he wants me to wear a hat and scarf instead...am so tired of fighting with him about this ...Its very unlikely that i'd be attacked but he says he worries about it
I feel like am letting Allah down ...
His conditions for me to follow is Islam is that i dont wear the hijab ...that i go to church with him on a Sunday and that i attended the group that the pastors run ...i know if i turn up wearing the Hijab the pastor will say something
I wish he would understand but i know id be wasting his time and my breathe
i really feel like doing something very bad please Allah forgive me ...
i cant keep doing this
Dear sister, don´t be hopeless. As you are sick and dependent of help of others, you obiviously can´t make some things as you wish to. Don´t be too hard to yourself but trust that Allah is merciful. All people should learn to be even a bit of mercuful to themselves too, and then they might feel a lot of better.
my husband got up late so no church ( yay ) getting e mails from someone who belongs to a christian forum i use to go to he knows av been going back and forth between Christianity and Islam
i should block him he making me very confused saying bad things about Mohammed and Allah the forum i was on tell everyone that is lsam is evil am so sorry i made myself a member of that forum may Allah Forgive me ( no am not going to share the link )
i have blocked him just now ... i know i should stay away from bad influences but am still going to the church and being around people who are Christians
unless my husband changes his mind ( unlikely ) i have to keep my mind and soul on Allah and Mohammed ...
Am trying very hard to do all my prayers and to read the Quran but its hard when my husband says things about washu and ghus that its a stupid rule and there is no need for it i dont say anything to him just ignore him he is wrong id rather be clean when i pray to Allah not dirty and unclean
i have to go and pray praying makes me closer to Allah i wish i could be close to Allah for all time
sorry to bump this i cant ghus because i have a big blister on my foot and if i go in the bath that has hot water its will pop the blister am unsure if i cant pray until am clean i dont want to make an mistake by praying when av not done ghus my husband says that my blister should be gone with in 3 days hopefully it will ...
am struggling so much right now to the point i feel like hurting myself was at a group today lots of cake i ate and ate i couldn't control myself at all am so disgusting then after that group there was another one wear we where doing mindfulness meditation unsure weather it is harm to do that but am not going back to it
as it brought up things and now am in this state i havent prayed due to the blister on my foot i would need to go in the bath to ghus but i cant put the blister in the bath as like before the blister may burst opening it up to infection i cant balance myself with one foot in and one foot in one foot out as i have very poor balance at the best of time and i also dont want to flood the bath room
i want to pray ...in fact i feel i need to pray to help myself mentally ...i really want to talk to other Muslims face to face and i cant going to the mosque just with a scarf and a hat plus my husband will not take me to the mosque as well the pastors think am christian ...my husband has now said for me to just wear the hat outdoors not when we are with friends or groups church etc my husband is making things hard for me he dont understand the reason for the hijab he says that the Quran was written so long ago and times changes things he says he dont like it and says is like a target for people to attack me because am wearing it
Your husband sounds like my mother was before. She disliked my hijab and said it bothers her that other are staring at me so she refused to walk outside with me. It took 10 years but then she stopped to take care of it and now she doesn´t notice my hijab at all.
got good news my husband is allowing me to wear the hijab out the house av got one of my groups tomorrow unsure how the pastors are going to react
hesaid he think about me going to the mosque but one step at a time
Sorry for bumping this up went to the group and one of the pastors talked with me and said he thinks my mental health is bad and that the illnesses i have are making me very unstable made me take of the hijab and now i cant wear it i cant pray feel like giving up want to die
i think this will be my last post here but before i go id like to wish you all good lifes and may allah bless you all
Please sister don´t give up. I think all these ups and downs are because of your illness. You are unstable and it´s difficult to you keep your own will when others pressure you. It´s not your fault. That pastor behaves very badly when he/she harass you while you are ill. He/she should stop and leave you alone, not try to brainwash you.
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he said he going to talk with the pastor again ...i feel bullied ...i guess its my own fault for not sticking to Islam the first time around 
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