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The Khan
10-20-2008, 06:27 PM
:salamext:

My uncle and aunt are getting a divorce because of their kids. Here's the background story:

Both children have neurobiological disorders, and the parents don't realise it, nor did they believe me when I told them, and refuse to seek the help of a psychologist.

My cousin sister has Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, and some kind of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. She's running around irritating everyone all the time, and gets scared whenever she's alone, starts screaming and runs to her mom. What is more, outside Saudi Arabia (they live there), they don't allow her to wear a hijab, and she throws a tantrum, and she screams at the top of her lungs when she wears on. They think that their (extremely) "liberal" family will mock them if they see her wearing a hijab.

My cousin brother, like me, is gifted with Asperger syndrome, the mildest form of autism. Asperger syndrome, in a majority of cases, has symptoms similar to extremely mild obsessive compulsive disorder, and attention deficit disorder (not the hyperactivity one, it's quite the opposite). Due to his add-like symptoms, he's bad at his schoolwork, as I was. However, he's got a unique gift for Music, he can compose any song he hears once without making a single mistake. However, his father wants him to be an engineer, and is angry at the fact that he's bad at studies.

Since both parents refuse to realise that their children have these neurobiological disorders (20-25% of the world's population has some kind of mental illness or neurobiological disorder, you might have one such as mild dyspraxia without realising it... it took me 18 years to realise that I have asperger syndrome) and refuse to seek psychological advice, this situation has erupted. My uncle sent emails today saying that he did tawaaf around the holy Ka'aba, and felt that Allah (swt) supports him in his decision to get a divorce. In fact, he's already met the family of another lady who'm he's chosen to get married to.

What should I tell them? My mother will relay any good advice you may have for them, as she's the one trying to solve this crisis. My parents themselves had a divorce, but their situation was inevitable - my father accused my mother of conspiring to theft.
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Zahida
10-20-2008, 09:23 PM
:sl:I am so sorry for your troubles. May Allah ease your pains and guide you all on the right path...........

Hmmmmmmm Aspergers?? I have two students who are Aspergers and it is quite severe in one and very mild in the other..... My first student will not look at you when she is talking to you, she has certain preferences which we as her teachers need to recognise and make allowances for..... She is a lovely bright child and very academic. You need to educate your uncle that because of his sons condition does not mean he is "dumb" just needs patience and time to be allowed to learn in his own way.

My second student has a mild form of Aspergers and she hums to herself when she finds herself in a stressfull situation. Although the rest of the class are disturbed we need to make allowances for her also.

I feel sad that your family are behaving this way towards their children. Children are a Blessing from Allah. Brother could i advise you to use your knowledge and educate your family of these conditions? It will take patience and time but will maybe open their eyes.

There is a book here in the U.K called "The curious Incident of the Dog That Happened In The Night-time".... it was written by a child of seventeen who had Aspergers Mark was the first name i cannot remember the surname, but if you ask at your local libarary i am sure you can find it.
Aspergers children, are bright intelligent and good learners they just need our time and patience.

Good Luck with everything. InshAllah Allah willing maybe you can talk to your elders.......... After all you are a role model.:w::thumbs_up
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kwolney01
10-20-2008, 09:30 PM
I'm sorry to hear this brother.

The best thing to do is pray for them, pray that they will see the truth and that Allah will guide them.

You should also express to them in some way that divorce is frowned upon in Islam they should already know this. Every married couple has issues some more than others but you shouldn't let a couple of issues hurt your marriage. Marriage should be dealt with in a serious manner. I don't know the whole situation but I think it would probably end up hurting the children even more if their parents got a divorce. Children know whats going on even if they don't tell you they know. Children can sense when something is going on in the household and they usually blame themselves for the problems. You should talk to mother and have her talk to them about the children they should at least try to save the marriage for the children.

I hope this helps brother...

I wish you the best...

Allahu Alum
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The Khan
10-21-2008, 09:19 AM
Jazakallah, I shall try my best.
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AvarAllahNoor
10-21-2008, 11:37 AM
That's sad. Allah would want any parent to care and cherish their kids, regardless of what i'llness they may have. The coward seeks another, and neglects his family. Hope she makes it through.
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Ushae
10-21-2008, 12:56 PM
Sounds like ignorance at it's finest.

Some things never change Khan, we've all seen how 'backward' the older generation can be, especially in todays day and age where more of us are educated and understand the the principles of Islam a whole lot better.

Don't give up on advising your uncle to do the right thing, he has the right to know that his son sin't lazy, but suffers from a a geuine condition that he himslef probably gave to him, yes those conditions have a genetic predispostion i.e. both parents contributed to it. Allah makes ALL of us unique in our own way. I would never call any nerological disorder a disability of any kind, everyone has different levels of capability from the day they are born. What matters what you can achive through sheer effort not natural talent, that is what Allah rewards you for.

Usman
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_Rida_
10-21-2008, 12:57 PM
brother usman said it right!! you chould seek help of a psychologist and get the children treated!!
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Zahida
10-21-2008, 07:18 PM
:sl: Sister Aspergers cannot be treated by a psychiatrist!!!!!!!!
In my opinion it's the parents that need phsychiatrists/psychologist!!!!!!!!!!!!

It actually is nothing to do with the mind. What brother Ushae is saying is not true this comes from genetics has nothing to do with our upbrining whatsoever.............. he should know this!!!!! There are lots of websites about ASD which will help you understand the condition a little better.......... No offence intended to anyone.:w::bump1:


Sorry little bro i though diya was saying that you thought it was in the mind i read your thread again............. Sorry baji::-[-
Originally Posted by Diya
brother usman said it right!! you chould seek help of a sychologist and get the children treated!!
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The Khan
10-22-2008, 03:40 AM
Jazakallah, I'm trying my best!

Originally Posted by Diya
brother usman said it right!! you chould seek help of a psychologist and get the children treated!!
Actually, there's a very controversial method used by naturopaths. There's a fungus called Candida Albicans in our body, and is useful in protecting our bodies from harmful bacteria. Their growth is kept in check by probiotics, which are friendly bacteria in our intestines. Due to antiobiotics, vaccines, and to a lesser extent, sugal, alcohol, yeast, etc, probiotics are killed, and the fungus grows out of check, causing thousands of different problems depending on what types of fungus have grown in what level. These naturopaths estimate 70% of people suffer from this type of overgrowth to some degree. They also claim autism is caused due to it, and prescribe a tough diet + lots of fungus killers to counter it. Unfortunately, most medical practitioners discourage it and term it as rubbish due to lack of proof. Most doctors recognise fungus overgrowth only in the form of vaginal and oral overgrowth. A few autistic children have gone through this diet, and allegedly, most of their non-physical symptoms, such as inability to socialise have disappeared or nearly so, although the physical symptoms (motor clumsiness, sensitivity to loud noises, stimming, etc) remain.

The Autistic community itself is divided into pro-cure and no-cure movements, the latter claiming that Autism is a condition and not caused due to external factors. I'm not sure where I stand, except that I'm glad I have it. Allah (SWT) only knows what haraam things I could have been capable of if I functioned normally...

Anyway, Asperger syndrome, in my opinion, is a good thing. ADHD is not.
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Ushae
10-22-2008, 05:19 PM
Originally Posted by The Khan
Jazakallah, I'm trying my best!



Actually, there's a very controversial method used by naturopaths. There's a fungus called Candida Albicans in our body, and is useful in protecting our bodies from harmful bacteria. Their growth is kept in check by probiotics, which are friendly bacteria in our intestines. Due to antiobiotics, vaccines, and to a lesser extent, sugal, alcohol, yeast, etc, probiotics are killed, and the fungus grows out of check, causing thousands of different problems depending on what types of fungus have grown in what level. These naturopaths estimate 70% of people suffer from this type of overgrowth to some degree. They also claim autism is caused due to it, and prescribe a tough diet + lots of fungus killers to counter it. Unfortunately, most medical practitioners discourage it and term it as rubbish due to lack of proof. Most doctors recognise fungus overgrowth only in the form of vaginal and oral overgrowth. A few autistic children have gone through this diet, and allegedly, most of their non-physical symptoms, such as inability to socialise have disappeared or nearly so, although the physical symptoms (motor clumsiness, sensitivity to loud noises, stimming, etc) remain.

The Autistic community itself is divided into pro-cure and no-cure movements, the latter claiming that Autism is a condition and not caused due to external factors. I'm not sure where I stand, except that I'm glad I have it. Allah (SWT) only knows what haraam things I could have been capable of if I functioned normally...

Anyway, Asperger syndrome, in my opinion, is a good thing. ADHD is not.

I only knew one person during my Degree at University who was autistic. He was something of an eccentric and was 'odd' at times (in a funny way ^^) but I have to take my hat off to him. He was intellectually brilliant.

Brother try to stay on topic, your uncle and aunt and their unfortunate children...do not give up on trying to convice them of the truth. Their children have commited no crime and should not have to suffer for their intolerence!

Usman

P.S. @ Sister Zahida - :D
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The Khan
10-24-2008, 05:03 PM
Brother, I have talked to my aunt and they've decided not to get a divorce. They're going to send their children to a psychologist. :)

Allah (SWT) is all powerful, all wise, most understanding, and most gracious.
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