My thanks, to all of you.

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Italianguy

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I want to thank you all in a way that is me, but I cannot find the words, they escape me. I have been on this forum not knowing why I am here, I have been reading every word you post, i hear it in my ear.

I appreciate all of you in a way you will never know. I appreciate even the mods, as they delete my posts. I can respect their job, they has to stop sensless chatter, i never mean insult, not ever, in any matter.

I read through these posts sometimes feeling lonelyimsad. I am stuck between my faith and your faith, just these only. I have been feeling down as sometimes I doubt my own faith, I have been feeling down as doubting seals your fate.

I can never express my appreciation for your help in other words i thought I was here to help. My study of Islam has led me here, with all of you listening to my posts in your ear. I know I can be a bore and I have no bad intentions, I do listen to you though, with all of your men tions.

I ask my self again, why am I here? I am not sure, maybe you can tell me. I like making friends and chatting....it's just me. I try to be friendly, respectfull, and full of answers, but somtimes I find myself seeking your answers. I have lots of questions, sometimes they seem pointless, but i have good intentions. So I ask you to be patient.

I feel a connection to Islam you see....it's in my blood..... a little bit..Maybe It's the Palestinian in me. I am affriad sometimes why I feel such sorrowimsad, I don't know what the future holds for me tomorrow. I search and search, it's the truth i seek, but sometimes i ponder the future....it looks bleekimsad With so much tension around the world, In Palestine I see what happensimsad i almost hurled+o( I have been studying and seeing what is happening there.....and sometimes I just want to pull out my hair:heated:

Am I supposed to as a Christian, support the other side?.....When i see what happens to Palestine....it makes me want to cry:cry: I asked a family member just the other day, where is our Palestinian family, so i can say hey! From what I am told they are still there, just the same as me...pulling out their hairimsad I cannot speak to them, it has been to long, we havent known them in generations, but I carry the name! I didn't know this...oh well, all the same.

Again I want to thank you, I am still lostimsad I will keep seeking answers, you have all been great hosts. I will try not to be a bother, I understand, I can be, but maybe...just maybe it's that little bit of...... Islam in me:nervous:

I would love to meet all of you in person one day, some say it won't happen, my sins, I must pay. I would love to greet all of you in person but it cannot happen, so I will settle for the forum, but hey...it could happen:D

It may sound stupid, some of the things I write. I have no other way to communicate my feelings, I am losing sight.imsad I have no other way but a pen to show my might. I felt as if I was strong in my faith, but now I am breaking down..I am losing my faithimsad I am not sure was is to become of me, but Insha Allah ...someday I will see.

It is God whom I worship, He is all i have. He is my creator and as well, you my brothers, seek Him and you shall have.

I affraid, I am scared, as a man, are these feelings I am allowed to have?imsad I am supossed to be strong, but i feel weak nowimsad I put on a smile, as fake as it may be, i am affraid what is going to happen to me.

Again I thank you for all of your knowledge. You have all taught me allot, as I will keep seeking the truth.

God be with each and every one of you. May Allah bless you all with perfect health, wealth, and strength in faith. May He bring upon you peace. May He bless your families, and those who may suffer.

All the best,

Italianguy
 
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:sl:

SubhanAllah Italianguy I don't know what to say really! Such a beautiful post and even more so because it's from the heart, what could be better? It made me smile, laugh and even feel sad. All in one. The nice part was that you wrote it like a poem :)

I can see from your posts that you have a lot going on in your mind. You really are a wonderful asset to this forum and I hope you stay here for as long as possible! Insha'Allah.

I pray that Allah the MOST MERCIFUL, THE MOST GRACIOUS keeps guiding you to that which is good for you and clear out your doubts, Ameen. Maybe just maybe Insha'Allah you will become a part of our Ummah. So as long as your heart is sincere towards Allah, He will NO DOUBT guide you. Perhaps this is a sign from Allah to you.

All the best.

Keep smiling and keep searching :)
 
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There are things you should say when an asteroid is 60 minutes away from smashing the earth to dust. I think you've covered most of them in your post.

Seriously though, why the outpour? What happened? Should I turn on the news? :O
 
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Dagless said:
There are things you should say when an asteroid is 60 minutes away from smashing the earth to dust. I think you've covered most of them in your post.

Seriously though, why the outpour? What happened? Should I turn on the news? :O
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Sorry, i didn't intend it to be an outpourimsad More like appreciation for all of everyones posts here.

I am not sure why though? I don't share to much with people. Because of my inability to communicate emmotions....it hurts my wife as wellimsad

See, in my family and in our culture, I am the first born in my generation and of course the oldest. So I am expected to be the strongest, most knowledgeable person for my sibblings to turn to, like my brothers, sisters, cousins, nephews, neices. If they have questions about anything, I am expected to have answers:exhausted for everything! I am also not allowed to show weakness. So I get a ton of questoins from everyone....alllll the time, like...."what college do I attend" , "What should be my major, your supposed to choose for me?" "How do i do this" how do i do that?".....nonstop all day. And i have over 30 employees and their families problems to deal with as well as my ownimsad There is just not enough time in life....I never get to sit back and enjoy anything. I have no hobbies anymore, I attend church less and less, I don't get to volenteer that much anymoreimsad

I am expected to do so much all the time...and do it with a dang smile on my face allllllll the time.:D:D:D.......No porblem I will take care of it, no problem, it's an easy fix, no problem, God will provide, No problem, just leave it to me, no problem, i will get to it, no problem, .....to everything....and of course, i have to know everything....allllll the time.

But now.....I am breaking down, I am only 30 and I have to decide everything for my family. I am breaking down because I am not allowed to show weakness, I am not allowed to receive compassion. I am breaking down because I have doubtimsad I haven't really cried in 20 years. And sometimes I ask myself if i really know how.....but again am i allowed to?.....NO.

Why do I have to answer everything? I...don't know all the answers......I DON"T KNOW ALL THE ANSWERS! .....I just don't know.imsad

I don't tell anyone the truth on how I really am anymore....My wife cries her self to sleep sometimes, because she sees me deteriating on a daily basis imsad And that hurts me the most. She thinks I don't know she does.....but I can hear her:cry: She is too affraid to address it.....and I am to affriad to to show weakness.

I was praying yesterday for 2 hours, in my prayer room, in prostrate so my wife couldn't see my face....I balled like a baby:cry:..and when she asked if anything was wrong as she walked by....i said I am fine, with a smile on my face....because I am supposed to right?

I am sorry, I didn't mean to ventimsad

God be with you.......and have a greattttt day:D:D:D
 
I liked how you put it in poem, it was very nice.

After reading your post, I can see you feel very lost and need to find the truth. You're lost, and you want to be found.

Ask Allah to help you find the truth and guide you to what is right.

Surah Al-Fatiha - Chapter: The Openning
1:5 You (Alone) we worship, and You (Alone) we ask for help (for each and everything).

God-willing, I hope you find what is right.
 
I dont think its been too long. I think if you find a way to contact them they will be able to trace back to who connects you. They will be more than welcoming I am sure.
Trust me on that, many people connect with family members they never knew for generations.
 
AlbanianMuslim said:
I dont think its been too long. I think if you find a way to contact them they will be able to trace back to who connects you. They will be more than welcoming I am sure.
Trust me on that, many people connect with family members they never knew for generations.
Click to expand...

Your right, I should search for them. I shouldn't be to hard, we have some names and I think? some old addresses.? If they are even there anymore....who knows. It will be something else to add to my list......in between being the monarch.
 
Italianguy said:
I want to thank you all in a way that is me, but I cannot find the words, they escape me. I have been on this forum not knowing why I am here, I have been reading every word you post, i hear it in my ear.

I appreciate all of you in a way you will never know. I appreciate even the mods, as they delete my posts. I can respect their job, they has to stop sensless chatter, i never mean insult, not ever, in any matter.

I read through these posts sometimes feeling lonelyimsad. I am stuck between my faith and your faith, just these only. I have been feeling down as sometimes I doubt my own faith, I have been feeling down as doubting seals your fate.

I can never express my appreciation for your help in other words i thought I was here to help. My study of Islam has led me here, with all of you listening to my posts in your ear. I know I can be a bore and I have no bad intentions, I do listen to you though, with all of your men tions.

I ask my self again, why am I here? I am not sure, maybe you can tell me. I like making friends and chatting....it's just me. I try to be friendly, respectfull, and full of answers, but somtimes I find myself seeking your answers. I have lots of questions, sometimes they seem pointless, but i have good intentions. So I ask you to be patient.

I feel a connection to Islam you see....it's in my blood..... a little bit..Maybe It's the Palestinian in me. I am affriad sometimes why I feel such sorrowimsad, I don't know what the future holds for me tomorrow. I search and search, it's the truth i seek, but sometimes i ponder the future....it looks bleekimsad With so much tension around the world, In Palestine I see what happensimsad i almost hurled+o( I have been studying and seeing what is happening there.....and sometimes I just want to pull out my hair:heated:

Am I supposed to as a Christian, support the other side?.....When i see what happens to Palestine....it makes me want to cry:cry: I asked a family member just the other day, where is our Palestinian family, so i can say hey! From what I am told they are still there, just the same as me...pulling out their hairimsad I cannot speak to them, it has been to long, we havent known them in generations, but I carry the name! I didn't know this...oh well, all the same.

Again I want to thank you, I am still lostimsad I will keep seeking answers, you have all been great hosts. I will try not to be a bother, I understand, I can be, but maybe...just maybe it's that little bit of...... Islam in me:nervous:

I would love to meet all of you in person one day, some say it won't happen, my sins, I must pay. I would love to greet all of you in person but it cannot happen, so I will settle for the forum, but hey...it could happen:D

It may sound stupid, some of the things I write. I have no other way to communicate my feelings, I am losing sight.imsad I have no other way but a pen to show my might. I felt as if I was strong in my faith, but now I am breaking down..I am losing my faithimsad I am not sure was is to become of me, but Insha Allah ...someday I will see.

It is God whom I worship, He is all i have. He is my creator and as well, you my brothers, seek Him and you shall have.

I affraid, I am scared, as a man, are these feelings I am allowed to have?imsad I am supossed to be strong, but i feel weak nowimsad I put on a smile, as fake as it may be, i am affraid what is going to happen to me.

Again I thank you for all of your knowledge. You have all taught me allot, as I will keep seeking the truth.

God be with each and every one of you. May Allah bless you all with perfect health, wealth, and strength in faith. May He bring upon you peace. May He bless your families, and those who may suffer.

All the best,

Italianguy
Click to expand...

I do not know what to say. I hope the path of truth becomes clear to you. We all are in differential need of removing the fog from our eyes.
 
Trust me, if you use the right tools you will find them. In fact, I bet you they will be so warmed by the fact that you remembered you have family there they will be immensely hospitable.
 
AlbanianMuslim said:
Trust me, if you use the right tools you will find them. In fact, I bet you they will be so warmed by the fact that you remembered you have family there they will be immensely hospitable.
Click to expand...

Lets hope so, I just got off the phone with mia madre and she is so happy I am interested in getting in touch with them...she's freaking out trying to put together what she can find for me. Of course......they want me to call.
 
aww...italianguy... you have a spiritual heart thats why you're feel the way you're suppose to feel. You should feel blessed since not everyone has a soft heart and be spiritual like you. You're in the crossroads...and lots of people are like you when come to the crossroads. So just bear in mind that you're not alone :).

And about meeting us... you can always make a dinner party and invite us all lol :D
 
mad_scientist said:
I do not know what to say. I hope the path of truth becomes clear to you. We all are in differential need of removing the fog from our eyes.
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Thak you bro. You don't have to say anything. The fact that you responded is enough.

It may be just something i will have to deal with...as usual.

Maybe it's because I am constantly poked, proded, insulted, and pushed all the time? Because i talk funny? Because my skin color?

I am constantly reminded on a daily basis from my family that I must be strong! Never show weakness!imsad I am constantly told I have to do better, make things better, ....I'm not good enough, keep trying harder...

I just want to be able to ask a question for once.....just once. But it cannot happen. I have to have allllll the answers.

I get people telling me all the time,"I just got over a drug addiction" "yay for me" "I just got over a drinking problem, yay for me".......what about people like me? who never even thought about trying drugs. What about people like me who never drink alcohol? Where is my pat on the back? Whatever...

The way i feel will pass....it has to. I am not allowed to feel this wayimsad

Do you ever feel this kind of burden brother?
 
Italianguy said:
Thak you bro. You don't have to say anything. The fact that you responded is enough.

It may be just something i will have to deal with...as usual.

Maybe it's because I am constantly poked, proded, insulted, and pushed all the time? Because i talk funny? Because my skin color?

I am constantly reminded on a daily basis from my family that I must be strong! Never show weakness!imsad I am constantly told I have to do better, make things better, ....I'm not good enough, keep trying harder...

I just want to be able to ask a question for once.....just once. But it cannot happen. I have to have allllll the answers.

I get people telling me all the time,"I just got over a drug addiction" "yay for me" "I just got over a drinking problem, yay for me".......what about people like me? who never even thought about trying drugs. What about people like me who never drink alcohol? Where is my pat on the back? Whatever...

The way i feel will pass....it has to. I am not allowed to feel this wayimsad

Do you ever feel this kind of burden brother?
Click to expand...

I used to feel regarding my career. I wanted to be a doctor and no one in my immediate family is very educated like being a scholar, a researcher or a scientist. I felt that my parents had a pressure on me. They never forced me but I felt that I needed to make them proud. I needed to do what they wanted me to. But over the years I've realized that they did not care about what I achieve, they just cared about my betterment, in whatever career I attain. It was a misunderstanding on my part. And Allhamdulillah, Allah (swt) has given me from His treasures and I am still unthankful to Him. :(

I hope you can seek solace from your wife who can lift you up when you feel pressured from your relatives. After your mother I think wife can be your real support only. I am sure your wife realizes that you are also fragile like any other human. I also hope that she takes care of your fragility and you of hers.
 
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mad_scientist said:
I used to feel regarding my career. I wanted to be a doctor and no one in my immediate family is very educated like being a scholar, a researcher or a scientist. I felt that my parents had a pressure on me. They never forced me but I felt that I needed to make them proud. I needed to do what they wanted me to. But over the years I've realized that they did not care about what I achieve, they just cared about my betterment, in whatever career I attain. It was a misunderstanding on my part. And Allhamdulillah, Allah (swt) has given me from His treasures and I am still unthankful to Him. :(

I hope you can seek solace from your wife who can lift you up when you feel pressured from your relatives. After your mother I think wife can be your real support only.
Click to expand...

My wife is awesome. But i feel as if i am just burdening her with these problems....she already knows my role in my family, ..she hates it but at the same time understands it....she just said she wants to have a sit down with my family and hers so we can sort things.....I fear this is going to make things worse.imsad

God be with you! If med school is what you want, God willing you will be one.
 
Italianguy said:
My wife is awesome. But i feel as if i am just burdening her with these problems....she already knows my role in my family, ..she hates it but at the same time understands it....she just said she wants to have a sit down with my family and hers so we can sort things.....I fear this is going to make things worse.imsad

God be with you! If med school is what you want, God willing you will be one.
Click to expand...

Yes, you need to talk to the elders in your family. Those who are sympathetic towards you. Tell them the situation, get their opinion on it and then decide.

Yea I am not too sure about medical school now, wounds of rejections have created doubts that I am probably not fit for it. I think time has come to leave everything to Allah (swt) and rely on him and not on myself ... took me a while to come to that conclusion but nevertheless it is clear now that you cannot fight Allah's (swt) decree no matter how smart or how intelligent you think of yourself... :cry:
 
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Subhanallah,

Italianguy, u got to get out of the house and make some friends out there!! lol

Sometime, we all know what the truth is but we try to turn away from it as we are too engrossed in this world.

Alhamdulilah, the different between yourself and me is the fact that I have stopped searching because I know the purpose of my life in this world. I know what Allah cammands me. I am just a servant to Him so that Inshallah, I can live eternally in Jannah.

Don't stop searching and Inshallah you'll figure the purpose of your life (it will be the same as mine and all other Muslims inshallah)

And if your ever in London, let me know, my mum's cooking is awesome.. Espicially her kebabs.. A reason to meet me :statisfie
 
mad_scientist said:
Yes, you need to talk to the elders in your family. Those who are sympathetic towards you. Tell them the situation, get their opinion on it and then decide.

Yea I am not too sure about medical school now, wounds of rejections have created doubts that I am probably not fit for it. I think time has come to leave everything to Allah (swt) and rely on him and not on myself ... took me a while to come to that conclusion but nevertheless it is clear now that you cannot fight Allah's (swt) decree no matter how smart or how intelligent you think of yourself... :cry:
Click to expand...

Very true bro, Sorry you had to go through that. If you still want to go med school you should do so.
 
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