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May Ayob
07-08-2011, 05:51 PM
Salaam and Peace be to all

This thread is about Abuse, It is a very sensitive topic and many victims of this practice do not usually speak up about it , it is rather kept in private. From my knowledge I know that there are many types of Abuse
There is Physical , Verbal, Sexual, Domestic..etc
What are your views on this? Why are we suffering from this? What are the factors? How can we help those who are being abused and who do we also help those which are practicing abuse against others?

Any thoughts? I would be interested in knowing you points of view?
I hope we can learn something beneficial and learn how to make a difference Insha'Allah

Salaam and Peace be to all.
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May Ayob
07-08-2011, 08:25 PM
Salaam

Any one interested? I guess nobody here has ever been through abuse ....

Salaam
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Who Am I?
07-08-2011, 09:49 PM
:sl:

This is something that is personal to me because it happened to in my own family.

My sister had an abusive boyfriend for a while, and none of us knew it until they had been together for almost a year. She came home one day with a black eye and that was the first we heard about it. Of course, I wanted to know where he was so I could go find him and have a nice "discussion" with him (accompanied by a few of my biggest and meanest friends of course). She refused to tell me because she knew what I was going to do.

This was 6 years ago. Anyway, she finally got out of that relationship a few months after that and has been happily married for two years now.
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Perseveranze
07-08-2011, 11:47 PM
I'm really not sure, I think Community leaders, Imams in the mosque could play a big role in helping this problem. I mean, the can be very influential (in a good way) and could address some of their lectures and talks about Abuse and what Islam says about it. This is definitly one way to help.

There's a very famous hadith which says; “Whoever among you sees an evil action, let him change it with his hand [by taking action]; and if he cannot, then with his tongue [by speaking out]; and if he cannot, then with his heart [by feeling that it is wrong] – and that is the weakest of faith.”

People tend to not get involved as it is "not their business", that's how a majority thinks unfortunatly. I personally think Community Leaders and such are the best way to improve the situation, can't really think of anything else, though i'm sure there are other solutions.

"Verily, fear of people should not stop a man from speaking out the truth he knows." - Muhammad(pbuh).
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Just_A_Girl13
07-09-2011, 12:26 AM
Originally Posted by King of Nines
My sister had an abusive boyfriend for a while, and none of us knew it until they had been together for almost a year. She came home one day with a black eye and that was the first we heard about it. Of course, I wanted to know where he was so I could go find him and have a nice "discussion" with him (accompanied by a few of my biggest and meanest friends of course). She refused to tell me because she knew what I was going to do. This was 6 years ago. Anyway, she finally got out of that relationship a few months after that and has been happily married for two years now.
Masha'Allah, what a happy ending! :) And you're a very good brother.
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Flame of Hope
07-09-2011, 02:07 AM
:sl:

Abuse is the result of ignorance.

People don't understand that when they abuse others they are in reality abusing themselves. Whenever they wrong others, they are actually wronging themselves.
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Flame of Hope
07-09-2011, 02:12 AM
:sl:

Originally Posted by May Ayob
How can we help those who are being abused and who do we also help those which are practicing abuse against others?
I think the best way to help both... the abuser as well as the abused.... is to educate them about Islam and to explain in depth the meaning of the shahada. A correct understanding of Islam is indeed the cure for many evils.
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SFatima
07-09-2011, 06:44 AM
I can only think that only those people abuse others who have no true fear of Allah swt in their hearts. And it is true that the role of imam is so much more important than performing salah, it is so important for people to go to him for guidance and solve their problems.

Also they should give lectures on manners and increase the awareness of good behavior among all people. In my country for example, the Mosque heads are not always very learned scholars, and they will go on and on about , salah, zakat hajj, purdah on women, responsibilities of women, but never a word about responsibilities of men towards women, which off course creates an imbalance of behaviors where men justify theirs all the time. But Alhamdulilah things are changing now as more and more people are learning about the deeper aspects of islam.
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Who Am I?
07-09-2011, 04:26 PM
Originally Posted by Just_A_Girl13
Masha'Allah, what a happy ending! :) And you're a very good brother.
Not really. She is a better sister. She kept me from doing something stupid and possibly ruining my life when she wouldn't tell me where he was.

I think that people who abuse don't like themselves and they take it out on everyone else. I used to hate myself, but luckily I never got to a point where I was abusive and violent towards anyone I knew (other than a few drunken fights, but that's a different story). Most of my anger was directed towards myself.
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SFatima
07-09-2011, 08:09 PM
Originally Posted by King of Nines
Not really. She is a better sister. She kept me from doing something stupid and possibly ruining my life when she wouldn't tell me where he was.

I think that people who abuse don't like themselves and they take it out on everyone else. .
You've had so many blessings in disguise MashAllah , guess we all do, we only fail to realize .: )

Anyhow, since I cannot post to another thread in which a sister asked about an advice about abuse, i'll just try to add something for her here.

I'll recommend her to recite Ayatl -kursi All the time. That means, that whenever she remembers in her memory, she must recite it. That would mean, before she goes to sleep, when she wakes up, when she's about to face her father, when she goes out and etc. It is one of The most powerful and heaviest Ayah ( verse) of the Quran. It is singular, and it is not very Long, and I cannot thank Allah swt enough for making my mother encourage me to memorize it in my childhood. I cannot count the benefits and the number of times I have been saved from so much, just because I would remember to recite it. It is just unbelievable SubhanAllah.

So I'll encourage everyone to learn it, and recite it before you embark on a journey, are about to do something important or anything etc.

And also remember its meaning, it describes the characteristics of Allah swt in a beautiful way subhanAllah. Also I would advice all people who go through such un-avoidable circumstances of abuse (blood relations), that keep on praying consistently for the person you suffer abuse from, they are deeply disturbed people too who are unable to sort out their issues themselves, and of course they should make the effort to better themselves, but you must keep praying for them too so that Allah swt may show them the right path, via your sincere prayers.

And always try not to offend them directly or indirectly, one has to be really smart around abusive people and trust me there are people who deal with them so well, its all a learning game. I know its too much to say to a teenager, but there are some really smart teenagers as well, and one can always change the technique of handling people if one technique is not working, it will only enrich your own skills as a person and it is very very handy in a career too, people who learn how to manage abusive people, are at the top of their game in every field.

Try to make them feel good about themselves, acknowledge that you know that they care for you and are protective of you, you can even write a letter to your father ( addressing to the girl who is in such a situation and asked for advice in a thread) first acknowledging his care in your brought up, and also mention that you care for them and feel that they are too stressed out sometimes and by some un-intentional act of yours might irritate him,and you feel really sad and sorry about it all the time.

Tell him that his happiness and approval matters a lot to you and you would be really happy to be corrected politely as you highly value his opinions but you, yourself get really tensed and nervous when your father would scold you, and that takes away the opportunity to learn in a positive environment and also makes you end up doing things the wrong way out of nervousness. I hope you get what I'm trying to say. Feel free to pm me if you want clarifications. ( you have to say/write it ,and see it work, if you want a realistic solution)

I'm not saying that it will work, although I hope it does InshAllah. What happens is , that you will feel a lot more confident about yourself if communicate via a writing to him, you will not only appear mature to him by doing so writing in such a way, he might actually think over his behavior. If not, keep praying, Allah swt is always listening. The reason you must try to communicate it all, is that there is a strong chance that you start getting really upset and you might end up emulating him, to get your frustration out, which even you wouldn't want. I would not recommend running away from home suddenly before giving it a chance, I really think you should give some communication a try before making such a huge decision. It is a meaner world out there than most of us know, at this age especially, its like, out of the frying pan into the fire.

And have lots of faith, Allah swt will show you a way and will make it easier for you to do it. These things may take time, but as they say in islam that our blood relations ( or even step relations, foster etc) who live with us, are more deserving of our care and attention that anyone else, you must give it a chance, or many chances at least. It is going to be hard initially, but you'll manage it well IA with time. All our prayers and best wishes for you. I hope you get to read it too ameen :)
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May Ayob
07-10-2011, 06:11 AM
Salaam
Thank you all for your replies,

I have some questions though;
I've heard statements that go like : if your abused in your home then you will probably turn out to be an aggressive person?
Any thoughts? Anyone has any prove for this?
I kind of disagree because I think think that the victim of abuse has already a low-selfesteem and I mean he/she is being surpressed all the time , how do the even gain the confidence to speak up let alone be an aggressive person :/ I think they are mostly shy, introverted indiviuals.

Also ,another question is which has a deeper affect? Verbal or Physical abuse?
In grade 8 I always used to hear people repeating this statement :"
"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me"
Do you agree? or disagree?
I personaly dis-agree , I think that words have a deeper affect, because you can recover from being beaten even if it after time, but there's a saying that says words are like a bullet the moment you shoot them they can not be returned.( of course both are not good in any way)

Any thoughts? or Points of view?

Salaam
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Who Am I?
07-10-2011, 07:41 AM
:sl:

I've heard that said before, that how you are brought up in your home determines what kind of a parent or spouse you will be. Sometimes it is true, and sometimes it is not true. I have known people in my life who had great parents and they turned out to be bad adults. I have also known people with bad parents who turned out as decent adults. So it works both ways.
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May Ayob
07-10-2011, 07:46 AM
Originally Posted by King of Nines
I've heard that said before, that how you are brought up in your home determines what kind of a parent or spouse you will be. Sometimes it is true, and sometimes it is not true. I have known people in my life who had great parents and they turned out to be bad adults. I have also known people with bad parents who turned out as decent adults. So it works both ways.

Thank you, but my question was another :(
I'll explain ; when in school ( esp HighSchool) there are some students who seem to be a little aggressive ( get into fights and things like that) people's explanation to this behavior is that they say : they are probably abused at home this is why they try to put all their anger on other students
Do you think this is really what is happening?? I sometimes think otherwise.

Salaam
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SFatima
07-10-2011, 08:50 AM
Well it might not be that kids always abuse other kids at school just because they're abused at home. Mostly kids who are abused go into their own shell and are the really shy and quiet ones.

And it is also observed that there are over confident kids who abuse other kids out of arrogance, to maintain or establish their place in the school ,to exert themselves wrongly upon others, to be famous or to attract girls. ( nice girls are attracted to abusive men, fact of life ; P, unless they decide that its not worth it, but some of the nicest girls are attracted to abusive men, and these men use that to their advantage)
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May Ayob
07-10-2011, 12:16 PM
Originally Posted by SFatima
Mostly kids who are abused go into their own shell and are the really shy and quiet ones
Salaam

That was the point I was trying to understand, If anyone has been familiar with abuse and it's effects then I think that most children or women who are being abused suffer low confidence low self-esteem that it is quite strange for some people to say that abused kids/women..etc are aggressive ..It confuses me:/

Here is something I found regarding Criminal behavior and Abuse
Abuse & Criminal Behavior


  • 14% of all men in prison in the USA were abused as children
  • 36% of all women in prison were abused as children
  • Children who experience child abuse & neglect are 59% more likely to be arrested as a juvenile, 28% more likely to be arrested as an adult, and 30% more likely to commit violent crime.

SOURCE:http://www.childhelp.org/pages/statistics


Any other thoughts about the sentiments I brought up in the previous post?

Salaam
Reply

May Ayob
07-10-2011, 12:29 PM
Salaam Peace be to all

Here are some other facts and Statistics about abuse:

General Statistics:

  • A report of child abuse is made every ten seconds.
  • Almost five children die every day as a result of child abuse. More than three out of four are under the age of 4.
  • It is estimated that between 60-85% of child fatalities due to maltreatment are not recorded as such on death certificates.
  • 90% of child sexual abuse victims know the perpetrator in some way; 68% are abused by family members.
  • Child abuse occurs at every socioeconomic level, across ethnic and cultural lines, within all religions and at all levels of education.
  • 31% percent of women in prison in the United States were abused as children.
  • Over 60% of people in drug rehabilitation centers report being abused or neglected as a child.
  • About 30% of abused and neglected children will later abuse their own children, continuing the horrible cycle of abuse.
  • About 80% of 21 year old that were abused as children met criteria for at least one psychological disorder.
  • The estimated annual cost of child abuse and neglect in the United States for 2007 is $104 billion.
  • Over 3 million reports of child abuse are made every year in the United States; however, those reports can include multiple children. In 2009, approximately 3.3 million child abuse reports and allegations were made involving an estimated 6 million children.

http://www.childhelp.org/pages/statistics-Source

Other interesting things:
- in British Columbia, there were 689 residents in shelters: 54% were women and 46% were children.
  • 82% were women escaping abusive situations
  • of the women escaping abuse, 32% indicated they were also protecting their children from psychological abuse, 28% from witnessing abuse of their mother, 13% from threats, 9% from physical abuse, 5% from neglect, and 5% from sexual abuse
  • among family assaults parents were the perpetrators in 56% of physical assaults against youths and 43% of sexual assaults against youth victims 12 to 17 years of age;
  • siblings were responsible for approximately 25% of physical and 26% of sexual assaults in the family that were perpetrated against youth
  • extended family members committed 8% of physical, and 28% of sexual assaults against youth
  • In their 2001 report on Family Violence in Canada**, The Canadian Centre for Justice Statistics found that:
  • 69% of substantiated physical abuse involved inappropriate punishment
  • 68% of substantiated sexual abuse involved touching and fondling
  • 58% of substantiated emotional maltreatment involved exposure to family violence
  • 48% of substantiated cases of neglect primarily involved failure to supervise the child properly, which lead to physical harm
  • University of Victoria's Sexual Assault Centre*** posts the following childhood sexual abuse statistics:
  • 1 in 3 females and 1 in 6 males in Canada experience some form of sexual abuse before the age of 18.
  • 80% of all child abusers are the father, foster father, stepfather or another relative or close family friend of the victim.
  • Incestuous relationships last 7 years on average
  • 75% of mothers are not aware of the incest in their family
  • 60-80% of offenders in a study of imprisoned rapists had been molested as children
  • 80% of prostitutes and juvenile delinquents, in another study, were sexually abused as children.
  • In 1999, the McCreary Adolescent Health Survey II* found that:
  • 35% of girls and 16% of boys between grades 7 - 12 had been sexually and/or physically abused
  • Among girls surveyed, 17-year-olds experienced the highest rate of sexual abuse at 20%

In their 2001 report on Family Violence in Canada**, The Canadian Centre for Justice Statistics found that children who are exposed to physical violence in their homes are:

  • more than twice as likely to be physically aggressive as those who have not had such exposure;
  • more likely to commit delinquent acts against property
  • more likely to display emotional disorders and hyperactivity


This is what I found for now; If I find more I will add Insha'Allah

You are free to give your thoughts and solutions
Salaam
Reply

SFatima
07-10-2011, 01:03 PM
There is only one solution for the societies to adopt if the wish to identify the failures among them. If you are talking about the western society, true that it looks for solutions but those solutions hardly ever have any effect.

I dont think you can set such worrisome statistics straight by starting awareness programmes/ workshops. They already are there. The answer for all this social mayhem is adopting the universal truth of the Oneness of Allah swt and following his recommended ways. there can be no better way than that prescribed by Allah swt, all man made ways are full of loop holes and lack absolute morality, which can only come from the absolutely valid source of knowledge and wisdom, which is only Allah swt.

As long as the western society will maintain its distance from a true religion, they can never instill moral values into themselves. These are potentially very destructive societies and they don't realize that they're eating up humans and tearing them apart, jeopardizing the intricate family value system.

And people are so obsessed with the superficial lifestyle, they'd even sell their organs to get an ipad ( did you hear the news? much worse can happen) you cannot bring about change in a society which is built on the fundamentals of personal desires, no matter how vain and destructive.

But yes you can try to bring change in yourself and then slowly people may become inspired by you and they may start learning from you. This may sound like a tall order to you, but it sure works, someday when Allah swt thinks that we're good enough to inspire somebody. Though It is not really us who impress people, it is Allah swt who puts in the hearts of people the inspiration by making us the reason, so strive to be on the path of deen and Allah will cause other people to be inspired by you InshAllah.
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May Ayob
07-10-2011, 01:56 PM
Originally Posted by SFatima
I dont think you can set such worrisome statistics straight by starting awareness programmes/ workshops. They already are there. The answer for all this social mayhem is adopting the universal truth of the Oneness of Allah swt and following his recommended ways. there can be no better way than that prescribed by Allah swt, all man made ways are full of loop holes and lack absolute morality, which can only come from the absolutely valid source of knowledge and wisdom, which is only Allah swt. As long as the western society will maintain its distance from a true religion, they can never instill moral values into themselves. These are potentially very destructive societies and they don't realize that they're eating up humans and tearing them apart, jeopardizing the intricate family value system.

Salaam sis
Yes, may be you are right, but Violence and Abuse in the Islamic world is not any less, you can say it is ignorance but unfortunately many who are considered as religious people tend to commit these types of attitudes againsttheir Mothers, Sisiters,Wives and daughters.. this is why there is rapid growing rate of females escaping from home , esp. in Saudi Arabia
I think it is humanitarian problem, It also depend on indiviuals as well.


Originally Posted by SFatima
And people are so obsessed with the superficial lifestyle, they'd even sell their organs to get an ipad ( did you hear the news? much worse can happen) you cannot bring about change in a society which is built on the fundamentals of personal desires, no matter how vain and destructive.
I never heard of this :/ some people sell their organs to buy and Ipad( May Allah protect everyone from any evil).. Yes true but The journey of a thousand miles starts with one step one should never loose hope , Insha'Allah their will be change to the better let's be optimistic :)

Salaam
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Who Am I?
07-10-2011, 07:11 PM
:sl:

I think sister Fatima has it right. The tragic state of our society is due to a loss of morality. We've gotten far away from God and become too worried about political correctness and hurting people's feelings, and this is the result.

On a side note, I used to act like a jerk because I thought that would attract girls. It didn't work for me because I wasn't being true to myself and they knew it.
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Just_A_Girl13
07-10-2011, 07:24 PM
Originally Posted by King of Nines
On a side note, I used to act like a jerk because I thought that would attract girls.
Smart girls like nice boys :)
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May Ayob
07-10-2011, 07:51 PM
Originally Posted by King of Nines
become too worried about political correctness and hurting people's feelings, and this is the result.
Salaam Brother, I don't understand:/
What is wrong with political correctness and hurting people's feelings.
I think that it mostly has to do with the indiviual and how they were raised or even not what they were taught as right and wrong..Even though there is a vast population of Muslim who pray and fast there is still abuse , It is very obvious and can not be denied some of them even do it in the name of Allah I think it is when someone understands Quran the wrong way.

Salaam
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Soulja Girl
07-10-2011, 08:28 PM
:sa:

Originally Posted by Just_A_Girl13
Smart girls like nice boys :)
Yea.. :shade:

loll.. :p
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Salahudeen
07-10-2011, 09:16 PM
Originally Posted by King of Nines

On a side note, I used to act like a jerk because I thought that would attract girls. It didn't work for me because I wasn't being true to myself and they knew it.
haha many of us have been through this phase, then you realise it's only the young immature girls who prefer this. Grown women prefer quite the opposite.
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May Ayob
07-11-2011, 11:38 AM
Salaam Peace be to all

I thought Abuse was an important topic and I thought as Muslims we are supposed to do our best in changing the negative things that are happening but No problem, this thread might as well just be closed.

Salaam Peace be to all
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Who Am I?
07-11-2011, 06:43 PM
Originally Posted by Salahudeen
haha many of us have been through this phase, then you realise it's only the young immature girls who prefer this. Grown women prefer quite the opposite.

Originally Posted by Just_A_Girl13
Smart girls like nice boys
:sl:

Well there must not be any smart girls around here then, because I have no luck with women at all.

At least I didn't before I became a Muslim. Now I just don't care anymore. I've pretty much given up on a relationship at this point. I have more important things to worry about now.
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Ali Mujahidin
07-12-2011, 01:03 AM
Originally Posted by King of Nines
At least I didn't before I became a Muslim. Now I just don't care anymore. I've pretty much given up on a relationship at this point. I have more important things to worry about now.

:sl:

Consider this:

Marrying is a sunnah of the Holy Prophet s.a.w. and the Holy Prophet said that he who does not practice my sunnah is not with me. Just food for thought.
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SFatima
07-12-2011, 08:23 AM
Originally Posted by May Ayob
Salaam sis
Yes, may be you are right, but Violence and Abuse in the Islamic world is not any less, you can say it is ignorance but unfortunately many who are considered as religious people tend to commit these types of attitudes againsttheir Mothers, Sisiters,Wives and daughters.. this is why there is rapid growing rate of females escaping from home , esp. in Saudi Arabia
I think it is humanitarian problem, It also depend on indiviuals as well.


Salaam
walaikum salam sister,

Violence in islamic countries? For that sister you have to look at the state of affairs of a muslim country at this point. This is one of the main confusion new converts come across when they look at a muslim society and are disappointed to find some contrasts there, I myself too am disappointed, but I understand the reasons for it as I am living in a ,apparently muslim country, but there is nothing islamic going on here, as islamic law is not being practised since it is not implemented anywhere, except few clauses of it in Saudi arabia and some states which has greatly prevented those countries from a high crime rate.

You must understand that the spirit of islam ,and the practise of it, is something people have to make an effort to learn because your parents wont teach you, the schools wont teach you, there is nothing on the media about it, if you look closely, most people in muslim countries live just the western lifestyle, there is nothing different, the eat the same junk food, they listen to the same music, they go watch the same movies, the youth has pre/ extra marital relationships just like non -muslims, where is Islam in this? And the reason this is happening is the you cant be a good muslim just because you're born in a muslim country to muslim parents, unless your parents are learned and practising, you would know as little about Quran as non-muslims do.

And this time period was predicted in the hadith when the Prophet Saww told his companions that " There will be a time when you will be great in numbers, but yet faith-less and powerless" .

So one cannot judge the quality of eeman by looking at the billion plus population, people who are true in their faith are always less in numbers but valuable in the eyes of Allah swt, and more so at this time, because non practising muslims have become hypocrites and munafiqs, those people who profess to be muslim, but do nothing like them. They are blinded by the glitter of this world, consume haram with fearlessness ( people take interest and give it and it is so haram, if you eat haram, you cannot purify your soul, and hence you cannot control your actions, you literally sell your soul to the devil and he takes it and ruins you completely)

The whole world is running on the interest banking system and businesses at this moment, people wonder where are the blessings of Allah swt, how can we see and absorb them when we have legalized interest, and Allah swt has clearly said in the Quran something like, that

"After What I have said to you regarding interest, if you still fall into it, consider yourself at WAR with Allah swt and the Prophet saww."

Who can withstand a war with Allah swt and his beloved prophet saww?? And yet we boldly not even engage it, we support it, throwing our hands in helplessness saying 'but we are not doing it, thats how the system of the world is what can we do? we cannot de-escalate our lifestyles, we have to take loans with interest for studies, buying a house and etc etc'

And as you may know that Allah swt says that hypocrites will burn in the most lowest level of hell, even dis believers (kaffirs) will be above them, for hypocrites are liars and think that they could lie to Allah swt, excailm their helplessness and go scot free.

So there are many many glaring reasons for the fall of muslim Ummah, I don't mean for anybody to be depressed, but it is high time we at least rose to the truth and consider it atleast bad in our hearts what has been called absolutely haram in the Quran. You cannot be too nice if you eat haram, even though you'd be going to the masjid, keeping rozas ( asom, fasts )giving huge charity, going to hajj and umrah and what not, but yet you are missing quite a few important fundamentals of Islam, and eating haram, which will make you ill at ease.

(I knew this banker family who used to pray and all but were quite miserly ( and were in favor of taking interest) the family was quite rich , but their problems were never ending, had an abnormal only son, the grandsons were born abnormal, with diseases, Astaghfirullah all this is a part of trials but if our trials fail to make us realize that we need to get to close to the creator, they become our reasons of un-happiness and distress. The poor banker was shot by some people who had a bad eye on his wealth. May Allah bless his soul and forgive him, but his wealth and power was of no use to him at any time of his life.)

May Allah swt bless us all and keep us far away from haram and fitnah.
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SFatima
07-12-2011, 08:32 AM
And all our this discussion is tied to the fitna-e dajjal, because it is the agenda of the dajjalic army to oppress the muslims, kill them and make them shun Islam, and at the end of this rope is satan who is at the peak of his enmity with the Oneness of Allah swt.

There are restrictions on Muslim scholars on speaking up about these topics, such scholars are not given space to hold lectures , go to universities who would teach something that is ISlamic, but is against the system of the world. Such scholars are even killed if they manage to hold such gatherings for informing people, because our whole education system prepares us to serve this non-Islamic system, and we accept it whole heartedly not knowing what is really at the end of it. So most scholar just stick to the basic teachings , because even the basic teachings give you a lot of knowledge with the help of Allah swt. Not saying that all education is bad, but an education which is not taught with the principles of Islam, or with any islam at all, it can never bring us peace or happiness, and that un-happiness is transmitted through bad behaviors and actions in the society.

And Only Allah swt knows best.
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May Ayob
07-12-2011, 09:33 AM
Originally Posted by SFatima
You must understand that the spirit of islam ,and the practise of it, is something people have to make an effort to learn because your parents wont teach you, the schools wont teach you, there is nothing on the media about it, if you look closely, most people in muslim countries live just the western lifestyle, there is nothing different, the eat the same junk food, they listen to the same music, they go watch the same movies, the youth has pre/ extra marital relationships just like non -muslims, where is Islam in this? And the reason this is happening is the you cant be a good muslim just because you're born in a muslim country to muslim parents, unless your parents are learned and practising, you would know as little about Quran as non-muslims do.


Salaam
I understand what you are trying to say, The Muslim world is not any better or different, this I agree, And I also agree that Islam can not be taught by whom you listed, this I also agree. But Abuse is a Humanitarian subject, I mean wasn't the Purpose of Jihad in first place to remove oppression and tyranny from people, so I was just wondering what is there to do Rather should we just live our lives and not care about what is happening? Aren't we witnesses to God of what is happening in this planet? Will we not be asked about what we could have done about it?
These are my questions ....


Originally Posted by SFatima
There are restrictions on Muslim scholars on speaking up about these topics, such scholars are not given space to hold lectures , go to universities who would teach something that is ISlamic, but is against the system of the world. Such scholars are even killed if they manage to hold such gatherings for informing people, because our whole education system prepares us to serve this non-Islamic system, and we accept it whole heartedly not knowing what is really at the end of it. So most scholar just stick to the basic teachings , because even the basic teachings give you a lot of knowledge with the help of Allah swt. Not saying that all education is bad, but an education which is not taught with the principles of Islam, or with any islam at all, it can never bring us peace or happiness, and that un-happiness is transmitted through bad behaviors and actions in the society.

How come? and Why? Why is it that we need a Muslim scholar to tell us what is Moraly or Ethically acceptable or not? Shouldn't we have realized what is wrong and what is right from our hearts? I am not saying let's make this "revolution" against the Society I am just asking for ways to help others who are in this painful situation, That's all.

Salaam
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ardianto
07-12-2011, 09:34 AM
In my childhood since I was 7 until 10 I lived in a small city with my family and my unmarried auntie. We were living in a big house with large backyard. Behind my house there were rice fields, and stuck on my backyard wall there were few bamboo cabins were rice farm workers lived there. They were poor people.

In an afternoon I saw my auntie stood on backyard. I approached her, but she gave me a sign to silence and listen. I listened what was my auntie listens. There were voices from a bamboo cabin, very bad, I heard an angry man and a crying woman. I heard that woman was so scared, she begged for mercy, but no mercy for her. I heard that man slapped that woman very hard, again and again. Then I ran, back to the house. I can't say that was abuse case, no, that's torture.



Originally Posted by May Ayob

Also ,another question is which has a deeper affect? Verbal or Physical abuse?
In grade 8 I always used to hear people repeating this statement :"
"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me"
Do you agree? or disagree?
Totally disagree. Victim of verbal abuse usually becomes a low confidence person who always blame himself/herself.
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May Ayob
07-12-2011, 09:37 AM
Originally Posted by ardianto
Totally disagree. Victim of verbal abuse usually becomes a low confidence person who always blame himself/herself.

Exactly! That's what makes sense!
I honestly don't understand how someone can claim that people who are being abused are more inclined towards aggression , never made any sense , and never will make any.

Salaam
Reply

ardianto
07-12-2011, 10:01 AM
Originally Posted by May Ayob
Exactly! That's what makes sense!
I honestly don't understand how someone can claim that people who are being abused are more inclined towards aggression , never made any sense , and never will make any.

Salaam
Salaam

When I was young I knew some thugs who use violence as their 'daily language'. But I found a fact, not all of them had abusive parents.
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SFatima
07-12-2011, 11:02 AM
Originally Posted by May Ayob
Exactly! That's what makes sense!
I honestly don't understand how someone can claim that people who are being abused are more inclined towards aggression , never made any sense , and never will make any.

Salaam
Maybe you haven't come across them but that doesn't mean there are no such cases. I frequently see people who become abusive later in life, while they have been brought up by either of the abusive parent. There are no generalizations in this. That doesn't mean that all kids will be abusive, or all kids will be shy and non-abusive.
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May Ayob
07-12-2011, 01:43 PM
Originally Posted by ardianto
When I was young I knew some thugs who use violence as their 'daily language'. But I found a fact, not all of them had abusive parents.

Yes, I think that it has NOTHING to do with being abused, Most "Thugs" do it because they think it's cool and fun to scare people,
We should have sympathy for people who are being abused.
Salaam
Reply

May Ayob
07-12-2011, 01:52 PM
Originally Posted by SFatima
Maybe you haven't come across them but that doesn't mean there are no such cases. I frequently see people who become abusive later in life, while they have been brought up by either of the abusive parent. There are no generalizations in this. That doesn't mean that all kids will be abusive, or all kids will be shy and non-abusive.
Salaam
Yes, True also though, It still wouldn't be a fair judgement,because there was a story I read sometime ago It is an Islamic tradition:
It says that there was a wise man teaching the son of a king Morals and Manners..etc So one day the teacher beat the child severly and caused him serious injuries but the child couldn't speak up because he knew his father(the King) wouldn't belive him so he waited until his father passed away and he became the king so he called upon the old teacher he had and he told him " Now that my father has passed away and I am the king I am free to do what I want for what you have done to me in my childhood without the knowledge of my father"
He asked him to explain why he did this to him when he was young
The Wise man said:"I wanted you to know what it feels like to be opressed and feel it deep within your heart, because I knew one day you were going to become a king and I did not want you to become a tyrant one"
See from this story we learn that maybe we face uncomfortable things in life to know what it feels like to be in a certain situation and we make the right judgements and actions according to it.
Some of these abused people are really lucky they probably don't know what is hidden for them in the future of Good Fortune Insha'Allah
Salaam
Reply

Pure Purple
07-12-2011, 03:19 PM
I am really thankful to allah subhanahu wa ta'ala I never got abused by anybody.Only once my college teacher told me something by which my self confidence got lowered at that time .
I got Admission in a very reputed college.And I was from Non English medium(URDU).It was very Difficult time of my life I was not able to understand what teacher is touting.During writing journal I had written every thing wrong(spelling mistakes).She asked me you came from where, from Which school?(I told her about my school.Obviously she was aware of that I am a Muslim.In the class of 138 students only 5-6 muslim students were there and me and one of my friend were from non English medium.)
Then she told me go back to your school's college.Why you came here.I was feeling very depress at that moment.I decided I will leave this college after my 11th and join some other college.But my friends were very supportive towards me.They told me don't pay attention to her.She is telling these things because she is scared of college's reputation.They Do not want a bad result for their reputed college.But friend you will make bad result for these people.
But I work really hard I scored above my Expectation.
Reply

Who Am I?
07-12-2011, 03:35 PM
Originally Posted by ThisOldMan
:sl:

Consider this:

Marrying is a sunnah of the Holy Prophet s.a.w. and the Holy Prophet said that he who does not practice my sunnah is not with me. Just food for thought.
:sl:

I understand that. I know about marriage being half the deen and all that. But my life is too complicated right now, and I can't ask a sister to share that burden. It's not fair to her.
Reply

SFatima
07-12-2011, 04:08 PM
Originally Posted by May Ayob
Salaam
Yes, True also though, It still wouldn't be a fair judgement,because there was a story I read sometime ago It is an Islamic tradition:
It says that there was a wise man teaching the son of a king Morals and Manners..etc So one day the teacher beat the child severly and caused him serious injuries but the child couldn't speak up because he knew his father(the King) wouldn't belive him so he waited until his father passed away and he became the king so he called upon the old teacher he had and he told him " Now that my father has passed away and I am the king I am free to do what I want for what you have done to me in my childhood without the knowledge of my father"
He asked him to explain why he did this to him when he was young
The Wise man said:"I wanted you to know what it feels like to be opressed and feel it deep within your heart, because I knew one day you were going to become a king and I did not want you to become a tyrant one"
See from this story we learn that maybe we face uncomfortable things in life to know what it feels like to be in a certain situation and we make the right judgements and actions according to it.
Some of these abused people are really lucky they probably don't know what is hidden for them in the future of Good Fortune Insha'Allah
Salaam
Thats a very nice story thanks for sharing jazakAllah khair :)
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