Not really. She is a better sister. She kept me from doing something stupid and possibly ruining my life when she wouldn't tell me where he was.
I think that people who abuse don't like themselves and they take it out on everyone else. .
You've had so many blessings in disguise MashAllah , guess we all do, we only fail to realize .: )
Anyhow, since I cannot post to another thread in which a sister asked about an advice about abuse, i'll just try to add something for her here.
I'll recommend her to recite Ayatl -kursi All the time. That means, that whenever she remembers in her memory, she must recite it. That would mean, before she goes to sleep, when she wakes up, when she's about to face her father, when she goes out and etc. It is one of The most powerful and heaviest Ayah ( verse) of the Quran. It is singular, and it is not very Long, and I cannot thank Allah swt enough for making my mother encourage me to memorize it in my childhood. I cannot count the benefits and the number of times I have been saved from so much, just because I would remember to recite it. It is just unbelievable SubhanAllah.
So I'll encourage everyone to learn it, and recite it before you embark on a journey, are about to do something important or anything etc.
And also remember its meaning, it describes the characteristics of Allah swt in a beautiful way subhanAllah. Also I would advice all people who go through such un-avoidable circumstances of abuse (blood relations), that keep on praying consistently for the person you suffer abuse from, they are deeply disturbed people too who are unable to sort out their issues themselves, and of course they should make the effort to better themselves, but you must keep praying for them too so that Allah swt may show them the right path, via your sincere prayers.
And always try not to offend them directly or indirectly, one has to be really smart around abusive people and trust me there are people who deal with them so well, its all a learning game. I know its too much to say to a teenager, but there are some really smart teenagers as well, and one can always change the technique of handling people if one technique is not working, it will only enrich your own skills as a person and it is very very handy in a career too, people who learn how to manage abusive people, are at the top of their game in every field.
Try to make them feel good about themselves, acknowledge that you know that they care for you and are protective of you, you can even write a letter to your father ( addressing to the girl who is in such a situation and asked for advice in a thread) first acknowledging his care in your brought up, and also mention that you care for them and feel that they are too stressed out sometimes and by some un-intentional act of yours might irritate him,and you feel really sad and sorry about it all the time.
Tell him that his happiness and approval matters a lot to you and you would be really happy to be corrected politely as you highly value his opinions but you, yourself get really tensed and nervous when your father would scold you, and that takes away the opportunity to learn in a positive environment and also makes you end up doing things the wrong way out of nervousness. I hope you get what I'm trying to say. Feel free to pm me if you want clarifications. ( you have to say/write it ,and see it work, if you want a realistic solution)
I'm not saying that it will work, although I hope it does InshAllah. What happens is , that you will feel a lot more confident about yourself if communicate via a writing to him, you will not only appear mature to him by doing so writing in such a way, he might actually think over his behavior. If not, keep praying, Allah swt is always listening. The reason you must try to communicate it all, is that there is a strong chance that you start getting really upset and you might end up emulating him, to get your frustration out, which even you wouldn't want. I would not recommend running away from home suddenly before giving it a chance, I really think you should give some communication a try before making such a huge decision. It is a meaner world out there than most of us know, at this age especially, its like, out of the frying pan into the fire.
And have lots of faith, Allah swt will show you a way and will make it easier for you to do it. These things may take time, but as they say in islam that our blood relations ( or even step relations, foster etc) who live with us, are more deserving of our care and attention that anyone else, you must give it a chance, or many chances at least. It is going to be hard initially, but you'll manage it well IA with time. All our prayers and best wishes for you. I hope you get to read it too ameen
