Originally Posted by mista_khan
It is one thing to be 'forced' into marriage due to family pressure.
It is another thing to intentionally deceive your spouse by having an extra-marital affair.
From all that you have stated thus far, what is quite apparent is that your feelings and concern for your wife run so low that:
1. You chose to deny her conjugal rights as a wife, while being with her for 3 weeks after marriage.
2. You say that: "I have hardly called my wife I literally don't care if she asks for me like 100 times...."
3. Its 18 months later of being in this marriage, and it appears that you have no interest to at least give your wife a chance and try to make this marriage work out.
Clearly your illicit involvement with this other woman plays a role in how you feel towards your marriage.
As mentioned previously - leave this haraam relationship behind, as no good can come off it - both in this life and in the next.
However, in addition to this, I will also suggest, that if you KNOW that it will not be possible for you to love, honor and respect your wife in the manner that she deserves (for whatever reason - be it lack of attraction, incompatibility due to different cultures/ lifestyles, etc), and you KNOW that you can never be happy in this marriage,
then please, for the sake of this poor wife who is sitting in Pakistan and most likely lamenting over the state of her marriage - set her free through either an annulment (as it appears that this marriage is yet to be consumated) or divorce (please contact your local imam to clarify this).
Just for a minute, place yourself in your wifes shoes:
How do you think she felt when her new husband did not even want to be close and intimate with her after marriage?
Worthless? Broken-hearted? Like something is wrong with her
? The joy that every new bride feels being snatched away?
How do you think she feels right now - as you do not answer her calls and do not show any love or concern for her?
It is very painful to be in a marriage, where there is such an imbalance of love and commitment between two people....with one person constantly trying to change the others heart.
Most certainly, she is aware of how little you feel for her - yet for her to still want to come to UK to be with you, and to try and make this marriage work, speaks of how special she actually is.
So, please for once in this entire scenario, do what is right:
- Leave behind this illicit affair that is causing such displeasure to Allah.
- And if you can not find it in your heart to love your wife, then let her go as well.
Do not put a person through a life of heart-break (from never feeling loved and fear of infidelity).
Do not bring children into a marriage that you find so difficult to be in yourself.
Do not live a life of lies and deceit - How would you feel if your wife were to treat you in a similar manner?
While I agree that every effort should be made to save a marriage....however, if a marriage is dead before it even begins, and already
infidelity has reared its head.....then, sometimes some things are not meant to be saved.
Perhaps more good can come to both parties by walking away.
However, this decision is for you to make - without the influences of a third party.