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smallkid
04-08-2016, 08:17 PM
I am recently experiencing alot of up and downs in my emaan. Alot of the times I have said Kufrana statements. However, I believe that the test is over for you guys.

Just assure me that ALLAH is in control of my life. Assure me that all the good and bad happens from Allah and there is goodness in everything. This will allow me see the seemingly bad thing as good.

Any personal stories will be preferred and assurance of Allah is in control of even bad things in life for ultimate goodness will be preffered.
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Umm Abed
04-08-2016, 08:25 PM
Maybe you can share your personal experiences as to how the change began.

Which specific aspects have you concentrated on to bring change in you?

Thanks.
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smallkid
04-08-2016, 08:32 PM
I noticed how much my emaan fluctuated by the kind of news that I was getting from the external environment and how much influenced I am by what people say.

This made me think differently. I am also yet to figure out the purpose of life. I mean youcan earn alot but theres a limit to utility or enjoyment. Also you can pray alot and strive for aakhirah but if you do not achieve anything in this world or fame what have you lived a life for. I really cant fugure out why are we in this world when we are so different in personalities and achievements. I
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Umm Abed
04-08-2016, 08:42 PM
Thanks for your reply, smallkid.

It is a known fact that your environment and company has a big effect on a person and especially if the imaan is weak and surroundings are bad then it will have a negative effect more profoundly.

The purpose of life is to worship Allah swt as is mentioned in the Qur'an, and work towards the akhirah, because that is our final abode, not this world.

That is the system in the world that Allah has made everyone different and each one has their own tests to go through.
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M.I.A.
04-08-2016, 08:54 PM
I know all sorts of people with all sorts of experiences.

People that have been through the same things and have it end differently.

People that live carelessly and those that are cautious.. Not always playing out as you would assume.

Alhamdulillah.. If you want someone else to take responsibility for your life,

Then your in the wrong place.

Half the time you would wonder why people do as they do and the other half why you were deserving of any of it.


There is no denying Allah swt.. For those with any knowledge or without.

He alone knows our hearts.
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smallkid
04-08-2016, 09:21 PM
I want to end a near-engagement because I think the girls paternal relatives are way below us in financial status, education level, and are too simple or unrefined in terms of how they should behave in the class or living standard. In our culture you have to associate alot with them. So please let me know if Allah will not hold me accountable or bring bad things in my life because of this. I have nothing against her maternal relatives or the girl. However, in our culture you dont just marry the girl, you marry the entire family. So please let me know if I can do that for my lifelong happiness without fearing any reproach from Allah.
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smallkid
04-08-2016, 09:22 PM
Even my close friends will make fun of me that an MBA with textile mills running under him has to settle for them. May Allah give them a better match but I will not be able to live a life like that.
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M.I.A.
04-08-2016, 09:51 PM
O_o .... +_+....

:| ... °-° .....

......and then the fight started??


No I'm kidding.. But not really. Love is hard work.
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smallkid
04-08-2016, 09:56 PM
No this is not the fight. This just self realization. My happiness should matter the most. I am pretty firm on that now.
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M.I.A.
04-08-2016, 10:05 PM
Unfortunately I am not the ib agony uncle..

I can't tell you how to live and your elders can only suggest.. Probably..

Your choices ma mayn.

Makes a change from the parents won't marry you off scenario..

One day you will probably have kids of your own.
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ardianto
04-08-2016, 10:11 PM
Originally Posted by smallkid
I want to end a near-engagement because I think the girls paternal relatives are way below us in financial status, education level, and are too simple or unrefined in terms of how they should behave in the class or living standard. In our culture you have to associate alot with them. So please let me know if Allah will not hold me accountable or bring bad things in my life because of this. I have nothing against her maternal relatives or the girl. However, in our culture you dont just marry the girl, you marry the entire family. So please let me know if I can do that for my lifelong happiness without fearing any reproach from Allah.
My closeness with the girl who then became my wife happened because pity. I met her in highschool. Then I visited her home, and surprised when I saw, she was poor. She lived in very small house with only two small bed rooms for ten people!. That's why then when she wanted to have something and told me, I always bought for her. Even I paid her study cost in computer course after she told me that she was sad because her friends could continue study after graduate from highschool, while she was must stay at home. Her parents were too poor to pay her study cost. And the computer course that I paid could make her got a good job and help her family.

Just like in your culture, in my culture, if a man marries a woman, he marries the woman's entire family. But I didn't regard it as problem. I myself came from wealthy family. But since I was kid I have been taught to not differentiate people from social class.

Love doesn't recognize social class, love doesn't recognize difference. :)
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smallkid
04-08-2016, 10:31 PM
In my case, theres no love. It is an arranged one. However, the final decision depends on me. Is there any dua or istikhara to solve the situation so that no body feels bad, and Allah provides both the families with better than each other ?
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Eric H
04-09-2016, 05:32 AM
Originally Posted by smallkid
My happiness should matter the most. I am pretty firm on that now.
Happiness is like a butterfly, the more you chase it, the further it flies away.

The best way to find happiness, is when you make others happy. All the tv adverts about having what we want now, just make us selfish.

In the spirit of striving to do the will of God,

Eric
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Eric H
04-09-2016, 05:39 AM
Greetings and peace be with you ardianto;

My closeness with the girl who then became my wife happened because pity. I met her in highschool. Then I visited her home, and surprised when I saw, she was poor. She lived in very small house with only two small bed rooms for ten people!. That's why then when she wanted to have something and told me, I always bought for her. Even I paid her study cost in computer course after she told me that she was sad because her friends could continue study after graduate from highschool, while she was must stay at home. Her parents were too poor to pay her study cost. And the computer course that I paid could make her got a good job and help her family.

Just like in your culture, in my culture, if a man marries a woman, he marries the woman's entire family. But I didn't regard it as problem. I myself came from wealthy family. But since I was kid I have been taught to not differentiate people from social class.

Love doesn't recognize social class, love doesn't recognize difference. :)
You are an inspiration to us all.

Blessings

Eric
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hassan_hassib
04-09-2016, 09:09 AM
Originally Posted by Eric H
Happiness is like a butterfly, the more you chase it, the further it flies away.

The best way to find happiness, is when you make others happy. All the tv adverts about having what we want now, just make us selfish.

In the spirit of striving to do the will of God,

Eric
I totally agree Eric, the illusion of this life and at the same time the more we try to achieve what we want the more we get frustrated , happiness is temporary so we get frustrated so we need to achieve more so we can happy with ourselves, otherwise Allah created us human and made us his best creations even better than angels, I think we should work on ourselves and our hearts to purify them from those modern values " happiness, success, achievements, challenges", yet the words are innocents but they are related nowadays to a mode of life of famous people, of Materialism, of DUNIA.
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hisnameiszzz
04-09-2016, 09:31 AM
Originally Posted by Eric H
Happiness is like a butterfly, the more you chase it, the further it flies away. The best way to find happiness, is when you make others happy. All the tv adverts about having what we want now, just make us selfish.
I normally agree with everything that you say ERIC H, but I disagree with you on this one completely.

I am now following what TV adverts and the media say about happiness.

All my life, I have done things and tried to make others happy and where has it got me? Absolutely nowhere. Don't get me wrong, I don't do good / kind things to get something back, but the concept of "make others happy and it will make you happy" is not true from where I am stood (well sitting actually).
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Serinity
04-09-2016, 10:46 AM
:salam:

Firstly:

1. Keep away from people who joke about Allah.
2. Keep away from people who joke about Islam, or anything prohibited in Islam.

Search Allah, be careful for whom you befriend. They may either:

A. Destroy your akhira, make you heedless, etc.

B. It will build your akhira, etc.
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ardianto
04-09-2016, 02:32 PM
Originally Posted by hisnameiszzz
I normally agree with everything that you say ERIC H, but I disagree with you on this one completely.

I am now following what TV adverts and the media say about happiness.

All my life, I have done things and tried to make others happy and where has it got me? Absolutely nowhere. Don't get me wrong, I don't do good / kind things to get something back, but the concept of "make others happy and it will make you happy" is not true from where I am stood (well sitting actually).
You can feel happiness only if your heart is open to feel the happiness.

I know that you have many problems. Unfortunately it makes you convince yourself that your life is unhappy. And unconsciously it seal your heart. That's why you cannot feel a happiness.

If you realize that you still can feel a happiness although you have many problems, In Shaa Allah, your heart will be open, and you can feel a happiness.

:)
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hisnameiszzz
04-10-2016, 08:22 AM
Oh I do feel happiness. A lot. My nephews and niece came over yesterday and they rushed in shouting my name asking where I was. At times like that, all my worries disappear and I am literally in heaven.

I will be happy tomorrow too. I work in two different offices. They don't send me to one office much so when I go there tomorrow I will be able to catch up with my colleagues there. That fills me with happiness because they all message me saying they miss me.

I'm also filled with happiness when I give charity. I don't have much money but it's the thought of giving starving people food and trying to do good that fills me with joy and happiness.

I wish I could just move out with my family or the people next door all died or moved out, so I am not constantly harassed by them. It takes over your life. It really does.
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~ Sabr ~
04-11-2016, 12:03 PM
:salamext:

We have given you stories and lots of examples in your other threads - if you can't see them then you need to open your eyes.
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Hamza :)
04-15-2016, 06:11 PM
Originally Posted by ardianto
My closeness with the girl who then became my wife happened because pity. I met her in highschool. Then I visited her home, and surprised when I saw, she was poor. She lived in very small house with only two small bed rooms for ten people!. That's why then when she wanted to have something and told me, I always bought for her. Even I paid her study cost in computer course after she told me that she was sad because her friends could continue study after graduate from highschool, while she was must stay at home. Her parents were too poor to pay her study cost. And the computer course that I paid could make her got a good job and help her family.

Just like in your culture, in my culture, if a man marries a woman, he marries the woman's entire family. But I didn't regard it as problem. I myself came from wealthy family. But since I was kid I have been taught to not differentiate people from social class.

Love doesn't recognize social class, love doesn't recognize difference. :)
wow brother, just amazing.

May Allah increase you in goodness and may he reward you abundantly for what you did. Hope you both have a blessed marriage.
You don't hear many of such stories these days. Truly inspirational I must say. :)
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Hamza :)
04-15-2016, 06:13 PM
Originally Posted by hisnameiszzz
I normally agree with everything that you say ERIC H, but I disagree with you on this one completely.

I am now following what TV adverts and the media say about happiness.

All my life, I have done things and tried to make others happy and where has it got me? Absolutely nowhere. Don't get me wrong, I don't do good / kind things to get something back, but the concept of "make others happy and it will make you happy" is not true from where I am stood (well sitting actually).
If you help someone sincerely, the contentment you get is overwhelming and the feeling as amazing as it can get :)
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Abz2000
04-15-2016, 07:04 PM
Originally Posted by ardianto
My closeness with the girl who then became my wife happened because pity. I met her in highschool. Then I visited her home, and surprised when I saw, she was poor. She lived in very small house with only two small bed rooms for ten people!. That's why then when she wanted to have something and told me, I always bought for her. Even I paid her study cost in computer course after she told me that she was sad because her friends could continue study after graduate from highschool, while she was must stay at home. Her parents were too poor to pay her study cost. And the computer course that I paid could make her got a good job and help her family.

Just like in your culture, in my culture, if a man marries a woman, he marries the woman's entire family. But I didn't regard it as problem. I myself came from wealthy family. But since I was kid I have been taught to not differentiate people from social class.

Love doesn't recognize social class, love doesn't recognize difference. :)
Assalamu'alaikum :)

Correct me if i'm mistaken bro, but don't i recall you telling us back in 2011/12ish something along the lines of you took pity on her because her bf was beating her and you felt that she must be rescued from such abuse?

Smallkid, i know ur banned but may still flick through once in a while, i feel hypocritical giving advice because i've been stumbling a lot recently, it's still difficult to ignore such an issue though since it's been grappled with before and there are lessons learned.

Sometimes it's a case of evaluating with the brain, if it's not likely to work and you strongly feel you shouldn't then it would be wise to reconsider, but there may be a blessing in it that is not immediately apparent and shouldn't be dismissed lightly.
the Prophet (pbuh) is reported to have strongly advised a free-woman to marry zayd (ra) (ex-slave), it didn't ultimately work out,
but then he (pbuh) also reminded the parents of a girl who had rejected bilal (ra) (black ex-slave) that he (ra) was of the people of jannah and they then reconsidered and accepted, that seems to have worked out, sometimes high ranking ulama have touched upon the subject and i think ashraf ali tanwi said something along the lines of, it's better that they're more compatible, but then, it's ultimately your choice, and checking and confirming the intention honestly before Allah should make it easier for you to decide clearly and feel good about that decision, and also help to keep your faith in check.
Pls make dua for me.
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Eric H
04-15-2016, 09:50 PM
Greetings and peace be with you hisnameiszzz;

I normally agree with everything that you say ERIC H, but I disagree with you on this one completely.
Good for you, it would be a sad world if everyone agreed with me :D

All my life, I have done things and tried to make others happy and where has it got me? Absolutely nowhere.
Happiness is often a fleeting experience, I think a better feeling to strive for is contentment, to be happy with what we have.

I am now following what TV adverts and the media say about happiness.
My own thoughts are that keeping up with all the new stuff, always leads to us wanting newer and better products. What we want today becomes tomorrows junk.

Don't get me wrong, I don't do good / kind things to get something back, but the concept of "make others happy and it will make you happy" is not true from where I am stood (well sitting actually
Life is a journey, we make many changes in how we cope.

In the spirit of striving to do the will of Allah,

Eric
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Eric H
04-15-2016, 09:57 PM
Greetings and peace be with you all,

Here is a story about stress that I find helpful...

A lecturer, when explaining stress management to a class, raised a glass of water and asked, "how heavy is this glass of water?" Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g. The lecturer replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it."

"If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance. "In each case, it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes."

He continued, "And that's the way it is with stress. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on." "As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the demands of life."

(The original source of this story is unknown to us,
but its message resonates with many.)

Blessings

Eric
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ardianto
04-16-2016, 03:29 PM
Assalamualaikum.

Originally Posted by Hamza :)
wow brother, just amazing.

May Allah increase you in goodness and may he reward you abundantly for what you did. Hope you both have a blessed marriage.
You don't hear many of such stories these days. Truly inspirational I must say. :)
My beloved wife passed away in 2013, due to breast cancer. But I am still grateful because I've ever had her as my wife. She was a good wife. Now every time I made dua after salah I always tell Allah that she was a good wife, and wish Allah reward her.

Originally Posted by Abz2000
Correct me if i'm mistaken bro, but don't i recall you telling us back in 2011/12ish something along the lines of you took pity on her because her bf was beating her and you felt that she must be rescued from such abuse?
I knew about that later after she began to dare to tell more about her life. Her bf didn't beat her, but treated her very rude and intimidated her mentally that made her depressed.

However, I didn't intend to separate her from her bf. That's why after I paid her study cost I left her and made a promise with another girl from south. But, like people say, spouse is in Allah hand. Later the girl from south decided to not marry me. So I married the girl who then became the mother of my children.
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Hamza :)
04-16-2016, 05:23 PM
Originally Posted by ardianto
Assalamualaikum.


My beloved wife passed away in 2013, due to breast cancer. But I am still grateful because I've ever had her as my wife. She was a good wife. Now every time I made dua after salah I always tell Allah that she was a good wife, and wish Allah reward her.
Sorry to hear that bro. May Allah subhaanahu wa ta'aala grant her a place in jannatul firdaws Al-A'la
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