Islam puts great values in parents...

[xboxisdead]

As salaam Aalaikum,

Islam have put great values to both parents and as I am reading islamic question websites and other websites they all mention that fathers and mothers have great rights to their children and neither parents rights should be dismissed and so on. However, that is what Islam or better yet...that is what Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) himself tells us....we all know in reality that is not the case. We all know that only mothers in our eyes and only her have great values and rights and fathers have no rights at all or values in our eyes. So here comes the question I am going to ask. I am intending to get married soon, Insha'Allah, but I also know that no marriage is guaranteed life time or lasting a long time...we all know when I get married I will have to do all the sacrifice alone as society accept this deformed and mutant thinking and we all know I will be 100% the bad guy and my wife 100% the good guy. This is the narrative I am taking it and can't be changed so I am accepting it for now. I also accept I have to tolerate that I may go through verbal and physical abuse from my wife in the future as a man I must accept this because the narrative is that what is a man have to do...he have to accept it, you have to be strong and take it like a man. Again that is narrative I am going to have built and perhaps it makes me strong or perhaps it makes me a fool...it is a game and it must be played.

Now comes the question to this post. The children. When children disrespect me as a father or mistreat me or in the future they grow up they join the mother and raise the middle finger at me and say F you....do I have the right to make dua against them? Would the dua return back against me? Would the banner of my dua between me and Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) be lifted so it is immediately accepted, much like a mother would do against her children? I just need to know where I stand on this.

I know in Islam it talks a lot about husband rights been great but nowadays even that is not respected and we just step on it and open our zipper and piss on it. Even if it is commanded from Allah (himself) we raise our middle finger and refuse it and call ourselves Muslims. I have to say there is nothing Muslim on us and that is something we need to wake up or wallahi if the angel comes with the hammer and smash our heads we deserved it and if the grave crushes us and we see hellfire we earned it. So the question comes in...if the father makes dua against his children would it be at the same level as if the mother made dua against her children?

I need to know because that would make me really happy if it is yes, this gives me peace in mind knowing that in the future should my wife tries to play mind games against me and try to hurt me through the children and have the children become my open enemy that to release the pressure in my heart and mind and not go crazy or wild that I can just simply make dua against them all and cry out from my heart to give peace in my heart and mind and know justice will be served.

Please do not come and answer me with therapy or say you need to solve your issues about women first, blah blah blah. The only reply in this post I need to know if the answer is yes or not anything else I will just read it and thank you for your opinions and concerns and move on. I have heard enough injustice toward men from women and family court and laws and disrespect to men and fathers that I have had it up to here. I accept the reality I live in and that cannot be changed and I will accept and tolerate verbal and physical abuse from future wife it it comes and consider this means of getting high reward in the afterlife, but I also have limits and need to know as a dad (not care much about as a husband) if the children (I care more about them than a wife, a wife she comes and goes and she can become strangers to me and she can marry another man and she can be happy and live a happy life) wage war against me and they make dua against me would it be accepted from them? What if I made dua against them, would it be accept it right way then?

One final question, if I cut ties from them completely and say F you...stay with your mother or they say we do not care for you...we want our mom you can leave dad...go...would I be accountant in the afterlife for cutting ties. DO I have to go to these kids or single child like a dog to his master and submit to them and try to get their approval or get their connection?

[Mandy]

I am unsure how to answer all of your questions. But I can assure you, when you will have kids, what ever they may do, you will never do such a thing as making a dua against them. For them to have help, of course. But never against them!

Its hard to explain until you have them, but its just not something I would ever be able to do and I am sure most parents feel the same.

[xboxisdead]

I am unsure how to answer all of your questions. But I can assure you, when you will have kids, what ever they may do, you will never do such a thing as making a dua against them. For them to have help, of course. But never against them!

Its hard to explain until you have them, but its just not something I would ever be able to do and I am sure most parents feel the same.

Ooh I am not so sure. Dad's nature as different than mom's nature. If you have noticed in human history in politics and power fathers do kill their sons and vice versa or even torture each other. It can be done. As to say "never do such a thing" that is like saying all Muslims will go to paradise and never got punished 1st...that is not true in both scenarios. Have you seen the dua the father did against his children when the children left him in the old homes and when he died none of the children visited him? It can be done and easily. If I was in the shoes of that dead dad and I am in the grave I will be celebrating to have all these children who abused me...because I am going to make it my mission in the afterlife to take every single good deed they have ever build and like pacman eating pills...I will consume them all. If I was that dead dad who died with broken heart, I will move one step up. I will take every single one of there good deeds and not feel satisfied...I want to give them all my bad deeds all of them...every atom of them and leave with a smile in my face as I hear them cry out. Trust me..it can be done. I am saying it from my own personal emotion too. It can be done. Dehumanize me, verbally and emotionally abuse me (whether from a wife or my own children)..act if men have no emotions as if they are not human beings and thus give green light to verbally and physically abuse him...it does not fly with me. Sorry. Even if I have the most beautiful daughter with pearls for eyes and she is super sweet, albert einstein smart...articulate..sophisticated, mature, daddy's little girl and she grow up becoming my worst enemy...like that I switch and do dua against her. I have a very smart son, handsome, my best friend in the world...he is the joy of my eye and life, with his little hand he touched my face and made me smile and giggle and made my heart melt he grows up, busy with life, with relationship, throw me out in old home...never calls me..mistreat me...if my son or daughter can do this to their dad...I repay them back with same...but mine will be dua and coming from the heart...oh yeah I can do it. I will say nothing, not complain or cause a fuss...like an cat or a dog who takes abuse and just sits on the corner as if nothing happened...I will do just like the animals...but inside my heart it is an entire world in itself and dua is my presto relief and combine it with the heart...it becomes a dangerous formula...don't you agree?

https://www.islamicboard.com/advice-...nt#post2999713

[Mandy]

I obviously cannot talk about a dad's nature.

I do not wish dehumnanize or abuse you verbally. I am not sure why you say such things. I was just talking about what I would never do. You are of course free to do it otherwise with your own kids.

But I still believe it is sad that you would even consider wanting revenge on your own kids. When we have kids, we are in it regardless of the choices they make, I feel I will always love them no matter what.

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[eesa the kiwi]

I obviously cannot talk about a dad's nature.

I do not wish dehumnanize or abuse you verbally. I am not sure why you say such things. I was just talking about what I would never do. You are of course free to do it otherwise with your own kids.

But I still believe it is sad that you would even consider wanting revenge on your own kids. When we have kids, we are in it regardless of the choices they make, I feel I will always love them no matter what.

I would take everything this user says with a grain of salt especially when he talks about the role of men and women

This isn't to disrespect you @xboxisdead but you have some pretty bad attitudes towards women

I normally wouldn't get involved but seeing as you are a new Muslim @Mandy I don't want you getting your faith shaken thinking these attitudes are from Islam when in reality it's from his own personal baggage

[cinnamonrolls1]

You're making a lot of assumptions.
Who said fathers don't have rights and aren't respected?As for making dua agasint your own kids... That's not right at all. You should be praying for them, and making dua that God makes them a better person.

[Ümit]

As salaam Aalaikum,

Islam have put great values to both parents and as I am reading islamic question websites and other websites they all mention that fathers and mothers have great rights to their children and neither parents rights should be dismissed and so on. However, that is what Islam or better yet...that is what Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) himself tells us....we all know in reality that is not the case. We all know that only mothers in our eyes and only her have great values and rights and fathers have no rights at all or values in our eyes. So here comes the question I am going to ask. I am intending to get married soon, Insha'Allah, but I also know that no marriage is guaranteed life time or lasting a long time...we all know when I get married I will have to do all the sacrifice alone as society accept this deformed and mutant thinking and we all know I will be 100% the bad guy and my wife 100% the good guy. This is the narrative I am taking it and can't be changed so I am accepting it for now. I also accept I have to tolerate that I may go through verbal and physical abuse from my wife in the future as a man I must accept this because the narrative is that what is a man have to do...he have to accept it, you have to be strong and take it like a man. Again that is narrative I am going to have built and perhaps it makes me strong or perhaps it makes me a fool...it is a game and it must be played.

Now comes the question to this post. The children. When children disrespect me as a father or mistreat me or in the future they grow up they join the mother and raise the middle finger at me and say F you....do I have the right to make dua against them? Would the dua return back against me? Would the banner of my dua between me and Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) be lifted so it is immediately accepted, much like a mother would do against her children? I just need to know where I stand on this.

I know in Islam it talks a lot about husband rights been great but nowadays even that is not respected and we just step on it and open our zipper and piss on it. Even if it is commanded from Allah (himself) we raise our middle finger and refuse it and call ourselves Muslims. I have to say there is nothing Muslim on us and that is something we need to wake up or wallahi if the angel comes with the hammer and smash our heads we deserved it and if the grave crushes us and we see hellfire we earned it. So the question comes in...if the father makes dua against his children would it be at the same level as if the mother made dua against her children?

I need to know because that would make me really happy if it is yes, this gives me peace in mind knowing that in the future should my wife tries to play mind games against me and try to hurt me through the children and have the children become my open enemy that to release the pressure in my heart and mind and not go crazy or wild that I can just simply make dua against them all and cry out from my heart to give peace in my heart and mind and know justice will be served.

Please do not come and answer me with therapy or say you need to solve your issues about women first, blah blah blah. The only reply in this post I need to know if the answer is yes or not anything else I will just read it and thank you for your opinions and concerns and move on. I have heard enough injustice toward men from women and family court and laws and disrespect to men and fathers that I have had it up to here. I accept the reality I live in and that cannot be changed and I will accept and tolerate verbal and physical abuse from future wife it it comes and consider this means of getting high reward in the afterlife, but I also have limits and need to know as a dad (not care much about as a husband) if the children (I care more about them than a wife, a wife she comes and goes and she can become strangers to me and she can marry another man and she can be happy and live a happy life) wage war against me and they make dua against me would it be accepted from them? What if I made dua against them, would it be accept it right way then?

One final question, if I cut ties from them completely and say F you...stay with your mother or they say we do not care for you...we want our mom you can leave dad...go...would I be accountant in the afterlife for cutting ties. DO I have to go to these kids or single child like a dog to his master and submit to them and try to get their approval or get their connection?

Whoah, this is quite a heavy scenario my friend. I do not know which dua is stronger...that from a mother or that from a father...So I cannot answer this question for you...but please consider this.

First of all...think about whether the child really is to blame for his/her bad attitude against the dad. being brainwashed by the mother that the dad is evil and bad is a very easy scenario.
second, making dua against someone is your god given right if he/she has wronged you. you make dua against people because you think there is injustice done to you and you want to be even. If that is really the case...then of course your dua will be heard and you will get what you deserve...that will definitely happen...but do you know what is better than that?

TO FORGIVE...no matter what your children do or have done to you...to forgive them, is always the better choice for you. forget about the rights you have over them...taking every single good deeds from them, giving all your bad deeds to them, and be satisfied about it. The gain you will get from this in The-Hereafter is nothing compaired to the rewards you will get if you just forgive them.

They did not ask to have you as a father...nor did you ask to have them as your children...you just have each other because Allah has wanted this for you...you have to take this test of life together. In their younger age they have rights on you...you have to care for them...give them what they need...feed them...love them...educate them about the world, the good and the bad, Islaam, teach them good manners, protect them from everything that can harm them...so, they have a lot of rights on you...
you can see this as your duty for being a good father...in that case you will be rewarded for fulfilling your duty....or you can see this as ibaadah, ways to please Allah instead of your duty... and then the reward will be much greater.

I know revenge is sweet...but to forgive, just to please Allah is honey!!

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you xboxisdead;

Some of the most depressed and tearful people I have met; are men who have split from their wives and children. I often meet them when they have had a lot to drink after the pubs have shut, and like you; they say they love their kids but not their wife.

I truthfully believe this is wrong, you should learn to love your wife more than you love your children, if you continuously work on this, then the children will also feel loved. Wives and children won't give you respect, you have to earn it, fight all battles and disagreements with kindness, as Umit said, learn to forgive.

Getting married and staying married has to be one of the hardest things we ever do in life. I have been married thirty three years and have very little in common with my wife, we have disagreed and fought over so many things throughout our marriage. Mostly, I give in, but I try and work through a solution that is kindest for all of us. Pray that your wife and children will be blessed, fight all battles with kindness.

In the spirit of praying for kindness and peace in this world,

Eric

[xboxisdead]

You're making a lot of assumptions.
Who said fathers don't have rights and aren't respected?As for making dua agasint your own kids... That's not right at all. You should be praying for them, and making dua that God makes them a better person.

I will explain to you why. I want you to observe exactly as you open the media and observe what is been taught in society how they mistreat their parents, especially their fathers. How are fathers looked at in the media? That explains it all. Such bombarded images are also into middle east and other countries as well. Do you think there is any respect in videos, movies, cartoons or commercials towards dads?

They are either idiots, buffoon, weak, frail..submissive...no energy of respect or authority or intelligence coming out of them. Am I wrong or am I also talking from my behind? Aren't kids have power over their parents at school? You discipline a child and you can get arrested...am I wrong? This is the world you live in.

I observe how children talk to their parents..loud, verbally abusive, rude...and so on. Don't be thinking we are living in the time of the sahaba when the child goes and grabs the parent's hand and kiss it and put the parent's hand on his forehead..please. Also don't forget that now with high rate of divorce and women have custodial rights to the children..how many times do women brain the children to hate their father to despite him...to seek revenge against him..because she is scorn and want to hurt him as bad as possible? Nothing I said in the above OP is wrong or a fairy tale. The mere fact it is dismissed and considered some rambling buffoon because it comes from a man and man's issue confirmed my statement at the beginning of the OP. It is a narrative that I have to take...because there is no way out of it...if i speak it...I will be made fun off..or dismissed or considered drama queen or you are too negative or...or your statement can easily be put down by someone else. This is what a man have to deal with. So...the only weapon I have is Dua. That is enough to me.

[cinnamonrolls1]

I will explain to you why. I want you to observe exactly as you open the media and observe what is been taught in society how they mistreat their parents, especially their fathers. How are fathers looked at in the media? That explains it all. Such bombarded images are also into middle east and other countries as well. Do you think there is any respect in videos, movies, cartoons or commercials towards dads?

They are either idiots, buffoon, weak, frail..submissive...no energy of respect or authority or intelligence coming out of them. Am I wrong or am I also talking from my behind? Aren't kids have power over their parents at school? You discipline a child and you can get arrested...am I wrong? This is the world you live in.

I observe how children talk to their parents..loud, verbally abusive, rude...and so on. Don't be thinking we are living in the time of the sahaba when the child goes and grabs the parent's hand and kiss it and put the parent's hand on his forehead..please. Also don't forget that now with high rate of divorce and women have custodial rights to the children..how many times do women brain the children to hate their father to despite him...to seek revenge against him..because she is scorn and want to hurt him as bad as possible? Nothing I said in the above OP is wrong or a fairy tale. The mere fact it is dismissed and considered some rambling buffoon because it comes from a man and man's issue confirmed my statement at the beginning of the OP. It is a narrative that I have to take...because there is no way out of it...if i speak it...I will be made fun off..or dismissed or considered drama queen or you are too negative or...or your statement can easily be put down by someone else. This is what a man have to deal with. So...the only weapon I have is Dua. That is enough to me.

I could swear we've had this exact conversation before. Why do you care so much what the media says? The media portrays everyone as stupid not just fathers, its their job.If you keep chasing the media and caring what they say all the time then you're never gonna relax. Just let it go and calm down

[xboxisdead]

Greetings and peace be with you xboxisdead;

Some of the most depressed and tearful people I have met; are men who have split from their wives and children. I often meet them when they have had a lot to drink after the pubs have shut, and like you; they say they love their kids but not their wife.

I truthfully believe this is wrong, you should learn to love your wife more than you love your children, if you continuously work on this, then the children will also feel loved. Wives and children won't give you respect, you have to earn it, fight all battles and disagreements with kindness, as Umit said, learn to forgive.

Getting married and staying married has to be one of the hardest things we ever do in life. I have been married thirty three years and have very little in common with my wife, we have disagreed and fought over so many things throughout our marriage. Mostly, I give in, but I try and work through a solution that is kindest for all of us. Pray that your wife and children will be blessed, fight all battles with kindness.

In the spirit of praying for kindness and peace in this world,

Eric

Wrong. Your statement is wrong above. You can give all the love to your wife (she was a stranger to your home ones) but if she doesn't return it back you you are just giving your heart to someone who will just take it and throw it in the garbage. Your wife can be as cold as ice if not colder and she can find some other man, take all your wealth, your children and throw you in the gutter and all blame goes to you. That is the narrative we live in...and honestly I do not give my love to someone who can easily switch and change and that person is a grown adult (I observe the behavior of that person and see if they love me back by the way they treat me more than words). But giving my love to my children is from my blood and flesh and I have a different decree above them. If I form a strong bond with the children (supposedly) we would become one as friends and father and child relationship. That person then hopefully will be in my side when I grow old age (supposedly). Believing that a wife will be on your side when you grow old age is an old tale told to many times and results is destruction of men. Waking up to reality is the way to go.

- - - Updated - - -

I could swear we've had this exact conversation before. Why do you care so much what the media says? The media portrays everyone as stupid not just fathers, its their job.If you keep chasing the media and caring what they say all the time then you're never gonna relax. Just let it go and calm down

Because the problem is...it is affecting the new generations. OK....watch in the old times of the movies in the 1980 and older..much older observe the dress code of the women back then. Yes, they did not have hijab and so on because they are not-Muslim..but...they had elegance and was at least covered and had a LADY like aroma. Because that was what was portrait in the media when it first started as the media start pushing and pushing and pushing and becoming more vulgar, sexual and violent so did society followed it. Nowadays women are wearing what is considered prostitution clothes and that is the norm. Soon they will walk in the street completely naked with cloth because the media is pushing it that way...same with how they portrait the sexes and so it reflects into society and seeps into society and people mimic it. Don't by any mean..dismiss the power of the media...it is shaping the world and we completely ignore it.

Not only in the media, but in schools also been indoctrinated that way...and now it is a becoming a norm in middle east when you hear kids throwing their parents out of their homes or throwing them in old homes. Don't think this is not happening..it is happening. IT HAPPENED TO MY OWN PERSONAL FAMILY.....from personal experience. My own mother's dad was sick...he peed himself at old age...HIS OWN daughter did not want to deal with him....she is rich because she married a rich man who got the money in haraam way, she the daughter of her own father toke him and put him in a dungeon like where the maids and servants stay and placed him there and did not want to deal with him. He died calling for my name when I was a like 5 years old.

[M.I.A.]

As salaam Aalaikum,

Islam have put great values to both parents and as I am reading islamic question websites and other websites they all mention that fathers and mothers have great rights to their children and neither parents rights should be dismissed and so on. However, that is what Islam or better yet...that is what Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) himself tells us....we all know in reality that is not the case. We all know that only mothers in our eyes and only her have great values and rights and fathers have no rights at all or values in our eyes. So here comes the question I am going to ask. I am intending to get married soon, Insha'Allah, but I also know that no marriage is guaranteed life time or lasting a long time...we all know when I get married I will have to do all the sacrifice alone as society accept this deformed and mutant thinking and we all know I will be 100% the bad guy and my wife 100% the good guy. This is the narrative I am taking it and can't be changed so I am accepting it for now. I also accept I have to tolerate that I may go through verbal and physical abuse from my wife in the future as a man I must accept this because the narrative is that what is a man have to do...he have to accept it, you have to be strong and take it like a man. Again that is narrative I am going to have built and perhaps it makes me strong or perhaps it makes me a fool...it is a game and it must be played.

Now comes the question to this post. The children. When children disrespect me as a father or mistreat me or in the future they grow up they join the mother and raise the middle finger at me and say F you....do I have the right to make dua against them? Would the dua return back against me? Would the banner of my dua between me and Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) be lifted so it is immediately accepted, much like a mother would do against her children? I just need to know where I stand on this.

I know in Islam it talks a lot about husband rights been great but nowadays even that is not respected and we just step on it and open our zipper and piss on it. Even if it is commanded from Allah (himself) we raise our middle finger and refuse it and call ourselves Muslims. I have to say there is nothing Muslim on us and that is something we need to wake up or wallahi if the angel comes with the hammer and smash our heads we deserved it and if the grave crushes us and we see hellfire we earned it. So the question comes in...if the father makes dua against his children would it be at the same level as if the mother made dua against her children?

I need to know because that would make me really happy if it is yes, this gives me peace in mind knowing that in the future should my wife tries to play mind games against me and try to hurt me through the children and have the children become my open enemy that to release the pressure in my heart and mind and not go crazy or wild that I can just simply make dua against them all and cry out from my heart to give peace in my heart and mind and know justice will be served.

Please do not come and answer me with therapy or say you need to solve your issues about women first, blah blah blah. The only reply in this post I need to know if the answer is yes or not anything else I will just read it and thank you for your opinions and concerns and move on. I have heard enough injustice toward men from women and family court and laws and disrespect to men and fathers that I have had it up to here. I accept the reality I live in and that cannot be changed and I will accept and tolerate verbal and physical abuse from future wife it it comes and consider this means of getting high reward in the afterlife, but I also have limits and need to know as a dad (not care much about as a husband) if the children (I care more about them than a wife, a wife she comes and goes and she can become strangers to me and she can marry another man and she can be happy and live a happy life) wage war against me and they make dua against me would it be accepted from them? What if I made dua against them, would it be accept it right way then?

One final question, if I cut ties from them completely and say F you...stay with your mother or they say we do not care for you...we want our mom you can leave dad...go...would I be accountant in the afterlife for cutting ties. DO I have to go to these kids or single child like a dog to his master and submit to them and try to get their approval or get their connection?

People say life is a test, but you have to grow with every experience, learn from your mistakes.. understand that one day carries on from the next.. we may forget many things..

But you will get better at whatever you put your mind to.

If that is work. Family. Education. Hate. Love. Football. ...religion.

Whatever you want.

..It's like groundhog day.

You want to be better at children? All you have to do is pay attention. Live and learn.

And so will they.

My father is not as I remember him, imo he's literally the best person I have known. But today we argue and he dislikes me and if I make a mistake he is unwilling to overlook it.

And again it's a chance to grow. Life is hard work.

...put the work in.

Seriously though, iv never seen a person turn up to football week after week without improving.

It must be very hard.

Life may be the delusional game we are forced to play.

But recognising it as such is a start.


...what character that knowledge gives you is anybodies guess.

Have a funny.. take it with a grain of salt..

https://youtu.be/HLI2-kYMUEE

[xboxisdead]

People say life is a test, but you have to grow with every experience, learn from your mistakes.. understand that one day carries on from the next.. we may forget many things..

But you will get better at whatever you put your mind to.

If that is work. Family. Education. Hate. Love. Football. ...religion.

Whatever you want.

..It's like groundhog day.

You want to be better at children? All you have to do is pay attention. Live and learn.

And so will they.

My father is not as I remember him, imo he's literally the best person I have known. But today we argue and he dislikes me and if I make a mistake he is unwilling to overlook it.

And again it's a chance to grow. Life is hard work.

...put the work in.

Seriously though, iv never seen a person turn up to football week after week without improving.

It must be very hard.

Life may be the delusional game we are forced to play.

But recognising it as such is a start.


...what character that knowledge gives you is anybodies guess.

Have a funny.. take it with a grain of salt..

https://youtu.be/HLI2-kYMUEE

You have a very....fascinating personality :o:o:o :muddlehea:masha:


I am going to listen more to the :Koran: to calm me down and give me peace in my :love:

[Mandy]

Aren't kids have power over their parents at school? You discipline a child and you can get arrested...am I wrong? This is the world you live in.

I am sorry but that is simply false. Kids do not have power over parents. As a parent, you are responsible for your kids and who they become. Yes they will change you. That is for sure. But they are not the ones making the decisions.

In a sense, parents are the ones that are responsible for kids who turn out badly. Yes there can be bad outside influence (like friends), but it is our job to keep an eye out for those and to protect our kids from such influences.