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ali2coolwitu
07-30-2006, 11:55 PM
Hi. I am an 18 year old muslim, and i was born here but i am iranian. I have met this girl who is mexican,egyptian, and italian and i love her. She loves me so much as well. I really want to marry her, and she tells me she wants to be with me for the rest of my life. She is not muslim however, but she is VERY VERY willing to become muslim.

BUT, the thing is about her history. She has dated 3 mexicans in her whole life when she was young (15), and she kissed them on the lips before, but she never really "loved" them and never did ANYTHING but a kiss on the lips with them and only went out with them for like one week each. This really bugs me because im muslim because she has a "bad" history! She also talks to other guys sometimes and likes to show off her good looks and grabs a lot of attention, but she never hangs out with other guys or anything. She just loves getting attention but she is VERY VERY willing to change to a good loyal muslim. She has also gone to a club before with her girl friends and danced a little, and she has gone to drunk parties but she has NEVER EVER been drunk or has done any drugs..she just sat there at those parties..

So basically, she is like one of those americanized girls who hasnt done very many bad things but still went clubbing and partying and "went out" with 3 mexican guys but has not done ANYTHING but kiss them on the lips before. My question is, is it OK if i date her and decide to marry her? I want to marry her because she is such an intelligent, beautiful, and loving girl and she is very willing to become muslim as well..BUT she is "filthy" because of her past history and want a clean girl but i love her and i cant do anything about it..Can she ask for forgiveness to clear her horrible history if she becomes muslim? And will i be OK if i be with her, or will Allah punish me for doing this? What do i do from here? I dont know WHAT TO DO and i love her so much, but her past history is KILLING me because im a muslim and i dont know what to do from here.
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lolwatever
07-31-2006, 12:02 AM
if she becomes Muslim and practices, Allah will forgive her past, and definately go ahead and marry her inshalah. Just make sure she understand the terms she'll be agreeing on when she becomes Muslim.. you don't want to have a situation where she accepts based on emotion and then decides she cant handle it or something...

all the best.
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Looking4Peace
07-31-2006, 12:14 AM
Geez why are u making her out to be some monster, u know most american girls have sex, drink etc at least shes much better then most being a non muslim and all give her a break your lucky to even have found someone so pure being a non muslim, gosh shes a virgin, im not even a virgin i was with one guy for 3 years and now a muslim is willing to marry me cause he knows i reverted and i dont have a bad past considering what most people here live like, just cause i had one boyfriend before i reverted and drank once in awhile is far from having a bad past when u consider most peoples past including some muslims at that, and this girl ur talking about hasnt even done that much, hello whats ur complaints about!!!!!! +o(


her question should be do you deserve her being u cant let go of the fact that she stood as a bystander at a few parties and "kissed" guys before:giggling:
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lolwatever
07-31-2006, 12:16 AM
^^ sis relax there's nothing wrong with asking :rollseyes
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Looking4Peace
07-31-2006, 12:17 AM
how is she filthy? man you have a true biased opinion of those who are different, the girl is a virgin i would say PURE
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Looking4Peace
07-31-2006, 12:18 AM
Originally Posted by lolwatever
^^ sis relax there's nothing wrong with asking :rollseyes

hes being way to hard on her, i mean way to hard shes a virgin and never even drank and is a non muslim thats more than i can say for half the muslims i know, if the guy who wants to marry me heard this he would be scratching his head!!
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lolwatever
07-31-2006, 12:21 AM
sis if she becomes Muslim that's all forgiven, he was just asking whether that will be accounted for when she becomese Muslim...

definately if she becomes Muslim and continues to do that knowing that its haram, that's deffo filthy, no diff to other Muslims who commit zina and drink, american or not american doesnt make a difference... The hadith clearly makes the point "a woman may be married for beauty, wealth status et.c.... so marry that of the religion may you be successful"

soo.. if she becomes Muslim and quits all that, then definatly he should marry her and all her past is forgiven and she's pure. (even if she commited zina before Islam) Otherwise, i think he should look for someone else who is more practising to help him in this dunya and hereafter....

ps: and btw bro all2cool.. it's haram to date her b4 ur married... get engaged and married.. das the way to go.
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Looking4Peace
07-31-2006, 12:25 AM
stop preaching i obviously know all this having reverted some time ago but him saying shes filthy was highly offensive being that i am a revert and did u forget shes a VIRGIN, so what does that make me about having a 3 yr relationship with my ex before i reverted? in fact the guy who wants to marry me was shocked i didnt do more meaning had way more guys then just 1 cause he knows how most americans are in general and appreciates the fact that i dont have such a past, but anyway can u see how that is offensive? maybe he should realize that he has something good there.
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lolwatever
07-31-2006, 12:28 AM
a. I'm not trying to take a go at you.

b. You don't have to tell us about your past, as far as Allah is concerned, that's 100% forgiven, as if it didn't happen. That doesn't and shouldn't influence any Muslim's view of you.

c. The bro is asking a question, if you find it offensive, too bad.. he wants to learn whether you like it or not. he wanted an answer and help, not an admonition and attacks.

d. incase you think i'm being sexist, same applies to guys.
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Looking4Peace
07-31-2006, 12:29 AM
i know its forgiven my point was shes not that bad so why is he making her out to be some prostitute in fact im gonna have my husband to be take a look at this thread to get a good laugh in.
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Looking4Peace
07-31-2006, 12:31 AM
he should just be concerned with how good of a Muslim she is willing to become and if he has feelings and wants to marry her for the right reasons so be it, sorry for going off the handle.
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lolwatever
07-31-2006, 12:31 AM
Originally Posted by Crystal4Peace
i know its forgiven my point was shes not that bad so why is he making her out to be some prostitute in fact im gonna have my husband to be take a look at this thread to get a good laugh in.
a. Where did he say she's a prostitute?

b. You're comparing her relative to a Kafir standard, if we place her on an Islamic scale she wouldn't be ranked very highly. The minute she becomes Muslim, all that past is discarded and she's back at the top.

c. i'm writing in dot points so i don't seem like im "lecturing you".
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lolwatever
07-31-2006, 12:32 AM
Originally Posted by Crystal4Peace
he should just be concerned with how good of a Muslim she is willing to become and if he has feelings and wants to marry her for the right reasons so be it, sorry for going off the handle.
cool yeh i agree :statisfie :statisfie

sorry if i sounded arrogant or nething..
salamz all the best
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Looking4Peace
07-31-2006, 12:33 AM
simple shes not a muslim yet and if shes gonna become one she surely shouldnt be judged the way hes talking about her, can we drop this now =)
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ali2coolwitu
07-31-2006, 12:38 AM
ok, you dont understand. A girl who goes and kisses other guys is filthy to me. Im sorry, if you are even TOUCHED by other guys, it doesnt seem right. A girl whos untouched is pure to me. Am i not right lolwhatever?? Going to parties and clubbing is a hoey/----ty act to me when they dance with their asses moving around and stuff..i mean its just filthy. I dont mean to offend you, but in my views, a girl who has had other males touch her, is filthy to me if im looking to marry her..


and lolwhatever, so i cant date her till we get married? I mean we really love each other and we see each other sometimes and really like each other..
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ali2coolwitu
07-31-2006, 12:40 AM
And if you look at the girls in iran, they have freedom, but mostly ALL of them are so clean and never talk to guys and never even touched. Thats what im used to, and thats what i want. Sure my girlfriend is good compared to most americans, but i want her good compared to iranians and i am very grateful to have a girl like her that isnt as "bad" as most people in america, but i want to help her into a more pure girl
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lolwatever
07-31-2006, 12:40 AM
yeh i agree with you bro, inshalah when she bcomes Muslim that's allllllll forgiven and don't remind her of her past too :) there's alot of guys who do the same thing and even worse (drugs!) but once they Muslim, finitto, khalas, all over.

yeh bro coz if u date her it can lead to things liek adultery/fornication and all those filthy things, so if you both happy with each other, convince her to becoem Muslim (but amke sure she understands wat islam requiers! (prayer, fasting etc)... and then get marreid to her as soooon as posssibleeee and you can live happily ever after :D
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Looking4Peace
07-31-2006, 12:40 AM
maybe u need to understand once she reverts all that is forgiven and she still is pretty pure she has not had sex so u will be taking her virginity if u guys marry

again once revert all past is forgiven as long as she behaves islamically from then on as in my case

wish you the best.:)
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ali2coolwitu
07-31-2006, 12:43 AM
ok thank you. Thank you very much for your kindness lolwhatever. Do you have msn messenger because id like to speak to you some more some time when you have time!
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lolwatever
07-31-2006, 12:44 AM
no prob anytime, PM bro ;)
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snakelegs
07-31-2006, 01:15 AM
Originally Posted by ali2coolwitu
Hi. I am an 18 year old muslim, and i was born here but i am iranian. I have met this girl who is mexican,egyptian, and italian and i love her. She loves me so much as well. I really want to marry her, and she tells me she wants to be with me for the rest of my life. She is not muslim however, but she is VERY VERY willing to become muslim.

BUT, the thing is about her history. She has dated 3 mexicans in her whole life when she was young (15), and she kissed them on the lips before, but she never really "loved" them and never did ANYTHING but a kiss on the lips with them and only went out with them for like one week each. This really bugs me because im muslim because she has a "bad" history! She also talks to other guys sometimes and likes to show off her good looks and grabs a lot of attention, but she never hangs out with other guys or anything. She just loves getting attention but she is VERY VERY willing to change to a good loyal muslim. She has also gone to a club before with her girl friends and danced a little, and she has gone to drunk parties but she has NEVER EVER been drunk or has done any drugs..she just sat there at those parties..

So basically, she is like one of those americanized girls who hasnt done very many bad things but still went clubbing and partying and "went out" with 3 mexican guys but has not done ANYTHING but kiss them on the lips before. My question is, is it OK if i date her and decide to marry her? I want to marry her because she is such an intelligent, beautiful, and loving girl and she is very willing to become muslim as well..BUT she is "filthy" because of her past history and want a clean girl but i love her and i cant do anything about it..Can she ask for forgiveness to clear her horrible history if she becomes muslim? And will i be OK if i be with her, or will Allah punish me for doing this? What do i do from here? I dont know WHAT TO DO and i love her so much, but her past history is KILLING me because im a muslim and i dont know what to do from here.
[MOUSE]are you for real??[/MOUSE]
if you are, i apologize in advance for my question.
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Looking4Peace
07-31-2006, 01:18 AM
Originally Posted by snakelegs
[MOUSE]are you for real??[/MOUSE]
if you are, i apologize in advance for my question.
lol afraid he was hopefully from the rationale advice we gave him he can let some common sense simmer. no offense :rollseyes
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ali2coolwitu
07-31-2006, 01:26 AM
lol common sense? haha yea u guys need it
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snakelegs
07-31-2006, 01:28 AM
Originally Posted by Crystal4Peace
lol afraid he was hopefully from the rationale advice we gave him he can let some common sense simmer. no offense :rollseyes
i'm not offended. but i see posts like this (and i've seen them before) and i always wonder: how could this guy be for real? it's just a little bit overdone....toooo much. you see that kind of game playing on the internet - recently we had 2 different people who said they were israeli and that were sooo hateful, too much. they've been banned since. i woulda bet you 50% that they were bogus. so, i just have a feeling this guy isn't even muslim.
yeah, i know - this says more about me being suspicious than about him.
but i do realize i could be very wrong - that's why i apologize in advance if he really is. ;D
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ali2coolwitu
07-31-2006, 01:35 AM
I AM MUSLIM. WHAT IS WRONG? DO I SOUND FAKE? how do i sound fake, im serious
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snakelegs
07-31-2006, 01:45 AM
Originally Posted by ali2coolwitu
I AM MUSLIM. WHAT IS WRONG? DO I SOUND FAKE? how do i sound fake, im serious
this is why i apologized in advance - because i am very well aware that i could be totally wrong.
how do you sound fake?
well, this is how you sound like a fake to me:
you say you are a muslim over and over.
i can't really imagine that a rational muslim would think of a girl as "filthy" just because she kissed 3 guys when she was 15. especially a girl that now wants to be a good muslim.
excuse me, if i'm wrong - but you asked me why i thought you sound fake.
once again - if i'm wrong, please forgive me for being a fool.
edit: i had typed 5 instead of 15!
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snakelegs
07-31-2006, 01:51 AM
Originally Posted by ali2coolwitu
ok, you dont understand. A girl who goes and kisses other guys is filthy to me. Im sorry, if you are even TOUCHED by other guys, it doesnt seem right. A girl whos untouched is pure to me. Am i not right lolwhatever?? Going to parties and clubbing is a hoey/----ty act to me when they dance with their asses moving around and stuff..i mean its just filthy. I dont mean to offend you, but in my views, a girl who has had other males touch her, is filthy to me if im looking to marry her..
this is an excellent example of why i think you're a fake. i've know some nutty muslims before - but i've never run into one this nutty.
if you are for real, i think you need professional help.
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mlsh27
07-31-2006, 01:58 AM
Snakelegs and CrystalforPeace, I definitely agree with you both! By American standards that girl is cleaner than bleach lol. Also, brother who started this thread, don't you think she would be offended by what you have said about her?!?! If I was her and had read your post, I would say "Forget it!"
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Looking4Peace
07-31-2006, 02:00 AM
snakelegs ur being more mean then me now lol he is only 18 remember and from an islamic country, he isnt used to how people are here even if to our standards a virgin who kissed someone some time ago and attended a few parties is anything but filthy and being she wants to become a muslim he shouldnt of used that word so to say, he shouldnt of made such a harsh statement but you shouldnt be ridiculing him as well and neither should i have.


and again [BANANA]dont have a cow[/BANANA]
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mlsh27
07-31-2006, 02:01 AM
How can you "love" someone but think they are filthy? Just doesn't work.... Also, you say you are Muslim, but want to date?!?!? And she is gross to you!??!?
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Looking4Peace
07-31-2006, 02:01 AM
Originally Posted by mlsh27
Snakelegs and CrystalforPeace, I definitely agree with you both! By American standards that girl is cleaner than bleach lol. Also, brother who started this thread, don't you think she would be offended by what you have said about her?!?! If I was her and had read your post, I would say "Forget it!"

yea it would certainly make me run for the hills, thank God i found a guy who understands and isnt so judgmental but calling someone dirty isnt a sure way to talk about someone u want to marry +o(
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mlsh27
07-31-2006, 02:06 AM
Originally Posted by Crystal4Peace
yea it would certainly make me run for the hills, thank God i found a guy who understands and isnt so judgmental but calling someone dirty isnt a sure way to talk about someone u want to marry +o(
Me too! My hubsand and I met during our partying time, so by the time we both reverted, we knew what the had done. Alhumdulillah for good, understanding men.
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afriend
07-31-2006, 02:08 AM
Bro....My advice to you is, leave her for the sake of Allah.

I've left many things for Allah......Onlt to find something better lying in wait for me.......

That is the path only for those who love Allah and are willing to give up everything for Allah......If you can't do that, then this is for you:

Seek help through patience and prayer. Ask her, not to give up her ways instantly, but slowly show her the right path, to show her the right path, you must be a good role model to her, you are her only guide at the moment....

I would have said sme negative things, but that doesn't matter....just try to do what I told you....
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mlsh27
07-31-2006, 02:11 AM
Brother Iqram, Alhumdulillah for you advice!!!!
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syilla
07-31-2006, 02:22 AM
Here too...most of the men could not accept a girl that is not virgin...

But not that they are so pure...or 'clean' (whatever that mean). And even some of them are to be blame cause making the girl 'unclean (again whatever that mean).

IMHO, i think they should look at themselves first...before they are choosing a wife. They should not expect too much on a wife to be...if they themselves are not that 'clean' (whatever that mean).
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afriend
07-31-2006, 02:25 AM
lol

I don't wanna answer.....nit cos I'm shy...but it may be a rhetorical question ;D......

Do you really want to know what it means to be "clean"? (NOTE INVERTED COMMAS)
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julie
07-31-2006, 02:26 AM
Bro, you should forgive her past and guide her to be a better person slowly.

That girl sounds good enough for me. I am a Muslim still I used to kiss my ex hold hands hugging etc. But I regret that now. Now I have a new boyfriend we really try as much as possible to not cross the lines because of God.

Therefore I advice you, anyone has a past. But we don't know the future. You might be a Muslim now, who knows what happens later in our life. May God guide us all the way.

Think carefully why you really love her. Only you and God knows. I hope you will make the best decision and don't forget to ask God for help. Pray for you. :thankyou:
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mlsh27
07-31-2006, 02:29 AM
Salam Sister Julie,
As Muslims, we are not allowed to date!
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afriend
07-31-2006, 02:31 AM
Originally Posted by mlsh27
Salam Sister Julie,
As Muslims, we are not allowed to date!
I was trying soooooooooooo hard not to say that....:heated:

It maybe disallowed.....arghhh.....I don't have any other advice on this matter either to have the nikah(married) or just to quit the dating...:-\
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mlsh27
07-31-2006, 02:34 AM
Proof against dating:

114
What is required to accept and convert to Islam

Question:
I have a dear friend that has converted to Islam. I am in support of her decision, but would like to understand the way this religion goes about dating. Could you explain the process?
Also, how does one go about converting to Islam?
What is the process?
How long does it take?

Answer:
To the venerable Ms. (name withheld) (may Allah protect you from every evil), Please accept from me a good-intentioned greeting!

I was extremely pleased to receive your questions regarding the nature of the relationship between men and women in Islam and how one goes about embracing this religion. I also commend and appreciate your wise and mature sense of judgment in supporting your friend's decision to accept Islam. It shows admirable wisdom and a balanced sense of sagacity and understanding of this blessed event.

Regarding the issue of dating in Islam, one must first define what is meant by "dating." If it is understood to mean how a man and a woman get to know each other for the purpose of marriage, then there are certain guidelines and established procedures which can be discussed. However, if it is understood to refer to casual relationships between men and women who for the purpose of "fun" or "going out" and the such, then there is no provision for this in Islam. Such a situation is not considered respectful for neither the man nor the woman, nor is it constructive for the concept or the building of the family or society or social responsibility. Opening the door to relationships of love and infatuation and passion and pre-marital sex is categorically prohibited in Islam. It does not lead to the establishment of a family nor to proper and virtuous upbringing of children nor to stability and mutual care and tranquility and peace of mind between a man and woman. Rather, it leads to disorder, the disgracing of one's honor and dignity, and to a lifestyle similar to that of animals, and to that of illegitimate children who are subjected to life of vagrancy and loss. (Please see question # 61 which addresses the issue of prohibition of pre-marital relationships).

As for the former case, regarding how a man and a woman come to know each other for the purpose of marriage, it varies from circumstance to circumstance. Normally if a man has the desire to marry and has the ability to accept the responsibility, and he does not have anyone in mind, he will ask his friends, family, and relatives if there is a lady that may be suitable for him and his expectations among their acquaintances and relatives. If someone is suggested, he normally asks about her extensively, about her religious observance, her personality, her knowledge, strengths, weaknesses, suitability as a wife willing to accept all the relevant responsibities, etc. If preliminary information seems appealing, then normally she is told that there is someone interested in meeting her and she is likewise given relevant information about him.

At this point, assuming the man and the woman as well as both families involved agree that there is potential, then the man usually visits the woman's family, often accompanied by members of his own. They are given the opportunity to see each other and sit and talk together, to converse modestly (but not in complete solitude) regarding whatever is relevant to making an informed judgment. The intention for this meeting should be for them to be able to make a decision whether or not they feel are mutually suitable. Afterwards, they each evaluate their own and their families' reactions, and pray to Allah that He guides them to what is in their best interest, and to make them accept the outcome. When both sides feel comfortable and feel they know everything they need to, based on all that has been mentioned such as asking about the other person, knowing their family, meeting in person, etc., they can make a final decision whether to carry on with marriage or not.

As for your second question regarding the procedure for embracing the religion of Islam, it is actually an extremely simple process, without complication or prolongment. This is because it is something between a person and his Lord and there are no other parties involved. All that is required of a person in order to embrace Islam is that he or she pronounce the two testaments of belief in the Islamic creed, believing in their meaning, then to take a complete bath with the intention of (ritual) purification in order to start performing prayers (note to ensure complete cleanliness one should shave pubic and under-arm hair, and a man should be circumcized if he is not already--Islam places great emphasis on proper hygiene and personal cleanliness).

As for the two testimonies of creed, the first is "ash-hadu an laa ilaaha illa allah" (I testify that there is no deity other then Allah), which means that one believes and confirms that there is nothing to be worshipped other than Allah and that one is prepared to implement His divine rulings and guidlines (shari'a) for all aspects of life. The second is "ash-hadu anna muhammad ar-rasool ullah" which means the belief that Muhammad (peace be upon him) is the seal of the prophets (i.e. the final one), whom Allah has sent with the Islamic religion to supercede all other previous religions and that it is obligatory to comply with what he has enjoined, and to abstain and renounce all that he has prohibited and restrained.

I tend to gather from your question that there is a degree of pondering on your part or inclination towards embracing the Islamic religion, joining the example of your friend. I would invite you to carry through with it without excessive delay and reluctance, for one does not know when one's fate will come. So why not meet one's unavoidable fate as a believer in Allah (God) and the Hereafter, a member of the religion of Islam? It is the religion which Allah has specified that He will not accept any other religion besides it, and He will not save anyone from Hell besides its followers. And no doubt that this step will be the greatest thing ever that you will have experienced during your 33 years of life. Surely you will not regret it at all and Allah will help you to surmount the difficulties you perhaps may face in your path after accepting Islam, such as the scorn of some relatives or family members or the alientation of some friends. However, the step in fulfilling your destiny is much more important and significant that all this.

We pray for you to be bestowed with grace, and may Allah guide you to success in what is the most true and right.

Waiting for glad tidings in the near future, may Allah guard and protect you.



Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid
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Looking4Peace
07-31-2006, 02:34 AM
yea marry the guy if you love him and he has good deen, dating is pointless, take it from me, even long term relationships outside of marriage which i had turned out to be a waste of time, cause me headache after headache and he turned out to be bad news nothing but head games, irresponsible, better off getting to know someone without dating and than marriage.
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afriend
07-31-2006, 02:39 AM
Originally Posted by Crystal4Peace
yea marry the guy if you love him and he has good deen, dating is pointless, take it from me, even long term relationships outside of marriage which i had turned out to be a waste of time, cause me headache after headache and he turned out to be bad news nothing but head games, irresponsible, better off getting to know someone without dating and than marriage.
Yeah....definately.....Always ends up in....nothing but heartbreak.....Every single time! (not bragging here) I'm not the sort you can just get tired of.....if u get what I mean.....

That's why it's best to have a wife....Alhamdulillah I'm getting engaged soon...So that's one thing off of my chest :)
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lolwatever
07-31-2006, 02:43 AM
Originally Posted by snakelegs
this is an excellent example of why i think you're a fake. i've know some nutty muslims before - but i've never run into one this nutty.
if you are for real, i think you need professional help.
Snakelegs, in islam we take people on their face value so long as there's no evidence to suggest crookery... otherwise.. i wouldn't be using this forum because who knows, the mods might be gangsters who want to collect our emails via registration and sell the email list to spamsters... (no zAk i'm not trying to give you an idea here ;D )

salams
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lolwatever
07-31-2006, 02:44 AM
Originally Posted by Iqram
Yeah....definately.....Always ends up in....nothing but heartbreak.....Every single time! (not bragging here) I'm not the sort you can just get tired of.....if u get what I mean.....

That's why it's best to have a wife....Alhamdulillah I'm getting engaged soon...So that's one thing off of my chest :)
wow congrats brooo!! mabrook man that's AWESOMEEEE newwwsss mashalah :D :D :D :D (invite me to ur wedding ok? i'll attend via video link :p)
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afriend
07-31-2006, 02:47 AM
Originally Posted by lolwatever
wow congrats brooo!! mabrook man that's AWESOMEEEE newwwsss mashalah :D :D :D :D (invite me to ur wedding ok? i'll attend via video link :p)
haha!! LOL.....

It's just engagement :rollseyes........But I'm not 100% sure if things will go ahead, I might chicken out in the last minute :p...But seriously.....I'm going to do instikhaarah about this, i'm really worried if I should do this or not......But it's not happening soon....if it does inshallah, then it'll be after I turn 15/16.......
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lolwatever
07-31-2006, 02:50 AM
Originally Posted by Iqram
haha!! LOL.....

It's just engagement :rollseyes........But I'm not 100% sure if things will go ahead, I might chicken out in the last minute :p...But seriously.....I'm going to do instikhaarah about this, i'm really worried if I should do this or not......But it's not happening soon....if it does inshallah, then it'll be after I turn 15/16.......
yeh bro definately istikharah is the way to go! all the best with it. i might add to bro ali2cool, do istikharah about giong ahead with that girl b4 u take any serious move.. Allah's guidance is THE BEST.

salams
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syilla
07-31-2006, 02:58 AM
Originally Posted by Iqram
Yeah....definately.....Always ends up in....nothing but heartbreak.....Every single time! (not bragging here) I'm not the sort you can just get tired of.....if u get what I mean.....

That's why it's best to have a wife....Alhamdulillah I'm getting engaged soon...So that's one thing off of my chest :)
congratulations to you...

May Allah get you married as soon as possible...and live happily with your family.
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julie
07-31-2006, 03:00 AM
Originally Posted by mlsh27
Salam Sister Julie,
As Muslims, we are not allowed to date!
I know. But...hmm..it has become normal in Malaysia to date and all that. If you come here, you can see Muslims wearing tube/skirts, clubbing and drinking, hugging partners in public, and so on. So I am pretty 'good' Muslim I think compared to them in that case. I know I'm wrong to think like this but it actually is. Anyway I only meet my boyfriend twice a year due to the distance.
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lolwatever
07-31-2006, 03:04 AM
julie, during the prophets time, everyoneeeeee drank, fornicated and killed lil baby girls.... that didn't make the prophet think 'they'er all doing that, so if i drink a lil achohol ill still b good compared to them'

remember the hadith of the prophet "Islam began strange, and shall return to be strange, so glad tidings to the strangers"

so be a stranger if needs be and don't worry about the rest :) and get marreid instaed of Boyfriending.. trust me it'st he best way.
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Looking4Peace
07-31-2006, 03:04 AM
Originally Posted by julie
I know. But...hmm..it has become normal in Malaysia to date and all that. If you come here, you can see Muslims wearing tube/skirts, clubbing and drinking, hugging partners in public, and so on. So I am pretty 'good' Muslim I think compared to them in that case. I know I'm wrong to think like this but it actually is. Anyway I only meet my boyfriend twice a year due to the distance.

doesnt make it right and as a muslim dont compare urself to those that are worse, i might compare my old self before i was a revert to how most girls acted and i was an angel compared to all of them but now being a revert i still realize those few things i did especially partying, drinking and being with someone without marriage were wrong and know not to go back to doing any of that.
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mlsh27
07-31-2006, 03:04 AM
A "good" Muslim is not defined by what others are doing worse than you, but those who follow Allah swt.
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julie
07-31-2006, 03:41 AM
My mom wouldnt allow me to get married before I finished my study. I admit I'm not a good Muslim. I'll try to improve myself next time. Thanks for your advices.
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snakelegs
07-31-2006, 04:19 AM
Originally Posted by Crystal4Peace
snakelegs ur being more mean then me now lol he is only 18 remember and from an islamic country, he isnt used to how people are here even if to our standards a virgin who kissed someone some time ago and attended a few parties is anything but filthy and being she wants to become a muslim he shouldnt of used that word so to say, he shouldnt of made such a harsh statement but you shouldnt be ridiculing him as well and neither should i have.


and again [BANANA]dont have a cow[/BANANA]
you are correct - i shouldn't have made such a harsh judgement.
no cows here.
p.s. so let's accept that he is real and i am just being a b****, then i think if he thinks this girl is filthy because she kissed 3 guys when she was 15 and in spite of the fact that she will happily become a muslim, and that american girls are generally filthy and this girl is the best he could do here
and he is so desperate that is driven to accept the filthy broad, because she's less defiled than other american girls, my personal opinion is that he should go back to iran, where at least the woman are clean. he is in the wrong country and obviously can not handle the culture at all.
again - no cows in sight! it's just my opinion and nothing more and, once again, it probably shows more about me than about him.
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lolwatever
07-31-2006, 04:22 AM
Originally Posted by julie
My mom wouldnt allow me to get married before I finished my study. I admit I'm not a good Muslim. I'll try to improve myself next time. Thanks for your advices.
All the best sis.. but remember that you never know when death will strike, people alot younger than you have had unexpected deaths, so don't risk waiting too long before you do your best to improve.. that applies to me and everyone else too..

all the best, salams

ps: if your parents not letting you get married, remind them that it's your right in Islam and no one has the right to stop you for a non-religious reason.. so do ur best to convince them if that's what you want.
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lolwatever
07-31-2006, 04:23 AM
Originally Posted by snakelegs
you are correct - i shouldn't have made such a harsh judgement.
no cows here.
p.s. so let's accept that he is real and i am just being a b****, then i think if he thinks this girl is filthy because she kissed 3 guys when she was 15 and in spite of the fact that she will happily become a muslim, and that american girls are generally filthy and this girl is the best he could do here
and he is so desperate that is driven to accept the filthy broad, because she's less defiled than other american girls, my personal opinion is that he should go back to iran, where at least the woman are clean. he is in the wrong country and obviously can not handle the culture at all.
again - no cows in sight! it's just my opinion and nothing more and, once again, it probably shows more about me than about him.
dude... i'm not his lawyer, but from what i understand, this is his question

"If she become Muslim, should her past be taken into consideration"

The answer was No.

what's so hard to understand about that?
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snakelegs
07-31-2006, 04:35 AM
Originally Posted by lolwatever
Snakelegs, in islam we take people on their face value so long as there's no evidence to suggest crookery... otherwise.. i wouldn't be using this forum because who knows, the mods might be gangsters who want to collect our emails via registration and sell the email list to spamsters... (no zAk i'm not trying to give you an idea here ;D )

salams
if true, this would prove that muslims are better people than i am, when it comes to this. i know that a person who is really practicing their religion, would have kept their big mouth shut.
once again
[MOUSE]i am sorry!!![/MOUSE]
if i was just being a b**** and agree that it is totally possible that the guy is for real, and if he is. i don't know what more i can say.
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lolwatever
07-31-2006, 04:40 AM
i'm just disgusted at how a question can be greeted with so much rudeness.. like far out.. a youth asked the prophet if he can fornicate, if any of you guys where in his shoes, you would hav prob turned off the kid n caused him to apostate...

as for snakelegs.. lol i didnt take ne offense.. but personally i don't see anything at all rong with the question. that's all it is.. a question.

and i'm not being biased against non-Muslims, a Muslim who fornicates or kissing non-Mahram's is caleld filthy by Allah AND the Prophet, so you Muslims, what are you going to say about that? huh? come on!?
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Looking4Peace
07-31-2006, 04:43 AM
but she wasnt muslim when she kissed and shes willing to be a muslim and most of all she will be a virgin for him so i dont think the way he said it was totally neccessary and anyway muslims are suppose to talk in a respectable way that was far from it sounded pretty ghetto lame to me calling the girl filthy and even using gthe word wh*re once or twice.
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lolwatever
07-31-2006, 04:46 AM
Originally Posted by Crystal4Peace
but she wasnt muslim when she kissed and shes willing to be a muslim and most of all she will be a virgin for him so i dont think the way he said it was totally neccessary and anyway muslims are suppose to talk in a respectable way that was far from it sounded pretty ghetto lame to me calling the girl filthy and even using gthe word wh*re once or twice.
what on earth does virginity have to do with anything!?? you're so obsessed with that word.

To me someone who reverted but fornicated, stole, murdered, raped, swore and had drugs is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy purer to me than a Muslim who swears and doesn't fornicate and steal etc.

So get your standards right.

Bedoins asked the prophet questions in much ruder ways.. that's not the prioirty of this thread, you could advise him instead of give him a lashing over emotions!
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Tania
07-31-2006, 05:02 AM
I heard once a man talking about this relations and he said something like that: every man wants to have girlfriends before marriage to live to the full but still when comes the time of marriage he wants his wife to be untouched. So from where so many girls?
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mlsh27
07-31-2006, 05:03 AM
Let's sum it up as such:
1. If you truly loved someone, you wouldn't call her "filthy"
2. If she becomes Muslim, her past will be forgiven.
3. Although the things she has done are not allowed in Islam, they are allowed for other religions.
4. If you do think she is filthy, then cut contact.
5. Dating is NOT permitted in Islam.
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Tania
07-31-2006, 05:12 AM
Originally Posted by lolwatever
She isn't even a Muslim yet.. so what's teh fuss about?
.
The fuss is i can't understand how a man dare to judge a woman? Is he 100% sure can be a good husband to her? Judging after his queries i presume he event can't respect her-filthy.
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mysterious
07-31-2006, 05:15 AM
erm whats the point of this thread going on ( people are posting about the guy )the guy asked some question (S) his questions were answered correctly to my knowledge...
Done!
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lolwatever
07-31-2006, 05:18 AM
The fuss is i can't understand how a man dare to judge a woman? Is he 100% sure can be a good husband to her? Judging after his queries i presume he event can't respect her-filthy.
^^ now that's a fare enough statement!

Mara, i definately am not making a judgement of him or her.. but the prophet said we should set our prioty to marry a woman of good religion and character.. such behaviour isn't a characteristic of a religious woman or man for that matter...

but the moemnt she becomes Muslim, it's all over, past is past, as if it didn't happen :D
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mysterious
07-31-2006, 05:20 AM
i dont want to argue with anybody but the guy asked a question his question was answered islamicly done.. no matter how twisted his/your opinions are let em be he called her some things that were wrong but by now I'm sure he is aware of that.....
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Tania
07-31-2006, 05:21 AM
Originally Posted by mysterious
*I think the guys question has already been answered......*
i think we have to change his attitude too a little bit- can't remain with the impression he is the best and he can judge everyone.
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mysterious
07-31-2006, 05:25 AM
doubt that will happen if people will continue insulting him if you would like to help him change his attitude i suggest you do it in a nice islamic manner.....
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lolwatever
07-31-2006, 05:27 AM
^^ totally agree sis, in meanwhile i'll leave sis quraxabad to get back to room temperature while i do some work.

Originally Posted by mara
i think we have to change his attitude too a little bit- can't remain with the impression he is the best and he can judge everyone.
i tooootally agree with ya :D

but it could have been done in a nice way instead of people going thru the roof and acting like superman or something :) I mean the point of the forum is to teach people in the nicest way possible... not give them shrilakkings

all the best
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mlsh27
07-31-2006, 05:30 AM
Originally Posted by lolwatever
^^ totally agree sis, in meanwhile i'll leave sis quraxabad to get back to room temperature while i do some work.



i tooootally agree with ya :D

but it could have been done in a nice way instead of people going thru the roof and acting like superman or something :) I mean the point of the forum is to teach people in the nicest way possible... not give them shrilakkings

all the best
I agree, but both you and I, and others have all acted out of line...I am sorry if I am getting the wrong idea of your post, but it appears that you aren't admitting to have done the same.
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lolwatever
07-31-2006, 05:33 AM
Originally Posted by mlsh27
I agree, but both you and I, and others have all acted out of line...I am sorry if I am getting the wrong idea of your post, but it appears that you aren't admitting to have done the same.
and i'm sorry if i didn't make my stance clear, but maybe i should hav emphasized that teh case applies both to males as much as it does to females (im sure i said that to crystal in the first page or two)

also made it clear that its haram to date her b4 marriage (i said that in the 2nd or 3rd page)

and i made it clear that the language used may not have been the best way to put it (i made that clear in the middle and towards the end)....

hope that sums up my stance now :D if i'm wrong in any of the above feel free 2 quote me and corerct me..

take care all the best!
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Quruxbadaan
07-31-2006, 05:34 AM
Okay Okay

Lolwhatever

My Appologies I Dont Mean To Scream But You Get Under My Skin By Saying Horrible Things Like That


Truce???
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lolwatever
07-31-2006, 05:35 AM
Originally Posted by Quruxbadaan
Okay Okay

Lolwhatever

My Appologies I Dont Mean To Scream But You Get Under My Skin By Saying Horrible Things Like That


Truce???
done deal, i'll remove all the unnice stuff i said too when i get bak. :statisfie - done-

all the best! sorry if i got any1 upset at me
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syilla
07-31-2006, 09:49 AM
Originally Posted by snakelegs
if i was just being a b**** and agree that it is totally possible that the guy is for real, and if he is. i don't know what more i can say.
i was wondering whether you're a woman or a guy...now i know...

u r a lady...

am i rite?
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Tania
07-31-2006, 09:56 AM
Originally Posted by mysterious
doubt that will happen if people will continue insulting him if you would like to help him change his attitude i suggest you do it in a nice islamic manner.....
I can't. I can give him advices only in catholic manner :-[
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lolwatever
07-31-2006, 09:58 AM
^^ and christians believe that if someone slaps your left cheek u should giv him the other one... :D




















[though that doesnt make sense to me]
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searchingsoul
07-31-2006, 04:37 PM
Originally Posted by mara
I heard once a man talking about this relations and he said something like that: every man wants to have girlfriends before marriage to live to the full but still when comes the time of marriage he wants his wife to be untouched. So from where so many girls?
True for some males. I wouldn't call them MEN. Such thinking proves they are limited in their ability to think and take personal responsiblity. Just stay away from this type of person.
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Tania
07-31-2006, 04:45 PM
Originally Posted by searchingsoul
True for some males. I wouldn't call them MEN. Such thinking proves they are limited in their ability to think and take personal responsiblity. Just stay away from this type of person.
Thank you for advice...i am talking generally..not a concrete case. :-[
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mysterious
07-31-2006, 09:34 PM
Originally Posted by mara
I can't. I can give him advices only in catholic manner :-[
lol my bad what i meant was if people wanted to help him do it in a nice way without the insults n so on
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ali2coolwitu
08-01-2006, 03:50 AM
Originally Posted by lolwatever
yeh bro definately istikharah is the way to go! all the best with it. i might add to bro ali2cool, do istikharah about giong ahead with that girl b4 u take any serious move.. Allah's guidance is THE BEST.

salams
what is istikharah?
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lolwatever
08-01-2006, 04:13 AM
Originally Posted by ali2coolwitu
what is istikharah?
here u go bro :)
http://behold--thepowerofcheese.spac...D7B!1271.entry

all the best
salams :)
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DigitalStorm82
08-01-2006, 08:10 AM
Asalamu Alaikum,

Firstly, Cut it out... and give the brother some proper advice vs. arguing with each other...

Bro, it is not allowed in Islam for a muslim to date...period.

Her sins will be forgiven... COMPLETELY, her past life doesn't matter at all...once she accepts Islam.

And if you cant accept that... maybe you should move on with your life.

If you can accept it and still serious about getting married, I suggest you get your parents and her parents involved.

Lastly, she shouldn't convert for YOU... she should be converting for Allah... so keep you contact with her minimal till your married.

May Allah guide you to the truth and keep you on the truth...

W'salaaz,
Hamid
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lolwatever
08-01-2006, 08:23 AM
jazak bro i agree with you..

thanks for summing up what i said here
http://www.islamicboard.com/427506-post2.html

and
http://www.islamicboard.com/427515-post7.html

and

http://www.islamicboard.com/427527-post17.html


:statisfie

salams
Reply

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