asalamu alykum, peace be upon you sister in islam.
May Allah make it easy for you and keep your heart steadfast in islam (ameen)
Before i begin, may i just say this hadith;
“Allaah has shared out your attitudes among you just as He has shared out your provisions. Allaah gives worldly provision to those whom He loves and those whom He does not love, but He gives religion only to those whom He loves. So whoever is given religion, Allaah loves him…
” (Narrated by Ahmad, 3490; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 714).
i doubt my message would be read because the other users have probably given a better answer, but if u do read this then i wanted to say that ur not alone in this, infact i myself am not in that much of a different position from you. And i was born and raised a muslim!
for example, im a brother, and at home my parents say to me that i grow my beard and dont trim it (because trimming the beard isn't allowed), and they make a big fuss about it and say "you dont know anything about islam" and with other issues involving religion we have differences in opinions etc.... im left alienated, but i learnt that regardless of how displeased they r of me, Allah comes first
, and there is no obdience if theres disobdience to Allah, and iv learnt that i dont need to prove to my family how good a muslim im trying to be because only Allah knows whats in the hearts. So if I cant win people by what iv learnt, then I can always win them by showing the true muslim character (inshAllah) and practicing islam in its entireity.
with that said, i want to state a few points which inshAllah may be of benefit to you, because the listed below also help me too;
1. First and foremost sister, you do not have to prove your religion to anybody except Allah. Because there is nobody who knows what is in the hearts of people except Allah because as Allah says in al-quran;
Those men,-Allah knows what is in their hearts; so keep clear of them, but admonish them, and speak to them a word to reach their very souls.
[Surah An-Nisa 4:63]
Allah will not call you to account for thoughtlessness in your oaths, but for the intention in your hearts; and He is Oft-forgiving, Most Forbearing.
and in a hadith;
This hadith has been transmitted on the authority of Abu Huraira with some addition (and it is this):"Verily Allah does not look to your bodies nor to your faces but He looks to your hearts," and he pointed towards the heart with his fingers. (Muslim Book 032, Number 6220)
Many people may question your deen and actions and everything about you, But always remember that your duty is to Allah.
2. its a test from Allah because in a hadith Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said;
Narrated Abu Huraira Allah's Apostle said, "If Allah wants to do good to somebody, He afflicts him with trials." (Bukhari Volume 7, Book 70, Number 548)
and in another hadith;
“If Allaah loves a people, He tries them, and whoever has patience will have patience, and whoever is anxious will be anxious.” (Reported by Imaam Ahmad; Saheeh al-Jaami’, 1706).
Allaah is Good and accepts nothing but that which is good. So the way of Allaah with His slaves is to test them with calamities and tribulations, so that the believer may be known from the hypocrits and so that the truthful may be distinguished from the liar, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
and We shall make a trial of you with evil and with good. And to Us you will be returned”
“Do people think that they will be left alone because they say: ‘We believe,’ and will not be tested.
And We indeed tested those who were before them. And Allaah will certainly make (it) known (the truth of) those who are true, and will certainly make (it) known (the falsehood of) those who are liars, (although Allaah knows all that before putting them to test)”
So sister, a muslim should NEVER despair, if Allah has put you in the trial that you are going through then that means Allah knows you have the strength to handle it because as Allah says in al-quran;
Allah does not impose upon any soul a duty but to the extent of its ability; for it is (the benefit of) what it has earned and upon it (the evil of) what it has wrought.....
3. All the hardship that you are going through is means to bring you closer to Allah as our beloved prophet (peace be upon Him) said;
Narrated Abu Sa'id Al-Khudri and Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, "No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, but that Allah expiates some of his sins for that." (Bukhari; Volume 7, Book 70, Number 545)
4. A muslim should never despair, the helper and protector of the believers is Allah, so the prophet (peace be upin him) said;
“How wonderful is the affair of the believer, for his affairs are all good, and this applies to no one but the believer. If something good happens to him, he is thankful for it and that is good for him. If something bad happens to him, he bears it with patience and that is good for him.” (Narrated by Muslim, 2999).
5. NEVER will Allah forget the good that you do!;
"Whoever works righteousness — whether male or female — while he (or she) is a true believer (of Islamic Monotheism) verily, to him We will give a good life (in this world with respect, contentment and lawful provision)”
“then whoever follows My Guidance he shall neither go astray, nor shall be distressed."
lastly...your religion, your life and your death, everything you do should be for the sake of Allah alone, because Allah put you into these calamities so only He can get you out of it. those people who question your sincerety and religion need guidence themselves so dont listen to the ones who speak without knowledge because you are not accountable to them. two things might inshAllah help you stay on the straight path with patience and perseverance are;
Say: "Truly, my prayer and my service of sacrifice, my life and my death, are (all) for Allah, the Cherisher of the Worlds:
. To help you to be patient is to read the seerah (biography) of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and the trials and hardships that he endured. You should also ponder the reward for those who are patient in this world and in the Hereafter. One of the most useful books on this topic is ‘Uddat al_Saabireen by Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him). [Note: an abridged translation of this book is available in English under the title “Patience and Gratitude”, Ta-Ha Publishers, London, UK]
. From a saying of Abdullah bin Mas'ood (May Allah be pleased with him)-
Whom so ever wants to follow a path, should follow the path of the ones who have died, because the living could fail in their trials. These are the companions of the Muhammad (saw). They were the best of this ummah, their hearts had the most taqwa (fear and hope), they had the deepest knowledge and they were the least superficial.
don't incline towards those who call you to other then the worship of Allah, if you have read my post then i hope you have benefitted from it and may Allah give you strength and guide you to jannah, ameen inshAllah.
walykum salam wa rahmatullhi wa barakatuh