Help with complicated situation

**throwaway** · 12-12-2015

Assalaamu aleikoum all,

I am involved in a complicated situation with which I could use your help, inshallah.

I converted to Islam a few years ago and fell away from it. But, alhamdulillah, I have come back to it.

In the time when I was apostate, I went back to school. My (non-Muslim) parents are helping me by paying for food and living expenses.

But I took out some credit cards to buy unnecessary things. I have been paying the payments for these items out of the living expenses provided by my parents.

I have a plan to pay back these cards as soon as humanly possible, inshallah.

I think there are two questions that I have about this situation:
1) One of the reasons that my parents are helping me is so that I graduate with as little debt as possible. Because my actions have gone against this intention, does it constitute lying by omission? Does it constitute causing them financial disadvantage? Should I tell them?
2) My father has asked if I have taken out a credit card, which I lied about and said no. Is telling him part of the process to being forgiven by Allah (swt)?

My plan is to talk to them, apologize, tell them what has happened, and tell them that I will be working to pay for the costs of the cards, so that it is subtracted from their monthly contribution, inshallah. My fear is that they will revoke all support, which would make staying in school very difficult, if not impossible.

I ask because I have had problems with compulsive guilt in the past and do not want to make something more about needing forgiveness from them when I should be focused on forgiveness from Allah (swt). But, I feel terrible about it and want to make it right.

Does this seem like a solid plan? Is there anything else that I am missing or have not thought about?

Jazzakallahu khairan

**Moshy** · 12-12-2015

Wow. This situation really is compicated. Im not sure if i can help you much but i'll try.

Ask forgiveness from your parents. Ask Allah to make it easy for you to apologize. Ask Allah to not afflict any tragedy on you.

Dua when in distress:

Laa 'ilaaha 'illaa 'anta subhanaka inee kuntu minaz zalimeen

Translation:
There is none worthy of worship but You, glory is to You. Surely, i was among the wrongdoers.

Referense :
Surah Al-Anbiya [21-87]

Dua for seeking Allah's help:

Hasbanallaahu wa ni'amal wakeel

Translation: Allah is sufficient for us and the best of those on whom we depend.

Reference : Surah Al-Imran [3:173]

Dua for forgiveness:

Rabbana innana amanna, faghfir lana, dhunoobana wa qinna adhaaban-naar.

Translation:
Our Lord!* we have indeed believed: forgive us, then, our sins, and save us from the agony of the Fire

Reference:
[surah Al-Imran; 3:16]

Maybe they will forgive you and forget everything that happened. After all, they are your parents

**greenhill** · 12-12-2015

In my honest opinion, it is almost necessary to be truthful to your parents.

So I feel that you need to remedy this 'wrong' as soon as possible.

Remember that you brought this on yourself and you need to accept the consequences and their reaction.

**hisnameiszzz** · 12-12-2015

Hiya. I guess being honest would be the right thing to do but what if your parents fall out with you?

When I was a child my Dad was very tight with his money. I used to get 20p pocket money a week when all my friends got about £5 a week. So I ended up stealing a few £1 here and there.

But that was not all. As I got older my pocket money remained the same. I knew my Dad used to send a lot of money back home in India to his sisters and nieces even though they were better off than us. I ended up pinching a fair amount of money. He used to have a drawer in his room which was locked and had a lot of money in. It also had Parker pens so once a month I would lie to my Mom and say I am getting a Parker pen but would actually pinch about £30 as well. This happened for quite some time. I knew I was in the wrong but I always promised myself that as soon as I started working I would put each and every last penny back.

Needless to say I never caught and I did repay all the money and some more as soon as I started working. I actually opened up to my Mom and told her about it. She said she always knew what I was getting up to when I said I wanted a new Parker pen each month.

You are probably thinking why is he telling me all this? My story is different to yours and yours sounds more serious but it is your intention which really matters I guess.

I know you should tell your parents but they may fall out with you and you may end up more at loss. Try and seek help. I am sure there are agencies out there who can offer you debt advice.

Try and cut the credit cards up. Return things if you can and they are unused. Pay back what you owe and things will hopefully get better. Or you could sell the unnecessary items. You may make a loss but you can start paying your debts off surely.

Good luck.

**greenhill** · 12-12-2015

Hmmm..

Fine line, one is stealing and the other is lying.

Is there a difference? One can be paid back and the other? But the sin is still committed.

The reason parents ask is that they are concerned. They ask because they suspect that you may be in trouble. As much as they may hate the answer they may get, as mad as they may be, they will do something to help solve the matter. .(once they have calmed down)

after all, they did ask.

Hard call.