Mahr/Dowry clarification

**lostsoul2016** · 09-26-2016

AoA

I am trying to figure out the following and hope you can help me

I know that at the time of marriage or later, the husband is to give a dowry/mahr to the bride. However that appears to be in the some of money.
In today's world and society, people think it is wrong as it shows that you are "buying" the wife - kind of like prostitution. Even though this is not the intention, it looks/feels wrong.

What other things can be considered as a gift for dowry/mahr that is acceptable?

Thank you.

**ardianto** · 09-26-2016

Assalamualaikum.

Mahr is the first gift from the husband (groom), to the wife (bride), not to other parties like bride parents or family. The woman can ask mahr after she accept the man's proposal, not before. Mahr should not become precondition to accept proposal. The woman should not have attitude like "If you want to marry me you must give mahr in this amount. If you can't afford, do not marry me".

Unfortunately there are parents in certain societies/communities who see mahr as an opportunity to gain money. They push their daughter to ask mahr in big amount to the man who propose marriage as precondition, and then they take the mahr for themselves. With this condition, of course, mahr become not different than buying the bride. Yeah, this is the attitude that ruin the beauty of mahr.

**lostsoul2016** · 09-26-2016

Thank you.so, does it HAVE to be money?

**ardianto** · 09-26-2016

Originally Posted by lostsoul2016

Thank you.so, does it HAVE to be money?

Not always. In some places mahr usually in form of money. But in other places usually not in form of money.

**ardianto** · 09-26-2016

There is no minimum or maximum amount of mahr. The bride can ask what she want. But of course she must consider the groom affordability. If the groom is not rich she must not ask mahr in big amount. But if the groom is rich, why not?

**lostsoul2016** · 09-26-2016

So if it's not a form of money then what is islamically permissible?

**aaj** · 09-26-2016

Ideally, it is preferred to give money. It is her insurance should things go sour so that she has something to fall back on till she's up on her feet.

**ardianto** · 09-26-2016

Originally Posted by lostsoul2016

So if it's not a form of money then what is islamically permissible?

Everything that halal is permissible for mahr. The bride may ask clothes, jewelery, furniture, Qur'an. The bride may also ask mahr that not in physical form. In example, there are people who got married with mahr, the groom recite Qur'an.

But one thing about mahr that the brothers have to know. Mahr is the right of the bride. The bride has a right to determine what mahr that she want. So, when you get nikah let your bride determine what mahr that she want. If you feel this mahr is too high for your affordability, you can talk with her to change the mahr.