Wife beating?

Salaam/peace to u & all;

[QUOTE]

format_quote Originally Posted by chris4336

Muslim Woman...I apologize if my comments seemed rude.

it's ok kay:

To be honest, this "issue" really doesn't bother me as much as some of the other ones (polygamy grrrrr).

i gave one example from Jamal Badawi's article. What do u suggest for that young man who's wife is bad ridden & can't perform her role as a wife?

Should he divorce her , cheat her or re-marry & keep her in marriage and take care of her ?


http://www.islamfortoday.com/polygamy5.htm


pl. remember , God says in Quran about polygamy that if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then (marry) only one…" (Qur’an 4:3)



U may also ask urself , If Islam is really that bad & anti-women , why then so many western women are embracing Islam ?


Spanish Muslim Revert Talks about Women's Rights in Islam

http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2351



Bismillah, Assalamu alaykum, this is a Spanish Muslim sister, she talks about Women's rights in Islam. This sister's name is Fatimah Milla - Rumayor.

She is educated and bought up in Spain, she works as a linguist and is from Spain.

She points out some useful information about Islam and she addresses the misconceptions that many people have about Islam and the role of women in it.



The Status of Women In Islam.
Compiled By TurnToIslam.Com

Islam is the message that Allah sent to all mankind through his Prophets. The Message of Islam has always been to worship Allah alone without associating any partners with him and to follow the Messengers that he, the most High, sent to mankind.



The Last and final Messenger was Muhammad (pbuh) And it is his example and guidance that Muslims must seek to emulate and act upon.

Islam is perfect, and there is no need for it to ever be changed or "Modernised". For It is a religion of ease and moderation.


Infact, those Muslims who do not act according to the true sources of Islam are the ones who are "backwards". Advancement for mankind is through the pure Islam.

THere will be some "Muslims" who do not respect women, or who are criminals and do bad.




Just as there will be some countries which call themselves "Islamic" and call for women to be stopped from going to school and getting education etc.


None of these people are following Islam properly. They are ignorant to the true teachings of Islam. Any person who has a fair and just mind, can understand that there are good and bad people in all societies. Islam is not at fault, but those people who do not follow it properly.

You can not simply generalise and make wide sweeping statements against Muslims or Islam based upon the actions of a very few people.

comment of a reader:

A woman came out of a mans rib. Not from his feet to be walked on, not from his head to be superior over, but from his side to be equal.

Under the arm to be protected, and next to the heart to be loved

Hi Chris,

format_quote Originally Posted by chris4336

I know its a slippery slope and it's never going to be fully clear. My belief is that its easier to say "Do not hit them" and then go onto debate what constitues a "hit"

As I pointed out, you still have not escaped the inherent subjectivity here and there will still be spousal interactions of irritation and annoyance, so you're back to square one. And such a prohibition also neglects the issue of emotional and psychological abuse and other forms of harassment.

rather than say "Hit them in x circumstance in x manner."

But that isn't what the Qur'an does. The Qur'an says in these situations that threaten the marriage, only then is the mildest physical contact permitted under stringent circumstances that most people will not come to anyway. It has nothing to do with disrespecting the man or the woman, it has to do with providing a practical series of steps for the husband to resolve nasty behavior on the part of the wife. And the Qur'an provides the wife with the steps to resolve such behavior on the part of the husband as well.

What you don't realize is that even if you say "no hitting", people will still resort to such actions as a rare slap or pinch, and after the dispute is resolved, neither party will deem it abuse. Here are characteristics of spousal abuse that women should look out for:

It may not be easy to identify abuse. An abusive relationship can start subtly. The abuser may criticize your appearance or may be unreasonably jealous. Gradually, the abuse becomes more frequent, severe and potentially life-threatening.
"It's important to know that these relationships don't happen overnight," says Patterson. "It's a gradual process — a slow disintegration of a person's sense of self."
However, many characteristics signify an abusive relationship. For example, you may be abused if you:

• Have ever been hit, kicked, shoved or threatened with violence
• Feel that you have no choice about how you spend your time, where you go or what you wear
• Have been accused by your partner of things you've never done
• Must ask your partner for permission to make everyday decisions
• Feel bad about yourself because your partner calls you names, insults you or puts you down
• Limit time with your family and friends because of your partner's demands
• Submit to sexual intercourse or engage in sexual acts against your will
• Accept your partner's decisions because you're afraid of ensuing anger
• Are accused of being unfaithful
• Change your behavior in an effort to not anger your partner

Pregnancy is a particularly perilous time for an abused woman. Not only is your health at risk, but also the health of your unborn child. Abuse can begin or may increase during pregnancy.

Most abuse occurs under the influence of alcohol, something that Islam prohibits.

I also find it a little bit insulting that physical force might be necessary to evoke recognition of the severity of the event.

It is not insulting because the same thing can also apply to the husband! The only reason why the wife is not given the step of hitting the husband is because it will only endanger her further, and we see proof of this in that all domestic violence support centers encourage the wife to just leave an abusive household.

If she doesn't understand the severity after explanation, and after her husband avoids relations with her, obviously there is some ideological difference between the partners that will not be solved with a hit from a toothbrush?

Not true, it could be emotional obstinance and neglecting the harm being caused to the other party. She may not realize the reality of her emotional and psychological abuse, and the same thing can apply to the man. So it is not insulting to either men or women, since it can apply to both, it is only insulting to those who wish to purse such abusive behavior towards their spouse.

So how do you know that "Not hitting women" is something that should be encouraged for Muslims and marrying 9 year olds is not?

It was never a 'practice' of the Prophet to marry 9 year old girls. Almost all his marriages were to middle-aged widows, and with his companions he only ever endorsed marriage to people who were pious and had good character. So by no stretch of the imagination can one say that that is a practice of the Prophet, let alone that all believers are to emulate it.

As for the hadith I presented about the Prophet pbuh never hitting anyone, this is a standard he maintained throughout his entire life and it was part of his personal interactions with other people and his etiquettes of dealing with other people which he told us to follow and which the Qur'an commands us to follow. Cultural practices like riding a camel, we are not commanded to follow. But his excellent character, manners and etiquettes we strive to follow.

Regards

Which is why I said earlier:

Coming to your specific question, you've mentioned another example of a verse anti-islamists try to take in isolation to malign in Islam. We see from the other Qur'anic verses and the Prophet's example that kind, compassionate and gentle treatment has been ordained. This verse speaks specifically of the case when there is deliberately nasty behaviour on the part of the wife which poses a threat to the marriage (the Prophet Muhammad pbuh defined the behaviour in question to be manifest indecency). And in such a case one is to use admonition and discussion as the primary method of seeking resolution, and after that seperation. The last method described here after the other methods is the use of light physical force, but never to the point of abuse or injury, nor when angry. The issue here is not punishing the wife at all, but rather to evoke recognition of the gravity of the situation. If Muslims followed the Qur'anic method of dispute resolution, they would never arrive at such a stage. And the wife has the opportunity to seek divorce at any stage in the matter. She should never stay in an abusive relationship and no one is allowed to force her to do so. The verse gives absolutely no license for wife abuse or domestic violence.

Of course with some individuals such actions will never be effective and will only worsen the situation, so they should be avoided then. But to state that such methods are categorically unproductive in all circumstances and societies is fallacious.

Here's a good Islamic article on the general relationship between men and their wives:

A Wife
A talk by Shaykh Abdullah Adhami


By getting married you are not just getting a wife, you are getting your whole world. From now until the rest of your days your wife will be your partner, your companion, and your best friend.

She will share your moments, your days, and your years. She will share your joys and sorrows, your successes and failures, your dreams and your fears. When you are ill, she will take the best care of you; when you need help, she will do all she can for you;

When you have a secret, she will keep it; when you need advice, she will give you the best advice. She will always be with you: when you wake up in the morning the first thing your eyes will see will be hers; during the day, she will be with you, if for a moment she is not with you by her physical body, she will be thinking of you, praying for you with all her heart, mind, and soul; when you go to sleep at night, the last thing your eyes will see will be her; and when you are asleep you will still see her in your dreams. In short, she will be your whole world and you will be her whole world.

The best description that I personally have ever read describing the closeness of the spouses to each other is the Qur'anic verse which says: "they are your garments and you are their garments" (Surah Al Baqarah 2:187). Indeed, spouses are like garments to each other because they provide one another with the protection, the comfort, the cover, the support, and the adornment that garments provide to humans. Just imagine a journey in the winter of Alaska without garments! Our spouses provide us with the same level of comfort, protection, cover, and support in the journey of our lives on this earth as garments would do in the Alaskan journey.

The relationship between the spouses is the most amazing of all human relations: the amount of love and affection, intimacy and closeness, mercy and compassion, peace and tranquillity that fills the hearts of the spouses is simply inexplicable. The only rational explanation for these most amazing of all human feelings is that: it is an act of Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala, "And Allah has made for you Mates (and Companions) of your own nature ..." (Surah Al Nahl 16:72) Only our Almighty Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala in His Infinite Power, Boundless Mercy, and Great Wisdom can create and ingrain these amazing and blessed feelings in the hearts of the spouses. In fact Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala is reminding those who search for His signs in the universe that these feelings in the hearts of the spouses are among the signs that should guide humans to His existence as He says in the Qur'an, "And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquillity with them and He has put love and mercy between your hearts: verily in that are signs for those who reflect." (Surah Al Rum 30:21)

But Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala knows that the human heart is not a static entity, it is sometimes weak and at times dynamic. Feelings can and do change with time. Love may wither and fade away. The marital bond might weaken if not properly cared for. Happiness in marriage cannot be taken for granted; continuous happiness requires constant giving from both sides. For the tree of marital love to remain alive and keep growing, the soil has to be sustained, maintained, watered and nurtured.

Remember that our Prophet Muhammad Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam had found the time to go out to the desert and race with his wife Aisha. She out ran him but later after she had gained some weight, he out ran her.

Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam took his wife to watch the young Ethiopians playing and dancing their folk dances. The show of emotions is necessary to keep the marital bond away from rusting and disintegrating.

Remember that you will be rewarded by Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala for any emotions you show to your wife as the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam said "one would be rewarded for anything that he does seeking the pleasure of Allah even the food that he puts in the mouth of his wife."

Never underestimate the importance of seemingly little things as putting food in your wife's mouth, opening the car's door for her, etc. Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam used to extend his knee to his wife to assist her up to ride the camel.

Try to always find some time for both of you to pray together. Strengthening the bond between you and Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala is the best guarantee that your own marital bond would always remain strong. Having peace with Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala will always result in having more peace at home.

Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam gave glad tidings for those couples who wake up at night to pray together. The Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam even urged the spouse who rises up first to wake the other spouse up even by throwing cold water on his/her face.

Always try your best to be good to your wife by words and by deeds. Talk to her, smile to her, seek her advice, ask for her opinion, spend quality time with her and always remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam said "the best of you are those who are best to their wives."

Finally, it is common that spouses vow to love and honor their spouses until death do them part. I do believe that this vow is good or even great, but not enough! It is not enough that you love your wife. You have to love what she loves as well. Her family, her loved ones must also become your loved ones. Don't be like my colleague who was unhappy about his wife's parents coming to visit for few weeks. He candidly said to her "I don't like your parents." Naturally, she angrily looked at him straight in the eye and said " I don't like yours either"... Also, it is not enough that you love her until death do you part. Love should never end and we do believe there is life after death where those who did righteousness in this world will be joined by their spouses (Surah Al Zukhruf 43:70) and offsprings.

The best example in this regard is the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam whose love for Khadija, his wife of 25 years extended to include all those she loved and continued even after her death. It was many years after her death and he never forgot her and whenever a goat was slaughtered in his house he would send portions of it to Khadija's family and friends and whenever he felt that the visitor at the door might be Khadija's sister Hala, he would pray saying "O Allah let it be Hala."

Salaam/peace to all;

So how do you know that "Not hitting women" is something that should be encouraged for Muslims and marrying 9 year olds is not?


It was never a 'practice' of the Prophet to marry 9 year old girls. Almost all his marriages were to middle-aged widows, and with his companions he only ever endorsed marriage to people who were pious and had good character.

--- a very good point bro.

chris , if u know any Muslim man who wants to 'buy' & ' abuse ' a young virgin & wants to justify his this act by telling that ' i want to follow Sunnah ' , tell him to marry a widow first with her 3 kids from previous marriage (s) . Spend 25 years with his first wife , then marry a ( i forgot now , his 2nd wife was either a widow or a divorced lady ) , then let him send a marriage proposal ( not buy a poor girl & forced her into marriage ) to a 9 years old girl who is an adult now & she & her parent do not have any objection/doubt about his high moral character .



Let him be such a good husband that his wife can tell what Mother Aisha (ra ) told about her husband : "I have never seen a man who was more compassionate to his family members than Muhammad (saas)."

http://www.theprophetmuhammad.org/life.html#203

Those who want to abuse young wives ,
why don't they listen to the Last Prophet (p) ? "I urge you to treat women well"

- Sahih Al bukhari

"The most perfect believer in faith is one who is the best of them in good conduct. The best of you is one who treats best with his wife among you



It's clear that those who are believer , who fear that they will meet their Lord can never abuse wives. Because , God ordered them to treat wife with kindness . God's final messenger set example how to treat wives.......NEVER EVER HIT YOUR WIFE.


So chris , those who abuse wives are not true believers . may be we can't punish them in this world , but don't worry , they will get what they deserve on the Last Day.

About wife's dad or bro's tapping husband , i m not sure about this.....most probably no. God made it compulsory that men will take care of wives , earn & spend for wives ....it's not a choice .....it's a must. He is also responsible to make a secured life for her . U see , huge responsibilities are on men's shoulders. Also , it's a fact that , if wife & husband start fighting , wife's life will be in danger .May be , that's the reason a wife must not tap husband or hire /ask someone else to tap husband. After bro/dad's leaving , husband may want to take revenge. Anyway, a couple won't be in need to tap each other if they follow the proper guide lines of Islam.

from the last sermon of the Prophet (p).

O People, it is true that you have certain rights with regard to your women but they also have rights over you. Remember that you have taken them as your wives only under Allah's trust and with His permission.

If they abide by your right, then to them belongs the right to be fed and clothed in kindness.

Do treat your women well and be kind to them for they are your partners and committed helpers.

**

Recitation of Sura Fathiha by Shiekh Saad Al-Ghamdhi of Saudi Arabia
http://www.islamworld.net/fathiha.au

whole Quran recitation:

http://quran.jalisi.com

( thanks who sent me the link....Jazak Allah )
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format_quote Originally Posted by chris4336

If the other partner still is behaving in the manner, this means that he/she has completely failed to recognize the severity of the situation despite your best efforts with words or actions. In this case, physical force might be useful as a means of explaining to both men and women that what they are doing is bad.

Not quite, the steps are only for the husband when the wife is in the wrong.

Imagine if the wife was right and the husband was wrong. She could explain to him why she thinks he is wrong. This is reasonable.

Now imagine he still doesnt listen and the removes herself from her husband. Is this wise? I don't think so, it will possible anger the husband and could lead to violence: he has the strenght to force himself onto her, whereas the wife does not.

As for the hitting lightly with a toothbrush, this as well is dangerous because the husband might retaliate with force, and most women simply do not have the ability to over power men.

I hope you can appreciate how foolish it would be to have these steps apply to women as well. So instead, if she talks to him and he still doesnt listen, she should go straight to a relative for help.

I think humans intellectually capable of a relationship can tell the gravity of a situation without it being expressed to them in terms of "tap." And if they are choosing to ignore their partner's feelings, than I highly doubt a tap with at toothbrush will make them change their mind.

Well you never know... could work..

Yes, I have been reminded multiple times on this board that I should only look at the true laws of Islam not what Muslims do. It is not our probem that people abuse our laws, just like its not your problem that people beat the hell out their wives and claim they were given permission in Quran.


Forgive me but I'm still not really understanding. So Islam teaches that sometimes it might take a hit for a women to realize the gravity of the situation. Islam also teaches that in some non existent hypothetical situation it might take a hit for a man to realize the gravity of the situation, but this would never happen because men overpower women?

In a lecture, the speaker said 'hitting' was basically the wrong word - it's more like 'touching', like you tap someone. It's like 'you have ticked me off so much that I have to make physical contact to get my point across'.

Of course, I'd rather have it so that husbands and wives don't fight at all, but us humans do love our conflict, unfortunately.

format_quote Originally Posted by Ansar Al-'Adl

Of course with some individuals such actions will never be effective and will only worsen the situation, so they should be avoided then. But to state that such methods are categorically unproductive in all circumstances and societies is fallacious.

Isn't following the Quran the best way to live? I just assumed this method was considered better than other "non physical" methods such as contacting an Imam, or bringing in a mediator, because this method was recommended. If these any of these methods were superior they would have been recommended. Why on earth would someone think "Well its probably a best that I don't hit my wife" when God cleary states "hit your wife." So you are right maybe its not completely 100% unproductive, but I think it is far from the best option.

format_quote Originally Posted by chris4336

In the case of the husband, he can tap his wife with a toothbrush.

I'm not sure if you just missed the point completely or chose to ignore it, but I already mentioned that Ibn 'Abbas's comment on the miswâk is meant to show the mild and insignificant nature of the hit even once it is resorted to. I can only assume that your insistence upon using the word 'toothbrush' is to ridicule the issue, but it hopelessly fails since there is no directive to use a 'toothbrush' in any Islamic texts.

In the case of a wife it is not recommended that she tap her husband with a toothbrush for fear that he will react in a bad manner. Her next step would be..... (please fill in the rest for me

Thrid-party mediation or the assistance of the courts in getting a resolution, which may entail a divorce.

My problem with this is that I don't find physical force a very useful means of helping someone realize the "severity of the situation", so I don't really see why the whole toothbrush thing is necessary. I think humans intellectually capable of a relationship can tell the gravity of a situation without it being expressed to them in terms of "tap." And if they are choosing to ignore their partner's feelings, than I highly doubt a tap with at toothbrush will make them change their mind.

Well, you just chose to ignore my earlier comments about emotional obstinance. Do you really mean to tell me that human beings are perfectly objective and rational and never swayed by personal bias or emotion? Rubbish. We know for a fact that the complex interplay of hormonal systems in the brain gives rise to a host of prejudicial biases and emotional behaviours with no underlying rationale, comprising arrogance, aggression, obduracy, etc.
In fact, I am sure many people can relate to a time in their life when they were hung on one narrow-minded line of thinking, blinded to all other ways by their emotional biases, and they needed a friend to help them 'snap out of it'. How about remembering a time when one was behaving in a stupid manner and just wishing that there had been someone there to smack them and tell them to snap out of it. If you know anyone who was severely depressed at one point in their life or otherwise going through a deep emotional phase, they could probably relate to that, perhaps even desiring to go back in time and confront their former self to get them to 'snap out of it'. We accept such conduct to occur amongst friends and siblings, thus it is not absurd to suggest that even though unlikely it may happen between those who are even closer, a husband and wife.

"Yeah, I can't believe I was acting so dumb!" - you're telling me such statements have never been heard from human beings?? It is certainly likely that in a very intense emotional conflict one may be entirely absorbed by one perspective and blinded by one line of thinking and they don't realize it until the emotional disturbance is expressed to them in a different way by their partner. This may not work for some people, but to state that it is categorically unproductive is fallacious. In some instances it may work and does work, and consequently the Qur'an has given a dispensation - NOT a command or recommendation - to use light physical force in such instances.

format_quote Originally Posted by chris4336

its not your problem that people beat the hell out their wives and claim they were given permission in Quran.

Actually from a perspective of a muslim living in the muslim community, the notion of people justifying such blatantly abhorrent behavior with the Qur'an is unheard of. It doesn't happen. If you look at statistics you will see the major factors in domestic violence, usually things Islam prohibits anyway like alcohol and extramarital affairs. People who try to justify such behavior usually say, "I was drunk", not "I'm allowed its in the Qur'an". Even a person with the brain of an ape knows that no religion on earth tolerates such behavior.

Forgive me but I'm still not really understanding. So Islam teaches that sometimes it might take a hit for a women to realize the gravity of the situation.

Islam says that if you are in an emotional dispute with your spouse and the other methods have been exhausted and some physical contact will actually work to get them to snap out of their narrow minded line of thinking and realize the emotional disturbance caused, then in such cases you are allowed, not to punish anyone, but to evoke recognition of the gravity of the situation. "Wake up! Look at what's happened to our family!"

Islam also teaches that in some non existent hypothetical situation it might take a hit for a man to realize the gravity of the situation, but this would never happen because men overpower women?

No you've missed the point completely here. We're going by logic and we're saying that sometimes men act stupidly and need a good smack. This is not a non-existent or purely hypothetical scenario, this is self-evident around us (somehow these same men always seem to get into politics). The reason why Islam does not offer this solution to women is because it might serve only to endanger the woman further, and the husband might lash back in an even more aggressive manner. So for her safety, both the Qur'an and western domestic violence help centres advise that the woman seek outside help and try to leave an abusive household as soon as possible.

format_quote Originally Posted by chris4336

Maybe its my lack of knowledge of Arabic. In English the words "Beat" and "Touch" are on opposite ends of the spectrum.

I thought we had answered this already, but once again the word 'beat' in the engloish language means to hit repeatedly and violently with the intent to cause injury or pain and usually with a weapon. This is why the expression of 'darb' as 'beat' is a gross distortion of the meaning of the word and conflicts with every Islamic teaching. The Islamic texts taken collectively condemn and prohibit any such violent behavior. The word 'darb' is best translated as 'hit' or 'strike' like Prophet Ayûb used a handful of grass to 'darb' once (Qur'an 38:44). This shows it was a single strike and not violent in any manner - you can't beat someone with a handful of grass.
http://www.islamicboard.com/249115-post2.html

You ticked me off so much that the only way it can be expressed is through physical contact.

Wrong again. It is not out of anger or because he is angry as we explicitly mentioned. It is a conflict where dialogue is not working and one party persists in manifest indecency and disruptive behavior, hung on a narrow minded line of thinking that in such cases if some physical contact will help them to 'snap out of it' and realize the problems they are headed for, then it is allowed. Not recommended or commanded, but allowed.

format_quote Originally Posted by chris4336

Isn't following the Quran the best way to live?

Yes, but if you knew about the detailed science of the principles of Islamic jurisprudence (Usûl al-Fiqh), it would be evident that this is a dispensation, not a recommendation or command. And the Qur'an says about the Prophet Muhammad saws:
68:4 And verily, you (O Muhammad SAW) are on an exalted standard of character.

33:21 Ye have indeed in the Messenger of Allah a beautiful pattern (of conduct) for any one whose hope is in Allah and the Final Day, and who engages much in the Praise of Allah.

So we are told to emulate the character of the Prophet Muhammad pbuh, and from this is the example of him never raising his hand to hit anyone in his entire life, but always dealing with others with mercy and compassion. And it is this that all muslims are commanded to strive to follow.

I just assumed this method was considered better than other "non physical" methods such as contacting an Imam, or bringing in a mediator, because this method was recommended.

The errors in the above quote are numerous:
1. No it was not a recommendation, it was a dispensation.
2. It was a dispensation for men, as the verse clearly states.
3. The next verse provides the steps for women and verse 4:128 speaks about if the husband is guilty of nushuz what the woman should do
4. Of the methods set out for women is the involvement of third-party mediation and this is something confirmed by all help centres who affirm that someone should be told about it and mediation should take place, and women should always leave an abusive household.

Why on earth would someone think "Well its probably a best that I don't hit my wife" when God cleary states "hit your wife."

This I find quite irritating. You have stopped asking questions and now you are making the allegation that the Qur'an COMMANDS men to hit their wives which is a blatant lie. And you can read these posts to see that no where is this said to be a command, so you are knowingly pronouncing false information.
The reality is that the Qur'an COMMANDS Muslims to strive to emulate the character of the Prophet Muhammad pbuh and this entails no hitting whatsoever. So right from the get-go we know that this is the best method possible because the Qur'an says so. The Prophet Muhammad pbuh is the highest standard of moral excellence. As for verse 4:34 it provides a dispensation, not a command or recommendation, but a dispensation to use this kind of hit in a situation where one's spouse is persisting in manifest indecency which is destructive to the marriage and where such action may actually prove productive in evoking recognition of the gravity of the situation. If this doesn't work, it should not be maintained and third-party mediation or arbitration should be looked into immediately.

I think my post has gone into detail answering all your questions. If you repeat any of the same misconceptions or allegations already debunked here ignoring the answers provided, then bear in mind that this will only reflect negatively on yourself. Thus, it is in your best interest to read over the answers carefully before formulating further questions, unless this post has sufficiently answered your misunderstandings.

Regards

With the name of ALLAH ( God Almighty ) -The Bestower Of Unlimited Mercy, The Continuously Merciful

Assalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh (May the peace, mercy and blessings of Allah be upon you)

Listen to the holy Quran

http://www.islamicity.com/MOSQUE/ARA...AYAT/1/1_1.htm


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format_quote Originally Posted by chris4336

Isn't following the Quran the best way to live? .

yap

Why on earth would someone think "Well its probably a best that I don't hit my wife" when God cleary states "hit your wife."

------ First of all : the word may have another meaning instead of hitting.


secondly: If really it means hit/tap etc , then before divorcing wife , it's the last step from husband's side IF he sincerely wants to continue his married life with wife peacefully in future.

If a wife fears that situation is that bad that her husband can beats her mercilessly , she can go for divorce . During the time of the last Prophet (p) , women applied their this right even husband was not abusive. A husband was crying & begged his wife not to divorce him , the last Prophet (p) asked wife to reconsider , still she divorced him.



3. To torture wife , God forbade a husband to keep his wife into marriage . Those who abuse wives are disobeying God.




4. All Muslim men are not that bad media want u to believe .
Many if not most Muslim husbands try hard to treat wives with kindness. They don't beat wives if she does not cook well , they don't hit her mercilessly just because she forgets to do something etc.



5. God said , the last Prophet came as a mercy for the whole world. We mentioned here several times that Prophet Muhammed (p) never hit his wives.



6. Our knowledge is limited & only God knows best. As men have burdens to perform duties as caretake/maintainers of women ....most probably that's the reason in this case they enjoy this tapping facility ; when women enjoy more facilities in other cases like they don't have to earn for family, they don't have to spend anything from their wealth they get from father , husband etc. What wealth women recieve they can save it for themselves only & can enjoy in a halal way.


His money is her money but her money is NOT his money........ men are not complaining about this or if they do , we won't listen to them as God gave us this right.



Again , pl try to understand that when Muslim men must be kind to enemies even in the battle field , they can't be unkind /hostile to their wives at home. U don't have to be an Islamic scholar to understand this simple matter.