finally.. after a time
two lonely tears
broke free from my eyes
i'd been sitting in a gathering
people laughing and chatting
I remember someone had spoken to me
from the other side of the room
but i wasn't really there
for in that moment in time
my gaze had frozen upon the wall
i wasn't looking at anything
for my eyes had turned to stone
it was you I was thinking
and you I was seeing
a memory had gripped my heart
its cruel fingers clenching hard
until two lonely tears
had escaped my eyes
it had been an age since i'd cried
and still as a statue i stayed
the company, the atmosphere
never took my attention
if anything...
it only heightened your absence
made me miss you more
memories... memories
thank you for leaving those
a distant voice of long ago
echoes through my mind
forever... forever you will live
in a secret place inside
but... but...
this loss i have accepted
as being the will of God
for I know Allah knows best
the Guardian of my heart
Your other two poems captured me from the start, this only got me from the second stanza onwards. I really liked it though. It was *shiver-factor* lol Masha'Allah.
format_quote Originally Posted by Scents of Jannah
awww tnx sis & also for your honesty
i can always improve it inshaAllah and im happy cuz i just found out what a stanza is lol
BarakAllah feeki
I would never edit any of my poems, the words that flow first are the best and most sincere ones in my opinion, just use any criticism you may get for future poems insha'Allah
I chop and change until I am satisfied. The problem is my imagination runs riot and I have so much to write but that isnt possible, hence lots of editing and unfortunately that means sometimes losing the original structure.
having said that I'm off to do edit the third poem
^ Don't edit!! It's great the way it is because that's how you thought it out and that gives it a uniqueness. It's your words, they express what you feel and think..cutting and chopping will make it loose that.
I read the third poem, and it was great. I thought of blindness, spiritual blindness though, not physical.
“Do not argue with your Lord on behalf of your soul, rather argue with your soul on behalf of your Lord.” - Dhul-Nun
"It is the very pursuit of happiness that thwarts happiness." - Victor Frankl
^ Don't edit!! It's great the way it is because that's how you thought it out and that gives it a uniqueness. It's your words, they express what you feel and think..cutting and chopping will make it loose that.
I read the third poem, and it was great. I thought of blindness, spiritual blindness though, not physical.
lol jazakillah khayr ukhti. why not translate them?
hope y'all like this one inshaAllah
Untitled
a silhoutte against the gleaming moon
she stands by a window, in her room
her fingers touch the cold glasspane
tracing rivulets of pouring rain
he said he'd come home tonight
they hadn't argued, there'd been no fight
but no harm had come to him she knew
he was with a new wife and baby too
an emptiness aches inside her barren womb
where no flower now, would ever bloom
motherhood cruelly snatched by a final miscarriage
she'd lowered the drawbridge for a second marriage
he'd promised to fulfil her rights that day
pledged to treat them equally come what may
yet tonight, like so many nights before
she only imagines him coming through the door
she wonders if the moon can see her misery
his light is reflecting much too fiercely
illuminating the delicate contours of her face
her solemn beauty, so dignified with grace
dark eyes glitter with defeated tears
she knows he wont come as dawntime nears
with a hopeful heart she prepares for salah
donning perfumed garments for a meeting with Allah
nearby, a candle and breeze enjoy a flickering dance
when a sudden gust of wind threatens to end their romance
a remorseful husband stands watching from the door
the epitome of forgiveness, in sujood on the floor
wow... sis that topped the second one... i didnt think it possible subhanAllaah PUBLISH IT ! you simply must !
btw before you ask if anything is clear , she had an abortion and womb got taken out so she cant get preg anymore, he married again by her consent, she awaited him but he took so long she began to wonder if he's ever coming or staying with the other wife, she decides to pray (mashAllah) as she makes sujood she passes away and her husband finds her to his dismay
mashaAllah amazing !
-
My tears testify that i have a heart
yet i feel me and shaytan never part
-
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oh:
i thought the first bit explained his blindness well
We'll make you dizzy 
subhanAllaah PUBLISH IT ! you simply must !
, she had an abortion and womb got taken out so she cant get preg anymore, he married again by her consent, she awaited him but he took so long she began to wonder if he's ever coming or staying with the other wife, she decides to pray (mashAllah) as she makes sujood she passes away and her husband finds her to his dismay
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