ok...i tried to write this poem in about 5 minutes...this is my first draft...but ofcourse the last draft could be nothing like the one i start with...it usually isnt...anyways...i need to write a poem for a school compitition on the following topic:
- looking at the worl through the eyes of someone else.
i chose a palestinian/iraqi kid/person.
i was told that if this poem wins, it will be put in an anthology...exactly which one, i do not know.
anyways...i need you guys' help...this is how you may help me...imagine your day in iraq/palestine...give me as much details as you can and give me 'a day in the life of a palestinian/iraqi kid/person'...
i hope i make sense.
anyways...this is the poem:
A shattered world The earth dried and arid Smoke bellowing Clogging my nostrils; my senses
Life wasn’t this hard before It only began a few years ago The gunfire, the bullets, the missiles; They weren’t always present
Once this world was different shades, Of green, red, blue, yellow But now, all I see is red In the pitch black darkness of the night
Walking down the path I remember the children; Their laughter, smiles and cries Now filled with the hushed silence
Once there were pools of cool water Blood has now replaced these pools Fear grips my heart, Never to let go
But even in this fear gripped heart of mine, There exists a cocoon of hope; A light in the darkness, Warmth; and a guide to freedom.
any criticism or stupid laughter is welcome...more than welcome really.
thats nice so how can we help sis, fix up what you've already written or make up a few lines of our own or
both.
"Scribble scribble on my face
who will win the second race"
i dont mind scribbling on your face, ya know...really...AND i'm pretty good at scribbling too
salamualikum
so what do we do ukthi?
imagine that you are a person in a war struck palestine or iraq...give me a detailed description of your day...feelings, whatever...anything that you think may help...including what bro mazed suggested
hey england...that sounds rather for kids...and my poems aren't aimed at kids...they are aimed at mature individuals who can take the message andprobably even make a difference.
hey england...that sounds rather for kids...and my poems aren't aimed at kids...they are aimed at mature individuals who can take the message andprobably even make a difference.
The one I posted above could make a difference and it needn't be for kids. I posted it on the other forum I registered to, which is pretty dead, and I got more replies to it that alot of other posts. It reminded them of their heroes. The fact it rhymes it sticks in your head.
The one I posted above could make a difference and it needn't be for kids. I posted it on the other forum I registered to, which is pretty dead, and I got more replies to it that alot of other posts. They all talked of the pride.
i read the first few lines, saw that they rhymed and i'm like...meaningless...no offence...i just like voicing out my opinions...anyways...perhaps you migh be able to help
lol i tried some stuff but its noting compared to yours. so i didnt post it
sorry...but i gotta say this...what a lack of self esteem...akhi come on...its not very likely that i will be comparing mine to yours and then announce 'nah mine's way better'...that's just like eww...no way...i'm not that stupid!...oh and...rhyming ones are welcome...so long as you allow me to change it if i include it...because i am not planning on a rhyming poem ...that goes to England too
i read the first few lines, saw that they rhymed and i'm like...meaningless...no offence...i just like voicing out my opinions...anyways...perhaps you migh be able to help
or perhaps not
Reading the 1st few lines lol and then complaining it's meaningless?
sorry...but i gotta say this...what a lack of self esteem...akhi come on...its not very likely that i will be comparing mine to yours and then announce 'nah mine's way better'...that's just like eww...no way...i'm not that stupid!...oh and...rhyming ones are welcome...so long as you allow me to change it if i include it...because i am not planning on a rhyming poem ...that goes to England too
so yes...your poems are more than welcome...
im waiting...waiting...waiting...hmmmm
haha nicely said... i gess
ok:
in a corner amidst mist where shots pass i sit
bombs drop everyday but its my life, this is it
tall men in green who are keen on killing men of my deen
i see marching to and fro, from my school window they can be seen
-
My tears testify that i have a heart
yet i feel me and shaytan never part
-
its ceaseless, but as a kid im helpless
day in, day out they harass us, so careless
who do i turn to for help, who do i address?
only to my lord do i complain of distress
-
My tears testify that i have a heart
yet i feel me and shaytan never part
-
i read the first few lines, saw that they rhymed and i'm like...meaningless...no offence...i just like voicing out my opinions...anyways...perhaps you migh be able to help
or perhaps not
You can't ask for my help can you? I believe we're at war against terrorists to create a better standard of life for muslims in Iraq. To give them freedom. Muslims, however, believe differently. Muslims believe we are in Iraq to wipe out muslims. Our troops are thought to be "the crusades." Therefore my reason for war is incompatible to your poem.
You can't ask for my help can you? I believe we're at war against terrorists to create a better standard of life for muslims in Iraq. To give them freedom. Muslims, however, believe differently. Muslims believe we are in Iraq to wipe out muslims. Our troops are thought to be "the crusades." Therefore my reason for war is incompatible to your poem.
oooo nicely said, yes thats exactly what i think.
-
My tears testify that i have a heart
yet i feel me and shaytan never part
-
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