Instructing Children to follow the Deen

[Saleem Khan]

A parent should force his children to follow the commandments of Allah.
If a parent allows his child to take drugs, leave school and go out all night he is considered a bad parent and is told to force his children against these things. As he is allowing his child to ruin his life. However if the parents is allowing his child to miss salah or commit other sins (like watching movies etc) the parent is not considered a bad parent even though the child is destroying his entire Akhira. So we as parents can tolerate him to destroying his akhira but as long as he doesn't ruin this life.

I personally feel this comes due to weakness of Iman, we see the harms and end result of drugs and children dropping out of school that's why we firmly believe it. But sadly regarding the akhira we are willing to let our children sacrifice due to our weak conviction.

Another example, if a person is walking by and drops his wallet, everyone will tell that person. Because we all know the how it could cause problems for him. We all consuder this as kindness and wishing well for others.

However if we see someone breaking the commandments of Allah do we advise that person or even inform him that he is destroying his Akhira or at least does the pain come in our hearts?
Just some thoughts I had regarding the part in the peom about forcing hijaab on daughters.

Although the persons intention is good that part may give the wrong impression regarding instructing children to follow deen.

[Bhabha]

I think there is a difference between 'forcing' and 'guiding'. The stark difference between the two, is important for the child who needs to be able to respect and obey Allah's commandment when the child is left in a situation where the parent is no longer there to force the child. Guiding a child is showing him with your own behavior, your own attitude, your love and preference for obeying Allah's command.

After all, the child learns from their father / mother in an unconscious kind of way. That is why it is important to choose a spouse that loves Allah and will obey Allah regardless of someone else pushing or coercing them to obey, but because they find it a necessity in their own hearts to do so. If a child is cultured, socialized with proper morals in a gentle way, so that they LOVE being cultured and socialized with love for Allah then this will come naturally. They will naturally despise doing things which have been inculcated as wrong, not because someone else pushed this 'despise' but because they have in their hearts an inclination to avoid. We do not want to force our children to love Allah and to obey his command, but to show and guide them into knowing and understanding that the love for Allah is rewarding, it is beautiful, it is kindness and sweetness.

This is how I see the instruction of children. Their minds are so fragile and easily swayed.

I remember going to visit my cousin with my mother, she is not Muslim and neither is my mother. In sha'a Allah one day Allah will guide them. But I carry around my prayer mat wherever I go, or an extra one is usually in the car. It was prayer time, and so I asked my cousin to let me use my little nephews room to pray. I go into the room and I close the door, but not shut it and I pray. My little nephew who is about 3 1/2, was standing on the side looking at me when I finished praying. He was so curious and he loves me a lot because I like to joke and play with him cars lol. We sit and talk and he is a super smart boy. He asked me what I was doing. I told him, praying to God, talking to God. My nephew said he wanted to pray too, and went and stood on top of the prayer mat and mimicked me praying.

The point, is that having a relationship, a friendship with your children, with your little nephews and nieces and obeying Allah is the BEST way to instruct them, because if they love you, they will subconsciously attempt to mimic you and little by little a seed of love and affection, respect and obedience to Allah will grow and become a giant tree. It will be strong, it will have its roots firmly planted and it will not be swayed by the simple winds of (fitnah). The winds of our current world, the fitnah that we see moving about will not be able to shake a tree that has firm roots and a healthy soil.

In sha'Allah may Allah give us all pious spouses and children.