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love marriages-your thoughts

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    love marriages-your thoughts (OP)



    i am of the opinion (as are alot of other people) that if a guy/girl have a love-marriage (i.e talk, laugh, flirt and all that other nauseating stuff that isn't allowed for non-mahrams to do before marriage) , then the chances are that later on down the marriage (if they do end up getting married) one is going to cheat on the other, simply because there is not fear of allah there in the first place. i.e if they he/she didnt fear Allah the first time round, then there isnt really going to be anything to stop them from committing the same sin twice, right? (i mean if they dont repent and fix their ways, etc)

    your thoughts?
    love marriages-your thoughts

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    Re: love marriages-your thoughts

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    There are ways of falling in love* with a person without doing haram. For example it might simply be someone you work with. You don't flirt with them, talk with them excessively, don't go out with them etc. But you see the way they act with maybe their friends and you interact with them for work related business etc. And that makes you develop feelings for them...

    *I say love, but more likely its a crush, major attraction etc.
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    Re: love marriages-your thoughts

    Dear Bro's & Sisters. I did take time to read thru the posts. Pls excuse if I repeat something.

    Love & Islam are not mutually exclusive. Your conduct in a relationship before marriage pretty much indicates your conduct after marriage.

    Allah SWT (pls DO NOT use small a)
    Made pious women for pious men & vice versa

    Islam does say ask your children & the kids have a right of refusal in a proposal.

    Now - " love leaving a marriage, after marriage" is a more serious & universal problem. Islam has nothing to do with causing that but - It is pretty hard to stray from marriage if one follows Islamic precutions, Plus - the man & woman have the choice to go there ways or bring in another wife.

    Pollygamy (with marriage ) has been the way of life - All Prophets had it. So did their Ummah's. This is a whole new topic & I will stop here.

    Wishing you more Sabr & Iman.
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    Re: love marriages-your thoughts

    format_quote Originally Posted by Umm ul-Shaheed View Post
    wa alaykum us-Salaam

    ok, i see...jazakallahu khair...
    on the side: im deadly curious as to how someone can fall in love during their sleep...does he explain?


    Yeah he does. It's when a person sees a really good looking person of the opposite gender in their sleep and falls in love with what they saw.
    I shall now begin with the most unlikely of all causes of love, so that the discourse may proceed in due order, starting as ever with the simplest and easiest example. Love indeed is sometimes caused by things so strange, that but for having myself observed them I would not have mentioned them at all.

    Now here is an instance from my own experience. One day I visited our friend Abu '1-Sari 'Ammar Ibn Ziyad, the freedman of al-Mu'aiyad, and found him deep in thought and much preoccupied. I asked him what was amiss; for a while he refused to explain, but then he said, "An extraordinary thing has happened to me, the like of which I have never heard." "What is that? I enquired. " Last night ", he answered, " I saw in a dream a young maiden, and on awaking I found that I had completely lost my heart to her, and that I was madly in love with her. Now I am in the most difficult straits possible, with this passion I have conceived for her." He continued cast down and afflicted for more than a month; nothing would cheer him up, so profound was his emotion. At last I scolded him, saying, " It is a vast mistake to occupy your soul with something unreal, and to attach your fantasy to a non-existent being. Do you know who she is? " " No, by Allah! " he replied. " Really ", I went on, " you have very little judgment, --and your discretion must be affected, if you are actually in love with a person whom you have never seen, someone moreover who was never created and does not exist in the world at all. If you had fallen for one of those pictures they paint on the walls of the public baths, I would have found it easier to excuse you." So I continued, until at last by making a great effort he forgot his trouble. Now my opinion is that his case is to be explained as a pure fantasy of the mind, a nightmare illusion, and falls into the category of wishful thinking and mental hallucination.
    Not the best of translations, but it suffices I guess:
    http://www.muslimphilosophy.com/hazm/dove/ringdove.html
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    Re: love marriages-your thoughts

    salaam
    I have been in an arranged marriage, but after all these years my husband was suddenly ,obssessed about love marriages. He completely changed,he was constantly on the net claiming he was so lonely. When i objected he told me how else am i suppose to get married without knowing them. Any way my marriage has crumbled apart so much for love and arranged marriages.
    He has got married to sumone he found after all the chatting. As for me all this talk about love makes me bitter.love is just a silly dream and wordly love will betray you if u donot work on it.
    Best is to love ur rabb.
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    Re: love marriages-your thoughts

    format_quote Originally Posted by Abu Sayyad View Post


    Yeah he does. It's when a person sees a really good looking person of the opposite gender in their sleep and falls in love with what they saw.
    I shall now begin with the most unlikely of all causes of love, so that the discourse may proceed in due order, starting as ever with the simplest and easiest example. Love indeed is sometimes caused by things so strange, that but for having myself observed them I would not have mentioned them at all.

    Now here is an instance from my own experience. One day I visited our friend Abu '1-Sari 'Ammar Ibn Ziyad, the freedman of al-Mu'aiyad, and found him deep in thought and much preoccupied. I asked him what was amiss; for a while he refused to explain, but then he said, "An extraordinary thing has happened to me, the like of which I have never heard." "What is that? I enquired. " Last night ", he answered, " I saw in a dream a young maiden, and on awaking I found that I had completely lost my heart to her, and that I was madly in love with her. Now I am in the most difficult straits possible, with this passion I have conceived for her." He continued cast down and afflicted for more than a month; nothing would cheer him up, so profound was his emotion. At last I scolded him, saying, " It is a vast mistake to occupy your soul with something unreal, and to attach your fantasy to a non-existent being. Do you know who she is? " " No, by Allah! " he replied. " Really ", I went on, " you have very little judgment, --and your discretion must be affected, if you are actually in love with a person whom you have never seen, someone moreover who was never created and does not exist in the world at all. If you had fallen for one of those pictures they paint on the walls of the public baths, I would have found it easier to excuse you." So I continued, until at last by making a great effort he forgot his trouble. Now my opinion is that his case is to be explained as a pure fantasy of the mind, a nightmare illusion, and falls into the category of wishful thinking and mental hallucination.
    Not the best of translations, but it suffices I guess:
    http://www.muslimphilosophy.com/hazm/dove/ringdove.html
    oh:
    .....interesting.
    Jazak Allah khair for sharing.
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    Re: love marriages-your thoughts


    Quite a longish thread and i came a bit late...

    I believe that if a man and woman have met one another along with a mahram present or by chance (rare) and find they are attracted and then they get married (the halaal way) That i'd call love marriage. And halaal.

    Arranged marriage= forced marriage- no i dont believe in it, but if arranged marriage means that parents/friend bring on a possible partner and talk etc. I agree with that too.

    But for the relationship before marriage i do not believe will last or else it will be deprived of Barakah. If they talk, flirt, and other nonsense before, then there is a good chance of the marriage going bad, in fact i think that there is a Hadith on it as my Father once mentioned it. I'll try and find it. Insha'Allah.
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    Re: love marriages-your thoughts

    Like others have already stated in this thread a love marriage doesn't always entail haraam ie. flirting, touching, talking etc. For example from my own experience a love marriage can occur when someone has seen a person of the opposite gender many times, cannot lower their gaze around them, constantly thinks about that person and so on and so forth. For that reason that person may try to find a means of trying to marry that person through talking to their brother, uncle, or father. A love marriage can be halal, the person may be infatuated with another person and in order to please Allaah Ta'ala and not commit haraam they marry the person (inshaa'Allaah) and that infatuation grows into love. I personally don't think there's anything wrong with it. Just because you've been in a previous haraam relationship before, or your relationship from the start was haraam, then it doesn't necessarily mean you're more prone to cheating.

    Trust me, even the most religious, down to Earth and sweet person can be prone to shaytan's tricks and unfortunately fall into the trap of cheating. Why they do it? God knows why, personally I'd rather my husband marry another wife than cheat on me not only because it is halal, but because it is less heartbreaking. But hey, to each their own.

    My parents relationship wasn't exactly ''halal'' in the beginning, but with pressure to be a good Muslim they had the nikaah done and they've been together for over 28 years alhamdulilah. My Dad never looks at another woman like he does at my mom and he's never cheated either. So I don't think it's true for every ''haraam'' relationship, but it is definitely possible especially from the waswasa of the shaytan.
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    Re: love marriages-your thoughts

    format_quote Originally Posted by sirajstc View Post
    we cant look girls before tats haram know tat y i told so how we can love???
    *smacks head*

    How can u love? Because it happens in the heart?

    and u are actually allowed to look if you are doing so wit the intention of marrying her. Someone shud post up the hadith.
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    Re: love marriages-your thoughts


    I think as long as the love marriage is done in a halal way its fine. Like many brothers & sisters mentioned, all love marriages don't have to entail flirting, touching etc. Love marriages can often occur when a person can't stop thinking about another or can't lower his/ her gaze and wants to get married to please Allah swt and prevent any haram actions.

    My parents had a half love/ half arranged (I'm not sure how that works) and they have been married for close to 25 years and my father never looks at another woman like he looks at my mother.

    Regardless if the marriage is arranged or by love, as long as its done in a halal way I think its fine.

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    Re: love marriages-your thoughts

    format_quote Originally Posted by reema View Post
    salaam
    I have been in an arranged marriage, but after all these years my husband was suddenly ,obssessed about love marriages. He completely changed,he was constantly on the net claiming he was so lonely. When i objected he told me how else am i suppose to get married without knowing them. Any way my marriage has crumbled apart so much for love and arranged marriages.
    He has got married to sumone he found after all the chatting. As for me all this talk about love makes me bitter.love is just a silly dream and wordly love will betray you if u donot work on it.
    Best is to love ur rabb.
    that is so sad sister, May Allah ease your pain. unfortunately many just want to have fun and don't care about others feelings at all. too many men are doing this nowadays, ie. the chatting and so on.
    love marriages-your thoughts

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    Re: love marriages-your thoughts


    format_quote Originally Posted by Abu Sayyad View Post


    Yeah he does. It's when a person sees a really good looking person of the opposite gender in their sleep and falls in love with what they saw.
    I shall now begin with the most unlikely of all causes of love, so that the discourse may proceed in due order, starting as ever with the simplest and easiest example. Love indeed is sometimes caused by things so strange, that but for having myself observed them I would not have mentioned them at all.

    Now here is an instance from my own experience. One day I visited our friend Abu '1-Sari 'Ammar Ibn Ziyad, the freedman of al-Mu'aiyad, and found him deep in thought and much preoccupied. I asked him what was amiss; for a while he refused to explain, but then he said, "An extraordinary thing has happened to me, the like of which I have never heard." "What is that? I enquired. " Last night ", he answered, " I saw in a dream a young maiden, and on awaking I found that I had completely lost my heart to her, and that I was madly in love with her. Now I am in the most difficult straits possible, with this passion I have conceived for her." He continued cast down and afflicted for more than a month; nothing would cheer him up, so profound was his emotion. At last I scolded him, saying, " It is a vast mistake to occupy your soul with something unreal, and to attach your fantasy to a non-existent being. Do you know who she is? " " No, by Allah! " he replied. " Really ", I went on, " you have very little judgment, --and your discretion must be affected, if you are actually in love with a person whom you have never seen, someone moreover who was never created and does not exist in the world at all. If you had fallen for one of those pictures they paint on the walls of the public baths, I would have found it easier to excuse you." So I continued, until at last by making a great effort he forgot his trouble. Now my opinion is that his case is to be explained as a pure fantasy of the mind, a nightmare illusion, and falls into the category of wishful thinking and mental hallucination.
    Not the best of translations, but it suffices I guess:
    http://www.muslimphilosophy.com/hazm/dove/ringdove.html
    subhanallah! amazing!
    Last edited by Ummu Sufyaan; 02-07-2009 at 07:47 AM.
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    Re: love marriages-your thoughts

    format_quote Originally Posted by Abu Sayyad View Post


    Yeah he does. It's when a person sees a really good looking person of the opposite gender in their sleep and falls in love with what they saw.
    I shall now begin with the most unlikely of all causes of love, so that the discourse may proceed in due order, starting as ever with the simplest and easiest example. Love indeed is sometimes caused by things so strange, that but for having myself observed them I would not have mentioned them at all.

    Now here is an instance from my own experience. One day I visited our friend Abu '1-Sari 'Ammar Ibn Ziyad, the freedman of al-Mu'aiyad, and found him deep in thought and much preoccupied. I asked him what was amiss; for a while he refused to explain, but then he said, "An extraordinary thing has happened to me, the like of which I have never heard." "What is that? I enquired. " Last night ", he answered, " I saw in a dream a young maiden, and on awaking I found that I had completely lost my heart to her, and that I was madly in love with her. Now I am in the most difficult straits possible, with this passion I have conceived for her." He continued cast down and afflicted for more than a month; nothing would cheer him up, so profound was his emotion. At last I scolded him, saying, " It is a vast mistake to occupy your soul with something unreal, and to attach your fantasy to a non-existent being. Do you know who she is? " " No, by Allah! " he replied. " Really ", I went on, " you have very little judgment, --and your discretion must be affected, if you are actually in love with a person whom you have never seen, someone moreover who was never created and does not exist in the world at all. If you had fallen for one of those pictures they paint on the walls of the public baths, I would have found it easier to excuse you." So I continued, until at last by making a great effort he forgot his trouble. Now my opinion is that his case is to be explained as a pure fantasy of the mind, a nightmare illusion, and falls into the category of wishful thinking and mental hallucination.
    Not the best of translations, but it suffices I guess:
    http://www.muslimphilosophy.com/hazm/dove/ringdove.html

    I found that most interesting.
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    Re: love marriages-your thoughts



    SubhanAllah dudessss!

    LOL.

    "There is nothing better for two who love one another than marriage.” Recorded by Ibn Majah.

    “There is nothing better for two who love one another than marriage.” Recorded by Ibn Majah.

    That will be the meaning understood from it, but a better translation is: "There is nothing for two who love one another like marriage."

    And, yes, the meaning is: "nothing better."

    In Faidh al-Qadeer (the notes on Jami` as-Sagheer) al-Munaawi said:

    “‘It is when a man looks at an ajnabiyah [unrelated woman] and his heart has desire of intercourse, then marrying her will result in increased love.’ This was mentioned by at-Teebi. And more correct than him is the saying of some of the elders that the meaning is that it is the greatest remedy to treat the passion of desire for marital relations. For it is a remedy which there is no equal for by any means. And this is the meaning which is indicated by Allah, Glorious is He, after making women lawful; the free of them, and the slaves of them due to need, by His saying:

    (Allah wants to lighten [the burden] for you, and man was created weak.) (An-Nisa’ 4:28)

    So by Allah, Glorious is He, mentioning lightening in this subject and informing about man’s weakness, it proves that he is too weak to carry this desire, and that He, Glorious is He, lightened its matter for him by what He permitted for him of pure women. And with this explanation it clarifies that the information relates to when he intends to propose to a woman, and he sees her and feels love for her, then it is legislated that he may plan to marry her merely based on what he saw.”

    In Kifayat al-Hajjah, (the notes on Ibn Majah) as-Sindi said:

    “It is, when there is love between two, then that love will not be increased by anything among the various types of means of drawing nearer, nor will anything make it last, like the marriage tie. So if they are married with that love, then the love will increase and become stronger with every day.”

    It should be clear from the statements of these scholars, that the objective here is to observe that when two people feel an attraction for each other, especially a physical one that instills the desire in their hearts to have relations, then there is nothing that is better for them that to get married.

    And, that, as al-Munaawi noted, this desire itself is a sufficient sign that it is time to get married to each other, as opposed to the long drawn out micro-management planning that is common today.

    All of this is obvious, because when two people desire to marry each other, and there is no legal reason to prevent them, then they should not delay in doing so unduly, and all of the shari`ah texts indicate exhortation for marriage whenever one is able to do so, and in this, that man is not able to bear the burden of such desire, so marriage has been made lawful to facilitate that, to remove the burden.

    And this meaning is explained in one of its versions recorded by `Abdur-Razzaq, in mursal form, and it is an authentic chain, that Ibrahim bin Maysarah said: “A young man proposed to a woman whom he ‘loved’ but they refused to marry her to him, so I asked Tawus about that, and he said: ‘Allah’s Messenger (sall Allahu `alaihi wa sallam) said…’” and he mentioned it, and afterwards Ibrahim said: “And he ordered me to marry.”

    And since Allah mentioned that He wanted to lighten that burden, if He had not done so, it would be heavy, due to man’s weakness, and he would not be able to bear it, and that would not be just.

    So Allah has lightened the burden of desire from people, out of His justice and care for His creatures, making marriage lawful for them, and there being nothing better for two attracted to each other than it. So who is it that would make unlawful what Allah has made lawful? And who is it that would place a burden on one whom Allah has lifted a burden from, except an oppressor?

    Then, one may find that people want to use this hadith to prove that a man and a woman should get to know each other well prior to marriage, for how else could they love each other prior to it?

    And it should be clear from the commentary that the meaning of love in the hadith, is desire, not the complicated concept of love that modern people intend.

    So a man loves bread, and his love of his bread is similar, and at the same time not similar, to his love of his wife. When he is hungry and he sees bread, his desire to consume it increases until he does so. And yet, we call that, “love” of bread.

    This is the type of love that is common through out this topic, it is present in the two mentioned in the hadith, and it is present in the man when he sees bread.

    But man’s love for bread does not increase after he consumed it, while marriage causes love to grow. So the love that comes from marriage, is not the same as the love (i.e. desire) before it. And this is obvious and common in normal speech.

    Conversely, the modern evil concepts of marriage dictate, ‘we must get to know each other well prior to marriage.’ While this has nothing to do with love, but “getting to know.” And knowing something is not the same as loving something. Then, it is no secret what this concept leads to, and even among Muslims.

    So the Prophet (sall Allahu `alaihi wa sallam) did not say: “I have not seen anything for two who love each other like fornication.”

    Rather, he said: “marriage.” That is, marriage increases love, while fornication will only lead to anguish, in this life and in the Hereafter.

    And Allah knows best
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    Re: love marriages-your thoughts



    Its haram and thats its. But sometimes I think if I did love marraige would I have been married, as I am still not married and makes me really depressed

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    Re: love marriages-your thoughts

    ^read the thread bro, 'love marriage' can be halaal depending on the circumstances.
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    Re: love marriages-your thoughts



    Not really sure what the definition of 'love marriage' or 'arranged mariage' is here, as that seems to differ between people. But I can safely say a marriage that was founded upon taqwah is likely to succeed. And people who do the actions that you have described should know there is a lot more to marriage than romance.
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    Re: love marriages-your thoughts

    ^^

    Narrated Abu Huraira (RA):

    The Prophet (SAWS) said, "A woman is married for four (things), i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should take possession of (marry) the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a loser."

    Sahih Al-Bukhari, Hadith 1835.
    love marriages-your thoughts

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    2533160 1 - love marriages-your thoughts
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    Re: love marriages-your thoughts



    MashaAllah,the last post of Amatulwadud is really good.
    This thread confused me at first.I couldnot understand love/arrange or force marriage real definition.
    format_quote Originally Posted by Faizah
    Not really sure what the definition of 'love marriage' or 'arranged mariage' is here, as that seems to differ between people.
    I do agree with that, the definition might not be the same for everyone.
    In many posts, someone said love is not arranged, arranged is not love, arranged is force and other stuff which really made me blank .

    I just wanted to mention my own case. Its like this, that Mr.___ proposal came for me. He knew about me but hadnot seen me, and vice versa. He came over to talk to me and see me in my mahrams presence. We didnot exchange cell # or email for getting to know eachother or whatsoever . And we are getting married very soon inshaAllah. And nobody forced me to say yes, it was completely my own decision.
    I was doing istikhara alot, and i dont know how, but (i know you wont understand or may be misunderstand) i really like him and love him.
    I didnot do anything unislamic from the start Alhumdulillah.

    so how do you classify this marriage.... its not forced, its arranged but you cant say that its not love????
    Amatul wadud pease do answer or anybody else.
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  24. #59
    Faseeha's Avatar Full Member
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    Re: love marriages-your thoughts



    These are my definitions of the different concepts that have been discussed in this thread thus far:

    Unislamic:
    1.Western marriage or love marriage: Meeting, dating, getting to know each other, committing haraam acts,etc and then getting married.
    2. Arranged marriage having parents, guardians, etc arranging the marriage between two people, with either one or both being coerced into it by methods such as force, threats, blackmail, etc (Unfortunately this still happens in many places)

    Islamic
    1. Love marriage: One person see's the other, in a halaal environment, and makes a proposal and they get married with no haraam activities taking place before the marriage.
    2. Arranged marriage: Parents, guardians, etc arrange the meeting of two people with the mahram present, they see, and speak to each other and both give their consent without any external pressure. Again no haraam activities take place.

    Now my views on the topic.

    In all the above definitions, there are no guarantees that the marriage will work out or that both partners will remain faithful. That all depends on the individual people involved in the marriage, on their morals, views, imaan, and current situation of the marriage as well as external sources.

    It may be that people getting married the islamically arranged way may never fall in love, or they may end up falling deeply in love, in these cases too it is possible that haraam acts may mistakenly take place before marriage, or that after marriage, one or both of the partners may drift from their deen and commit sins which might take away the blessings in the marriage. As for the western love marriages, it may be that the partners change after marriage, strengthen their imaan, or become more practicing muslims, therefore bringing blessings into a marriage that may have previously had none.

    I believe that unfaithfulness in a marriage can be caused by many different reasons, that sometimes even the most faithful, loyal person may fall into the traps of Shaitaan and so stray from their marriage, just as i believe that the biggest player may change his ways and become the most loyal partner.

    The key to not straying: personally i believe that if we lived our lives following islam the best way we can, taking each day as it comes, being the best Muslims and muslimahs, and husbands and wives that we can be, that may just be enough to keep us from performing haraam acts before marriage or straying after.

    As for keeping partners from straying, unfortunately that is sometimes out of our control
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    Re: love marriages-your thoughts

    it's harram and thats it, besides of all the love marriages that I've seen usually ends in divorce in 2 to 3 years maybe even longer
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