How to handle a marriage with a Jealous wife...

Allah Subahnu Wa Ta'ka says in his noble Quran : {Verily in the messenger of Allah ye have a good example for him who looketh unto Allah and the Last Day, and remembereth Allah much.}[ Sura Al-Ahzaab: verse 21].

The aboev verse talks about itself so there is no need to explain it. Inshallah, through the Hadith we shall go thru today we can benefit from our best and only example in this life; the Prophet (صلى الله عليه و سلم ).

Narrated Anas: While the Prophet was in the house of one of his wives, one of the mothers of the believers sent a meal in a dish. The wife at whose house the Prophet was, struck the hand of the servant, causing the dish to fall and break. The Prophet gathered the broken pieces of the dish and then started collecting on them the food which had been in the dish and said, "Your mother (my wife) felt jealous." Then he detained the servant till a (sound) dish was brought from the wife at whose house he was. He gave the sound dish to the wife whose dish had been broken and kept the broken one at the house where it had been broken [Sahih Bukhari: Volume 7, Book 62, Number 152: ]

This Hadith contains a beautiful combination of our beloved prophet ( صلى الله عليه و سلم ) guidance for how Husband should deal with his wife. We shall, inshallah, explore the fiqh of this beautiful hadith together.

A) Be More Understanding to your wife nature

A husband should be more understanding to the nature of woman especially at the time when she acts out of Jealousy.

That is why we can see the prophet acting wisely as he understood the nature of his wife so well so that he distnguish that such act she has done was out of jealousy. this understanding was tranmslated by giving her the excuse for what she did.

B) Be part of the solution not part of the problem:

A husband should always be involved as part of the solution rather than isolating himself from the situation or being part of the problem.

The prophet (صلوات ربي و سلامه عليه ) acted while being aware of the people who is concerende with this issue i..e his wife, the servant and the other wife ( May Allah be pleased with them). Thus, he started solving the problem with the first more hurt because of this, which is the servant since the wife of the prophet who sent him will ask him about the plate, he was affected by the act itself due to the broken dish incident. He ( صلى الله عليه و سلم ) calmed the servant indirectly by reminding him that the one who struck the dish is his mother ( mother of believer) then added that jealousy is what drove her to do so therefore her action can be excused at that moment. Furthermore, the prophet did not only utter words to calm down the situation but also participated in actions when he collected the broken dish.

C) Firmness

The Prophet ( صلى الله عليه و سلم ) firmness was clearly implemented by holding his wife responsible for her actions in spite of the fact what she did was excusable because of her jealousy. That is why the Prophet let his wife to replace the broken dish by another sound one to make up for what she did. Furthermore, we can conclude that Husband must always be firm when something happens relate to others right. This is shown by giving the right back to who deserves it.



D) Immediate action is needed to solve problems:

It is very important to solve problems while it is in the very beginning otherwise it will grow bigger and bigger and end up trying to solve the consequences of the problem rather than finding solutions to the problem itself.

That is why the prophet (صلى الله عليه و سلم) acted immediately on spot so that this issue ends there and not to be bigger. The steps that the prophet used shows, amazing wisdom, follow the steps:

1. Collecting the dish and the food

2. Explaining the reason of such behavior to calm everyone down

3. Commanding everyone to eat as nothing happened

4. Replaced the broken dish with another sound one


E) Appreciation to Allah's blessings

A husband is the leader of the house that is why he needs to be the example for his family. This example can be taught by behavior and character. Thus, a husband should teach his family to appreciate what Allah provides them. That is why the Prophet collected the food that fell on floor and let everyone eat it. This is a very good example to teach everyone in the family how to be more humble, more thankful to Allah's blessings.



Wallahu A'lam

Written by Ayman bin Khaled on the 15th of sha'ban 1428 H.

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