Matchmaker situation

**Khalil_Allah** · 03-10-2009

Ok this crazy situation happened and I want to know what my akhi's and ukhti's will think about it.

I talked to my sheikh about marriage and things and he told me to fast on Mondays and Thursdays. So I went to fast last Thursday, and then I fasted this Monday.

Before, I met this guy a few months ago in the masjid and he took my phone number. I never talked to him again until Monday, after breaking fast, when he randomly called and told me he wanted to talk to me about marriage to his niece.

I know Allah swt helps those who come to Him seeking help, but that was fast.

The guy seems very nice and strong in his deen. He has a family too that he takes care of and that seems very pious in his example. He also has told me that I will only talk to him for awhile and then he will oversee emails between the two of us, as she is overseas. I think he is doing everything according to Shariah.

Here is my issue: I am a revert, and I am of fairly good looks. I am also a terrible judge of character, I always give everyone the benefit of the doubt and fail to see any bad in them. Plus I love talking to people about Islam and I get very close to people very quickly. In addition, I graduate from professional school in about 2 years, inshaAllah. I am so eager to get married that I am fasting two days a week. So of course I couldn't sleep while thinking about how wonderful this may be.

I say these things because I don't want to mess up and get involved in something sticky just because I am being nice and I think the family is nice and I am excited. Nothing will be makroo or haraam about it, but still, I don't know if it is the best situation. I don't want them taking advantage of me when I am vulnerable on issues of marriage.

Will you people help guide me along? I have been reading a book about Islamic Marriages, written by scholars, and I sent him some answers to a questionaire that may give insight to my deen in marriage situations, and inshaAllah we will talk about these before I ever talk to her.

I mean, I just want to know if like I should do this? It seems like Allah swt has arranged this for me, but it was so quick. Is this an Istikhara time? My parents aren't Muslim and they think I should date and live with someone before I get married.... lol

HELP!

**crayon** · 03-10-2009

If you feel like you need someone to give you backup or guidance, appoint someone you trust as a sort of "unofficial" helper. A muslim friend you trust and get along with perhaps, or if there's none available, perhaps the imam himself? Check in with him with every step of what goes on in regards to this issue. It's preferable if it's a friend since he's more likely to understand you, you can just discuss things with him, get another opinion on everything; that sort of stuff.

So basically, have a shrewd, realistic friend who is a good judge of character to give you his opinions and thoughts as you go through all this. Someone you can count on to help you with your decisions.

So far it seems like everything is perfectly halal mashaAllah.
Of course, istikhara is a must, definitely start praying it.
And inshaAllah it all works out for the best!

**Ansariyah** · 03-10-2009

Aw, May Allah grants u a pious wife ameen!

Don't do anything without Istakhara, n don't be afraid to see things from a different perspective. u dont have to do anything yet if u feel its happening too fast. U can always ask him any questions u might have InshaAllah n see if thats wat u really want.:sunny:

Do u have a close friend whos a Muslim?

**Khalil_Allah** · 03-10-2009

Originally Posted by Yanoorah

Aw, May Allah grants u a pious wife ameen!

Don't do anything without Istakhara, n don't be afraid to see things from a different perspective. u dont have to do anything yet if u feel its happening too fast. U can always ask him any questions u might have InshaAllah n see if thats wat u really want.:sunny:

Do u have a close friend whos a Muslim?

I am taking it slow, to be sure. It must be a long process because I still have to finish my schooling. But maybe if I am praying and fasting enough, then something will happen such that I get my own place. InshaAllah

I have some Muslim friends, but most of them are not... well, not the type of people you go to to talk about marriage stuff. Is the purpose of the friend to help explain the things to me?

**Khalil_Allah** · 03-11-2009

update:

I prayed istikhara after Isha today, and right when I was finishing my phone rang. It was him! He had read my email and was pleased with my responses to the questions.

I told him my concerns in that email and he told me that both of their intentions were pure and that they would never try to take advantage of me.

We talked about studying Arabic and going to hajj and ummrah and living in Jeddah.

I don't know if that is a sign, but it was two coincidences in a row.
1) The second day that I fast for these purposes, a brother I randomly met months ago calls me to tell me he is interested in checking me out for marriage to his niece.
2) As I am finishing istikhara prayers to ask Allah for guidance in this very matter, the guy calls me again and settles my initial worries.

that's

signs to me, I think. maybe I will keep track on here to see if Allah swt leads me all the way to this girl overseas that I know nothing about.

My attitude is this: I am neither hopeful nor pessimistic. InshaAllah, I will pray, continue to fast on the two days, keep studying hard, and keep working on my relationship with my mother.

IA, I will get to know more about this guy and his family. When he and I feel super comfy, and upon his suggestion, then I will talk to the girl on emails that he supervises, IA. Maybe we will just take turns asking and answering questions.

The only thing that I have reservations about is that I get to know people really well, really quick. I've got to be very careful to contemplate each step of the way and pray pray pray that Allah makes everything clear for me. I trust in Allah and I am not worried. We just have to be careful not to let things go so fast that I am not fairly evaluating everything.

I have no idea what she looks like too. What if I get to know this guy and his family really well, and talk to her and get to know her really well, and then she just is absolutely repulsive to me? That would be terrible. hehe I'm not pessimistic though.

Alhamdulillah wa jazakAllah khairun. You people are my brothers and sisters! Thank you for listening and helping me! :thankyou:

**Snowflake** · 03-11-2009

bro, you must see her before u go any further. like u said, wat if there is no attraction watsoever? you'll both have wasted time. seriously exchanged pictures bro.

**crayon** · 03-11-2009

Originally Posted by Khalil_Allah

I have some Muslim friends, but most of them are not... well, not the type of people you go to to talk about marriage stuff. Is the purpose of the friend to help explain the things to me?

Hah yes, I know what you mean..
And about having a friend, I meant it would be good to just have a second opinion on things, it doesn't necessarily have to be a friend. Even your parents could offer their thoughts and advice, even if they don't completely "get" the muslim way of marriage.

**Ansariyah** · 03-11-2009

Originally Posted by Khalil_Allah

update:

I prayed istikhara after Isha today, and right when I was finishing my phone rang. It was him! He had read my email and was pleased with my responses to the questions.

I told him my concerns in that email and he told me that both of their intentions were pure and that they would never try to take advantage of me.

We talked about studying Arabic and going to hajj and ummrah and living in Jeddah.

I don't know if that is a sign, but it was two coincidences in a row.
1) The second day that I fast for these purposes, a brother I randomly met months ago calls me to tell me he is interested in checking me out for marriage to his niece.
2) As I am finishing istikhara prayers to ask Allah for guidance in this very matter, the guy calls me again and settles my initial worries.

that's

signs to me, I think. maybe I will keep track on here to see if Allah swt leads me all the way to this girl overseas that I know nothing about.

My attitude is this: I am neither hopeful nor pessimistic. InshaAllah, I will pray, continue to fast on the two days, keep studying hard, and keep working on my relationship with my mother.

IA, I will get to know more about this guy and his family. When he and I feel super comfy, and upon his suggestion, then I will talk to the girl on emails that he supervises, IA. Maybe we will just take turns asking and answering questions.

The only thing that I have reservations about is that I get to know people really well, really quick. I've got to be very careful to contemplate each step of the way and pray pray pray that Allah makes everything clear for me. I trust in Allah and I am not worried. We just have to be careful not to let things go so fast that I am not fairly evaluating everything.

I have no idea what she looks like too. What if I get to know this guy and his family really well, and talk to her and get to know her really well, and then she just is absolutely repulsive to me? That would be terrible. hehe I'm not pessimistic though.

Alhamdulillah wa jazakAllah khairun. You people are my brothers and sisters! Thank you for listening and helping me! :thankyou:

Wow MashaAllah, ur Istakhara mustve been pretty sincere to have such an amazing response!:sunny:. Alhamdulilah.

I agree with sis ScentsOfJannah, u have to make sure u see her. It's your Islamic right to be attracted to her, if your not n feel like ur no good match u can always choose not to go further wit all of this InshaAllah, there's nothing wrong wit that.

U don't have to thank us, u are our brother.

**Khalil_Allah** · 03-11-2009

omg I love you guys! you are so helpful.

I heard that it is not good to show pictures? Since I have been going to school, I have been shaving and keeping really clean haircut, and I don't think that the way I look now is the best way to represent myself to her. I would not mind generally, but like I feel immodest sending a picture.

Maybe I should wear sunglasses haha Actually, that might be a good idea.

**Snowflake** · 03-12-2009

^aw mashaAllah likewise bro! may Allah bless you and preserve your modesty..ameen. But you must see her and are perfectly allowed to as it has been recommended by our beloved Prophet (saw) to do this. There is a hadith which goes something along the lines of that a man approached the Prophet (saw) and told him he was going to marry so & so. The Prophet asked him if he'd seen her, to which he replied 'no'. So the Prophet told him to see her first.

You can exchange pics and delete them after seeing them. It's not like you will make it your screen saver loool. Say Bismillah and go for it inshaAllah

**islamlover_girl** · 03-15-2009

First pray istikhara ,Then u have to know her better ,u can see her picture as sister Scents of Jannah said, also u can e-mail each other till u know her personality, her way of life , her religion and every thing u need to know about ur partner. u have the right to take ur time .
may Allah bless u and guide u .

**Woodrow** · 03-15-2009

This is very similar to the way Aabidah and I met. It was only 6 days after we exchanged pictures we signed our Nikkah. I know that sounds fast, but remember we are both way past the age of 60 and have very set ideas as to what we wanted.

I suggest you take at least a little longer then we did. but, inshallah you will soon be announcing marriage plans.

**Yanal** · 03-15-2009

^ six days? Looks like you need support

.

**Woodrow** · 03-15-2009

Originally Posted by Yanal

^ six days? Looks like you need support

.

Actually we have a very good marriage. Both of us had been married before and we knew exactly what we wanted in marriage. Next month we will have been married a year. But we have none of the problems a young person has. we are both self sufficient, retired from working and have very little close family left alive.

**Yanal** · 03-15-2009

You guys are my rolemodels,may Allah bless you both with love and heaven.

**Khalil_Allah** · 03-15-2009

lol thank you for your support. Yeah, I am totally NOT self-sufficient. I am still in school and live with my parents. YEA!

But you know, if she is the one for me, then she doesn't care about these sorts of things and inshaAllah, Allah will grant me the means if it is time.

But alhamdulillah, I have spent much time with her uncle yesterday. He is wonderful. Very religious man, very modest, very knowledgeable, mashAllah. We went to Jumma, and then he insisted that we meet my gma (she live near masjid). haha so we did!

InshaAllah, I will send him a picture and he will send it to the girl, and she will likewise.

Ok, that is all I'm going to share, InshaAllah, soon enough maybe I will tell of plans....

**Amat Allah** · 03-15-2009

may Allah fill ur hearts both of u with the endless happiness Ameeeeeeeeen

**Woodrow** · 03-15-2009

Originally Posted by Khalil_Allah

lol thank you for your support. Yeah, I am totally NOT self-sufficient. I am still in school and live with my parents. YEA!

But you know, if she is the one for me, then she doesn't care about these sorts of things and inshaAllah, Allah will grant me the means if it is time.

But alhamdulillah, I have spent much time with her uncle yesterday. He is wonderful. Very religious man, very modest, very knowledgeable, mashAllah. We went to Jumma, and then he insisted that we meet my gma (she live near masjid). haha so we did!

InshaAllah, I will send him a picture and he will send it to the girl, and she will likewise.

Ok, that is all I'm going to share, InshaAllah, soon enough maybe I will tell of plans....

There is much to be said about the joys of making a life together. I really do not know either of you but in reading your posts I see you as being very sincere in wanting this to be a success story and you have a strong desire to do everything in a Halal manner. This will carry you far and if this is what is meant to be, you will find the path very easy to follow and everything will come together for the best.

May Allaah(swt) bless you and your intended with many years of joy.