would a brother mind a sister who is studying...i mean say he proposed and she was in the middle of a degree...would most brothers mind if she continued to finish her degree (whilst she is engaged/married) or would he prefer her to stop for marriage (even if she doesn't intend on working, etc after wards)..
i hope im making sense here...
...desperate for husnul-khitaam...
please make dua that Allah grants me a good end (to my life). please make dua that Allah guides me.
I guess it would all matter on her major and stuff. If she is studying something that really can't benefit the family or the Ummah, I'd tell her to stop.
If she is studying something that can help the Ummah, I would be in full support of her finishing.
We need Muslimaat to be Doctors, OBGYNS, Dentists and etc. More than anything, we need Muslimaat to be good mothers and slaves to Allah who know their Deen and will pass that on to their children in the homes.
Yes that right brother a singe mother such as myself has a choice. And it is completely okay for Muslim women not to be part of medical, social and private settings. I just hope people don’t ask for a Muslim women when they are seeking medical and any other advise. Shameless sisters like myself should be utterly ashamed.
Ws,
You being a single mother is an extreme case, we can all bring in extreme and rare cases to fight any argument, but it doesn't mean it's desirable.
I wouldn;t go to a woman for any help in the field of medicine, I would go to a male doctor. I would expect when I am married, my wife to be attended to by a female doctor in a female environment.
Education is very important; this applies to men and women. The rest is about each person's own position; if its affordable, practical and beneficial. Are there alternative means, for beneficial education? If so, maybe they're worth considering.
You being a single mother is an extreme case, we can all bring in extreme and rare cases to fight any argument, but it doesn't mean it's desirable.
I wouldn;t go to a woman for any help in the field of medicine, I would go to a male doctor. I would expect when I am married, my wife to be attended to by a female doctor in a female environment.
To be honest, I do not want to argue with you. I know at least five Muslim women who are divorcee with children and I do not appreciate being called an ‘extreme case’. Also, you cannot expect your wife to be in a female environment seeking medical treatment unless she is in a maternity ward in the west and some Muslim countries too. I do not appreciate you bringing your sisters down by suggesting they are shameless working in mixed environments, when they are the ones you seek when your wife needs help! Just a thought! You are entitled to your opinion, but your opinion does not take into account the reality of the world or the environment you live in. Peace
I do not appreciate you bringing your sisters down by suggesting they are shameless working in mixed environments, when they are the ones you seek when your wife needs help!
Salaam! I do not think that KingKong was implying that every women or man who has ever walked into a library is shameless.
They could very possible be in a strictly educational environment working on a class project or a tutoring session.
There are definitely millions of locations that are much more shameful, but in some countries with separated classes and dormitories, the library is the only location where females and males mix. There are definitely people who go to the library to learn and those whom go to mingle.
Even if there is a very small number of people who are "shameless" or bad influences it is our prerogative as Muslims to avoid them (which i think is what KingKong was trying to do)!
Inshallah Allah (saw) will guide all of us away from our sins and onto and along the straight path, of those whom he has favored!
it depends on the nature of education she is seeking. if it is islamic education which would allow her to become a better human, then by all means sure. If I understand, getting married means you have to pay due rights to your spouses so if she is going all hardcore in studies, nerding it out till like 3 am every morning (which is fine if she wants that) :S, ignoring my rights, then I think we just should not even get married in the first place.
Regarding secular education, it also depends on the nature of type of education she is receiving. If someone is becoming an orthopedic surgeon, I'd make sure I run away from her, no matter how strong her deen is. Provided she has decided to work full time as a surgeon.
So really, it depends on the nature of the secular job.
As an example, I would want my mother to be seen by a female doctor, not a male doctor. If a kaafir female doc can provide those services then good enough, it'd be even better if an equally competent muslim female doctor could do that.
Last edited by CosmicPathos; 12-07-2010 at 01:26 AM.
Help me to escape from this existence
I yearn for an answer... can you help me?
I'm drowning in a sea of abused visions and shattered dreams
In somnolent illusion... I'm paralyzed
would a brother mind a sister who is studying...i mean say he proposed and she was in the middle of a degree...would most brothers mind if she continued to finish her degree (whilst she is engaged/married)
Would I mind? Not at all. It's the hypothetical sister's right to study. This is all operating on the premise that this hypothetical person is studying a degree that I do not consider to be a Mickey Mouse degree. I would not want to marry a person studying that kind of degree.
Now, if you had asked 'Would you mind paying for a sister's degree', that's a different story.
Would I mind? Not at all. It's the hypothetical sister's right to study. This is all operating on the premise that this hypothetical person is studying a degree that I do not consider to be a Mickey Mouse degree. I would not want to marry a person studying that kind of degree.
Now, if you had asked 'Would you mind paying for a sister's degree', that's a different story.
I agree. Except, I'm open to most degrees for my future spouse.
If I have the capability to pay, then I would most definitely do so insha-Allah. But at the same time, if one of the reasons for her marrying me is so that I'll pay for her education, then she can kiss her diamond ring good bye.
That was sort of rude.
But anyhow, I would not at all mind. Quite the opposite, really. At the same time, if I get married late, I wouldn't want to wait too long as I'd want to start a family etc.
But a degree is vital not only for general/common knowledge or a job, but also to raise children, I feel. Get a feel for the outside world, have an understanding, being able to relate, etc are all aspects of a good mother, yeah?
And I conclude by saying: I am grateful to Allah Ta'ala for my mommy. :inlove:
By studying, particularly taking on Further and Higher Educational qualifications, both men and women go past the optimum age for marriage. Islam encourages young marriage and scientifically it's proven that offspring are healthier and psychologists say that young marriages bring more happiness to a couple and less stress.
It's great to seek education, both for males and females (in separate environments), however in most countries people are 23/24 by the time they finish and could be 26/27 or older if they complete masters or phds. That is too old to be getting married. People say there's no specific age to get married, but surely seeking such an advanced qualification is not more important than married life?
By studying, particularly taking on Further and Higher Educational qualifications, both men and women go past the optimum age for marriage. Islam encourages young marriage and scientifically it's proven that offspring are healthier and psychologists say that young marriages bring more happiness to a couple and less stress.
It's great to seek education, both for males and females (in separate environments), however in most countries people are 23/24 by the time they finish and could be 26/27 or older if they complete masters or phds. That is too old to be getting married. People say there's no specific age to get married, but surely seeking such an advanced qualification is not more important than married life?
I know they say that getting good qualifications is not required to live comfortably but in certain circumstances this simply isn't true. If, say the individual can't get a job no matter how hard they try (due to lack of experience, skills and qualifications) the only option may be to study, and don't say move because in that situation they're hardly going to be in a position to afford to move. To get married in such a situation may be a bad move because the couple would just be living in poverty.
By studying, particularly taking on Further and Higher Educational qualifications, both men and women go past the optimum age for marriage. Islam encourages young marriage and scientifically it's proven that offspring are healthier and psychologists say that young marriages bring more happiness to a couple and less stress.
It's great to seek education, both for males and females (in separate environments), however in most countries people are 23/24 by the time they finish and could be 26/27 or older if they complete masters or phds. That is too old to be getting married. People say there's no specific age to get married, but surely seeking such an advanced qualification is not more important than married life?
You know, there are people who study before marriage specifically because married life is important, and they want to provide as secure a financial foundation as possible for it.
You know, there are people who study before marriage specifically because married life is important, and they want to provide as secure a financial foundation as possible for it.
Marriage vs Degree = false dichotomy
I studied, got higher qualifications and am 25 and on the verge of marriage, I truly regret not agreeing to get married whilst I was at uni and my parents suggested it. There were girls always sending their families over to my parents but I kept saying no.
I may have struggled big time financially with only a part time job and a summber job as income, but I would have coped, Allah SWT would have aided me as he aided my friends who were married even before going to uni in the west.
It is the singlest greatest regret of my life, that I left marriage to such a late age, I've gone past physically my peak, I am no longer the handsome young man I was, well im not as handsome anyway.
I've messed up in exams, made other mistakes I am not proud of, but leaving marriage to such a late age, the single greatest regret of my life.
Please don't come out with the generic line, 25 is young, it's the ideal age for a man to get married, it's not what others think, it's what I feel.
Back to the point made by Muezzin in the above quotation, yes everyone knows the importance of marriage, but even in this day and age, people can cope, in the past where finding a job was not an issue, the woman stayed at home, if finding a high salaried job is so difficult today (and I agree it totally is) then women can contribute too.
I still stand by the original point I made, education, particularly higher education should not come in the way of marriage.
Please don't come out with the generic line, 25 is young, it's the ideal age for a man to get married, it's not what others think, it's what I feel.
Unless you plan on marrying yourself, I'm pretty sure what others-- namely inshAllah your future spouse-- think is incredibly important. And let me tell you this, I'm yet to come by any sister who considers 25 too old for a man to marry. Really, it's probably all in your head.
It is the singlest greatest regret of my life, that I left marriage to such a late age, I've gone past physically my peak, I am no longer the handsome young man I was, well im not as handsome anyway.
25 is not late ? I know blokes that get married in their 30's even ? i even know some people that take on 3rd 4th wives in their 60's and older. Everything happens for a reason, and im sure since uni you have grown as a person.
format_quote Originally Posted by Detritavore
I'm yet to come by any sister who considers 25 too old for a man to marry. Really, it's probably all in your head.
I agree. Im actually 29 and still a singleton, and i cant stand it wen people put an age on marriage, & i never did any sort of higher education, i worked from 19, did crappy jobs, it just wasnt meant to be.
getting back to the thread, i dont think there is anything wrong with a sister studying,I think most like to get it out of the way before they settle, which is why most people settle down in2 their 30's nowadays.
I studied, got higher qualifications and am 25 and on the verge of marriage, I truly regret not agreeing to get married whilst I was at uni and my parents suggested it. There were girls always sending their families over to my parents but I kept saying no.
I may have struggled big time financially with only a part time job and a summber job as income, but I would have coped, Allah SWT would have aided me as he aided my friends who were married even before going to uni in the west.
It is the singlest greatest regret of my life, that I left marriage to such a late age, I've gone past physically my peak, I am no longer the handsome young man I was, well im not as handsome anyway.
I've messed up in exams, made other mistakes I am not proud of, but leaving marriage to such a late age, the single greatest regret of my life.
Please don't come out with the generic line, 25 is young, it's the ideal age for a man to get married, it's not what others think, it's what I feel.
I appreciate that. However it is, as you say, what you feel. For your particular circumstances. Everyone is different, in terms of personality, maturity and solvency. When taking these factors and others into account, what might be an appropriate age for one person to marry may be inappropriate for another. Everyone's different.
Back to the point made by Muezzin in the above quotation, yes everyone knows the importance of marriage, but even in this day and age, people can cope, in the past where finding a job was not an issue, the woman stayed at home, if finding a high salaried job is so difficult today (and I agree it totally is) then women can contribute too.
By working? I agree, but that is a whole other can of worms. Regardless, I, personally, feel that it is best to get one's financial affairs in order before taking the step of marriage. Others may feel differently.
I still stand by the original point I made, education, particularly higher education should not come in the way of marriage.
If current students feel that higher education is coming in the way of marriage, any course of action is of course their prerogative.
to get back on track with the tread... its a right that every person has to pursue and education. I understand wanting a family but with love and support all can happen. What kind of deen does that make for the person that would deny his finance or wife the opportunity to seek an education. The woman has the right to it, and the woman has a right to work as long as she can fulfill her other duties as well.
Real love is doing everything you can to make your true love happy. and if an education or a job would make them happy how could you deny that person a basic right and say you truly loved them???
however in most countries people are 23/24 by the time they finish and could be 26/27 or older if they complete masters or phds. That is too old to be getting married.
Says who? You? I disagree with you completely. You'll need to provide evidence for that (23/24 is better than 26/27). It is a sunnah to get married if and when you have the means to. There is no preferred age to get married. SubhaanAllaah... RasoolAllaah (sallalAllaahu 'alayhi wa sallaam) himself was 25 when he married for the first time (not that it's particular relevant), so are you saying he was too old or bordering the cut-off age?
Marriage is not a general thing where you can make rules and regulations. It is a sacred pact between a man and woman based on love and mercy; which should be undertaken when both partners feel they are ready for this huge responsibility in life.
Last edited by Banu_Hashim; 12-21-2010 at 01:45 PM.
‘Say: If the ocean were ink wherewith to write out the words of my Lord, sooner would the ocean be exhausted, even if We added another ocean like it.’~Al Qu'raan (18:109)
wasnt The prophet pbuh around about 25 when he marriad Khadija (ra) who was 40? This clearly shows that marriage has no fixed perfect age.
edit - I basically repeated what Banu Hashim said. Oh well.
peace
Do you think the pious don't sin?
They merely:
Veiled themselves and didn't flaunt it
Sought forgiveness and didn't persist
Took ownership of it and don't justify it
And acted with excellence after they had erred - Ibn al-Qayyim
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