How many females would ever marry someone who already has a wife...

**shock_proof** · 06-14-2009

or several. Personally I could never do that. I know in Islam men are allowed to have up to four wives but can someone explain to me the reason for why that is. Also do any muslimas husbands also have other wives? How do you feel about that?

**islamlover_girl** · 06-15-2009

Polygamy is allowed in Islam,but also having one wife is allowed

the wife has the right to stipulate in the marriage contract that her husband must not marry another beside her and it’ll be binding upon him. If the man marries another wife, then she is given the choice either to obtain divorce or to stay with him as a co-wife.
source

“Question: a man married a woman and she stipulated that he should not take another wife or make her move from her house, and that she could stay with her mother, so he married her on this basis. Does he have to adhere to this, and if he goes against these conditions, does his wife have the right to annul the marriage or not?

Answer: yes, these conditions and similar ones are valid according to the madhhab of Imaam Ahmad and other scholars among the Sahaabah and Taabi’een, such as ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab, ‘Amr ibn al-‘Aas, Shurayh al-Qaadi, al-Oozaa’i and Ishaaq. According to the madhhab of Maalik, the condition states that if he marries another wife, (the first wife) has the choice of what to do, and this is a valid condition. The woman has the right to leave him in this case. This is similar to the idea in the Madhhab of Imaam Ahmad. The basis for this is the hadeeth narrated by (al-Bukhaari and Muslim) in al-Saheehayn from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): ‘The most deserving of conditions to be fulfilled are those by means of which sexual intercourse becomes permissible for you.’ ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab said: ‘Rights are in accordance with conditions.’ The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) dictated that the conditions which make sexual intercourse permissible are more deserving of fulfilment than others. This is the ruling on conditions of this nature.”

al-Fataawa al-Kubra, part 3, Kitaab al-Nikaah
source

polygamy is good for some women for example ,I know a sister who is unfruitful while her husband liked to have children very much ,she preferred her husband to have another wife than being divorced,also his second wife was a divorced women and preferred to marry a married man than staying alone,another sister was ill and can`t approach her husband so she asked him to marry another wife ,there is many other examples for sisters who liked to be a second wife or liked their husband to marry again for many reasons.

**syilla** · 06-15-2009

salams...

I would not because it is not easy to be a second wife...huhu

**ghengis** · 06-15-2009

lol.

polygamy.

i was thinking about this today.

i, like most blokes would love to have 4 wives, 4 different family offspring, all devoted to allah,... inshallah!! wow... i would knock out them kids and teach them quran straight the way, no public schooling. soldiers and scholars only!! yeah... well thats the dream anyway

lol.

not many women would put up with that though.......

quick question: how many women would like to go through it for the spiritual trial?? i mean, aysha, fatima, both were not the lone wives (is that correct??) it must take a certain character?? a certain self control? a certain spiritual contentedness?? ... through the hardship of initial polygamy shouldnt characters of both male and female improve??? "become more correctly aligned, to true islamic attitudes.. "???

khadijah was loaded and supported the prophet (sws) so thats why he couldnt "support another family", so to speak...

trees grow.... they dont stop growing, unless they cut there own branches...
restricting yourself as a male islamically doesnt make sense. :X
if u have the finances.... ???

i guess the women dont want it these days.... or the guys arent loaded enough.

end comment: polygamy should be the norm

, if its not the male female relationship and males attitude to women and womens attitude to men must be kinda lobsided right???? looking at it from an islamic perpective.
...something must be off key....

**Ummu Sufyaan** · 06-15-2009

How many females would ever marry someone who already has a wife...

generally i wouldn't...unless i was previously married before..so maybe if i was a widow and i/my kids needed some support.

quick question: how many women would like to go through it for the spiritual trial??

probably not many becuase we dont really see it as that...we see it from an emotional point of view...

question: how many brothers go through with it for the "spiritual trial"...i mean really, how many brothers do it for the sake of Allah, as opposed to an ego inflation?

through the hardship of initial polygamy shouldnt characters of both male and female improve??? "become more correctly aligned, to true islamic attitudes.. "???

people can have the best Islamic attitude and still wont consider polygamy..it has nothing to do with being Islamic...generally speaking, women dont have a problem with polygamy, they have a problem with being co-wives...

end comment: polygamy should be the norm ,

would you be saying that if it were the women who was allowed up to 4?
don't get me wrong i dont have a problem with polygamy, but i wish you brothers would just put yourselves in our shoes and stop being so quick to judge. seriously, would you hold the same opinion if the wife was allowed to take 4?

**AntiKarateKid** · 06-15-2009

You realize that out views about love are a product of our upbringing and culture right?

Back then it was very common and people didn't recoil at it like these days.

The definition of what the ideal marriage is has changed but that doesn't mean one is better than the other.

To be honest, I'd prefer one single wife. But had I been born back then, I doubt I would have had any qualms about having more than one.

**ghengis** · 06-15-2009

Originally Posted by Umm ul-Shaheed

generally i wouldn't...unless i was previously married before..so maybe if i was a widow and i/my kids needed some support.

probably not many becuase we dont really see it as that...we see it from an emotional point of view...

question: how many brothers go through with it for the "spiritual trial"...i mean really, how many brothers do it for the sake of Allah, as opposed to an ego inflation?

people can have the best Islamic attitude and still wont consider polygamy..it has nothing to do with being Islamic...generally speaking, women dont have a problem with polygamy, they have a problem with being co-wives...

would you be saying that if it were the women who was allowed up to 4?
don't get me wrong i dont have a problem with polygamy, but i wish you brothers would just put yourselves in our shoes and stop being so quick to judge. seriously, would you hold the same opinion if the wife was allowed to take 4?

oh yeah!!! modern western girl... i like it

if allah commanded ibrahim in a dream to sacrifice his son and he was on it pronto no questions asked.

then whatever allah commands me inshallah may the strength be bestowed upon me to do it.

... so put yourself in the blokes shoes young lady??? why should we restrict ourselves???

there is no reason??? if u actually put yourself in OUR shoes.. u would understand that.... if a man had a large plot of land but restricted himself to only cultivating a quarter of it u would call him stupid.....

wouldnt you??? seeing that us blokes think of things from the practical sense

... i would love to do it for the pleasure of allah!!!! for spiritual growth... to strive towards our rabb. to strive towards allah subhan a wa ta ala!!!!

**جوري** · 06-15-2009

in the old times it was Omar ibn ilkhtab, abu baker, khalid ibn ilwaleed, prophet Mohammed PBUH... and the issue certainly wasn't about virginity, as most of the women the prophet (p) married, were widowed, or divorced...
When Ali wanted to take another wife, the prophet asked him not to, because he didn't want his daughter fatima to be tried in her religion.

Back then, there was a sense of duty not conquest. And the parties involved agreed, it wasn't in spite of..
marriage from more than one is an allowance not an injunction-- the same with divorce!

the men of now a days are far removed from the men during the time of the prophet, perhaps that has something to do with it? better establish a righteous ummah before thinking of multiple wives?

**salafy_masry** · 06-15-2009

The ruling on plural marriage and the wisdom behind it
I was really into becoming a Muslim. I came to this site to find out how to become Muslim, on doing so I found out alot about the religion I never knew before, and it's kind of disturbing and almost a let down. I'm sorry I feel like that but it's true. One of the things that bother me is the polygamy thing, I would like to know where it addresses that in the Holy Qu'ran, please try to give me tips on how to live like that and remain sane?

http://islamqa.com/en/ref/14022/%D8%...B9%D8%AF%D8%AF

**islamlover_girl** · 06-15-2009

polygamy isn`t required nor recommended(wajib or mustahab) it`s just allowed.

and the wife has the right to stipulate in the marriage contract that her husband must not marry another beside her and it’ll be binding upon him. If the man marries another wife, then she is given the choice either to obtain divorce or to stay with him as a co-wife.
source

**BlissfullyJaded** · 06-15-2009

Back then it was very common and people didn't recoil at it like these days.

Just because it was common doesn't mean they didn't feel jealousy and wouldn't have preferred being the only wife.

ladies if u gor the cash to support a bloke then marry a guy who has no job
that way he is reliant on you and he cant marry anyone else out of repect.

Or maybe he'll (try to) marry 3 others who are also rich. :rolleyes:

Marriage isn't a joke. And having one wife doesn't make you less of a man, if you really think that...then you've forgotten that Sayyidina Rasulullah (Salallahu Alayhi Wasallam) had one wife for a quite long time.

Regarding the main topic, no I won't marry a man who is already married. I wouldn't want to cause another sister and her children pain like that. He could marry after me though, I'd only be ticked if he did it behind my back or was unjust in his treatment...

**glo** · 06-15-2009

Originally Posted by sats

Never, the idea of my husband being with another woman, and then me, makes me sick. Isn't the fact, that woman are allowed to say no to this, evidence that they don't need to like it?

I seem to remember being told recently in another thread that the first wife doesn't have to give permission for the other wives; she doesn't even have to be told that there are other wives ...
(I don't know if that's true, but I was told so)

**roohani.doctor** · 06-15-2009

^ I don't think that is true. A wife has to be told first....but I might be wrong. Can someone answer this rightly?

Personally, I would not be alright with it cuz I am kind of possessive. and not strong enough mentally/emotionally to deal with that whole thing.

But Allah has allowed it and sometimes, it is the best option some women have. Kudos to those who do live like that...

**glo** · 06-15-2009

Originally Posted by londonfog

^ I don't think that is true. A wife has to be told first....but I might be wrong. Can someone answer this rightly?

I hope it's just a rumour, and I would also like a clarification on this

Personally, I would not be alright with it cuz I am kind of possessive. and not strong enough mentally/emotionally to deal with that whole thing.

But Allah has allowed it and sometimes, it is the best option some women have. Kudos to those who do live like that...

The concept of polygamy only makes sense at times when there are considerably more women than men (perhaps during times of war), because it creates a system which provides for widows and abandoned women.

Apart from that it doesn't seem to make much sense. If every man aimed to marry several women, surely there wouldn't be enough women to go around ...

**Clover** · 06-15-2009

I couldn't imagine a girl doing that, it'd be creepy if you ask me, and very akward. I mean, I know a lot of mormons do it, but I think the majority of them live in Utah.

Source: Actually Sixty percent of Utah are Mormons. http://www.mormonwiki.com/Mormon_Population

**roohani.doctor** · 06-15-2009

Like you said, it makes total sense when its related to widows/wars etc...

I knew of a family friend whose husband had left her for another woman. She would have been ok with the other marriage but the thing is, he left her in another country, did not call her, did not support her, and was never there for her. So she had to divorce him.

After another coupe of years, this woman, who was over the age of 40, childless and living with her brother at the time got a proposal from another man. Thing was, he was already married. BUT his wife knew he had proposed and she was alright with it. They were an elderly pious couple with no children.

Anyway, so this family friend ended up marrying this man. She was really reluctant at first cuz of what she had experienced in her first marriage. But she needed a "home". she could not live with her brother forever as he had his own family to support etc...her parents were dead.

Now, both wives live in harmony...there is no jealousy, no hatred..no fights masha'allah.

Like I said, most women these days would not be okay with the idea. But sometimes, they really dont have much of a choice.

And not every man should aim for more than one wife. That would be very unrealistic.

... Allah didnt say every man HAD to marry more than one woman.

**crayon** · 06-15-2009

I say 'no' now, but you never know what the specific situation would be like, that could alter everything.

Tbh, I don't get why so many women get worked up over this. If you don't want your husband to have a second wife, just write that in the marriage contract, and that's that. Yes, Allah has allowed allowed this for men, but he has also given us the power to allow/disallow men to have this privilege (is it really a privilege?), by aid of the marriage contract. You put that condition in, he disagrees, then he's not for you, he doesn't, then it's all good. Yes, some people may not put it in the contract and regret it later, sucks to be them, but if you just think ahead a couple of steps then things should be fine inshaAllah.

**MinAhlilHadeeth** · 06-15-2009

I don't think I would walk in to a polygamous marriage for various reasons. I myself wouldn't want the drama, and neither would I want to willingly walk in to a situation where I know I have to share my husband. Besides, I wouldn't want a co-wife to walk in to my marriage, so why would I do that to someone else?

That said, I don't look down upon or begrudge any sisters that wish to become/are co-wives.

Originally Posted by salafy_masry

Well apart from anything else like traditions .. its totally islamic way of life .. and I'm not married yet .. but Insha allah my wife will be a salafy .. I don't think she would mind that at all.

I know a lot of muslim women don't like it .. but still if its about feelings .. it has been done by the mothers of believers .. and been done before that and after that also. So it should be easly accepted since its been done by great women

A sister upon the sunnah may accept it, but I seriously doubt many sisters would be happy or 'ok' about it, or not habour feelings of jealousy. Even the mothers of the believers (radhiyAllaahu 'anhunna) were jealous of each other. So this is a natural feeling.

**- IqRa -** · 06-15-2009

Which woman would want to share her husband?

**islamlover_girl** · 06-15-2009

Originally Posted by E.E.

Which woman would want to share her husband?

Some women would like for several reasons,for example an ill wife or unfruitful one would prefer her husband having another wife to getting divorced.then her husband can marry a widower or divorced woman who may prefer to be a second wife to staying alone.
polygamy is good in few cases but not in all cases,and remember that having one wife is allowed in Islam too

**jamaicamuslimah** · 06-15-2009

Asalamalaikum,

my first husband was a Pakistani--I would never consider returning to a "marriage state" with him (as was asked to do). My second husband was a Moroccan-born, Tunisian-descent and marries any woman who will support him. I do believe he is on wife number 7 or 8, and I have had an al-talaaq (with the support of the imaam) and khulu performed to try and get him out of my life (he may be bipolar).

Unfortunately, some of us women do not choose wisely, and the behaviors of some of our men are no different from kuffars or secular realm.

Nevertheless, I would consider a polygamous marriage if the current wife (or wives) are willing; and (unlike both my ex-husbands), he is capable of following what is Sunnah in providing equally for his family and wife or wives (I have two boys from my first marriage), Inshaallah.

FeeamanAllah