The Marriage Thread

[Getoffmyback]

how much are you planning to spend on your wedding?


Edit by Rashad: Important Note! Excuse my intrusion upon your post, Getoffmyback. Just wanted to make a quick announcement lol. This thread is for anything related to marriage. I will personally strictly moderate this thread to ensure that nothing un-Halaal is being discussed. Keep jokes the minimum and restrict them to the gender appropriate sections. Depending on the results of this thread, we MAY open a MARRIAGE FORUM! *drumroll* ... or shall I say *duff-roll* ?

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

Yea its true...keep it simple yea. All that money people spend in one day, you could give to the couple to get a good start on their life :/ Plus more barakah...and I think that's more important than a lavished wedding..

[SweetCherryPie]

My 1st and 2nd brothers' weddings were huge. Most of the guests were my parents' friends. Lol.

My 3rd brother's wedding, it was done at the National Mosque - akad nikah and after that, buffet style was served to the guests which consist of family, a few relatives and close friends. Over all I think, there were about 50 of us. Both the bride and groom did not want a huge wedding. I think they spent less than 5k.

I told my father, since my mother is no longer here - I want a small wedding. Preferably something like my 3rd brother's wedding. Simple and personal. I'd rather use the money for honeymoon!

I was never the type that planned my wedding at the age of 12! I have friends that did that and just recently, one of them actually had a HUGE garden wedding at a prestige location here in KL. She was very happy!

[Beardo]

That's actually a good thought. Having a wedding at a scenic garden or something.

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

^^Like u see in movies? lol

[Tilmeez]

I know it won't be wise telling you that some time back we had a complete section something like "Marriage in Islam".

I wonder your thread will meet the same fate as of that section, which will be fair. :X

[tango92]

fam, i had my life planned out since i was 8. and thats including

where my wife will be from
how many kids i'll have
when i'll get married
what job i would be doing

how times have changed....

[Getoffmyback]

Well...my wedding was huge. But keep in mind It was an Italian and Indian wedding. I had 170 family members and friends (Italian side) my wife had 440 family memebers and friends (Indian side) the wedding lasted 3 days. We had guests come in from Italy and India.....we couldn't just do a 6 hour wedding.

The wedding party had 26 people. 13 brides mades and 13 groomesmen. We had 4 flower girls and 2 ring bearers, 10 ushers.

The actuall wedding took two hours (ceremony) We had an organist, two violinists and some one playing a harp....I know ,the harp was a little weird, i thought it was weird too.

The Mehndi, wich took place the night before took 6 hours, the reception....2.5 days.... My wife changed into 14 diffrerent saris and i changed into 5 different Sherwani's.

We had 7 diferent entertainers, and my wife and I put on a boolywood type show for her family

Mehndi=$ 5,880.00

Ceremony= $ 10,290.00

Reception (Includes all clothing, her sari's ect.ect everythng)= $29,112.20

Rings= $ 28,000.00 (in a security box at bank) She wears a smal one for day to day stuff.

Total= $ 73,282.20 ( good thing her dad is a doctor)

Being married to the most beautiful and awesome woman in the world.= PRICELESS


Honey moon= Havent taken one yet! We are supposed to go to India for 3 weeks, then Italy for 3 weeks.....When, we don't know?

Man your still counting even the cents thats not a good sign :d

[heavenlyspot]

[QUOTE=Rashad;1291899]

marriage is like an anchor. ... And a child is another anchor.

QUOTE]

That's quite some advice!! Being young and not yet married myself, the best advice I can give you while thinking of marriage is not to let people discourage you in any way.

... I'm not saying that your Mufti gave you poor advice :-) Surely he's correct.

But similarly to the students & teacher in your class - sometimes you're going to come across people who will only speak opposite to what you want to hear.

Marriage is a responsible choice and young Muslim brothers and sisters who choose this over promiscuity, I believe, will have Allah's blessings InshAllah.

[Banu_Hashim]

Maan... you just reminded me subhaanAllah... I need to get married!!!

Oh but the trials to getting married! The proper channels? How to go about finding the person? Factors to take into consideration? Pleasing parents? etc. etc.

By the way Rashad I want answers to all of these inshaAllah :P, (Just Kidding).

[aadil77]

The nikah ceremony should not cost much. You basically contact the masjid imam and ask him to arrange for you a time at which he can read the nikah. You invite friends and close family to nikah. It should not cost that much.

Waleema, you invite friends to your favorite restaurant and you can be done under $500 with good food. Buffet plans
.

I don't get how waleema works, isn't it for both sides of the family mainly?

Nikah is just signing of the contract aint it? So its not much of an occasion for the family, you will need a dinner or something for them as well

And how do you know who to invite? You have friends, family, then your well wishers around the community. Should the whole family of each person you invite be allowed to come? I don't know how it would work cause If you know the families of your mates should you invite them?

End result is you would be looking at a couple thousand to not leave anyone out and have it in a decent place with enough space, plus mahr and everything. Its hard to have it any simpler than that without offending others.

[SweetCherryPie]

Is it safe to say that in certain countries, the society (be it parents, relatives, friends et al) expects one to be married by the age of 25 - be it man or woman? Or is that still too young?

I was told that most men in the Middle East are married by the age of 25. Over here, if a 25 year old man said he would like to get married ... he better expect someone to say he's being silly!

For me, as long as the man and woman are able to take care of one another, matured enough and is financially stable then by all means, do get married. The most important thing is NOT to get married for the wrong reasons.

That said, if marriage is on your list ... who cares what others think, you know?

[aadil77]

^Its tough bruv, I'm gonna start with getting some income coming in. You can tell your mum to start looking for you, just specify what you're looking for. You can also ask around the masjid, speak to an imam.

[SweetCherryPie]

That's actually a good thought. Having a wedding at a scenic garden or something.

A garden wedding is nice, really. Just be sure it's not done on a rainy season!

Come to think of it, if I planned to get married with a garden theme - mine would be the colour of white and lilac!

(Oooh I can just picture it now! )

[Getoffmyback]

What about this (marriage list) . Its So common here in leb . On the invitation card there will be a note says "if you desire to send a gift please go to this bank ..... "

You'll go to the bank to put money under their names and No one puts less than a 100.

Thats what happened when i attended my cousin's wedding . The cost was 12k . They invited 140 person . Lets say 40 out of them put a gift.So thats 4k . Some people puts 500 some put even more . So in the end the couple will be paying maybe 2k for their wedding . Its a good way.

[SweetCherryPie]

What about this (marriage list) . Its So common here in leb . On the invitation card there will be a note says "if you desire to send a gift please go to this bank ..... "

You'll go to the bank to put money under their names and No one puts less than a 100.

Thats what happened when i attended my cousin's wedding . The cost was 12k . They invited 140 person . Lets say 40 out of them put a gift.So thats 4k . Some people puts 500 some put even more . So in the end the couple will be paying maybe 2k for their wedding . Its a good way.

We don't have that over here. Usually, people just come with gifts such as home appliances and money which they give there and then to the host (usually our parents/siblings).

I haven't told my future husband but I was thinking of putting on our cards that for those who want to bring us gifts, to send money instead to our preferred charity organisation.

My brother and wife collected a lot of sandwich makers, toasters and blenders! Lol. I wouldn't want that to happen!

[Danah]

Weddings here are literally crazy, people are competing on whose wedding is better!! that is a pure craziness!! May Allah save us
My brother's wedding was not super fancy though but it was good. The marriage costs 36,000 $ (including the mahar and the money paid for preparing the groom which is always in thousands).
Keep in mind that the wedding halls for both men and women were offered freely for citizens here.

My father is planning to do yet a better wedding party for my other brother this Summer, so more costs will be coming.

[Getoffmyback]

No one really pays maher or rarely they do it here in leb in big numbers its always something like 1 golden coin or one dates fruit . But they sign the "met2akhar" or the amount of money agreed on in case of divorce its noting less than 20k . And it depends.

i'm talking about the middle class or maybe below.

[Alpha Dude]

If I had my way, it would be very simple and nothing expensive, but being realistic, I think 2-3k is a decent amount. I really don't like the extravagent ones.

On the issue of mahr, I can't believe guys even choose to marry girls who ask for 10s of thousands. Strange.

[YusufNoor]

$500? Nothing more. Excluding the mahr.

i actually agree with this. no joking.

we are going to be held responsible for what we do with our money, why waste it? forget the jahillya and the assabiyya. why act like the kufar? i mean $73,000 for a wedding? it's NOT the Islamic way at all!

if you go back and look at the Seerah, you will see that 1 lamb was sufficient for the walima. there was also an occasion where the Prophet, Peace be upon him, just told folks there is a wedding, bring some food!

we should emulate Rasoolullah and not the kuffar. i heard a nice lecture by Mufti Ismail Menk where he was trying to discourage this biddah we have established on weddings. one suggestion was to just have the nikkah and walima at the Masjid. nice and simple. if you have big families and you don't want to invite some but not all, don't invite anyone! just send them notices for the nikkah and ask them to make dua for you. if you want to splurge a bit, have the walima at an orphanage! they should appreciate a good feast!

the party only costs 36,000 $

wtf??? you could have distributed THOUSANDS of Qur'ans, fed some orphans for a year, donated a library for a Masjid or 2 or 3,or paid for some poor children to attend the Madrassah!

let's compete for Akhira and not the dunya!

may Allah guide us all!

On the issue of mahr, I can't believe guys even choose to marry girls who ask for 10s of thousands. Strange.

sisters are allowed to ask for whatever they want. AND we are allowed to make a decision based upon what they say! we are looking for mothers to raise our children, not taking part in some kind of lottery.

[Danah]

wtf??? you could have distributed THOUSANDS of Qur'ans, fed some orphans for a year, donated a library for a Masjid or 2 or 3,or paid for some poor children to attend the Madrassah!

I know!! costs are crazily expensive here, what to do brother?
beside we know so many people, and its hard to left any without invitation...so its not that easy.

I saw somewhere in this thread the number $350,000, you didn't comment on that brother Yusef!