Would you agree to move in together with your husband's family?

format_quote Originally Posted by Abdullahii

I know what baklava is so you ought to know what chapati is

haha I love baklava

format_quote Originally Posted by Grofica

Tufahija is better

ok off topic... we should start a food posting he he he he

lets add sweetness by mentioning sweet things to an otherwise bitter thread.

format_quote Originally Posted by Rashad

If you want to get married young, then you probably have to agree to move in with your in-laws... It's sort of like a package deal.

Depends... Your parents can also support you (same way when a youngster moves away from home).

format_quote Originally Posted by Abdul Qadir

what u mean by would u like to? isn't that compulsory? as a wife, ur supposed to help take care of your husbands parents no matter how evil they may be......Subahanallah...

The wife is not obliged to serve her husband's parents Islamically.

Edit: It is not obligatory for a woman to serve her husband’s father or mother, or any of his relatives. But it is the matter of chivalry and good manners, if she is in the house, to serve his parents. But with regard to forcing her to do that, it is not permissible for her husband to force her to do that, and it is not a duty upon her.

Source: http://islam-qa.com/en/ref/8801/

format_quote Originally Posted by Abdul Qadir

i din say islamically compulsory what..

Isn't that what you asked?

what u mean by would u like to? isn't that compulsory? as a wife, ur supposed to help take care of your husbands parents no matter how evil they may be......Subahanallah...and once ur married, ur husband's house is ur house...u dun buy ur own flat and get away from ur husband's parent...

format_quote Originally Posted by Muslim Woman

If the house is big i.e has seperate rooms for the married couples , then in Bangladesh still sons remain with parert after marriage. And Of Course it depends if the wife can adjust with the family members .

Sometimes wives of two brothers start to hate each other so much ( over the control of family's matters ) that it ruins the whole atmostphere. Sometimes brothers don't talk to each other or even with nephews/ nieces because of this fear that how wife will react to see husband is talking to her ' opponents ' .

Thats true about how wives sometimes come between brothers over the pettiest things, but the cause is not because you are living within the same house the situation will arise anyway due to a power struggle for say on family matters or one wife says something to someone else and the other wife gets upset because she said so etc etc etc so it doesn't matter if your a world apart or living in next room its gonna happen regardless of how close you live together or not, I've seen it happen with my own eyes. But if you at it in a positive way living in the same house there is no option but to resolve the issue, since you see them everyday.

Seems the idea of a family arguing scares people but i'd be very worried if they didn't its a family its gonna happen so why try and avoid when its inevitable.

format_quote Originally Posted by _muslim_

I can also see among my relatives sometimes some kinda competition between the brothers' wives, unfortunately.

Its gonna happen since both wives are usually from different backgrounds, different way of living etc there is obviously gonna be clash about a whole load of things. But running away to a different house is not gonna solve those problems, they need to face the facts they are part of the same family now and they need to get along, both need to also work on the relationship.

format_quote Originally Posted by S<Chowdhury

Its gonna happen since both wives are usually from different backgrounds, different way of living etc there is obviously gonna be clash about a whole load of things. But running away to a different house is not gonna solve those problems, they need to face the facts they are part of the same family now and they need to get along, both need to also work on the relationship.

mhm. Those wives don't actually even live in the same house, al-hamdulilLah. There's no need to (This way better, they save us from all the gossip, slander, bad-mouthing).

I do understand the negative aspects of what is called a "joint family" system but it is the way of living adopted by majority of people in South Asia. Recently the trend is changing as people's parents from last generation are dying, things are changing as our generation does not think the way our parents or grandparents did.

I personally never lived in a joint family except that my paternal grandfather and grandmother (may Allah bless her soul) lived with us when we brought them to Saudi. And ooh, I had to share my room with my brothers while living in Saudi, owing to small apartments. That's about it.

format_quote Originally Posted by _muslim_

The wife is not obliged to serve her husband's parents Islamically.

No , but she must not prevent husband from spending on parent . Sadly many women believe husband belongs to her only and parent have no right over him . As I already mentioned , many women don't even allow husband to meet parent more than a month or don't welcome any relative from husband's side to visit them while their home is open for her family members.

format_quote Originally Posted by _muslim_

mhm. Those wives don't actually even live in the same house, al-hamdulilLah. There's no need to (This way better, they save us from all the gossip, slander, bad-mouthing).

But even without living in the same house there is tension at that was my earlier point exactly. Bad mouthing, gossip face the facts it happens especially in the South Asian community, any news or problems are usually broadcast within minutes of hearing it, okey maybe a little bit of exaggerating but it happens to be honest.

In South Asia the communities are 'tight knit', even in Bangladesh a very over populated country everybody seems to know everybody mention your surname or your grandfather and somehow a link will appear to how you could be related or that person knows of your grandfather.

I agree with brother mad-scientist that the new generation seem to be losing this type of joint family and the community as a whole seems not to be as close as it use to be which very .

format_quote Originally Posted by S<Chowdhury

But even without living in the same house there is tension at that was my earlier point exactly. Bad mouthing, gossip face the facts it happens especially in the South Asian community, any news or problems are usually broadcast within minutes of hearing it, okey maybe a little bit of exaggerating but it happens to be honest.

I see that happening too.

I agree with brother mad-scientist that the new generation seem to be losing this type of joint family and the community as a whole seems not to be as close as it use to be which very .

And you see changes in respect towards parents or elders.

format_quote Originally Posted by Muslim Woman

No , but she must not prevent husband from spending on parent .

True but as long as it's not excessive.

Sadly many women believe husband belongs to her only and parent have no right over him . As I already mentioned , many women don't even allow husband to meet parent more than a month or don't welcome any relative from husband's side to visit them while their home is open for her family members.

May Allah guide us all