Would you agree to move in together with your husband's family?

**Asiyah3** · 02-14-2010

This poll is meant for females. This subject entered my mind while browsing a thread. Would you live under the same roof with your husband's family?
Would you agree to move in together with them?

Edit: Males are allowed to express their opinions of course.

**Zarmina** · 02-14-2010

It depends, are they nice? If I will be a second class citizen, then no!

**CosmicPathos** · 02-14-2010

Originally Posted by Zarmina

It depends, are they nice? If I will be a second class citizen, then no!

surprising that SOME Muslims would want non-Muslims to live as second class citizens in Islamic emirate but would not tolerate it themselves? At least that is the opinion of Dr. Israr Ahmed that dhimmis must live as second-class citizens in an ideal Islamic caliphate.

**Muslim Woman** · 02-14-2010

Originally Posted by _muslim_

...Would you agree to move in together with them?

Well , i live in a joint family. Situations demands it . In future , may be , we will move to our own flat .

**Muslim Woman** · 02-14-2010

Originally Posted by Wa7abiScientist

surprising that SOME Muslims would want non-Muslims to live as second class citizens in Islamic emirate but would not tolerate it themselves? .

Non-Muslims give Jizya and on return , they enjoy their religious freedom and won't have to join army when enemies attack the country .

How that can be comparable with a married woman who after becoming part of the family won't enjoy due love and respect from them ?

**CosmicPathos** · 02-14-2010

Originally Posted by Muslim Woman

Non-Muslims give Jizya and on return , they enjoy their religious freedom and won't have to join army when enemies attack the country .

How that can be comparable with a married woman who after becoming part of the family won't enjoy due love and respect from them ?

Its not comparable. I brought it up when the term "second class citizen" was used. Some of these women who feel they are being treated as second class citizens by in-laws are actually treated worse by their own parents, they just do not admit that.

**Muslim Woman** · 02-14-2010

Originally Posted by Wa7abiScientist

... Some of these women who feel they are being treated as second class citizens by in-laws are actually treated worse by their own parents, .

may be , they are treated worse by their own parents , it does not mean that in-laws have any right to mistreat them also .

Anyway , it's getting off topic.

**HopeFul** · 02-14-2010

I probably would, if thye'd let me

**manaal** · 02-14-2010

I would never permanently move in with my in laws. they are eally nice people and mum-in-law, is very friendly and loving towards me. But I would never live them forever, just like I'd never live in my mum's place for the rest of my life. I think it's best you live on your own once you are married and have kids. Give you independance and makes you do things your own way.

I did move in with my in laws, as temporary measure as my house was being renovated. It was ok, but it just was not home.

**Asiyah3** · 02-14-2010

I voted no... Simply, I think I want my own house (this way more independence & doing things my way etc.) plus I wouldn't feel too comfortable there. Partly also because of the heard grievously resulted cases when the spouses have later willed to move into their own.

**Danah** · 02-14-2010

I wont be asking for separating a son from his family. At least for the first few years, as the new family will be still young with few members.

As for the privacy thingy, it can work out like this: having my own small section or say a department within the family house itself. So getting my own privacy and remaining with the family at the same time.

This is how it works for many families here as people are not that much into getting out of their families' houses after marriage. The concept of the big family is still exist in my society.

**SweetCherryPie** · 02-14-2010

Originally Posted by _muslim_

This poll is meant for females. This subject entered my mind while browsing a thread. Would you live under the same roof with your husband's family?
Would you agree to move in together with them?

I voted - depends.

It depends on the situation. Temporarily would be fine with me. Say for a year or so.

**manaal** · 02-15-2010

Originally Posted by Danah

I wont be asking for separating a son from his family. At least for the first few years, as the new family will be still young with few members.

What about seprating a daughter from her family?

Originally Posted by Danah

This is how it works for many families here as people are not that much into getting out of their families' houses after marriage. The concept of the big family is still exist in my society.

Where is "here"?

**Danah** · 02-16-2010

Originally Posted by manaal

What about seprating a daughter from her family?

lol, its normal for the girl to leave with her man.........its not normal for a girl to marry and live with her husband in her family home.

Where is "here"?

Gulf Countries but to be more specifically UAE

**Intisar** · 02-16-2010

No way! Sorry, I need my privacy, I don't want to live with in laws. It's like I'm favoring them over my own parents, which I just can't bear the thought of. This is more of a cultural practice anyway, so it's not common in my cultural thankfully. I'm a big proponent for privacy and I'm pretty sure that with my type of personality it would probably cause a big rift with the family. I'm not saying I can't be respectful, by all means I am, but I don't need to put unnecessary pressure (and a burden) on myself. I feel the first year is one of the hardest years to go through especially if you're a young couple and you need to get to really understand and know each other, and with family there you might feel more restricted and have to put a ''face'' on.

**CosmicPathos** · 02-16-2010

Originally Posted by manaal

What about seprating a daughter from her family?

Where is "here"?

I doubt any man's ego would allow him to stay at his wife's parents' house. To assume that all women would have similar ego as men would be inappropriate. Hence, it is very important for brothers to discuss this with the potential "wife" before. If brother wants this and she does not agree, they should move on and find some other suitable person. Simple as that. Women abound in the world. Allhamdulillah.

**muslimsister1** · 02-16-2010

Hope ur all in gud health, im atcually quiet suprised at the replies on this thread, i have been married now for 18 months and i live with my inlaws, ok it is only parents inlaw but still... i class this as my home now n im comfortable as well, Alhumdolilah. Befor marrige my now mother inlaw kept asking my husband to me n telling him that if he wants to move out it would be fine with them, my husband did ask me a few times n i sed no. Iv always sed that id want to live with inlaws cuz @ the end of the day its the best way to get along with them and get too know them.. U have to think this is your family now and you have made the choice to marry ur husband, would u not want to get to know the the parents who have taught ur husband all the qualities he has? i love my inlaws n get along with them very well Alhumdolilah. You cannot jst dismiss not living with them, i dont mean to big myself up n im sorry if that is what it seems but honestly sisters its not bad at all. You have to put effort in jst like with evreythng else u do but trust me it is all worth it knowing that ur husband is happy with u for the way u look after his parents and how ur with them as well.

**Life_Is_Short** · 02-16-2010

This is the set norm in my family.

A widespread practice.

For me there's no point in questioning that.

**Italianguy** · 02-16-2010

Hmmm.

...I am from a traditional Italian family......Mammas boys.lol

We don't leave the nest until we are married. My cousin didn't leave home until 31! (after marriage).

My wife and I had to live with my parents while our house was being completed(built). It was only 4 months but she had no complaints....except mia madre, made her eat too much

...she needed it anyway she gained 14 pounds, from 96 pounds to 110..(she's tiny)

**Muslim Woman** · 02-17-2010

Originally Posted by muslimsister1

.. U have to think this is your family now and you have made the choice to marry ur husband, would u not want to get to know the the parents who have taught ur husband all the qualities he has?

Alhamdulillah u think like that , may Allah reward you sis .

In Islam , its son's responsibility to take care of parent . Allah did not give this duty to daughter . So , I am surprised that this question has been asked -What about seprating a daughter from her family?

In Islam , a man will marry when he can support his wife . After marairge , a man is living with wife's family because he can't afford to take wife with him , this is ridiculous and in Bangladesh they are called ' Ghor Jamai ' ( house husband / residential son- in - law ) . It's not an honour for any Muslim man to get this title.

I know and heard of some men who live in same city but don't have time to visit parent ( may be once a month ) . I sometimes wonder if Islam really allows it ? It's ok , if the couple want to live in a seperate flat but in that case , son must be in touch with parent as much as possible - not just pay a visit once or twice a month .