I am in need of serious help with my marriage and completing my divorce
I would like some advice on how to go about divorce in our current situation.
I have spoken to my wife and told her that I would like our marriage to come to an end several times. My reason being my unhappiness due to too much dishonesty in our relationship. She now threatens me telling me that I cannot divorce her unless she agrees to it. Which I do not understand. Both her and my family know about the situation. Both family's feel that we should not remain married. She has begun to delay our divorce for her own selfish reasons. The marriage has become very ugly one could say. She has become greedy and has taken everything we have gotten or bought during our marriage. These are things I do not care about and I would only like the marriage to end as my unhappiness is dragging me down.
What I would like to know is what steps I should be taking in completing the divorce and what I require to do so.
I have posted a thread like this but it has not come up...
I am in need of serious help with my marriage and completing my divorce
I would like some advice on how to go about divorce in our current situation.
I have spoken to my wife and told her that I would like our marriage to come to an end several times. My reason being my unhappiness due to too much dishonesty in our relationship. She now threatens me telling me that I cannot divorce her unless she agrees to it. Which I do not understand. Both her and my family know about the situation. Both family's feel that we should not remain married. She has begun to delay our divorce for her own selfish reasons. The marriage has become very ugly one could say. She has become greedy and has taken everything we have gotten or bought during our marriage. These are things I do not care about and I would only like the marriage to end as my unhappiness is dragging me down.
What I would like to know is what steps I should be taking in completing the divorce and what I require to do so.
Divorce is detestable when there is no need for it. But the ruling varies according to each situation.
Allah, is Merciful and Wise, and in such cases where staying married to your spouse is harmful, then
divorced becomes desirable as sustaining martial bonds causes more harm. The Prophet sallallahu alaihi
wa sallam, said:
"One should not harm others nor should one seek benefit for oneself by causing harm to others."
If a spouse is neither righteous or pious and they do not rectify their mistakes, then divorce even
becomes obligatory. In the case of adultry Ibn Taimiyyah rahimahullah said, "If the wife commits
adultery, then it is not for the husband to keep her. Otherwise he will be considered a cuckold." I'm
assuming that means beghairat. Similarly if the husband is not righteous then it is obligatory for the
wife to ask for divorce, or separate from him by khul.
Divorce is prohibited during the time a wife is in her menses and during the time between her menses if
sexual relations have already taken place. Your wife is mistaken in believing that you cannot divorce her. The prophet (saw) said:
"Divorce belongs only to the one who takes hold of the leg (i.e.) the husband." Allah, Exalted be He says in the Quran:
Giving three divorces at one is prohibited
"Divorce is twice...." (al-Baqarah 229)
"O prophet, when you divorce women, divorce them for the commencement of their waiting period..." (at-Talaq: 1)
"...Then after that either keep her in an acceptable manner or release her with good treatment..." (al Baqarah:229)
The above verses show that divorce is not to be given thrice at once, and that the right to divorce belongs to the man.
Divorce is only not valid when a man is forced to divorce his wife, in oppression, or persecution or in the case of insanity which is not due to taking intoxicants. The prophet (saw) said:
"There is no divorce or emancipation in case of duress." (related by Ahmad, Ibn Majah and Abu Dawud)
Islam acknowledges that divorce brings relief and is a good solution when the wife is harmed by staying in the married, either of the married couple are immoral, disobedient, and irreligious and incompatible.
Allah subhana wa ta 'ala says:
"But if they separate (by divorce), Allah will enrich (each of) them from His abundance. And ever is Allah Encompassing and Wise." (An-Nisa 130)
Brother if you need help to understand the exact process of talaq, inshaAllah I can copy it up for you.
wa alaykum assalam.
P.S. Everything I have posted was in my own words from Shaykh al Fawzaan's, 'A summary of islamic Jurisprudence.' Any mistakes are from me not the author.
^make sure he knows the fiqh. Someone I know went to an imaam to divorce his wife and the imaam told him it counted a two divorces at once! It caused a lot of mess and the dispute still isn't settled.
A husband who wants to divorce his wife should use the words of divorce with full awareness after much thinking and consideration. Using the words of divorce in haste or anger is not right.
The proper procedure is to give divorce when a woman is not pregnant and is not going through her monthly menstrual cycle. Divorce can take place by saying one time "I have divorced you" (talluqtuki) or "You are divorced" (anti taliq). After this the women should spend the time of her `iddah.
During the period of `iddah the husband can cancel his divorce and can resume the matrimonial relationship, but if it does not happen then the divorce takes effect and at the end of the `iddah period their marriage ends. There is no need to repeat the words of divorce more than once. Even one divorce is sufficient to terminate the relationship.
I am in need of serious help with my marriage and completing my divorce
I would like some advice on how to go about divorce in our current situation.
I have spoken to my wife and told her that I would like our marriage to come to an end several times. My reason being my unhappiness due to too much dishonesty in our relationship. She now threatens me telling me that I cannot divorce her unless she agrees to it.
speak with a scholar he might be able to arrange counseling. divorce is very difficult for a woman to bear.
IT is not right that you come on a forum demanding you want divorce.. we are not scholars here that we can guide you on what steps to take especially only going by one side of the story so brother its better for you if both of you went to scholar and keep your marriage problems private for your wives sake.
format_quote Originally Posted by Scents of Jannah
In the case of adultry Ibn Taimiyyah rahimahullah said, "If the wife commits
adultery, then it is not for the husband to keep her. Otherwise he will be considered a cuckold." I'm assuming that means beghairat. Similarly if the husband is not righteous then it is obligatory for the wife to ask for divorce, or separate from him by khul.
.
In some cases , for the sake of children , wife/ husband continue the married life though they suspect / may have proof that spouse has secret affairs . In that case , s/he will be a sinner ?
Christ will never be proud to reject to be a slave to God .....holy Quran, chapter Women , 4: 172
In some cases , for the sake of children , wife/ husband continue the married life though they suspect / may have proof that spouse has secret affairs . In that case , s/he will be a sinner ?
Shariah says that it is obligatory to divorce a spouse who is neither righteous or upright and they do not rectify their mistakes, hence is becomes a must to divorce them. How grave a sin is it to ignore an Islamic obligation? You'd have to ask a scholar sis. And Allah knows best.
I dnt knw why v people think v r perfect,and v thnk only solution is divorce.remember Allah can forgive any of his rights on judgmentday u didn fulfiled but Allah will never forgive the rights of human u didn fulfiled.shaitan create distance between husband n wife.the problem is v don't knw our own religion Islam.do u knw by Quran & Sunnah there r five (5)steps of divorce in Islam.the 1st is counselling then u have to go throughore 4 four steps to reach to final divorce level,ur wife is right man dnt hv right to open his mouth n say divorce words either!!!Allah should save our all Muslim husband n wives marriged.Amin
I dnt knw why v people think v r perfect,and v thnk only solution is divorce.remember Allah can forgive any of his rights on judgmentday u didn fulfiled but Allah will never forgive the rights of human u didn fulfiled.shaitan create distance between husband n wife.the problem is v don't knw our own religion Islam.do u knw by Quran & Sunnah there r five (5)steps of divorce in Islam.the 1st is counselling then u have to go throughore 4 four steps to reach to final divorce level,ur wife is right man dnt hv right to open his mouth n say divorce words either!!!Allah should save our all Muslim husband n wives marriged.Amin
I'm interested to see the evidence that says Allah will never forgive you for not fulfilling the rights of another human as you claim. And I'm also interested to see the evidence for the "5 steps to divorce" as there is a hadith where a woman came to the prophet pbuh and told him she couldn't stand her husband and she was worried she would commit kuffar by staying with him so he told her to divorce him through khula straight away. He didn't suggest a 5 step method.
Can you show me where this 5 step method comes from? I agree other options should be explored like councelling, but their not obligatory on a person are they? if the person is being harmed physically to the extent brusing is being left then they should leave straight away not wait around and get more beaten up.
And as for you're saying that Allah will never forgive you for taking the rights of another person then this is wrong as you're limitng the mercy of Allah, who are you to limit the mercy of Allah and say he will not forgive for taking the rights of another person? doesn't Allah forgive all sins except shirk? do not limit the mercy of Allah this is a big sin to say "allah does not forgive so and so" because you're limiting the mercy of Allah.
Allah forgives all sins except shirk. He even forgives shirk as long as a person does not die upon it. As for fulfilling the rights of another human then it works both ways you know,
a husband is responsible for fulfilling rights towards his wife also, such as taking good care of her, providing for her, treating her good. In Islam the husband has to provide for his wife, if he doesn't then he is not fullfilling her rights over him. and she has the option to divorce.
And if he doesn't pray and pratice the religion then she also has right for divorce. Also if he hits her and beats her this is taking away her rights also, a wife is not a punch bag.
Last edited by Salahudeen; 06-12-2010 at 12:56 AM.
“Who said that guidance requires there to be someone accompanying you"
In the Hadith it's clearly mentioned She would commit kufar nw ordinary husband n wife who fights r not gona commit kufar.If Allah wants Allah can forgv shirk even bcz Allah is Khaliq the creator,but Allah has created laws for us how to spend our lives in this world.in hadeeth it's mentioned "A person is a Muslim only if from his hands & tounge the other Muslim is safe"this hadeeth clearly mentions v r gone out of limits.in other hadeeth Prophet pbuh said "on the day of judgment rights will be given to those whom they are due & wrongs will be redressed".if any person who will steal r won't fulfill the rights of any other human Allah will send ths person to the bottom of Hell to get the other person rights r stuff,ths person will start his journy frm the top n he will be burning goin down wen he will reach to the bottom n get the person rights r stuff he will start going up again where the other person will be waiting on top.but wen ths person he or she will reach on top will slip again n will reach to the bottom of he'll,the angels will tell him r her to start again n go to the top n he will be burning again start going up!the 1st step of divorce 1of the spouse has to prove tht the other is not doing what is suppose to be done.the 2nd is counselling.3rd is to live under same roof wen u giv 1st divorce.wait until 3 months it's possible tht both of thm will reunite.4th is if she is pregnant wait untill child is born bcz there is still chance of reconciliation.the 5th Is before finalizing the divorce agree to take care of children but normally husband is responsible for thm.give ur wife gifts n finish off in good manners!
In the Hadith it's clearly mentioned She would commit kufar nw ordinary husband n wife who fights r not gona commit kufar.If Allah wants Allah can forgv shirk even bcz Allah is Khaliq the creator,but Allah has created laws for us how to spend our lives in this world.in hadeeth it's mentioned "A person is a Muslim only if from his hands & tounge the other Muslim is safe"this hadeeth clearly mentions v r gone out of limits.in other hadeeth Prophet pbuh said "on the day of judgment rights will be given to those whom they are due & wrongs will be redressed".if any person who will steal r won't fulfill the rights of any other human Allah will send ths person to the bottom of Hell to get the other person rights r stuff,ths person will start his journy frm the top n he will be burning goin down wen he will reach to the bottom n get the person rights r stuff he will start going up again where the other person will be waiting on top.but wen ths person he or she will reach on top will slip again n will reach to the bottom of he'll,the angels will tell him r her to start again n go to the top n he will be burning again start going up!the 1st step of divorce 1of the spouse has to prove tht the other is not doing what is suppose to be done.the 2nd is counselling.3rd is to live under same roof wen u giv 1st divorce.wait until 3 months it's possible tht both of thm will reunite.4th is if she is pregnant wait untill child is born bcz there is still chance of reconciliation.the 5th Is before finalizing the divorce agree to take care of children but normally husband is responsible for thm.give ur wife gifts n finish off in good manners!
Here is the hadith for you
Narrated Ibn 'Abbas (RA): The wife of Thabit bin Qais came to the Prophet and said, "O Allah's Apostle! I do not blame Thabit for defects in his character or his religion, but I, being a Muslim, dislike to behave in un-Islamic manner (if I remain with him)." On that Allah's Apostle said (to her), "Will you give back the garden which your husband has given you (as Mahr)?" She said, "Yes." Then the Prophet said to Thabit, "O Thabit! Accept your garden, and divorce her once." (Sahih Al-Bukhari)
He never had any defects in his character or religion she just could not stand him and was worried she would "behave in a unislamic manner". So the prophet gave her a divorce through khula. And you never presented any hadith for the rest of what you say.
"With regard to repentance from a sin that affects the rights of other people, the three conditions below are required, and to them is added a fourth: he must restore to people what is due to them and settle the matter, or else ask for forgiveness and find a way to relieve himself of this burden of sin".
He must give up the sin immediately
He must regret what he has done
He must resolve not to do it again.
It doesn't mean that a person will definitely go to hell for a sin that takes away the rights of another person, because if the person does good deeds towards the person who's rights he took away for example making dua for them and their forgivness then he can make up for his wrong doing towards him. If everyone went to hell for not fulfilling the rights of another individual as you claim then every 1 would be in hell cos we have all at some stage taken away the rights of a another individual, whether it be a son not giving the due respect to his mother or a husband not providing for his wife and taking her money and beating her. Everyone at some stage has taken the rights of another. And doing good deeds towards them such as making dua will make up for it. read the below link for the evidence.
Also your claiming that a person will definitely go to hell for a sin that involves the rights of another person is also incorrect based upon the below
Question 4: If the sin involves a right of man then what form should repentance take?
Answer: The basis for the Answer is the tradition of the Prophet who said: "He who has a right of his brother on him, be it of the nature of money or honor, let him compensate for it before he is made to compensate for it on a Day when there will be neither Dinar nor Dirham to deal with. Instead, if he has a good deed in his account it will be taken away from him and given to the person he had wronged. And if he has no good deed in his account, sins of the other person will be taken from him and added to his account." (Bukhari). Accordingly, the repentant can escape the questioning only by either giving back the people wronged their due or seeking their forgiveness. If they forgive, he need not worry, but if they do not, then he must return their dues.
So you can see it doesn't mean a person will definitely go to hell from the above hadith if he does not restore the persons rights in this life then on the day of judgement they will take a good deed to make up for the it So please don't go around saying people are doomed to hell before researching cos it could give people the wrong idea about Islam.
Also you never provided any evidence from Qur'an or sunnah that councelling is obligatory, and you never prooved the 5 step method with hadith. Islam does not force a woman to stay with a man she does not want to be with that's why she has the right of asking for a khula if there exists a legitimate reason such as he does not pray, provide for her, clothe her, takes her money, beats her.
Last edited by Salahudeen; 06-12-2010 at 05:55 PM.
“Who said that guidance requires there to be someone accompanying you"
as it is mention in hadeeth tht she will leave islam boundaries nw if husband n wife fight over some little thng do b cannot brng it as v will cross the limits of islam n nw i need divorce,problems can b solved if both of thm r willing ididnt mention anywhere the word definately will be doomed to hell!!as if u read propely i said Allah will never forgv the rights of human is u hv to make up to thm.try to solve the matter if u dnt even try to solve matter what makes us thnk v will be forgiven?my all point to say is the human rights r very important n thy r nt meant to be neglected never said ths person will be thrwn straight in to hell clearly u need to improve ur ENGLISH!n neither m against divorce but wt v do is just open our mouths n say the divorce words..if a man dnt pray so there is a hadeeth "A wife who will help her husband with his deen will be 70000 more beautifl thn the jannah hoor"my all point about divorce is for little thngs we create such a big scene.if he makes her life dificult so she hv a riht wen did i said she dnt hv?but little patience can change.sum women want divorce bcz thy hv litl difrences r thy hv depression so there is a hadeeth "a women who will ask for divorce without any reason r hypocrate n thy wont smell the fragrance of jannah"jus like our faces r change our thinkings wil be change aswell it dsnt mean v shoud start singing tht i need divorce.before doin divorce v r meant to do MASHWARA mean ask guidance after Allah.counselling is bcz v always think v r right n wen u sit with imam r any wise muslim older experienced person u listen to him r her mite be u realise tht wt i wz doin r thnking was wrong n marrige can be saved.....
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if he does not restore the persons rights in this life then on the day of judgement they will take a good deed to make up for the it
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