??? Has this ever happened before

**h-n** · 08-10-2010

Just thought I'd write this, as to me its so wrong, Do not ask me for anymore information, as I have no more to give.

A cousin of mine (about 24 years old) got married to someone she met on the internet, she lives in the UK. Well the issue is, no one knows her husband, his background, never met his parents, the rest of his family, don't even know if he is legally in the UK etc, they have said he has a work permit only for a couple of years, he has said his family are in Pakistan and his father works in the army, and he has done Hajj three times, and his Sister has memorised the Quran.

So I think her parents have completely lost it, giving their daughter to a family they have NEVER even met, (don't ask me if they spoken to them, don't know, he could have brought somoene false in). She has moved to another city, were they have not checked her accomodation, for all they know she could be with drug dealers etc. This is so bad on so many levels, and I have never heard of someone actually doing this, I know people get married to someone they met online, but they have never met his family, checked his credentials. I think there are issues were people just try and get rid of the daughters, she has younger brothers, and I seriously doubt that the parents would allow them to get married to someone they didn't know.

So has this ever happened before??

Should have made it clear, the issue is would you do anything else to check as a cousin?? This is purely for safety, not gossip etc, believe me when we say I think the parents have lossed the plot and it is a concerning issue. I think i would blame the family if anything happened too. Of course for instance we can't turn a blind eye if we know that there is domestic violence. So in this stuation is rather different, but what is the same is that I cannot see the safety being there, and its our job to help people in trouble. My Mother has been concerned and its OK to say yes its the responsibility of the parents. I suppose I just see, as I am jumping to conclusion, so that is why I wanted to know for for confidence has this happened before? I have heard the husband says he is on a work permit for 5 years in the UK working for an unknown gas company in Bradford. I don't have a problem if the thread is closed again.

**h-n** · 08-10-2010

It does not matter if this thread is closed too, the question was soley on has this happened before, not on gossip etc. My family has a long history of helping our cousins, even helping them with legal work over the husband trying to take the house away from his wife! Now they have allowed this daughter to get married (and the husband is back in their life), she has moved to a city of Bradford, were she has never been in her life, and neither have I. I have told my Mother it is non of our business, but of course it is a person's business if they think a person is in trouble, doesn't matter who they are. Cannot stand idly by. But there is nothing else to go on, except that this does not look good at all, which is the reaction of other members of the family.

It was for safety reasons, and if anything happens to the daughter, frankly the parents are also responsible. So was wondering if this ususally occured before, just for confidence that a person needn't worry. I don't think I will be getting any answers, to that, so I will leave it. At least the first thread is not deleted to warn others to think, even people warned not to go with someone they just met on the internet, and these parents have just endorsed that for their daughter.

So I'll leave it to that.

**Woodrow** · 08-10-2010

The Brother who closed the thread is not online at the moment, so Ican not speak for him. However looking at the post:

Just thought I'd write this, as to me its so wrong, Do not ask me for anymore information, as I have no more to give.

A cousin of mine (about 24 years old) got married to someone she met on the internet, she lives in the UK. Well the issue is, no one knows her husband, his background, never met his parents, the rest of his family, don't even know if he is legally in the UK etc, they have said he has a work permit only for a couple of years, he has said his family are in Pakistan and his father works in the army, and he has done Hajj three times, and his Sister has memorised the Quran.

So I think her parents have completely lost it, giving their daughter to a family they have NEVER even met, (don't ask me if they spoken to them, don't know, he could have brought somoene false in). She has moved to another city, were they have not checked her accomodation, for all they know she could be with drug dealers etc. This is so bad on so many levels, and I have never heard of someone actually doing this, I know people get married to someone they met online, but they have never met his family, checked his credentials. I think there are issues were people just try and get rid of the daughters, she has younger brothers, and I seriously doubt that the parents would allow them to get married to someone they didn't know.

I would have closed it myself if I had seen it. My reasons for closing it is that this is basically the asking of legal advice for somebody living in the UK. I know you want an Islamic opinion, which would be-- we do have a responsibility to care for our family.

But, the problem is this is not happening in a Sharia country, it is happening in the UK. Most of the replies you get would most likely be from non-Muslim members living in the UK. This would result in the thread becoming a war zone over legal issues versus religious rights. It is very doubtful you would have gotten many beneficial replies. In fact there would be a high risk of getting very poor advice. It is best to close the thread for posting, live it undeleted so it can be seen and in that way any member with sincere constructive advice can PM it to you.

Although I sincerely doubt you will get any helpful or constructive advice in this matter. For Islamic advice regarding family it is usually best to speak with a local Imaam who knows the family. There is a very high risk that you will get erroneous information for questions like this, on an open forum. Although forums can help with learning and finding advice, we can never be a substitute for people in your own Masjid.

While there is a small chance somebody here could help you it is a very small likelihood. At best you could expect to be ignored or get some posts of sympathy for your trials and concerns, but it is not very likely you would get any helpful or constructive replies.

**h-n** · 08-10-2010

The issues of course were;-

1. If someone was to say wants to go to Peru for holiday, you want to check if it is safe, if anyone else has gone there, so just for confidence sake if people would not think of the worst case scenario. So that is why I am asking if other people have heard of this before, as it is not usual for a Pakistani family to marry their daughter to the groom and they have never met his family etc.

2. The facts are there, she has got married to someone, were she has not even met his family, his credentials could be made up.

3. Unfortunately, which is a fact, the family have given an impression that they don't care about the daughter, which has always been the case, and this husband could well take advantage of that.

4. I think its a case of do I need to do anything? As I don't know him, and neither do her family-which is a fact too! If someone you think is in trouble it is not a job to say its someone's else's responsiblity as that is not helping. I will wait and see, if she does keep in contact regularly with the family or not.

So yes, this thread can now be closed too. As your right I doubt it I can get any other same scenario information.