I am really confused. I don't know what I should do.

format_quote Originally Posted by confused-

I am a Muslim female who is currently studying in Mechanical Engineering. I know it is a male-dominated field, and I want to lead a Muslim life. I just don't know how. I am having a few issues in my life right now. I am not extremely religious, but I want to start leading an Islamic life.

(1) I am currently in a male-dominated field. I don't know how exactly Islam will view this. It's not like at this moment, I can change my career, this is the only thing I want to be doing.

Asalaam alaikum.


Do you think you would be able to find a female dominated job in this field? If so - that would be best. However, if you cannot - then we know that Allah's preference for you is greater than your preference for yourself.

(2) I have a boyfriend who is extremely religious. We committed Zina, and it was wrong I know, and it will not happen again. I repent it, and whenever I pray, I ask Allah to forgive me for this sin. I am very regretful. Now, we will not be doing fornication before marriage anymore, but it seems like he does not even want to get married to me. How is that? I do love him, but the fact that I slept with him is a more important reason for me to get married to him. But he says that, I cannot fulfill a Muslim's wife's duties as I will be working. If he gives me permission, that should be alright no? Also, in Islam, I am allowed to work provided the kids and home is taken care of. My boyfriend is worried about the fact that I will not be able to take care of the kids properly. Would it be wrong, Islamically, that by the age of 2-3, the kids can spend about half their day (8am to 4pm) in an Islamic center (almost like a daycare).

This guy may seem religious, but it doesn't seem it from his actions. Since you want it to work, and it isn't working - that might be a sign from God that this guy isn't the right one for you. Why do I say this?

1 - Guys who act like this only want the girl for fulfilling their desire.
2 - If he was really wanting to be in a relationship with you, while being a good Muslim - he would choose marriage. So why doesn't he? [the answer is in point 1].
3 - Since you want to be closer to Allah/God, you will realise this guy is an obstacle for you (especially since he does not want marriage anyway.) Removing him out of the scene will allow you to move forward in life.


Think about it; Do you want a husband who isn't willing in the first place to be responsible for you and the kids? Then he is 'worried' that you will not take care of the kids properly? Furthermore, it is sad for these children that they don't have parents who can take care of them. So what was the purpose of having these children in the first place?

I just need an opinion. Please do not be harsh. I want these things to work. I want the relationship to work. I want to work. and most importantly, I want to lead an Islamic life. I know I have committed sins, but I repent them. All I can do right now is pray and ask for forgiveness to Allah.

Thank you.

One of the signs of your repentance is that you leave the source of sin. Your workplace probably will remind you of this guy and make you saddened, it might even make shaytan/satan come back to influence you to fall into this sin again. The best thing for you would be to leave this workplace, away from this type of trial/temptation, and find a suitable job which would get you closer to Allah.

And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty). [Quran surah Talaq 65:2]

I've only recently switched to engineering. Masha-Allah, it's a good choice on your part.

Bout the Zina though.. Erm... Practically speaking, do a Nikkah or something and make things Halal. Repent and correct your actions.

Dont marry him, sis. Start again.

With all due respect to all repliers: in my humble opinion; please refrain from referring to anyone as not religious due to a single sin; especially considering no one knows him.

Sister, this in no way implies that you should stay with your current partner. Allah (swt) has a special love for believers who come back to him in repentance!

Salaam,

There is no doubt the act of Zina is haraam.

1. Repent for your mistake, repent for it with sincerity and Insha'Allah Allah will forgive you.

2. End all contact with this shameless boy who used you to satisfy his beastly nature for a short period of time.

3. If you think he would be a good husband, which is questionable, then you must approach yoru parents to speak to his parents.

4. You should consider leaving your course, I did a similar degree and I know the very few females on the course are oggled over by boys who have no control. You want to be a Mechanical Engineer? You will be around men all the time and that is Islamically not permitted.

I may sound harsh, but you're asking for trouble by studying in the environment where you are. It will likely happen again, so consider leaving.

When you;'re married your family comes before your work, shame on those women who think work is more important than their families and homes. You can work so long as it is halaal and also you don't overlook your family.

I would not marry a girl who mentioned the words work or career, so I can see exactly why he said that to you.

May Allah give you guidance and keep you away from the Shaytaan.

I have a boyfriend who is extremely religious

How can he be a boyfriend, and be extremely religious? That’s one clash of identities/personalities.

and it will not happen again

. Now, we will not be doing fornication before marriage anymore

How do you know this? The shaytaan convinced you once, he can convince you again.

But he says that, I cannot fulfill a Muslim's wife's duties as I will be working.

This is just an excuse to get out of marrying you. He does not want to commit to a relationship.

I just need an opinion. Please do not be harsh.

We are truthful, even if that is harsh.

. I want these things to work. I want the relationship to work. I want to work. and most importantly, I want to lead an Islamic life.

All of these things cannot be done together. Unless he commits to a relationship by asking your hand in marriage from your parents.

All I can do right now is pray and ask for forgiveness to Allah.

May Allah forgive you and all the Muslim Ummah. Ameen.

Just to add to what others have said, sister, you say you want to work now, but you may feel completely different once you have babies. It is one of the hardest things to do as a mother, to leave a baby in the care of another while you go to work. My daughter- in-law has to work, and leaves her baby with me, and she finds it so upsetting and cant wait to have her next baby so she can have the maternity leave to spend with them. She and I hope that their financial situation will allow for her to stay at home with them, after that as its the thing she most wants in the world.

As for the other matter - others are more qualified to comment. May Allah (swt) help you to see what is best for you, sister.

Your BF seems like he's Muslim by name and not practice. He's making up excuses not to marry you. Of course, you can work, Islam doesn't stop you from working, as for males, rules are same for females, don't do wrong things. You sound like a nice person who has wronged her soul and want Islam, please make right changes before it's too late. The guy your with, give him an ultimatum, either to marry you or get lost. After that, doesn't matter where you work, you must discipline yourself to follow right conduct. Wish you luck.