i think sometimes parents may forget that after the age of 5/6 a child still needs to be shown love. obviously this affection would change as the child grows older, but it seems sometimes that some parents seem to forget that even in their teens, children still need their parents love and attention and not necessarily physically (though that may be very relevant as-well) but even trying to joke around with their children. some relationship between the child and parent is sometimes quite formal and official.
i think there's also the problem of dropping your kids as the masjid to get them out of your hair whilst you don’t really go to the masjid yourself and/or dont have a proper Islamic environment in the home...that’s a problem aswell.
from whatever is going wrong. thats usually a clear indication and sign of what and where needs to be changed.
This (the following) is really important as well and I’ve seen and heard cases where the mother and father have different ideas for a particular aspect in their child's raising.
The following is just my opinion and is based on my own observations so again im not sure if it's. i'll start with sisters first. Sometimes our love for our children can be so blinding to the extent that we don’t realise how this may have a negative impact to their upbringing. Too much of anything is not good and too much of love isn’t any different.
It’s probably hard, but it is important to balance your love for your child with discipline...these 2 must be on the same par (i know this is the case, because that’s what my mum says). Having too much of either isn’t doing any favors to your child. Children need to learn manners (for eg) and showing too much love unnecessarily/at the wrong time (like when your child is in trouble) is sending the wrong messages to your child.
Anyway the point is, is that naturally is that waking up in the middle of the night to attend to their needs, and all the rest of it we tend to (and understandably so) think that our way of perception of parenting is the only way and get defensive over this.
But (imo) males /fathers also help in their child’s upbringing in the sense that because they DONT have that motherly instinct like you would, he will see things in a different light. I don’t really know how to explain my point but that non-motherly instinct in males helps in not seeing things from how we, as mothers ,may see them...and the reason that is so, is because their love towards their children as fathers, will probably be a little different from the love we have as mothers...it maybe directed/expressed in a different manner and so i suppose you could say that this difference will balance out that blinding love that i was previously talking about, where in some cases may blind us from giving the best to our children.
Now for the brothers...you need to respect your wives’ disciplining and don’t disagree with her in front of your child. It is such an insult. Whilst you are at work your wives are spending all day balancing between keeping a house tidy and raising/disciplining your children...so when you come home from work and your child after getting a whack for one reason or another comes to you looking all upset, just be a bit mindful and considerate that he/she may actually be in trouble for something. You have no idea of what has caused your child to be upset and for all you know you could just be undoing some very important disciplining.
I’ve seen this happen where the child goes to the dad when he/she is in trouble and the dad just feels sorry for him/her and doesn’t take the mothers hard work of discipline into consideration. Plus it makes the mother feel stupid and belittled in front of her child.
And fathers, if you do differ with your wives on a particular aspect of her raising, take her feelings
as a mother into consideration. Just as you are defensive of your role as the “hunter, gatherer” chances are, is she too will be very defensive of her role as a mother... so when advising her, advise her in away where you dont come across as if you are challenging her role.
and another thing that fathers should know is that your children (especially your daughters) need your love. kids adore their fathers, so make sure you attend to your child's need in that respect. dont make the mistake in thinking that it is feminine... i did bring this particular point up for a specific reason though and that is that when your daughters are ready for marriage she is going to look for a husband based on how her father raised/treated her (studies actually show this, but it is true)...
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i really hope that members who are already parents can pitch in this thread. it would give us a more realistic insight of what it’s like to be a parent and the difficulties faced when raising children and how to overcome them. what so far has been posted in this thread is interesting, but it would be better for a more realistic input.
do children really turn out how you raised them?
is there a difference in parenting between a mother and father...on other words who has it more difficult?
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